Here we are again, perhaps the most difficult time of year for anyone who suffers with mental health, depression, anxiety etc.

So to all of you, if you’re struggling, no matter how minor you think it may be, shout up on this thread, a problem shared and all that. Just please take comfort that you’re not alone, and you don’t have to face this alone.

For me this Christmas has coincided with my anxiety getting worse, frequent panic attacks are filling me with dread and I just want to hide away, even just doing stuff with my family is making me anxious. Ah this is going to be ‘fun’

So please share your thoughts, your bad times and your victories no matter how small. And remember, no matter how bad things get, it will pass.

And if you need to, please contact any of these organisations, they will help you

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/#.Xfya_S-nyfA

Houns,

I’m not. Also not trying to ask tough questions, but why is Xmas worse than other times ?

I have some issues I’ve never gone into on here.

I’ll say this though the 22nd, this Sunday is the winter Equinoxe.

I’m focusing on that as much as Christmas. Well, instead of, to be honest.

After that day I shift my mind to Spring.

Christmas/ New Year is tough. I’m not a fan.

I imagine it’s worse for people who are forced to do things that makes them feel worse, or feel lonely, or miss loved ones, or struggle financially, or struggle due to the short days and poor weather. It can just be a crap time of year for those who struggle

Yep many reasons this time of year can be horrendous for some.

Ive tended to keep my darker times off the forum as I can be who I want to be on here rather than what I really am.

No, I’m not a murderer or anything.lol Just so we are clear.

Heh… Yeah I understand. Some people don’t want to share, that’s fine, just as long as you know you’re not alone, and you’re not alone in feeling crap

Got my first counselling session this afternoon. Hopefully that should help me longterm. I’m not particluarly in a bad place, but find it hard to switch off/ stop worrying. Lots of exercise/fresh air is helping at the moment.

Already had two family Christmas meals (last Sat and Sunday); nice to catch up with people, but felt I didn’t enjoy them perhaps as much as i should. Next year i’m not going to do two in two days, i’m going to ask if we can spread them out a bit.

Roll on longer days and some more sunlight.

Yip, struggling here. Up and down like a yo-yo at the moment. Head home to Belfast for 8 days tomorrow. Taking my bikes with me so hoping to do some riding and have a ride planned with mates from home. So trying to focus on things like that. Have had quite a few bad panic attacks recently which have knocked me for six.

No, I’m not a murderer or anything.lol Just so we are clear

sure, whatever… we;re not going riding 🙂

Great isn’t it!

It is a tough time for me normally but after the events of the last year it’s a lot worse than normal already. I’ve never really enjoyed the run up to the christmas holidays, partly from spending 7 years working in retail, but also because bad things seem to happen round this time of year. It should be a joyous occasion for me with christmas, my birthday and new year all within a week but it just reminds me of my nan passing away on boxing day, hearing a friend had been killed in a RTC driving home from his parent’s house and a lot of other smaller things.

If I could spend christmas day all alone, preferably out on my bike somewhere, I would but for the sake of my family I can’t. I haven’t celebrated my birthday for years now as it’s not a good time to get friends together and I just don’t like getting older! New year I haven’t liked since going teetotal as seeing loads of people getting a bit too drunk isn’t my idea of fun, never really was but it’s so much better if you join in.

Hopefully I can get through the next week or two without my anxiety really kicking in, if I can sneak in a quick ride or three I should be ok.

Something tells me I’ll be reading this thread a few times over the festive period.

My Black Dog loved alcohol, so I stopped feeding it about 3 years ago. Not saying it solved everything, but stopping drinking has helped me cope with the low mood swings – especially this time of year.

Must admit, the days after drinking there is a marked increase in my anxiety. It’s not like I drink loads, but just having enough seems to trigger my anxiety big time. I’m hoping to cut back on the drink over Christmas but worry about telling people why I’m either not drinking at all, or only having one or two.

I suffer from organisational anxiety. The former is made worse when things start getting more complicated. That can be as simple as a trip being rescheduled, someone turning up late when I’ve arranged something etc. (it getting worse was one of the reasons I gave up work this year). It’s not hard to see that there’s more of this going on at this time of year, and what there is, I’m less in control of. We do “turn about” with some friends for Xmas dinner. This year, we are at theirs and that’s easy for me. Them coming here is much tougher. I still make myself do it else I turn into a recluse though and, thankfully, my Mrs makes up for me!

