Morning folks, I really need a sounding board so where better than STW.
I’ve been with my current employer for 13 years and I’ve slowly started to detest the place. I love my actual “job” its the management, or lack there of that’s starting to get me down. There are other factors that bug me but they’re mostly trivial which I’ve no doubt most people experience with their jobs.
Now my dilemma is I’ve been offered a job which is in the fitness industry, I currently work in interior design so the two are quite different.
I’ve wanted to get into the fitness industry for some time and over recent years I’ve gained several qualification in my own time to help open doors.
My current job is 3 miles away decent hours, and fairly well paid for the type of work I do. The new job is 22 miles away, worse hours and I’d be taking a 10% pay cut. I’d be commuting by bike so I don’t really need to factor in the fuel costs. My current job is as safe as a job can be, I’ve a wife and one and a half kids (one due beginning of November) to think about. The wife knows how unhappy I am with my current job but is nervous about me rocking the boat and jumping ship.
So, do I need to give my head a wobble and get over my issues where I am and stay put, or take the plunge into a totally new career which on paper sounds like I’d absolutely love.
If anyone has similar experiences good or bad I’d love to hear them – really don’t know what to do, first world problem or what 😀

What are the longer term prospects of the job/sector you’re looking at moving to? Is it a growing part of the industry?

22 miles is (for me) a bit too far for a comfortable commute especially through the winter. It would realistically take 3 hours per day – is it a good route?

Re. the job are there prospects for swift promotion to make up the 10% shortfall?

If it does not work out can you move back to your current type of job.

With no kids the answer would be obvious but even so I think you will regret it if you do not do it.

I’d ask myself if there is a chance I’d regret not changing jobs in the future.
or
What would it take to get you to move.

If you can handle a 10% pay cut and you can convince the wife that a happy husband is better than a richer, unhappy one then changing is probably the way to go.

All coming from a person who wants to do the same but can’t pull the trigger to actually do it…

was in a similar situation last year
I decided to stay
Ive had a year of work misery and am now looking for another job still, but there isn’t much out there paying anywhere near what I am on now

Can’t offer advise on your situation as only you can decide what is best for your circumstances, but I regret my previous decision almost on a daily basis

Commuting 44 miles a day, or more precisely spending the amount of time required to do that, may not me compatible with the demands of a new baby and young kids. Seems like a lot to put on your wife. Might make you happy, but would she be so thrilled?

Best of luck with whatever you decide though. That is indeed a tough decision.

Sounds risky to me, I’d wait until a fitness job appears nearer to you.

The new job is 22 miles away, worse hours and I’d be taking a 10% pay cut.

Nope – I’d be staying put.

As above, wait until something closer comes up.

Keep looking and bear in mind a new job can be as bad or worse than your existing one. It’s easy to forget that. I’d hang on until I could find something comparable. And 44 miles commutiing on a bike each day is not realistic for most people, especially if you’re currently doing 6.

New job and a new child those mother is worried about you making the move plus tge extended travel time and less money – computer says No .

Hmm. Stay for mee too. Can you influence any change in teh trivial niggles ?

Family time vs commuting… Sit tight and actively seek a better solution close by…

Stay put and work out how to improve your current role. Sounds like its a decent job, just you have been around for a while and its long in the tooth. You just need to get motivated in what you are doing again.

The commute time and tiringness with a small family would make me say no.

It’s not you that’s looking to change, it’s your best mate.
What advice would you give him?

Are you f***ing nuts? You would actually consider taking yourself away from your family for an extra 3-4 hours a day, for less money, with a baby on the way, because you’re “unhappy”?
Time you grew up fella!

Follow your dream when something closer comes up, but not right now. Make sure your missus and littlun are settled first! You’ve been there for 13 years, so what’s another one? Doubtless your current employer will be helpful with time off.

I went from a 17 miles each way commute to a 26 each way. I was already fit as a butcher’s dog, and there was no way I could keep that up all week. And that was with a desk job.

You’re either going to have to negotiate a better pay package and accept you’ll be driving 3 days a week for the new job, or knock this one on the head and hold out for something else.

Life is too short to be miserable, that’s for sure, but to assume that the way you feel about your current work is just down to “management” shows a lack of self awareness. The fact your current work isn’t to your liking isn’t someone else’s fault: it’s at least 50% you. And you can choose how you want to change your response to the situation.

