Optimum toast bisection methodology

This came up on a thing, and I think it’s a good measure of a persons character.

If indeed toast is bisected at all, what is your style and reasoning?

I was surprised to see that overwhelmingly, people seemed to be of the opinion that method No.3 was for the unhinged.

I actually tend to favour method No.3 because it is a true mirror image split of the slice and doesn’t introduce the quandary of whether to eat the top or bottom crusted half first or last.

No.2 forces the hand and you must decide aesthetically which half you prefer and hence which you will eat first.

No.1 is reserved for people who desire to better their social standing and for church fairs and WI coffee mornings.

Incidentally, none of the examples shown are actually toast imho. Far too al dente for my liking.

I don’t think I’ve cut toast up since I was a child.

Diagonally cut sandwiches and toast taste better. That’s a science fact.

For shop bread as in the pictures, fold rather than cut. And the fold should be oriented as per #3.  Artisanal sourdough should always be enjoyed whole.

Never #1 as that takes longer and blunts the knife faster.

Diagonally cut sandwiches and toast taste better. That’s a science fact.

If this is true I dread to think what a supermarket sandwich would taste like if cut per 2 or 3.

That doesn’t really look like toast in the OP, it looks like bread that has previously been lightly warmed.  It looks like it has probably been in our diabolically bad toaster.

Option 0 (uncut) for toast & marmalade or marmite etc.  If I had to cut, I’d go 2

Option 3 for toast to eat soup with – better width for scooping

Option 1 is shit for sarnies – supermarkets know that you can underfill to the biggest extent but they still look acceptable from the “front”
(It’s also shit for toasties IMO, despite being the default)

Those applying #3 need help.

Don’t cut it. Get more butter in yer tache that way!

There are certain loaves that need cutting like 3 though, for sandwiches rather than toast though. The ones that are wider than they are tall, it’s good though as you get a nice but of crust on each half.

Option 3 provides the most rapid toast/face insertion rate, so it’s that one for me. With  the caveat that toast is torn rather than cut.

No cutting, extra butter on the corners para mi

Mostly no cutting required. Occasionally 2 if I CBA.  Very occasionally, in specific circumstances there is a place for 1. Hear me out…. If eating a fried egg sunny side up and waiting to pierce then dunk the yolk, the stabby, buttery triangle of no.1 is optimal.  Anyone participating in No.3 should be tarred and feathered.

I fold it more or less in half and then ram it into my face- the window of still-hot-from-toaster and melty butter but still crisp is too short for knives

fold rather than cut

That is what I do. Fold the long side.

WTF would I want half a slice of toast for? Madness I tells ye

Don’t get me started on toast racks! COLD TOAST!? COLD TOAST! Jesus, Mary and Joseph what is wrong with these people?

No.3 ordinarily but sometimes no.1 for a treat.

Some shop bought bread, and I apologise in advance for this – the 50/50 stuff – is actually quite good cold, the slice wasn’t perfectly smooth so caught the spread. Or you can partiality toast it, let it get cold then toast it just to warm it up a little before application of spread.

Far too al dente for my liking.

No that is perfect. Never toast it less than this. Also as will as cold toast, burnt toast with lagoons* of Marmite. Cold burnt toast. Mmmmmmm

*meant to write lashings but lagoons works!

#3 Is the type of thing they’d likely witness in psychiatric hospitals.

#2 Is very working class

#1 Is your better class of household, often accompanied by kidneys and kedgeree.

Number one because I’m not 8, nor a psychopath.

One gives you an obvious place for your first bite, two and three leave you with the urge to bite in the middle and leave you with an unstable sandwich.

” two and three leave you with the urge to bite in the middle and leave you with an unstable sandwich.”

3 allows you to eat a slice of toast in 4 bites with some dignity. Critical for me as I’m in the canteen and still remembered for eating porridge and a sausage roll in the same bowl.

Anyone else read this as “Opium toast?

1 but folded innit. Especially if eating a toasted egg banjo.

#1 when I’m entertaining my breakfast mates. Easier to gannet with a modicum of elegance and less chance of a buttery chin.

In all my born days i’ve never considered cutting toast or sandwiches as per option 3.

You haven’t lived bruv.
3 is the way forward.

Post of the week won.

2 is the right way. Everyone knows this.

People keep mentioning a buttery face. The obvious solution is the fold the toast. Then everything is inside; you have easy mouth insertion and maintain a dignified low bite consumption. This is also the correct way to eat a slice of NY pizza.

Option 3 provides the most rapid toast/face insertion rate, so it’s that one for me.

Option 3 for toast to eat soup with

No.3 ordinarily

3 allows you to eat a slice of toast in 4 bites with some dignity.

3 is the way forward.

Reported. Never in my wildest nightmares did I imagine the sheer number of absolute wrong uns that stalk this forum. Absolutely shocking.  I think the OP has performed a valuable public service in outing these deviants so normal toast eating folk can shun them and whisper behind their backs.

Edit to retract my praise of the OP, having realised he is in fact a participant in this vile practice.

0 – no cutting is my default.

2 – there’s a focus on eating toast while warm, and no one got time to faff with rotations or whatnot, so butter, marmalade and hack in half. Only ever done if you’re in polite company.

And that toast in your post is borderline anaemic. All toast should tread the 10 second line between deeply coloured and crispy, and a charred abhorrence.

Where’s options 4 & 5??

RM.

None of the above, why bother?

none of the above are solutions if a boiled egg is involved! I want soldiers!

The main thing wrong with no 3 in the picture, as far as I’m concerned, is the crust is at the bottom. Crust should always be at the top!

For the properly unhinged, 1.5 (yes, halfway between 1 & 2)

#3 – guaranteed sociopath

#1 – aesthetically pleasing

#2 – quite normal

Far too al dente for my liking.

No that is perfect. Never toast it less than this.

Hmm, I’m intrigued whether that is what the OP meant or  whether he actually meant the opposite.

OP, did you mean the toast was overcooked or undercooked?

None of the bread I toast is that shape.

OP, did you mean the toast was overcooked or undercooked?

Under! Can’t abide people who simply warm their bread.
It needs to be just a couple of shades under being set on fire.

A number 1’er pictured recently…

Top tip – Make your packed lunch sandwiches with toast. Really gives them some weighty bite later in the day.