Optimum toast bisection methodology

#00

No cutting

No butter

Marmalade

One mug of black coffee(not on the toast)

I’m not sure you can really be on the right side of the toast class war if you describe toast as “al dente”.

OP is obviously a complete and utter 3er.

Three and then folded, agree the toast shown is undercooked.

Depends on which way the bacon fits on best.

OP, that sort of ‘toast’ has one place – the bin. And that is whether it is cut or not.

the sorry way that the ‘bread’ has collapsed under a modest spreading of butter is sad.

Toast should not need cutting unless it is for soldiers.

Don’t get me started on toast racks! COLD TOAST!? COLD TOAST! Jesus, Mary and Joseph what is wrong with these people?

agreed, cold toast is miserable. However, in the absence of a toast rack it is necessary to warm your plate. This will reduce the potential for condensation to form on the underside of your toast when it is close to the plate.

And as if most STW posters here eat bog standard square bread.

Most of you are artisan sourdough consumers and you know it.

Ahhhhhh busted 😬

Your average STWer earlier today

Completely coincidentally Instagram served me this method yesterday.  More toast halves,  magic!

Toast doesn’t need cutting, just rammed into your gaping maw while your wife/partner looks on with a slightly disgusted look, as you describe the mountain biking route that you’ll be taking – all the while, spraying the counter top with bits of half-chewed toast and they wonder (again) what it is they first saw in you, and is it in fact, too late to get a refund.

Just me?

You’re not alone

I’m not sure you can really be on the right side of the toast class war if you describe toast as “al dente”.

Oh I don’t know. The OP played a blinder in using the phrase in its English sense With a complete and flagrant discard for its epidemiology ( sic)

Then followed up with this, just to show he was just playing with us all along…

Top tip – Make your packed lunch sandwiches with toast. Really gives them some weighty bite later in the day.

If you cut diagonally, you can rearrange the pieces with cut edges outwards and corners touching to make a large square.  This fits better on a plate when eating beans (etc) on toast.  (Doubly so as our plates are squircle-shaped.)

the sorry way that the ‘bread’ has collapsed under a modest spreading of butter is sad.

Could just be that the butterer is pressing down too hard.  (Yet another reason I’m considering a patio.)

Toast and sandwiches #1 by default for me, except for packed lunch sandwiches where I sometimes opt for #2 as that’s easier to stack and wrap for transport.

#3 is a warning/cry for help should you ever witness someone doing it.

MIL is not adept with cutlery so seems prone to #1.5 a sort of diagonal, half pissed attempt at #1 from someone fighting their instinct to go for #2. It’s great fun to watch.

Triangular for fried bread or sarnies.

For pate or mackerel on toast… No cutting, just whole slices.

Never no.1. That’s for posh people.

Toast and sandwiches #1 by default

I’m sorry but number 1 for sandwiches?
Ridiculous.

How can you possibly hope to safely retain a good stack of filling in the rapidly narrowing sharp corners of a triangle?

There’s no support.

Sadly, the shape must usually be endured for shop bought sandwiches but you’ll notice that the posher and more generously filled ones tend to be cut as 2 or 3 for the customer with at least some sense of what’s right and wrong.

Science innit.

Full slice(s) every time for toast or sandwiches. Not sure which method I would use for cutting if I were to do so. Definitely not diagonal though. That’s for children and buffet food served at funerals.

I agree that three is a cry for help or a warning sign to not approach the person doing it. A bit like stripes in nature.

Most of you are artisan sourdough consumers and you know it.

I’ve had some Waitrose Essentials baked beans on wholemeal sourdough with unsalted butter today.

Mind you, I’ve also had a Greggs Steak Bake.

Anyone else read this as “Opium toast?

You’re one of those folders aren’t you?

No butter

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*twitches*

😂

What do you call it?

3 has the benefit of being perfectly balanced and is therefore the choice of those who don’t like to decide which type of crust to eat first. It’s also, as mentioned above, for maximising the toast/face insertion rate (short of folding).

1 is the next best insertion rate, as the point allows you to chomp off a good amount without getting butter smeared over your cheeks.

@kayak23 ^^

“Wrong ‘un”. Message ends.

I’m sorry but number 1 for sandwiches?
Ridiculous.

How can you possibly hope to safely retain a good stack of filling in the rapidly narrowing sharp corners of a triangle?

There’s no support.

Sadly, the shape must usually be endured for shop bought sandwiches but you’ll notice that the posher and more generously filled ones tend to be cut as 2 or 3 for the customer with at least some sense of what’s right and wrong.

Science innit.

#1 generally works for me and you get o start with a corner, my problem is that I will stuff things into my gob by default so a sandwich format that forces me to take more bites is beneficial for me and anyone watching.

Granted though diagonal cutting doesn’t suit certain fillings like fish fingers, those do get cut rectangular.

As for artisanal tosspot shop bought sarnies, you’re being tricked it’s easy to add volume to a sandwich without you actually gaining much more they just double up on lettuce and pile the chicken or ham in the middle so it appears there’s more in there when cut in half, but they’re still going to add £1.20 to the asking price because you think your getting ‘more’ in your more structurally sound sandwich…

No butter

If it’s with tomato soup then 3 other than that 1 is norm and don’t let anyone tell you differently.

I wouldn’t want my toast to be any darker than the ones in the photo.

#blactoste intolerant.

My Dad always cut my toast up #2.

#1 was seen as reserved for the fancy kids.

Now im an adult, ill cut it how i damn well please. and ill have #1 every time.

Everyone knows that the corners are dry and tasteless  bites of dissapointment.

a #2 has two corners, #1 has 1 corner. its structurally more sound too.

as the old rhyme goes: “cut your toast as #3, get in the sea”

#1 hospital toast always tastes better

Rationale:

Cutting it in a triangle results in a stable shape that inherently lifts the toast off the plate however you place it on a standard sized side plate where the toasts  diagonal is longer than the diameter of the crockery.  The still intact long crusty edges holding the toast off the plate when rested on the rim.  This allows some airflow and prevents trapped steam for turning the toast soggy.

Other options lack structural integrity or their dimensions are simply insufficient to do a decent job.

It disturbs me that that XKCD cartoon goes good > bad on both axes rather than the other way around.

#3, because each half is the same.

On a related matter, if you slice and toast a bread bun/bap/teacake* do you prefer the top or bottom? Bottoms for me. (Ooo er matron)

*hot cross buns excluded, as it’s obvs tops.

3!

Although shown rotated 180 degrees so obviously upsetting people.
Folded, it is a quick and easy way of scoffing toast. Especially if lathered in dairylea

On a related matter, if you slice and toast a bread bun/bap/teacake* do you prefer the top or bottom? Bottoms for me. (Ooo er matron)

*hot cross buns excluded, as it’s obvs tops.

What kind of savage toasts a hot cross bun?

What kind of savage toasts a hot cross bun?

The same kind of savage who folds toast?

What kind of savage toasts a hot cross bun?

Mmm,  hot, hot cross buns with melted butter on are the bestest.