I’m not great with big gatherings generally – and again that’s more common at this time of year. Get beyond 3-4 folk and I tend to head to the kitchen//door 😉

I can empathize with that. I never really used to get anxious when in large groups, although I am an introvert most of the time anyway. But over the last couple of years I find big groups stressful. I also find things like going for meals, drinks, etc, more stressful. I worry that food orders will get messed up, or we might wait ages, and I end up not enjoying it at all.

December is always a struggle for me after enduring the lowest period of my life, pre-christmas, about 10 years ago. As soon as it gets to everyone else getting festive, my anxiety levels go through the roof as the memories and the feelings all come back. I tend to withdraw and become really insular.

I just make sure I’ve got the beta blockers on hand to manage the panic attacks. But the main thing is I’m now married to the most amazing woman who totally understands what I go through at this time of year and just quietly, and without making a fuss, gives me that extra support I tend to need. I’ve also got a really good mate who also gets this weird thing I do in December and regularly checks up on me to see I’m ok

I’m so lucky to have such great people in my life.

Hope you’re all ok, you lot. Shout up if you’re not. This place is like therapy at times

I don’t really suffer from the Black Dog, but my wife really does.
Endless socialising, less time alone and more booze are a dangerous combo for her, and one she really doesn’t relish.
We manage is by planning the days and making sure there is plenty of downtime booked in. It’s not perfect but it really helps.
If anyone needs a friendly voice to talk to then my DM’s are open.

Worst time of year for me – for a whole range of reasons.

But this is my first meds-free Christmas for 3 years. Not been easy, but just finished work till the New Year and now coasting through to Christmas.

It will pass, just hang on in there and seek help when you need it.

Houns.
If you want to go for a ride or meet up for a drink just give us a shout.

Well, since my previous post on here, I’ve been trying to stave off a panic attack.

Ain’t the brain brilliant 😣

Thanks for the offer Stu, once I get over my anxiety (again) I’ll be up for that, at the moment though it’d make it worse, no offence like

To all those that feel deflated, suffer anxiety, depression and the great void loneliness… My thoughts go out to you all.

You may feel desperate in your own situation, you are not alone in feeling this way. That in itself isn’t supposed to be comforting, its a realisation that should assist you in the realisation you really aren’t alone.

Plenty of us lot may not think directly about You or Your situation, but that doesn’t mean we don’t understand, nor care. We may not be able to come on over for a pint, or a bike ride or feed your cat, but from this side of the screen I’d like to offer the feeling that there are lots of people who Do Care about you and sympathise with your immediate situation.

We live in a disparate world, made worse by constant messages of success and achievement. You don’t really need to achieve anything other than staying safe, eating and doing something that can ease the pain you have inside.

All the very best.

No problem houns.
You can PM me any time you want mate.

The run up to xmas this year I’ve had a cancer scare, I didnt have kids till later in life as I was essentially too scared I’d die and leave them without a father as happened to me, last week I was properly terrified after coughing up blood, a few test suggest I should be ok but still have to have an MRI in january. Cant leave my son or my mum she’s already buried 2 husbands and my brother.
Struggling to raise a smile tbh.
Me me me, yes I know others have it worse……

I find this time of year particularly difficult, especially as there’s this overarching social pressure to be happy and joyful.

I have been single for far too long, and Christmas for years was usually just me and my elderly Mum. Since she passed away 6 years ago it’s just been me and I have tried to find useful things to do to avoid the loneliness and for the last 4 years I helped muck out and feed the animals on a care farm (farm for people with learning disabilities) on Christmas Day to help the one member of staff who has to cover such holidays when no-one else is there.

This year has been a particularly tough year as I resigned from my job some months ago and have yet to find another and I have incurred a couple of knee injuries which have somewhat curtailed doing the exercise and cycling I had regularly been doing. As the year has gone on have I slipped into a more depressed state, and despite having lots of time, have not managed to be very productive despite having loads of jobs to do around the house. I had a bit of an upturn in my motivation actively campaigning for Labour for a few weeks in the run up to the election, but have now slid back to having no motivation to do anything constructive with my day since the disasterous result of last Thursday.

