I’ve chosen to post here as STWers are generally understanding and open minded on mental health…

Anyway, I’ve had a life-long struggle with intermittent depression which turned constant for 3 recent years. Antidepressants aren’t an option for me. I’ve tried private counselling and CBT in the past with limited success. After hitting rock bottom I shouted loudly for help and the NHS assigned me to a counsellor through IAPT. He was brilliant and it’s been the only thing that’s really helped me beyond what I could do for myself (i.e. exercise, fresh air, time with friends, minimal booze). The counselling was time-limited because of budget and came to an end a month ago. Felt fine at the last session, but unexpectedly dropped into a feeling of desolation since. I’ve tried very hard to pull myself up. I feel like the door’s been locked and bolted behind me, and I’m feeling under huge pressure to stay well.
I have a very understanding husband but I get the impression that most of my friends are uncomfortable with mental health issues. I’ve signed up to depression support forums but I don’t feel like I fit in there. I’m all about the fight, fight, fight to stay afloat and I don’t see that on those forums.
I’ve made some plans for biking adventures later this year, but January is feeling such a struggle 🙁
Is anyone else feeling like this?

You’re not alone http://www.thesun.co.uk/news/2549098/when-is-blue-monday-2017-and-why-is-it-considered-the-most-depressing-day-of-the-year/amp/

I see lots of this at this time of year. It can make any underlying issues seem even worse.

Nope, get out and trail run or ride your bike outdoors whenever you get the opportunity.

January is a fantastic month for being outside, the colours, smells, dampness and blazing sunshine. You get it all including some bracing wind.

Ditch the meds.

Bike bouy- you didn’t read my post properly- I don’t take meds and I ride my bike regularly- 4 MTB rides at Christmas and 2 since Tuesday.

I guess most people feel a post-Christmas “slump”, especially as the weather is so miserable at the moment. Obviously, for you, this is more than “January blues”, and I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling.

Might it be possible to arrange some private sessions with the same counsellor? Or would their NHS contract forbid that?

What has helped you recover in the past?

I agree with scotroutes that January can be exceptionally difficult. January and February have always been my worst months. Having said that, one thing I have found helpful is creating something in my mind to look forward to.

So, for example, when the snow was thick on the ground in Winnipeg, I would dream about the first camping trip once it had all gone. This would keep me going, and encourage me to ‘prepare’ by getting out into the woods even though the conditions were sub-optimal.

This year, just the thought of getting my new bikes (through insurance) has been enough to help me look beyond the grey skies and think instead about the joys of cycling.

They’re all just distractions, I know, and very materialistic and temporary by nature, but by allowing myself to embrace them, I give myself a glimmer of something positive to focus on. It’s a bit like suspending reality for a while until reality becomes a bit more congenial.

I’m all about the fight, fight, fight to stay afloat.

This sounds like the right attitude to me! 🙂

Have you tried mindfulness? I find it very powerful. I did an eight week course, which was luckily enough funded by the NHS. Alternatively you can try reading ‘The Mindful Way out of Depression and Anxiety’ by Jon Kabat Zinn.

I think its just the human condition this time of year. We are not perfect.

You might find Cheri Huber’s books, interesting to read.
She’s a Zen teacher,
How to get from where you are,to where you want to be,is a great book.

Everyone’s mind is different,what works for one person doesn’t always work for the next.
I put this down to different levels of stubbornness,some minds are open,some are not.
You just need to find,what key opens up your own mind.
Zen methods are very good,at lock picking stubborn minds. 🙂

Vicky your not on your own, we had a horrible end/beginning to the year.
My wife ended up in hospital 150 miles from home over New Year.

The ongoing strain of work & care for my wife takes its toll but unlike you I have some great friends who seem to genuinely care about my mental well being (who says blokes don’t do compassion).

I wish I had the motivation though to get off my arse & get out on my bike like you have as I just seem to have an endless amount of things to do other than being out on my bike.

I find the main thing that got me through the low times is writing down the things that are troubling you, not necessarily to find a solution for them yourself now, but to remind you when talking to others, I sorted a few things out this way as others could suggest a slightly more balanced solution to my issues as I was to blinkered.
I’m probably not explaining it very well?
You say your husband is understanding? Just unload on him a bit, not all of us blokes are adverse to emotional support.

Thank you everyone

Only the top line of my post came through!

It’s not that I think my friends don’t care, more that most of them don’t seem comfortable with the topic.

shermer75- I find I can do mindfulness when I’m out walking but struggle to do it in the night when I’m fretting. I probably need more practice.

Mrovershoot- I do find writing helpful. I wrote loads of stuff when I was having counselling.

SaxonRider- I agree biking is a great help. In terms of other things to occupy myself, I’m helping the local NHS mental health team (in a small way) with improving their services/funding and I’m planning a biking challenge to raise money for a local mental health charity.

