My daughter's gone off nursery

This conversation only happened 4 hours ago, and I’m at work, so no

Okay, so it has only happened once then? I wouldn’t be worrying unduly.

I’d explain to your daughter why she has to go. I.e so you can work and buy nice things, etc…

She sounds bright enough to understand.

eldest didn’t start attending school til she felt like it (aged 7)

REALLY? 😯
Sorry, but life just isn’t fun all the time! The sooner children realise that you can’t just stamp your feet and get what you want the better. As for not going to school until they felt like it, well……

I am already building our girls up to the ‘excitement’ of school- we have our first school visit tomorrow and they start next September so I am getting them to look forward to it 🙂

(They go to pre-school two days a week now so it shouldn’t be *too* bad when they go).

So my daughter who is a little younger than yours just 2 now goes to a nursery/school in the afternoon. She has been going since she was 17months.
A couple of weeks after she went back after the summer break she decided that she didn’t want to go which we found strange since she really enjoyed it before the break. The reason she didn’t like to go any more was the class had slightly changed, and instead of her being the youngest in the class by 6 weeks she was now one of the oldest. For most of her new classmates it was their first time separated from parents/nannies so they were crying a lot. My daughter didn’t want to go because all the other children were acting like babies. We toughed it out for the next couple of weeks and she is happy again.
I’m sure once you have spoken to the teachers and found out what the situation is their will be a simple solution.
For us the reason we keep her going to the school even though she was upset when we dropped her off, was that after talking to the teacher we found that she was only upset when I dropped her off, after which she was really happy, all within about 45 seconds of me leaving.

REALLY?
Sorry, but life just isn’t fun all the time!

Bad luck. 😥
TBH, it’s not for us either, but we’re trying to enjoy it as much as possible. Work less, play more etc.

The sooner children realise that you can’t just stamp your feet and get what you want the better.

Ours have known this for a long time.

As for not going to school until they felt like it, well……

There’s a legal obligation to ensure the children have an education. No obligation to either put them in formal schooling, or to follow the national curriculum. If we have the wherewithal to fulfil those requirements, what’s the problem?

Easy now.. just because I’m posting on stw doesn’t mean I’m already out of ideas! It’s meant to be a discussion starting point.

It isn’t a good sign that a parent seeks advice here rather than talking to those whom you entrust to look after your child at pre-school.

Tempted to let her stay home if she wants

Do it. Your subsequent role as support staff to your ever-demanding child could entertain us all for years.

Did you think that parenting stopped at the biological act? I repeat – grow a pair, PTFU and speak to the staff. Anything less and you’ve abdicated your role as dad.

It isn’t a good sign that a parent seeks advice here rather than talking to those whom you entrust to look after your child at pre-school.

It’s not an either or. I am at work, and I post my musings on here. My wife will be talking to the nursery tomorrow or Monday. I won’t be, cos I won’t be there.

Your subsequent role as support staff to your ever-demanding child could entertain us all for years.

If you don’t understand my methods of parenting, you shouldn’t really comment 🙂

You could always beat her and tell her to do as she is told 😆

my methods of parenting

There does not appear to be much parenting going on, so can’t comment on any claimed method.

Your subsequent role as support staff to your ever-demanding child could entertain us all for years.

😆 😆

There does not appear to be much parenting going on

You wouldn’t know much from a few STW threads though would you?

Edric 64 – Member

You could always beat her and tell her to do as she is told
Posted 2 hours ago # Report-Post

We need more people like you !

Spare the rod and spoil the child !

one of ours got really upset at going every day for about a month after our holiday.

What solved it? Asking the staff to give them a proper welcome and bit of fuss in the morning.

IMHO, they have to learn that it is a normal part of daily life to go away from the house to learn or work, because it will be forever. So you are never really to young for a bit of gentle HTFU…

Rose didn’t like being left at playgroup, but really liked it once she was there.

We deliberately talked lots about playgroup with her, and how much fun she’d had, so she hadn’t forgotten that bit by the time next time came round. We also had a strategy for her if she got scared or worried, which was that we told her if she is feeling scared, she should go over to the drawing table and ask to do a drawing. Having said that, also last week her best friend started at the same playgroup, which might have made all the difference.

