The Perfect Murder

Is it actually possible? 😈 could you get away with chopping someone to bits and feeding them to sharks or something? Is it true that if there isn’t a body there’s no investigation?

Any hints and tips would be welcome! LOL

Given that they never found that little girls body in Wales, then they will investigate and convict without a body.

Yes, can be done, that’s all i can tell.

Simply place the victim on a bicycle and run over them with a car.

Freely admit to it, but say the sun got in your eyes, there was a bee in the car, and besides the victim wasn’t wearing a helmet, neck brace or a full body flouro-suit.

Expect a small fine, but still much cheaper than a hitman.

Expect a small fine, but still much cheaper than a hitman.

Only if you’re really unlucky….

pick a morning with low sun in the sky and hit a cyclist. Claim you were blinded by the sun but carried on driving anyway.

Obviously it has to be someone you’ve never met or have any connection with but people seem to get away with this all the time.

[Edit: beaten to it]

All I have to do now is persuade David Cameron to ride a bike to work in Cambridge and my plan will come together…..

Obvs it’s someone I know!! I’m not some weird serial killer/ random!!

Any hints and tips would be welcome!

Allegedly the best way to dispose of a body is to find somebody who breeds pigs or alternatively wrap the body in chicken wire along with some concrete and dump it in a lake/sea

All I have to do now is persuade David Cameron to ride a bike to work in Cambridge and my plan will come together…..

Can you start here and work up?

asking about it on an internet forum might be a bad idea

On a slightly related note, Anyone seen Sightseers? Funny but dark.

Good luck with the murder, emsz!

There was a very clever BBC murder programme a while ago with David Tenant.

He contaminated someone who was allergic to shellfish and that meant they died from an allergic reaction. He then set things up so that he had reason to be there so didn’t need to worry about CCTV, alibi etc. It was a lot more clever than that but it certainly made me realise that the perfect murder is possible if you are clever enough.

Obvs it’s someone I know!! I’m not some weird serial killer/ random!!

Well if you want to kill someone you know then the chance of getting away with it is seriously diminished, I suggest just sticking to killing a prostitute or 2 per year.

I’ve got a wood chipper you can borrow?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Helle_Crafts

Get them to hang themselves during some weird sex game…..

Do you want to kill someone in particular or just anybody?

Get them to hang themselves during some weird sex game…..

.. yeah, or just lock themselves in holdall in the bath.

Yes.

Pig farm. Pigs’ll eat anything.

Mogrim, someone in particular. I think I’m going to knit a voodoo doll of her and just stab that!!

Pathetic really, she’s a really nasty piece of work, girl I knew at school, seems to make it her business to make my life shit occasionally. stuff she’s been saying to some people that I know really wound me up. I know I should let it go, but she really does deserve a slap!!

Why are people like that?

Why are people like that?

Because they have not been murdered!

MSP

Exactly!!

Would it be suss if I bought a axe on the way home, you guys won’t say anything, right?

Mogrim, someone in particular.

That makes it a lot harder, after all the police would soon find out that you know her, which would make you a suspect. Run her over in the supermarket car park would probably be the best bet, it’s a tragic accident, maybe a couple of years + record?

Voodoo doll would be therapeutic and safer, though!

Feed her to pigs?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Pickton

I have to say Canada is doing well in the inventive body disposal category…

If perfect is not getting convicted, then evidently it is, given there are a number of unsolved murders. Of course for many/most (?) of these the culprit will be known, but insufficient admissible evidence or legal issues prevent conviction. Body not required for conviction – Arlene Fraser, Suzanne Pilley.

Funnily I was thinking this just this morning. How about a waste disposal unit? Obviously you would need to give the kitchen a good clean after, but they would just wash away down the sewers.

The perfect murder is one where no-one realises a person has disappeared

So, you kill someone no-one cares about (old person, homeless etc) or make everyone believe the other person is still around, just not around here

By posting this you’ve already failed I’m afraid.

Would it be suss if I bought a axe on the way home, you guys won’t say anything, right?

Fek me this is STW, have you not seen the axe threads??? Just ensure it’s a bespoke one FFS!!!

If you are dumping a body you need to make sure that it’s not somewhere that people walk their dogs, dogs are forever finding dead bodies. The overgrown verge of a motorway would be good, or just wrap it up in an old carpet and take it down the tip.

Has anybody seen that plastic skull for sale in newsagents at the moment for 99p?? http://www.howyourbodyworks.co.uk/

I was so tempted to buy one and leave it half buried in a pile of leaves in the woods 😈

If you do then make sure you put a dog biscuit in it. 😈

I ‘always’ think big motorway junction islands are a mega place to stash a body because nobody goes on them.

Especially the ‘man walking his dog’ who usually finds them.

animal rendering plant, apparently – see one of above mentioned cases.

Especially the ‘man walking his dog’ who usually finds them.

Dog walkers and joggers. Corpse magnets.

Large northface holdall bag ,handcuffs and dump them in the bath lock the doors . It’s how the professional types do it . Blame it on sex games

“You’re always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece.

Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.

And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig.” ”

Kill someone else and set your true victim up for it.

the alternative to murdering them is to ignore them…. as you get older you realise this… I’m certain there are many people that say a lot about me, do I care? no, why? really can’t be arsed to worry about it. seriously I’m a generally content and happy guy who has a positive view on the world ( unlike some on here) and life really is too short to stress about minor stuff. get a bit of perspective and murdering people becomes less important 😉 .

They reckon the perfect murder can only be committed on someone you don’t really know, random spree killing type stuff.

But even then its easy to make mistakes – like getting caught on CCTV shooting them in the head with a crossbow 🙁