I have twice had to abandon oil platforms I’ve worked on, once by helicopter and another by lifeboat

I was a Nazi soldier in Indian Jones and the Last Crusade, and a road protester in Emmerdale.

That’s right, I’ve had a drink in the Woolpack – who wants to touch me?

I was a Nazi soldier in Indian Jones and the Last Crusade,

Presumably that’s the Bollywood remake.

I witnessed a moored yacht get run over by a drifting container ship.

I once met Geoff Capes when I was a kid. All adults seemed big as a kid, but he was really big! Seemed a nice bloke from what I remember!

Presumably that’s the Bollywood remake.

Have you not seen it? It was very well received. It has a lot more singing and dancing than the original, and the costumes are great.

I was a Nazi soldier in Indian Jones and the Last Crusade,

I bought a second hand alternator for a Mk3 Transit off a guy who dies in all of the first three Indian Jones films.

MrOvershoot it’s my 15 minute attention span that’s to blame.
I once skanked, reggae dancing in translation, to Anthrax for a few songs. In my defence so did a few hundred others as we’d all dropped black micro dots to watch RDF. Hence the 15 minute issue.

just thanked the lady who programmed doom 3do just now (on twitch) 😀

doom 3do was the first doom i ever played so it will always mean a lot to me (even though it is deemed the worst version,there is actually a good reason why).

https://doomwiki.org/wiki/Rebecca_Ann_Heineman is the lady who programmed the game for 3do.

the story of doom 3do is actually pretty interesting (well i think so anyhoo lol).

she seemed pretty amazed when i told her how much i loved doom 3do lol.

Colp I stole Maximo Parks cheeseboard and Cyndi Laupers if it makes you feel better. Bloody pop stars.

Jim Bowen once bought me an ice cream.

I spent a day in a classified nuclear site in Romania unofficially.

A girl called Cherry tried to snog me after just being sick.

I have been to the toilet at +4600m and -1000m relative to sea level whilst still attached to Earth.

I have a third nipple.

Not total recall style.

I’ve had a kiss off Jet the gladiator

I held the ‘jumping over people’ and ‘jumping over people backwards’ records at the local roller disco (13 people side by side forwards, 10 people side by side backwards) on proper wheels-at-the corners skates.

Colp I stole Maximo Parks cheeseboard and Cyndi Laupers if it makes you feel better. Bloody pop stars.

Hang on, maybe I jumped the gun here.
2006 around July time, did you go to Delamere at all?

I met Paul Mariner (ex-Ipswich and Arsenal striker) on the deck of the Holyhead- Dun Laoghaire fast catamaran in the late 80s.

I can turn my lower eyelids inside my eye without touching them

I’ve just remember that as a a Cub Scout I stood next to Patrick Moore and had a piss whilst he was making an appearance at Herstmonceaux castle.  The Greenwich Telescope was located their at the time.

I have an imprint of a three pin plug on the sole of my right foot.

I once met Fish from Marillion in a chippy

I was accused by social services of not paying child support for 2 children. They came out to see me and properly laid in to me and my mum and dad about it and they couldn’t understand why we were laughing about it. Police and courts were threatened constantly too. Worked out fairly quickly when they were there as I was 14 at the time and the kids were 5 and 3 they couldn’t be mine. But they wouldn’t listen to that, even when dad gave them my birth certificate! Eventually we worked out the bloke had the exact same name as me and his house name was the same, just a different village.

I once met Fish from Marillion in a chippy

I once met Chipps from STW in a Fishmongers

I remove rectums for a living

UB40 stole my cheese knife set

Joss Whedon stole my Sharpie.

I have a third nipple.

Not total recall style.

I have your Solex.

regards
Hai Fat

Steve McNeil stole my heart

IHN stole my joke

Perchy has officially stolen one joke.

Cougar’s.

Every time I think of a joke I scroll down and find that perchy has already made it. Bastard.

Perchy has officially stolen one joke.
Cougar’s.

Hah! That’s where you’re wrong…on two counts.

1. I steal all my jokes. I’ve never had an original thought in my life. I just have an excellent memory and instant recall.

2. Cougar wasn’t joking. He is a genuine Steve McNeil fanboi

I’ve been in about 20 police line ups.

I have more than the average number of legs but less than the average number of ankles…

I smuggled human remains into the UK.

I once had to perform 40 “Back, Sack and Crack” trims before breakfast.

I ate goat in almond sauce with Barry Chuckle

I once had to perform 40 “Back, Sack and Crack” trims before breakfast.

I hope that didnt include curly fries 😆

I went on 15-to-1 and managed to get all my questions wrong.

Three times

Had a run in with that bell Clarkson that went a bit viral (after appearing on STW).

I was also misquoted in The Times in the 80’s.

Aged 17, I was mistaken for the BBC’s science correspondent and almost got to do an interview

I was asked to sing onstage with the group Sparks, but didn’t fancy the trip to York.

Actually, when I think about it, there are loads of things I’ve not done.

I have two doppelgängers (that I know of)

One held up a bank in my hometown and looked and dressed so like me that I had to carry a get-out-of-jail card issued by the local CID because they’d basically circulated my description.

The other had previously occupied a house a few doors down from me a student and left behind a passport photo. That house in turn had previously been occupied by UB40.

I once met Geoff Capes when I was a kid.

I bought a budgerigar from him as a child.