Patethetic Excuse Generator

Fed up with having to make up fresh pathetic excuses to get out of riding with your mates?

I have curated a list of pathetic excuses – all used recently as pathetic excuses by my pathetic mates.

Generate your pathetic excuse now!
(fresh pathetic excuse generated every 5 minutes or so).

https://tinyurl.com/33jeh9ab

Post below if you want your own pathetic excuse added to the list.

If I go out there will be nobody left in the house and my cat is scared of being alone.

true story

I can’t ride because I’m debugging my pathetic excuse generator.

I can’t ride because I’m editing the thread title on STW…

That’s excellent.

I just got, can’t go because I don’t want to be hungover again.

If that’s genuine, it’s a corker!

“I got into bikes accidentally and I don’t even enjoy it anymore.”

I can’t go out riding right now. These pork pies won’t eat themselves you know!

I just cleaned my bike

“It’s too scrabbly”

what does that even mean?!

(A self employed person) I might have work that day. (And that’s much more important than my friendship with you or taking a rare day off two days before Christmas!)
😐

Aah – I thought this thread would be about DPD and Evri not delivering anything due to the unexpected arrival of Christmas.

‘I need to somehow revive my sourdough starter’

‘I read online i should be tapering this time of year’

‘I’m building a raspberry Pi to calculate thermal efficiency of my hot tub which i think i can power from my Tesla with Octopus between 2am and 5am’

Aah – I thought this thread would be about DPD and Evri not delivering anything due to the unexpected arrival of Christmas

Ha! I thought ups! 🤣

I just cleaned my bike

Does anyone else sometimes take an inappropriate bike because that is already dirty and the more suitable one is spotless?
This once lead to a fractured wrist trying to ride down from the 3 Brethren on the gravel bike as I’d just finished cleaning the HT🙈

I can’t come, I’ve accidentally stabbed myself in the foot, and my shoe is filling with blood.

That component hasn’t arrived.

I’ve fettled something that wasn’t broken and now it is.

It is dark, I might fall off.

The espresso machine isn’t working.

I can’t ride today because I’ve not been riding enough lately.

I’ve just taken a sachet of picolax

I can’t get my feet into my Lake winter boots.

Seriously how the hell are you supposedly to get mxz304s onto your feet?

I might be needed at home.

My kit is still drying.

Edit: Ah, now I understand.
How about, “I can’t ride because I’m too stupid to follow some simple instructions”.

“It’s too scrabbly”

what does that even mean?!

If a reference to available grip.

‘I need to somehow revive my sourdough starter’

All these excellent excuses will be added tomorrow.
Although “I just cleaned my bike” is already in there.

Scrabbly – like blown out but with stones.

Thread title. Doh! I got it correct the first time I posted.

I’m a massive ****.

My Tyres dont match

I might sober up

I can’t afford to charge my Ebike

I can’t tide today. I need my beard to grow more so I don’t feel inadequate riding my gravel bike.

This was a genuine one back when I was younger:

“I can’t, it’s THAT time of the month!”

Said Stuart.

His then girlfriend suffered with very heavy periods and he had to be on standby for the two days every month. Very noble of him but he could have warned us it was a possibility rather than the whole group finding out when the text is read out.

My one was most appropriate:

I’ve caught the wife’s cold! (I’ve caught her flu but close enough).

I’ve sprained my gluteus maximus!

“The panda may be pregnant”

I am fettling my woodburner

There are no ambulances today. No, really.

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<div class=”bbp-reply-author d-flex align-items-center flex-wrap”><span class=”bbp-author-name”>a11y</span>
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I can’t ride because I’m editing the thread title on STW…

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Ha ha! Excellent!

There are no ambulances today. No, really.

Hah ! Brilliant. Had a lot of that during Covid and have also added: “Keeping safe like Boris said”.

Also:
“Broke my finger placing it in a spinning front wheel” – genuine !
“”I can’t feel my arms” – genuine. Heal fast Ang!

Excuse #114:
“Arguing with a Big Hitter on Singletrack”

Re Lakes winter boots. I hear you. I have got it down to 97 seconds per boot. On a good day. They are warm.

Thread of the week – well done!

“I can’t ride my bike because I’ve disappeared up my own arse” 😀

If I don’t want to do something sociable I just blame it on a poorly kid.

Can’t ride because I just punched myself in the face trying to put my bib shorts on this morning 🙄

(happened this AM, was both painful and a shock and thus annoying annoying enough it was almost enough for me to go back to bed and sack off the ride altogether)