Today, she walked straight in, and said ‘hello. I’d like to draw slugs and snails please.’ to the playgroup lady and was off, so either one of the above has worked, or she is just suddenly used to it.

You wouldn’t know much from a few STW threads though would you?

Given that you prtty much live your woes, trials and tribulations out on this website, I’d say we get more of an idea of you than of most people.

Well there’s information on here, but apparently not everyone is able to interpret it correctly 🙂

It’s not school, and it IS optional.

To qualify what I said earlier: it’s not optional if you decide it isn’t. And if you start giving in when she starts kicking up a bit of a fuss, you’re not the one deciding, she is.

I don’t like to see my daughters suffering, but sometimes I have to be a dad, and not a best friend.

Knock her over a few times when you are playing with her until she gets used to the idea.

Perhaps it’s lack of stimulation,children of nursery age are all at varying levels of development.At my daughter’s pre school (as she insists we call it)some of the kids get more intellectually stretching things to do others play in the sandbox.Despite being kicked in the face and dumped in a puddle she still loves going.Unfortunately my daughter has now begun imitating the three children with learning difficulties 🙄
It could also be that socialising with her peers isn’t that appealing after being at home with fun,clever,stimulating ,attentive parents but she will have to get used to it sooner or later.

Which is pretty much what we thought would happen.

Kids feed off your vibes, especially when they’re very young. Be properly positive about things and she will. And they aren’t daft, they know you well enough to know the tone of voice and body language you use when the medecine is going to taste foul despite you saying it’s lovely. Be genuinely positive about things and your kids will too. If you’re not genuinely positive then either you have doubts about the nursery or are on a guilt trip about sending her there.

I don’t like to see my daughters suffering, but sometimes I have to be a dad, and not a best friend

I am already her best friend. I’m not going to take that away from her…

Be genuinely positive about things and your kids will too

Is that guaranteed? I am genuinely positive about things I really want to do with her, but if she decides she doesn’t want to do it that’s it. She knows her own mind and cannot always be swayed like this.

It could also be that socialising with her peers isn’t that appealing after being at home

Quite possible. I’ve not seen what goes on in there so who knows. Definitely need to observe.

She knows her own mind

I have to say, when I hear this, I despair a bit. Who’s the boss here mol?

I have to say, when I hear this, I despair a bit. Who’s the boss here mol?

Why despair? She knows what she wants, what’s wrong with that? She wants to please and will usually eventually do stuff she doesn’t want to, but I can’t MAKE her like things she doesn’t like.

Eee molgrips, you ain’t half in for a shock fella.

My top tip, stop trying to be her best friend, start to be her Dad; the roles are different and by being her best friend instead of her dad you’ll mess it up.

She will also not want to have her Dad as her best friend for very much longer…

As for the whole ‘Don’t want to go’ thing; it should never have even been an option available to her. She should understand that that is where she goes.

NSFW
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s120QJv6Ikg

When mine did this they went anyway as it wasn’t optional. They seem to be OK.

Why despair?

Trust me, I’m not really despairing. Thankfully, I’ve seen plenty of examples where there are rules and boundaries which deal with kids that “know their own minds”. My mum (a teacher of 7/8/9 years old most of her life) used to secretly laugh when parents would talk proudly of kids that “know their own minds”. She knew which ones were going to be trouble.

Look mol, just take control of the situation and stop being such a wet-arse about it. It seems you need your own backside wiping sometimes and not the kids.

My top tip, stop trying to be her best friend, start to be her Dad; the roles are different and by being her best friend instead of her dad you’ll mess it up

We’ll see.

it should never have even been an option available to her.

It never has been an option. We’ve never asked her if she wanted to go. Since the age of about 2 she was desperate to go to ‘school’, and she was thrilled at first. Then she said she didn’t want to go, we took her anyway.

She doesn’t need to be prompted to voice an opinion, obviously.

Look mol, just take control of the situation and stop being such a wet-arse about it

Take control? She’s still going to nursery isn’t she?

I’m asking for people’s thoughts on the principle of forcing kids to do stuff. I don’t know why you think that means the situation is out of control…?