22 miles is (for me) a bit too far for a comfortable commute especially through the winter. It would realistically take 3 hours per day – is it a good route?

I do 20 miles each way between 3 and 5 days a week. I very rarely do 5 days in winter as its very hard going. I couldn’t do it if I had a young family as I’m usually falling asleep by 9pm. There is absolutely no way I’d even think about riding 44 miles every day if I had a new baby.

Less money, more travel, longer hours just for you to be ‘happy’ is fine if you don’t have anyone else to think about.

44 miles a day on the bike in the middle of winter will be fun for about 2 miles on day 1.

I wouldn’t…

44 miles a day on the bike in the middle of winter will be fun for about 2 miles on day 1.

It’s fine, but just not every single day, and certainly not when you have a new baby.

With a new kids on the way wouldn’t you want to be closer to home and not have a 22 mile cycle if you need to nip back? And less money too. I wouldn’t want more children, less cash and a further commute. Stick it out for 12 to 18 months and re assess.

What about the hours? Is it a 9-5 job, or would it involve unsocial hours?

If you can factor in dual commuting, you should leave. Better to be happy at work and be happy at home than resent your family for keeping you in a job you have come to dislike.

I swapped from an academic lecturer with a 12 mile commute, to a 120 mile a day drive for our second child. Needs must, but I did enjoy the job despite the 2-3 hours a day commuting.

Sounds very similar to me a few years ago. Fed up in a job I’d been in for a similar length of time, in recent years going nowhere, but close to home and good money with an awful manager who just doesn’t manage. His motivational skills to motivate a pretty demotivated team on a big project is to wrap the dry as ever project meeting of him reading a project plan is to wrap up with telling everyone to “get motivated and get your fingers out, ok get on with it”. While annual reviews etc were a pure hHR box tick for him, no support, or help or incentives for anyone and refuses to spend the fairly generous training budget, even when other department are screaming for work in the requested subjects.

Looked about got a job offer, same money, further commute, not long moved house, biggish mortgage in relation to salary and baby on the way too. Not many other jobs doing what I was doing near home on the right money.

I decided to stay and regretted it a lot! As things have turned out due to some serious health issues it was the best decision to stay but that’s another storey completely. so I’m afraid I’m not a lot of help.

It’s a head or heart thing and a pending first child and finances after the move and really made me stop because of security. BUt I did and do regret it still in many ways. My Employer has been brilliant in supporting my with my illness so I’m glad I stayed in the end but my situation is incredibly rare.

Its a very hard decision, I think in the same situation again I would go with my heart. My biggest question would be how confident are you about getting another job either back doing what your doing now of on your new field if things went wrong? even if it wasn’t ideal but gave you time to look for something better again.

If the markets for both are poor or your not confident then stick else go with your heart. I really admire a few of my friends who’ve jacked in jobs and taken risks especially those who’ve started their own businesses.

best of luck with the decision.

Thank you all for your input I really do appreciate it. Its definitely a heart or a head thing and the head seems to be singing loudest at the minute.
As fit as I am, keeping the commute up all year is optimistic and I’m not getting any younger (37) I imagine it would be very easy to sack the bike off in favor of the car, and this could spiral into driving everyday – I think I need to ditch my rose tinted glasses 😀 The wage for the new job is pretty much at the ceiling and the only way to increase this would be promotion which could take some time. I’ve done a mental pros and cons list of the new job and it has wayyyy more cons that pros. At the end of the day I have to put my family first and as much as I’d love this new job I have to do whats best for them. I’m going to show this post to the wife tonight as it has certainly helped me reevaluate what I’ve got and what I could lose by jumping ship.
Head wins….. for the moment 😀
Thanks again folks
Mark

look at it as an opportunity to learn new stuff at your present company – and either earn more or at least feel more valued. I too nearly jumped ship a while back as I was unhappy and stuck in a rut, inertia (and accrued holidays) kept me and a fear that I’d be leaping into something equally bad – at least I had skills / experience to offer at the existing place. Eventually things changed for the better, I was made redundant and able to leave without having had to actively decide to take the plunge 🙂

Having been in the fitness industry for a number of years in my previous life, I’d be very, very careful about jumping into that tank. A colleague of mine stayed at a former employer whilst those around him left and he is still in the same position (on the same pay and worse conditions) that he was in 10 years ago. Its a very difficult sector to make decent livable money in, and when your kids get older they wont appreciated you working shifts and weekends (and neither will your wife…)
BJ

Are you f***ing nuts? You would actually consider taking yourself away from your family for an extra 3-4 hours a day, for less money, with a baby on the way, because you’re “unhappy”?
Time you grew up fella!