Wish I could add more to the above. I too have battled with depression since my mid teens and know how you feel. Winter is always a difficult time. Have you tried a natural light alarm clock or lightbox? I find that they help elevate my mood if used regularly.

Bike bouy- you didn’t read my post properly- I don’t take meds and I ride my bike regularly- 4 MTB rides at Christmas and 2 since Tuesday.

He does that.

I would suggest give your local Mind a call. They can offer 6 sessions of counselling. Depending on the area this can be delivered reasonably quickly. Might be enough to see you over the hump the beginning of the year can throw up.

In relation to depression forums I imagine it’s a double edged sword, in that you are surrounded by people going through the same thing, but at the same time you’re surrounded by people going through the same thing, and that could lead to triggers you might not otherwise come into contact with.

Can I ask why no meds? Feel free to tell me to piss off, but for the short term, if you running into anxiety issues in the evening. A low dose beta blocker might help things just for a bit while you attempt to right the ship as it were.

^ yup, never read anything me.

Have a pop at someone else.

vickypea, I can only imagine how hard what you are going through must be, and I would not pretend to have the answers. If what follows does not apply to you or is naive, please just ignore it.

It’s sometimes said that depression is an illness of the strong, rather than the weak. Your comments about “fight, fight, fight to stay afloat” and “I’m feeling under huge pressure to stay well” sound like you are putting a lot of responsibility and pressure on yourself to cope/keep on going, and I would be concerned that that in itself may exacerbate things.

I think we all have only so much reserves of mental/emotional energy or ‘get up and go’ (or however you might describe it), and putting on a brave face for long periods when that is not how we actually feel inside may be counter-productive, and the stress of the disconnect between trying to maintain a positive outlook versus our inner feelings may be a factor in finding it difficult to change those inner feelings.

Winston Churchill, who suffered from what he called ‘black dog’, said “when you are going through hell, keep on going”, but I think we also need to be able to be true to ourselves, and it’s not a weakness or a character failing to simply feel unhappy at times.

I guess what I am trying to say is be kind to yourself, and try not to put yourself under pressure to be or do more than you feel. I hope you feel better soon.

Jan and Feb are usually my hardest months each winter, due to SAD, which had to deal with for ~20 years now. The slightly ironic situation for me is that despite outdoor time being very beneficial (especially at this time of year), I’ve never been good at simply going outdoors for the sake of it, I need a “proper purpose” for popping out.

Some Scandinavians use light therapy. A room in their house with lots of light to counter the Winter downs. I’m lucky enough to not work and get out at the brightest sunniest time of the day for a swim (open-air pool) or a walk. It can’t do any harm to try getting out at lunchtime and having a room in your house with lots of light.

Read up on the effects of too much blue light, then you’ll understand when I say that the light sources should be placed so you can’t look at them directly and that the light that reaches your eyes is from non-reflective surfaces.

January is always a bad month for me. Last year it was in January that I finally went over the edge and had a proper meltdown. This year it seems to have been a series of silly frustrating hurdles, but I’ve rationalised it and got through it fairly well, I think.

Keep talking to people, plan in advance if you know it is coming, and January will pass. It does every year. By February there will be more light in all our world’s.

It’s December and early January I find hard to deal with. Not a fan of July either, to be fair.

@vickypea – I understand exactly how you feel.
A big part of my coping strategy is to find as much as possible everyday to laugh at, no matter how stupid.
There’s a reason I spend as much time on here , cracking dumbass jokes as I do.*
Call it buffoonery in the face of occupational ennui. It has helped me enormously and allows me to cope where I might otherwise lose it.

It’ll soon be spring. Chin up.

*and obviously, I’m here to pick up hot chicks too.

Headspace and a light box help me massively.

For me the worst January blues come after a over active Christmas/New Year.
I think all the activity, excitement (or lack off), and stress of the occasion takes more energy out of me than a normal month.
Light boxes help and short term targets, be they for the day or the week help alongside the longer term Holiday planning.

Thanks to all of you 🙂

Slowster: you are right about being kinder to myself. When I suddenly felt hit by that wave of desolation a month ago, I kept crying in secret and accusing myself of being weak, ungrateful, needy, etc. Then I pulled myself up a bit with good things like family, friends, and mountain biking. My office is 10 mins ride from trails so I can even squeeze in a short lunchtime MTB ride.

@perchypanther- that’s why we like your jokes, they help us all 😀

Can you plan some adventures any sooner? I don’t suffer like you but I like to have something to look forward to just around the corner – always thinking about places to visit or see.

