I was babysitting last night, to allow my stepdaughter to go out. She said she would be back at closing time. Wee man wakes up crying for his mum at 03:00, so I call to ask where she is, and let her know her son is asking for her. She’s on her way is the reply. Put wee man back to bed and settle him down. Roll on 07:00 and wee man is awake and crying for mum again, so I go through and she’s not there. Another location check reveals she is still at a mates house 5 minutes away, but she still didn’t arrive until 08:30.
Was I right to tear a strip off her?

dont baby sit for people with no maternal; instincts

depends. how much you were payed?

I’d say she was taking the p!ss and the chances of you babysitting again would be less than zero.

Round a mates house. All night.

notlocal – Member
Was I right to tear a strip off her?

No, you are not overacting.

It is called responsibility and if she could create a baby then she should be able to take care of the baby.

Yes. You are the head of the household so she must comply with your rules otherwise she moves out no ifs or buts.

TheBrick – Member
Round a mates house. All night.

Probably making more babies …

Depends on many factors, including the childs age and the mothers, but essentially Yes you were correct
However if she is young and all her mates are out partying and she had this one night out in the last year, and she is otherwise a great mum, then I would have expected her to stay out all night and let it go.

You know her does she need love and support or a kick up the arse for being an irresponsible parent?

It’s just nice to be told what’s going on…

Junkyard – lazarus
However if she is young and all her mates are out partying and she had this one night out in the last year, and she is otherwise a great mum, then I would have expected her to stay out all night and let it go.

If she is a young mum then it is even more urgent to address the situation as the older she gets the more difficult to change her ways. Without this wake up call then she would not have the experience to pass to her child/children in future … then things go down hill from there.

You know her does she need love and support or a kick up the arse for being an irresponsible parent?

You should be able to decide on the tactics … is she receptive to polite advice?

Did you agree to baby sit the whole night or just until closing time?

Hi, thanks for the replies.
She’s 23, wee man 3 in October. They are staying with us until the end of the month, waiting for her house to become available following a move from Aberdeen.
She’s been out a few times since staying, so it’s not like she’s missing out.
She’s done this before, on Christmas Eve/Christmas day and she was warned then.
I don’t mind looking after wee man, and agreed to watching him as she intimated, when asked, that she would be back after closing at 01:30.
I think another less angry talk tomorrow needs to happen. Cheers folks.

notlocal – Member
I think another less angry talk tomorrow needs to happen. Cheers folks.

You need to choose the timing properly (when she is most receptive to advice) or your talk will be similar to hot air …

Was I right to tear a strip off her?

she’d already had it done 😆

She said she would be back at closing time.

closing time where? the pub? the club? the post club club or the after party?

It’s not right, but I’m nearly 40 and I struggle to leave when I should if everyone else is staying on.

Refuse to babysit in the future.

No idea, but can I have her number?

She’s done this before, on Christmas Eve/Christmas day

Jeeze give her a break if that’s the best example you can come up with. Most grandparents provide a weekly sleep-over these days, assuming single status would even more important to get a break.

Jeeze give her a break if that’s the best example you can come up with. Most grandparents provide a weekly sleep-over these days, assuming single status would even more important to get a break.

There is arranging for a ‘sleepover’ and just not coming home.

One is ok.

Most grandparents provide a weekly sleep-over these days

Errrr… no. No they don’t.

Wife and I get half a dozen nights out together a year, typically for birthdays & anniversarys.

Speaking to friends this is far from unusual. Not everyone has grandparents on tap.

What he said they really dont but they will take them for a weeks holiday if i beg

Only thing she’s really done wrong is not to call and ask if you were happy to carry on sleeping near a sleeping child until morning time.
Would you have been happy with that?

bearnecessities – Member
No idea, but can I have her number

Rich!

Fourbanger, what she actually did was not come home when she knew her son was upset, and had expressly said she was returning.

As for not returning home on Christmas morning ( I had to fetch her) for her son’s first Christmas and a family gathering is, in my view wrong. It was also one of the few times both me and Mrs notlocal were off together (both Paramedics). To me it just showed total disrespect to us and a lack of caring towards her son and family.

sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do.
Good luck.