I am volunteering for Crisis at Christmas this year and will be doing a couple of night shifts and a few day shifts over the festive period, so hopefully having lots of tasks to do will help me get back into a more positive and productive mood! I worked extensively with people who were homeless many years ago and it will be interesting to see and hear what has (and hasn’t) changed for them over the years.

Never written anything like this before, but have found it useful and cathartic to put my thoughts into words!

Positive thoughts to everyone over the festive period!

Had a cancer scare a few Christmases ago – turned out to be nothing but I totally get that feeling of worrying about what it might mean for loved ones.

Divorced dad here. Christmas is always a bit of a mixed affair. Christmas day will be just me and Mrs Blackflag. Daughter and rest of family over on boxing day so all is fine but it never really feels the same as having a proper family Christmas. Not a real black dog, but i do have to batten down the hatch for a couple of days.

I’m struggling at the moment and its been a really tough year. 🙁

I have given up on my GP.

Always have a tough time of it at this time of year. Normally just batten the hatches and try to ride it out, or disappear to a bothy for a place where I don’t need to think.

Lost my job in October so Christmas has been a bit of a financial struggle, but I think I’ve done enough to make sure kids are happy.

My Mum had a brain aneurysm this year and was touch and go for a while but made it through.

Just back tonight from my Uncles funeral, who died after basically just giving up on life.
But, and it a big but, my Ex has decided I can see my kids at Christmas for the first time in five years.

I’m hoping that seeing them smile opening presents for the first time in years will make me think of it as being a happy time going forward, rather than a horrible time and I’m fortunate my mum will see it too.
Trying very hard to focus on the positives.

Thoughts to anyone who may be having a hard time.

Newly divorced dad facing my first christmas day where I wont get to see my children. Hadn’t been looking forward to that but then combined with some health and work issues pushed me too far and I broke about a month ago.
Currently on meds and not working, feeling a bit better than I was but still more down days than up.
Looking forward to when I do see my kids but would rather just keep the doors and curtains closed on Christmas day and wish it to go quickly.

Best wishes to everyone who struggles at this time of year…
I have an inbuilt problem with Christmas and new year – my dad died on 17th December 1978 when I was 15. My first long term relationship (and marriage) ended at Christmas in 1996. Both resulted in isolation and alcohol. Now i’ve got a lovely partner of 20 years, a 17 year old son and a pretty good life – booze is well under control, but there’s still a nagging, negative worm that eats away if i’m not careful. I do get out riding over the “holiday” period ( Its busy at work as well), just 2 hr rides or so, often in the dark, if anyone needs a riding buddy in upper Calderdale let me know…

I have walked that black dog on and off for many years. Better lately than ever mind.

Anyone who keeps a black dog has my thoughts and love always.

Never easy , never simple.

I used to dread this time of year, now because of some amazing humans much less so. So all of you in the thick of it, you have my empathy and sympathy.

As I’m tied to my phone over Christmas for one reason or another, feel free to PM if you feel the need. I’m on Twitter and Insta as ‘Reluctantcivi’.

Stay safe and be kind to yourselves, you’re not alone.

I can feel him circling the house and at night I can hear him scratching at the door….

hitting me worse this year than for a long time, ive blamed the seemingly incessant rain of the recent months, but know that for a combination of reasons my grip has slipped and also know how hard it is to stop when you are on the slide

know also that self medication only makes that slide steeper, but its ‘all part and parcel’ of the festive period, focussing on the good bits necessarily highlights the parts of life that are in essence the balance.

dont overthink it…. hmm.

Even as a kid I found The week between Christmas and New Year a bleak place.

I’ve been fortunate to have a windfall this year that will keep me busy and I’ll see something positive at the end of the week as a springboard into 2020

Good luck to all who post or read this thread, nothing is ever as bad as it seems.

View this post on Instagram

Probably ten tonnes of Ash and Sycamore. This should keep me busy through that hideous week between Christmas and the New Year

A post shared by Peter McLaren (@mcmoonter) on Dec 18, 2019 at 4:36am PST

I always find Boxing Day onwards pretty hard. Eight years ago, I had a breakdown at this time and this is always on my mind. This year is particularly hard, as the last eighteen-months have been tough health-wise, and I have found this decline hard to deal with.

I try to focus on the positives in my life, as I have a supportive circle of friends and family, but even so – life is often hard to get through.

Thinking of you who are personally going through a bleak time – but also those who are there supporting us.