@perchypanther- that’s why we like your jokes, they help us all

I would like to have myself stricken from that all. 😉

*makes note to think up special jokes just for Jamie. Just for the lolz. 😀

Give these a go

http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/holland-barrett-dlpa-caplets-500mg-60004050?skuid=004050&&utm_medium=cpc&gclid=CNjsjqnDsNECFc-6Gwod8NsIqw

http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/holland-barrett-l-tyrosine-capsules-500mg-60000180?skuid=000180&&utm_medium=cpc&gclid=CN_qtZnDsNECFRCeGwodyj8AMw

Cheap, and worth a shot. They’re not a cure, but they might ease the pain slightly. Try a good multi vitamin aswell.

The counselling was time-limited because of budget and came to an end a month ago. Felt fine at the last session, but unexpectedly dropped into a feeling of desolation since. I’ve tried very hard to pull myself up. I feel like the door’s been locked and bolted behind me, and I’m feeling under huge pressure to stay well.

I think this could be quite relevant to how you feel. Obviously without disclosing anything too personal, do you feel you’ve achieved what you wanted from the therapy?

Also, was the last session finished in an appropriate way?

Do you feel as if you have more stuff to explore?

I felt a little lost when my therapy ended and almost a month later became quite suicidal. I was lucky enough to have some further sessions with the same counseller who himself felt our time together had ended a little abruptly and was eager to get me another 12 sessions. I think without that extra time I wouldn’t have made a much progress as I did. Which is saying a lot cos I’m still quite messed up… 🙂

Edit : Obviously, if you feel fine about the therapy finishing, ignore all the above.

For me the worst January blues come after a over active Christmas/New Year.
I think all the activity, excitement (or lack off), and stress of the occasion takes more energy out of me than a normal month

This is certainly a factor for me, and also why July I find difficult. Doing way too much stuff for family and friends and not enough for me.

Rather than trying online support forums try seeing if your local Mind has a proper physical meeting type group. I found that great because it’s a non judgemental room of people who understand what you’re saying.

Teasel- I do think the ending of the counselling is relevant. Initially I was told I could have 6 sessions but the counsellor agreed that I needed more so he got agreement for another 6. As 12 seems to be the limit except in exceptional circumstances, I just prioritised what I wanted to address and tried to be as positive as I could about the last session. The last session was good, we concluded properly and with smiles but the 2nd-to-last session tackled an extremely painful subject. I think, in a nutshell that I could have done with a couple more but felt like I couldn’t ask for them because they’d already allowed 12.

Definitely a seasonal thing for me, Dec and Jan are always the low months (i don’t claim anything like depression, more a bit of a low mood when little things knock you more than they should).
That combined with not doing as much and tiredness from an 18 month old just doesn’t help.
I just look at what i have in my life and realise that it’s actually good, just different to what i have been used to in the past

Get some more sessions with the guy, I am sure he will do them privately. That would seem to be worth the expense even if you have to cut back elsewhere ?

Best of luck

I’m all about the fight, fight, fight

I’m a firm believer that you cannot fight against (and beat) your feelings. You may be able to surpress them for a while but ultimately you currently feel how you feel.

Have you tried accepting the feelings, not fighting them and just carrying on with positive things in your day. Not getting into a battle with them – just pushing them to one side whatever your mind or body is telling you.

If you have an iphone have a look at an app called smartherapy by a dr salle mclaren. Only costs 79p i think.

I would say look at mindfulness.

I have found this book useful

It is written by the team that did the research to show that there program was as effective as medication for chronic depression. Might be worh mentioning to your GP as its NICE approoved.

But worth looking at the book as well

A couple of minor tips from my experience. It’s not so much about the say focusing on your breathing to exclude thoughts as just seeing how you feel and what happens. It talks alot about trying not to solve “how you feel” as a problem as this tends to make us feel worse. The idea is that you tap and into how you feel and just let it be. You become aware tht your minds a jumble and you feel a bit rubbish. But as you become aware that these are just feelings, not who you are, they start to faid

Anyway all the best and I hope you find a way through this. Longer days will help for sure

but the 2nd-to-last session tackled an extremely painful subject.

Something that’s hanging over you, or something that’s done and dusted but still causing pain? Don’t answer but if the former you perhaps need to work on the cause rather than the symptoms.

I find November and December the worst, from Xmas onwards the days get longer and the glass starts filling up again. Things get better, starting right about now 🙂

I have an inkling that friends who don’t like talking about depression are uncomfortable because it can draw questions about their very own insecurities; it’s more about them than you.

We both live at about 43°N, Ocrider. Where Vicky lives the sun is about 10° lower in the sky and only appears for a few hours a day.

Hey ho, I’m sorry your feeling shitey. I’ve found vitamin d tablets have staved off the worst effects of the Jan/Feb depression for the past couple of years. That, and I’ve not had a bad cold since I’ve been taking them. I start in October and end in April.

Good luck. I hope you find some respite.