the marriage is over – how to move on?

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  • the marriage is over – how to move on?
  • topangarider
    Member

    Following all the stuff that happened 18 months ago, then some time working on it, we’ve decided that’s it. Done.

    I moved out in august to give her some space and then we tried to work it out. At times out felt really good, others like nothing had changed. After a mate’s wedding we went to together I think it hit us that we were so far from that love and affection of a wedding.

    I have just moved back home after she moved out. I have the girls thursc to sat night which is good. But being back in the house when they’ve gone is really hard. I keep thinking about all the good times and the ones I wanted to be that won’t.

    Trying to stay positive, but trip up at times. Any tips – apart from ride more, clearly!

    Rockape63
    Member

    Time is a great healer….old cliche but true. Take one day at a time is my advice and avoid thinking too far ahead.

    Premier Icon footflaps
    Subscriber

    Find things to do on the evenings on your own eg social stuff such as sports, night rides, gym etc….

    Better that sitting at home thinking about what might have been.

    willard
    Member

    I know it’s tough, but try to stay positive. Joking aside, riding more, running or swimming, will all take up time and make you feel better. Just stay away from booze. Seriously. It will not help at all and is, quite frankly, just useless calories.

    Dickyboy
    Member

    Sounds like you should be able to keep a working relationship with your ex, which means you are a good way on to be good parents to your girls. Being a part time parent is not all bad as well once you get into it

    Premier Icon Kryton57
    Subscriber

    Trip to Amsterdam? Smoke your way to a red-lit glass window and…

    choppersquad
    Member

    “Plenty More Fish”…when you’re ready…..or have lots of energy again.

    piemonster
    Member

    Thought this was yet another Scottish independence thread for a minute.

    piemonster
    Member

    And wot Footflaps said.

    Get out and get doing stuff.

    topangarider
    Member

    Yes, things are fairly amicable- which is good, but hard at the same time.

    Thanks for the tips (and comedy) guys!

    cheez0
    Member

    Move/ sell the house, live somewhere new and make new memories.

    minimal/ no contact with ex.

    mt
    Member

    Feel for you and been there. Do stuff, get fit whatever but be busy. Talk to a listening friend or get off to Relate on your own (it worked for me). Good luck.

    JCL
    Member
    hooli
    Member

    I agree with what others have said, keep busy and I would look at either moving or changing the current house, doesn’t have to be drastic but a coat of paint or whatever gives a “fresh start”.

    That and go on a few dates, you may not feel like it but it is amazing how a bit of female attention helps to get over things.

    argoose
    Member

    Will get better. Been there. Very happy now.
    Time and positive thinking needed, do not dwell

    Premier Icon st colin
    Subscriber

    Time will really help, I can vouch for that.

    Spend time now doing the things you want and love to do. I’m going through something similar at the moment and it’s now been over a month and I have come on leaps and bounds in that time. I still get horrible days, but because I’m battling depression, I’m almost used to it.

    Stay positive fella.

    Premier Icon funkrodent
    Subscriber

    Dickyboy – Member
    Sounds like you should be able to keep a working relationship with your ex, which means you are a good way on to be good parents to your girls. Being a part time parent is not all bad as well once you get into it

    This +1. Am into year three now. For the most part have a good working relationship with the ex, see loads of the kids and am arguably a better father than I was when we were at each other’s throats, stressed out etc. First few months were hard (though I moved out) but soon got into a new routine. After a year went to an old colleague’s leaving do and met a girl that I used to work with who I’d known vaguely. We’re now living together and very happy.

    I’d say embrace the opportunity. If it wasn’t right, it wasn’t right, that’s just how it is. You’ve got a chance now to go forth into life older and wiser. Take advantage and use the lessons you’ve learned up until now to make differnt choices going forward. For sure I know much more now about what I want and need (and what I can give) from life and a partner than I did 10-15 years ago.

    Premier Icon lowey
    Subscriber

    Sorry to hear it mate.

    Make your kids the number one priority in your life. Dont bad mouth the ex infront of them, ever. If your kids are happy it has a massive impact upon how you will feel about yourself.

    Its tough but the only thing that will make it easier is time. Be good to yourself as well. Keep yourself active when you havent got the kids. I wouldnt even think about another relationship just yet. I left it 18 months before getting back into the saddle and that time getting used to being on my own was a very important stage in my life.

    If your ever up Manchester way give me a shout and we’ll have a ride.

    Keep on keeping on mate.

    Ramsey Neil
    Member

    Try to think of each day as part of a journey you have to take to get to a better place .

    ti_pin_man
    Member

    the key word for the day children is – busy. yep keep yerself busy. busy busy busy. fill your life with busy.

    Alway always stay in touch with your children, maintain it, do more of it, add them to your other busy.

    then as time passes you will eventually realise you’ve healed.

    pirahna
    Member

    Shag her sister.

    mrchrispy
    Member

    /highfives pirahna

    jekkyl
    Member

    Drink stella in the week.
    Not have to pick long brown hairs from plugholes.

    rajboab
    Member

    topangarider.

    Sorry to hear that mate.
    I separated from my wife as of Nov so am in a similar situ.

    Kept it amicable if you can, agree your plans between you both, draft a separation agreement in Word and pass it to the lawyer. This way if you both agree its easy and cheap. No lawyers letters for a bike lock as my pal got from his wife. Cost her £200 for that lock!

    Keep yourself busy when the wee one isn’t over. I find that I don’t have that much time when my son isn’t there to even get the house stuff done, let alone do much else.

    Enjoy the music and telly you want and look forward to spending quality time with the kid.

    I’ve joined PoF. I’m dating but not too seriously. I’m amazed at the amount of single women out there. Not knowing my ‘market value’ I’m pleasantly surprised.

    Would recommend it as a real change from what we knew.

    Stuart

    flatback
    Member

    been there before and cant believe I am going through it again after partner of 4 years left last week, but after the last one which was a 15 year relationship break up, I know to try and get quality sleep tell your mates how hard you are finding it, and they will text you, stay positive, eat healthy, look after yourself cos stress is a hard hard thing to have to deal with.

    topangarider
    Member

    CHeers Stuart for the words of advise. My self-confidence has taken a real knock over the last 18 months and that’s something I’m keen to get back.

    Went out with a local running club last night – a great bunch and a few attractive ladies there, so who knows!!

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