To me it just showed total disrespect to us and a lack of caring towards her son and family.

I agree. It also sounds like she might be struggling with the heavy responsibilities that being a parent brings.

(perhaps unsurprising – I’d have been a rubbish parent at 23. I can barely cope with the responsibility at 40!)

You both need to sit down and talk with her. Her behaviour is not acceptable and she needs to grow up fast. Don’t make a rod for your own back.

It’s upsetting for you, not just the little lad.

Mrs and I have helped as much as possible after her other half decided making babies was more fun than raising them. We helped them both furnish and decorate their brand new house and have been there emotionally and financially for her and wee man since “Dad” bottled it. I accept she is immature.I don’t believe age comes into it.

So It’s happened before & you let it happen again?

‘Once bitten, twice shy’
She needs to learn the hard way, (however she then may persuade a less caring/loving/forgiving person than you to look after said sprog which may be worse.)

A lot of sanctimonious nonsense getting posted. The child not being able to cope without the mother for a few hours sounds like it must be unusual. Wonder how many posters have expereince bringing a child up alone that age.

So It’s happened before & you let it happen again?

Once before in three years and what two and half years ago

Even the american justice system allows three strikes.

tinribz – Member
Wonder how many posters have expereince bringing a child up alone that age.

Not many but then you have to ask why not many in this time and age?

What’s her parenting like other than these few ‘incidents’ though?
In my opinion if she’s otherwise a great mum surely this isn’t that big a deal?
Was she absolutely smashed? If so, what use would her being back have been, trying to comfort an upset child whilst hammered can’t be easy, probably just as well leaving you to it.
Worth expressing your dissatisfaction at the whole affair but don’t dwell on it.

Gie the lassie a break!

She was 19/20 when she last stayed out overnight and she’s done it once more?

Is it the fact that she’s only your stepdaughter mibbe? Seems a strange way to introduce her to us. Wouldn’t daughter have done equally well?

Just explain that it’s not the all-nighter you object to but you were worried when she said she was coming home and didn’t appear when promised (though you obviously weren’t as you went back to sleep regardless)

In the big scheme of things you were already there – i.e. it’s not like you were a babysitter waiting up to go home. But it’s letting you know that’s the issue.

How was she as a child minder the next day or were you expected to cover for her then too whilst she slept it off? I think even at 23 I’d have struggled with a 3 year old after an all nighter on the razz (or whatever else she was on top of).

Very few folk are mature enough to cope at that age if you have a kid at 19/20, but that’s the bed she made for herself.

I think it is not how long she was out for, that’s a bit cheeky but probably wouldn’t have been an issue if she communicated to you during the night but what sort of mother doesn’t come home when you call to say that her kid is upset and looking for her?

Edit -What sort of state was she in when she got home? Was she able to look after the kid all day?

The child not being able to cope without the mother for a few hours sounds like it must be unusual.

Eh? It’s not exactly unusual for a two year old to wake up in the middle of the night and want a parent. And even less so at 7am.

If the OP had known from the start that this was an all-nighter then it would be a different situation. But instead he’s faced with an upset child at 3am and no good answer to the “Where’s mummy?” question.

And worse, if the OP answered something suitably soothing “Don’t worry. She’s nearly home. Go back to sleep and she’ll be here in the morning.” then she would have made a liar of him twice, further upsetting the kid and eroding the trust he has for his grandpa.

Not cool.

Wonder how many posters have expereince bringing a child up alone that age.

Plenty of poster have stated that bringing up a kid at that age must be very difficult and requires a lot of maturity.

All the more reason that she needs careful guidance and support from more mature adults that want the best for her and her kid.

I would have said if she said “I am out and coming home at closing, (I am not sure when that is as I aint a big drinker :/ so maybe midnight) then staying at a friends until the next day is not on.

Just explain if she had planned on staying at a friends then she should have said so you could have told the nipper and put your own mind at rest that she is ok.

She is only 23 like, but she sounds like she does need reminding what her responsibilities are and not taking advantage of you. You clearly dont mind looking after the nipper, but if she said she was supposed to be back at X time, then she should have been. That way she grows your trust and maybe if she was more sensible / responsible in that way, you would do it more? Maybe you could go along them lines.