Optimum toast bisection methodology

It disturbs me that that XKCD cartoon goes good > bad on both axes rather than the other way around.

Agreed. Absolutely unforgivable.

What kind of savage toasts a hot cross bun?

Say what?! If I’m feeling hungry and lazy I will chomp on a cold hot cross bun, but I’m always sad when I do. Knowing I’ve prevented the poor HCB from achieving it’s true potential.

A HCB toasted and buttered is alchemy. Turning moderately palatable spiced bread stodge into a thing of gastronomic perfection. Not toasting them is probably illegal, or should be.

For pate or mackerel on toast

Dear god. Make it stop, mummy.

option 3 for my soda breads as the height to width ratio is <1. Otherwise 1.

What kind of savage toasts a hot cross bun?

Clue’s in the name.  What you’ve got there otherwise is a cold cross bun.

What kind of savage toasts a hot cross bun?

Sorry, what?

My OH doesn’t toast them either, but she’s also a deviant who cores parsnips and puts vinegar on her vegetables. You are not in good culinary company there.

Is toasting malt-loaf contentious?

Surely no-one is eating cold cross buns? I assumed that I’d missed the memo saying we all needed to get a dedicated hot cross bun oven to go with our air fryers and pizza ovens.

As we’re on the subject, isn’t it great that hot cross buns have cutting lines to avoid this sort of controversy

Is toasting malt-loaf contentious?

🤔 Whoahh!! I like malt loaf. A lot, but that’s not something I’d ever considered. It sounds wrong, surely that thick sticky stodge doesn’t toast well? I’m not totally ruling it out. Convince me it’s a good thing.

Surely no-one is eating cold cross buns?

You’d think, but there’s shameful, damning evidence to contrary on this thread. Hard to fathom I know!

As we’re on the subject, isn’t it great that hot cross buns have cutting lines.

Are you proposing cutting HCBs INTO QUARTERS! Madness!! Slice horizontally for the toaster, butter thickly whilst hot. Scoff in a couple of greedy bites. Lick buttery fingers. This is the way.

Hot Cross Buns cut in half horizontally and cut side up under the grill. Then they get nicely toasted on the butter side for melting but still soft on the outside. Everytime I try them in the toaster the sugary outside tries to set itself on fire before the cut face is anywhere near toasted.
An in answer to the OP, the answer is 0. No cut, eat your way around the crust on the outside so you’re left with the centre bit full of butter that’s just melted in.

As we’re on the subject, isn’t it great that hot cross buns have cutting lines to avoid this sort of controversy

I wouldn’t cut HCBs vertically, they aren’t big enough to warrant it.  But if I did I think I’d do it 45′ to the cross so that each half had its own V shape.  Cutting a line in half lengthways feels weird.

Hot Cross Buns cut in half horizontally and cut side up under the grill.

I used to have a toaster which could do this, there was a button which powered up just one side of each slot.  They called it the bagel setting.

🤔 Whoahh!! I like malt loaf. A lot, but that’s not something I’d ever considered. It sounds wrong, surely that thick sticky stodge doesn’t toast well? I’m not totally ruling it out. Convince me it’s a good thing.

It’s an art to get it toasted and warm without burning the sugar. But get it right and slather it with melting butter ……😋🤤

Are there any baked goods not improved by being eaten hot apart from the obvious things like filled choux / cream cakes?

Melba toast for the win, with just a smidgen of cottage cheese.

No preoccupation with its dissection required.

As we’re on the subject, isn’t it great that hot cross buns have cutting lines to avoid this sort of controversy

As others have pointed out, you should never cut a hot cross bun vertically.

And I pity those of who don’t like hot cross buns cold. With good strong cheese.

Are you proposing cutting HCBs INTO QUARTERS!

I’m not proposing anything, some genius (I think it was jesus) before me invented buns with cutting guidelines. I’m just delivering His message.

I wouldn’t cut HCBs vertically, they aren’t big enough to warrant it.  But if I did I think I’d do it 45′ to the cross so that each half had its own V shape.  Cutting a line in half lengthways feels weird.

Well aren’t you just a crazy dough bisecting rebel.

As others have pointed out, you should never cut a hot cross bun vertically.

It’s definitely easier and safer to use a knife while standing up.

Well aren’t you just a crazy dough bisecting rebel.

No.  I literally said the opposite in the post you just quoted.

And I pity those of who don’t like hot cross buns cold. With good strong cheese.

Delete your account.

#2 if it’s a modern square bread and #3 if it’s more of a traditional loaf shaped.

#1 if I’m feeling a little adventureous.

At least the original post features the undisputed king of breads for such things. You can keep your poncey sourdough nonsense. The clue’s in the name

covered in a ludicrous amout of butter and then…

Primula sarnis dipped in chicken+mush pot noodles UMMMMMMMMM

I see sir has been to La Gavroche

We need some sort of 3D Venn diagram thing that addresses the intersection of the toast cutters and the sit/stand bum wipers.

We need some sort of 3D Venn diagram thing that addresses the intersection of the toast cutters and the sit/stand bum wipers.

This is what AI thinks of this…

RM.

Delete your account.

Who’d have thought it was this that would get me banned….

If you’re making your own hot cross buns and they’re fresh, I think eating them cold is just about acceptable. Store bought ones are half way to stale by the time you get them home, so toasting is the only way to make them palatable IMO.

Regular spices though, I can’t be doing with those cranberry and couscous or chocolate and parsnip combos that the supermarket chains keep trying to foist on us.

I would like to take a moment to praise the chef cook on Calmac this morning. Scrambled egg and bacon piled on a single large slice of white toast, lightly buttered, and cooked to a dark brown colour…. Clearly they have read the memo.

Number 3 is for the more discerning scoffer, 2 pieces of identical toast with equal top and bottom crustiness, no dillydallying deciding which piece to eat first, just pick one and go.

But which end do you start with?  That’s just displacing the problem.

Just close your eyes and pick one up, you cannot be disappointed, it may add the tiniest amount of jeopardy but it’s part of the game

The level of deviancy in this thread is enough to make a Tory MP proud.

Don’t worry, there’s sure to be much more to come, this forum knows no limits-there are lurkers out there who will eventually break cover.

When I make sandwiches I normally have three slices so whack the filling on each slice and fold. My wife thinks I’m a deviant and should cut the bread, even if just making a “half” sandwich using one slice of bread. Tell me I’m right STW!

Also, do people call the last or first slice in a loaf the crust or the outsider? When I grew up on the Leicestershire/Northamptonshire border it was outsider, but around these Welsh parts they say crust.

#2 is correct

#1 for display purposes only

#3 psychopaths

Crust or heel.