Jay

My IBS is stress related, and I’m sitting here guzzling tonic water to burp away my bloat while watching the footy, but many a time over the last couple of years the reflux and chest pain would have sent me into a tailspin of panic, sometimes to A&E. If you have anxiety, Dr Google really isn’t on your side, but anxiety won’t let you stay away.

Sometimes you come across a gem, and one day about six months ago I got lucky, my anxiety was busy trying to convince me I was having a heart event, and I went googling for backup. I came across this thread:

https://patient.info/forums/discuss/gassy-chest-pains-a-constant-feeling-of-needing-to-burp–531104?order=oldest&page=0#topic-replies

No need to read it all, four pages in there’s a young lad feeling down and not looking forward to endoscopy and barium swallow. Up steps carlos_87958, no idea who he is, but I’ve read and re-read his post like poetry or a prayer:

No problem. The endo procedure is a piece of cake. Take if from a person that has Generalized Anxiety Disorder and and has has two endo’s this year. From the time they give you propofol (anesthesia) it only take about 15 to 20 minutes but you don’t even know you went to sleep. That stuff is amazing. No wonder why Michael Jackson liked it so much. I was out for 15 minutes and felt like I got the most amazing 10 hours of sleep in my life. You need to realize that the reflux or gerd in your case is more than likely caused by the Anxiety. When anxiety hits, your body releases adrenaline causing the nerves in you stomach to react and you get the belly ache. This constant feeling also caused your digestive system to not function correctly causing an influx of stomach acids which leads to ulcers and acid reflux. So the target is the anxiety. Now here is the tricky part. The only way to fix anxiety is to not try and fix it. Sound crazy I know. But what keeps the anxiety fed is constantly worrying and trying to fix it. It just causes more stress which is a precursor to anxiety. Then when your attempts to fix it fails, you become hopeless & defeated and now you start to head into depression compounding the problem. This is why anxiety and depression are linked. So the best thing to do is when anxiety hits, literally talk to it and say: “Anxiety I know you are there. So you do what you got to do and I will carry on doing what I need to do and that’s it. I’m not going to fight you or try to fix you. So go ahead and waist mine and your time. Torment me if you want. I’m not going anywhere.” At that point turn of the thinking cap and live out the rest of your day. You are not going to die irregardless of what your scary thought have put in your head. How many of those thought have you had and look, you are still here and none of those thought have every happened. I still have to beat this into my head a lot. Anxiety is a big bully. It talks big and says all these things its going to do to you and it never does it. You know why, because anxiety is a cowered that likes to prey on vulnerable people. The anxiety attack will go away and you won’t even realized it stopped. Its a challenge and a process so don’t be discouraged. And by all means don’t set time or goals of when you are going to fix it. This is totally up to you body. I promise you at 21, you have your best years ahead of you. Start to heal your mind and body so you can enjoy the life that awaits you. I believe in you. I truly do and I don’t even know you. If I didn’t believe in you I would have never wasted my time writing this to you. You can do this. Stop being so hard on yourself. You’ll get through it. As for the swallow test it will only show if you reflux the fluid (barium) in real time when you swallow. it wont show ulcers.

My emphasis. Thank you carlos.

I’ve been staving off the black dog again recently. I’m in the fortunate postion that I’m doing a funded MBA through work, but I’ve got an assignment due just after xmas so I’ll be spending a chunk of my (very much needed) holiday working on it.
Held off a panic attack yesterday. First one that’s brewed in a while, but used some techniques from councelling to keep it at bay.
Being rational about it, all i need to do is pass this thing, the letters after my name will be the same regardless.
Pride and a desire to do well makes me want to do more.

Despite the cold and rain over the weekend I made another Holzhausen. It beats being indoors or Christmas shopping

View this post on Instagram

Holiday holzhausen building #logpile #buckinbillyray #mrwranglerstar #swedishhomestead #stihlgardenchallenge

A post shared by Peter McLaren (@mcmoonter) on Dec 23, 2019 at 4:37am PST

Thanks midlife, that’s useful and totally relates to me (also an ibs sufferer, the ibs and anxiety that comes with it have ruled my life for the last 10 years) but this latest bout of anxiety/panic attacks are brought on by me worrying that I’m going to have a panic attack, bloomin stupid brain.

McMoonter, usually chopping wood and working outdoors has been my saviour, sadly this latest load of anxiety isn’t staved off by it 😣