Rubbish Dad.. help required

I remember – aged 8 or 9 I think – my dad barging into me in a tackle so I smacked into the ground because I wasn’t very good at football when he insisted we play. Then I cried, which must have frustrated him even more.

I can sort of see where he was coming from – I really was rubbish at it, and didn’t want to play in the slightest, and he loves football.

Still, I hope I don’t vent my frustrations in the same way when/if I’m a dad.

What about doing a center parcs weekend and let him choose the activities? Or even the location of a weekend away? Maybe Thomas world? or the Sealife centre.

He’s just getting to the stuff he’ll remember when he’s older. time to make some memorys!

off to Lego land tomorrow for the weekend so will make an effort relax

Good luck. Although i have to say Legoland on the first weekend of the Easter hols is a toughie 😉

Seriously – let him choose the rides to go on, don’t try to force him onto the big rides if he doesn’t want to, get on them all with him, and laugh and enjoy yourself as if you were 5 too.

WRT the other Dad’s thread. Another piece of my Dad’s advice from when mine were young and difficult – You’ll never be a perfect Dad. Just be the best one you can be. That’ll be good enough.

+1 get a bike and spend time with him. Also make sure you ask what he wants as well. He might not enjoy physical activities.

I have twin 5 yr old girls and after a few very late nights at work and not seeing them as often as I wanted (‘I don’t like this daddy’ as one of them said), I made sure I spent some time just doing stuff with them (playing in the garden, took them swimming, reading, stuff like that) now one of them thinks I am the best thing since sliced bread and just wants me all the time.

What am I saying? Kids are fickle, soon forget and can be easily pleased so just change as you want to, see the changes that will quickly come and take it from there.

One thing that hasn’t been said here is apologise when you are wrong. If you lose your temper and shout when you shouldn’t have, take the time to apologise for it and explain in an age appropriate way why what you did was wrong. Otherwise you risk him learning that taking out his frustrations on others is ok.

It’s not always easy, but apologising often isnt!

Read raising boys by Steve Biddulph.
I was in a similar situation its pretty much sorted now 🙂

Yes, always apologise for losing your rag. You’d do it to anyone else of course.

My boy has been playing up lately , I just lock him in in the shed.
😉

(and this is the bit I hesitate to write) I can see me and my dads relationship forming in me and my boy (I hate my dad, always have done). Thing is, I can now kind of see where he was coming from, but the thought of CJ thinking of me what I did of my dad is heart breaking

parenthood shows you straight away, if you are prepared to look, things about your own childhood that you may have forgotten…try to remember that your parents where in exactly the same position you are now, possibly thinking exactly the same things. no one gave them an instruction manual either, they/you just do your best…parenthood is a way of forgiving your own parents for the sh1t things they did, and trying to do a little better. remember you love your kids and your wife, and you’re only here once…
email in profile if you any where near west yorks

One thing that hasn’t been said here is apologise when you are wrong. If you lose your temper and shout when you shouldn’t have, take the time to apologise for it and explain in an age appropriate way why what you did was wrong. Otherwise you risk him learning that taking out his frustrations on others is ok.

This is a great point.

Also, Mrs Guru (who has always been wise beyond her years) is a great believer in saying things like “I understand that you’re upset/angry/etc” because it’s important to place value on the child’s emotions (even when you think they’re being silly/soft/unreasonable/etc) and then talk about what will help them feel better about that.

I think one on one time is very valuable – it’s not always that easy in modern life but I think it’s worth finding ways to achieve it on a regular basis.