I can’t mention anything on here without people jumping to the wrong conclusions, can I?

I don’t know you or your daughter well enough to dish out parenting advice mol. I’m sure you’re doing what you think is best for your daughter which is really what matters.

However… I will just point out that the phrase “I am already her best friend. I’m not going to take that away from her…” is one that is one that pops up a lot on Super Nanny as she tries to figure out why the kids are out of control!

Edit: you sound like you are far from that point, but just be aware that it could be the first step towards it.

Why despair? She knows what she wants,

No she doesn’t. Not yet.

I think that if you ask about relatively personal issues in a relatively personal way, people will suggest things that are relatively personal. I think the trick is not to take the replies in a personal way, but accept that said replies might contain valuable insights.

Or something like that.

Thanks Graham but I have it under control.

My wife and I are her best friends because we play with her more often than any of her other friends and with more patience, care and stimulating content. Mostly because her other friends are between 3 and 6 so don’t care that much.

She knows what she wants,

No she doesn’t. Not yet.

Have you met her?

I don’t know why you think that means the situation is out of control…?

I didn’t say it was out of control. Before you start lecturing others on jumping to conclusions, maybe take a step back and stop making your own little leaps, yeah? Ok, right…

“Forcing kids to do stuff”…that’s a pretty broad stroke you’re taking there with your big ol’ brush isn’t it? You’re sending her to nursery for whatever reasons you and mrs grips have decided – so that’s what she does. You’re not forcing her to do anything bad. Give in to her now and you start the ball rolling for her. With each passing month, how much you can affect how she reacts to your requests diminishes. Each little “win” for her is a bigger “loss” for you and will require twice the battle to retake the ground you’ve lost. It’s up to you…from what I see, some parents almost relish the battles ahead, from how they let their kids shit all over them.

Have you met her?

No, but I have met my own daughters’ peer group. None of them has a fully formed or stable view of their likes and dislikes. Despite your special status, I doubt whether yours has made unique leaps forward in this area.

I’m asking for people’s thoughts on the principle of forcing kids to do stuff. I don’t know why you think that means the situation is out of control…?

Depends on what it is – if you’re trying to get her to get dressed in the morning, give her two t-shirts and ask her to choose. The getting-dressed bit is not optional. (Try and give her the illusion of choice, it’ll stand her well for later life when she has to vote etc.)

But some things are not optional, and there’s no easy alternative to offer. I’d put nursery into this category. (Another one, from personal experience, was swimming classes – my eldest hated them, but I felt they were important enough to not budge on. We (my wife and I) did budge on ballet classes for the youngest, she hated them, and they’re not exactly a potential life-saving skill.)

Choose your battles, but in the end she’s your daughter, and one of your responsibilities as a parent is to teach her limits, and that life has obligations.

DD, that’s the theory, yes.

However in practice we are all individuals, and each relationship is a unique thing that needs to be managed and progressed with intelligence and sensitivity. Especially when you are FREQUENTLY obliged to force one of the parties to do something they don’t want to do. Like eat their dinner, go to bed etc.

Eating vegetables, cleaning ones teeth and going to bed are fairly black and white – they have to be done and there will be clear detriment if they are not done.

Nursery or even mainstream school – not so much.

None of them has a fully formed or stable view of their likes and dislikes.

Hehehe…

Nursery or even mainstream school – not so much.

*awaits “Home-schooling, what do we think?” thread*

My wife and I are her best friends because we play with her more often than any of her other friends and with more patience, care and stimulating content

My advice stands; stop trying to be her friends, start being her mum and dad.

Choose your battles, but in the end she’s your daughter, and one of your responsibilities as a parent is to teach her limits, and that life has obligations.

This is good advice.

My advice stands; stop trying to be her friends, start being her mum and dad

I don’t consider them exclusive, certainly not at this stage.

one of your responsibilities as a parent is to teach her limits, and that life has obligations.

That’s what I do.

The question is, is nursery school (or any school for that matter) one of those obligations?

Nursery or even mainstream school – not so much.

She will find society even more bewildering than her best friend/dad does when she hits 18 then. Scary thought.