This is a bit simplistic IMO. If you’re really unhappy with the thing you spend the vast majority of your waking hours doing then that’s not good for you, and that’s not good for people around you.

Of course that’s a long way from just being a bit fed up with it all the way most people probably are at some point, in which case yeah, just suck it up. Only the OP knows on that score.

Re 44 miles every day, that’s quite a lot. Personally I wouldn’t even consider that unless I was single!

I used to commute 40 miles a day, 10 years ago when I was actually fit. It was lovely in the summer, but damn near killed me in winter. After one winter I moved closer to work. Its all junk mileage too. That was as a young single no responsibilities at all guy straight out of uni.

If it is going to be a short-term stepping stone, or you can move at some point in the not to distant future, it could work for you. Long term, it is going to be a real burden.

Its all junk mileage too.

That’s not necessarily true. It can’t be if you just pootle to work and back every day but commuting can be used as part of a training plan. Traffic lights are fantastic for interval training.

Questions I have not noticed asked (but could have missed them)

– How soon could you move from the new job to something physically closer?

– what is your chance of ever getting a fitness offer again – this could be your only chance ever.

– If the new job does not work out how difficult would it be to get back in to your present field of work at least for a while?

– Are there any options to do more than one job part time so you could combine options?

– Can any of this lead towards you being self employed given you are mostly just fed up of poor management?

– Can you move to another company in the interior design field to get away from the poor management and would that be as helpful as changing fields totally?

General notes:

– I cant stress enough how getting out of an oppressive job changes life and attitude.

– Rubbish management can be found in many places, a new job may not solve that aspect.

– You have to factor in buying transport or travel as the winter and extra stress on your wife is going to require this, so it will equal more than a 10% pay cut and fuel prices/tickets may well go up again.

– How does your wife feel about moving?

– What aspects of the change does your wife fear – get specifics from her as people generalise and you both need to know what her specific worries (and yours) are really about.

– Be honest with yourself – there is a fair chance you may regret whichever choice you make, so don’t be too intimidated by potential regret, no one can read the future and even horrible things that happen you can end up being glad happened at time goes on as they set you on a better path in the long run.

– Factor in pensions, leave arrangements and sick pay as they do have some relevance esp if you have family responsibilities.

Good luck. Let us know what you decide.

OP Probably the right decision in the practical sense for sure.

Your clearly unhappy at work though so do try to do what you can there to try an address the issues there, we all spend too long at work to be unhappy the whole time we’re there.

I know that’s easier said than done sometimes. I’ve completely given up with my immediate boss at work and I know my attitude towards him doesn’t help but after years of trying with him you can only try so many times. His boss is aware of the situation (Although doesn’t discuss or directly deal with it) and I now deal with him. I know I’m not blameless for where the situation is, I’m not that naive. unfortunately my boss takes absolutely no responsibility for anything and will never change, so my brick walls just go up.

Keep your eye out for opportunities for change being miserable at work isn’t good for you (btw my ill health had nothing to do with work).

Midnighthour really good points +1 on those

I wouldn’t based on the distance too much commuting time.

Also you would probably have a much worse paternity pay/leave entitlement for a baby due in November if you start a new job now vs staying in the old one.

Are you f***ing nuts? You would actually consider taking yourself away from your family for an extra 3-4 hours a day, for less money, with a baby on the way, because you’re “unhappy”?
Time you grew up fella!
This is a bit simplistic IMO. If you’re really unhappy with the thing you spend the vast majority of your waking hours doing then that’s not good for you, and that’s not good for people around you.

What’s simplistic about it? Now isn’t the time to run away and join the circus. He’s had 13 years to realise he doesn’t like his job. Stick it out ’til everyone’s settled. If he has no responsibilities, then fine, he should do as he pleases, but lumbering the missus with all the baby care is kind of selfish to be honest. He has responsibilities, or maybe that is the problem?

(How long since the last nipper was born? Has he forgotten how knackering it is, even without a 20 mile ride twice a day?)

Employers are supposed to be supportive of changing hours to promote work/life balance if you have young kids. Can you make use of that to both help out your wife and move towards self employment/different employment?

PS thanks for comment Keith, nice of you to say.