My Dad lost his fight with cancer

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  • My Dad lost his fight with cancer
  • Lay awake as I can’t sleep. My dad finally gave up today.
    Fortunately despite the bad crash on the A1 I was able to be there with him at the end. I am heartbroken yet feel empty?? It’s been a proper crap and good 2011 for our family; in Jan my nan died, then a close family friend died of cancer (got diagnosed a similar time to my dad) it was my mums best friend and she couldn’t go to the funeral as my dad needed an ambulance that then took him to the hospice.
    The only good thing was the birth of our 2nd son. Fortunately my dad got to meet him, but I am gutted he will not see him and his brother grow up 🙁
    I truly wouldn’t wish this god awful disease on anyone! My dad deteriorated so quick it was sickening. Only last June he was helping me flag my patio.
    Sorry to ramble but I writing this has helped a bit

    nicko74
    Member

    Wish I had something cleverer to say than just: that’s terrible dude, and I feel for you. It’s awful to have to deal with any death in the family; the very least you can say is that you were able to be there at the end. And, trite as it is, over time it won’t seem quite so all-encompassing.

    Kevevs
    Member

    Condolences Monkeychild. don’t know what else to type.

    Premier Icon Mark_K
    Subscriber

    So sorry for your loss ! I sit here unable to sleep as i have just finished celebrating my daughters 5th birthday and wishing my mum could have got to meet her and watch her grow up! Unfortunately my mum went in for a routine opp that went wrong she lay in intensive care for 6weeks and thought we had lost her more than once,when we found out my wife was pregnant we told my mum as she lay in ICU and she smiled and seemed to make the effort to pull through and 2 weeks later she was released, she was desperate to get home and make arrangement’s for the arrival of her new granddaughter 🙂 She died 3 days later due to a blood clot in her legs moving to her lungs (DVT) the doctors had failed to give her blood thinning drugs and make sure she had sufficient blood flow as she lay immobile in ICU! She was 57 never got to meet Amy and yes i’m still bitter as it was so unexpected and more importantly unnecessary!
    I feel your pain as the pride you get from being able to say see Mum/Dad you did good with me as i will do good by my children and make you proud is truly irreplaceable!
    I wish you well !

    Gutted for you.

    don simon
    Member

    Sorry to ramble but I writing this has helped a bit

    Write all you want dude, if it’s helps you, do it.
    Condolences and be strong for your family. 😥

    Premier Icon althepal
    Subscriber

    Dont really know you or post here very often but feeling for you just now. Went thru something similar with my Gran who pretty much brought us up. What everyone else says above seems like good advice. It will get easier although you’ll never forget.
    Talking (posting) about it is good-remember all the good times cos they’ll always be with you as you go forward.
    Take it easy.

    baldSpot
    Member

    Very sad news fella- It must be pretty tough for all the family.
    I’m sure you and your Dad had a right few laughs together! Keep focussed on those good memories 🙂

    bullheart
    Member

    Not sure what to say, except that I’m sorry for your loss.

    baldspot is bang on though; try not to let the grief outweigh the memories of all the good stuff. Easily said I know…

    Give me a bell if you want to go out for a ride.

    Premier Icon big_scot_nanny
    Subscriber

    My folks are not getting any younger, I want them to stay the same and keep playing with their grandkids. I am going to keep focussed on doing the good stuff.

    nanny family heart goes out to you and yours.

    Kev

    what can I say, other than my sincere regret for your loss.

    My old fella is 74 and not getting any younger

    Amos
    Member

    so sorry to hear your terrible news,all I can suggest is keep talking about don’t bottle your feelings. My best mate lost his mum to cancer he seemed to just get on with life and never gave himself time to morn then boom he just went to pieces. Chin up stay positive!

    bigbloke
    Member

    Sorry for your loss. Lost my father 6 months ago due to lung and pancreatic cancer. He went into hospital because of kidney failure and long term heart problems ended up being diagnosed with pancreatic and lung cancer, he never came out, it stunned me how quick he went down hill once diagnosed, a matter of a couple of weeks.

    At the risk of being corny at least you were there at the end to say goodbye and he still lives on in your memories, something that never goes away. It does eventually get better with time but never rush things, share your thoughts in whatever way you wish to as bottling up is so counter productive, i know this from personal experience.

    nickf
    Member

    Sorry to hear that – had exactly the same with my father and know how you feel. You know it’s coming, there’s that inevitability, but it’s still terrible when it does.

    Sounds like you had the same issue as me getting there for the end, too.

    You’d be surprised at how it affects you – I went into a bit of a tailspin for a year, started acting like (more of) an idiot, almost split up with my wife. I just couldn’t get a grip on the fact that I was now an orphan (mum died many years ago). I’d encourage you (as bigbloke says above) to talk about it, not bottle things up. Get professional help if you need to – I know I should have.

    mrchrispy
    Member

    Farther-in-law just over 5 years ago and his 1st grandson arrived a couple of weeks before he went.
    It was all very fast (about 6 weeks) but I know he was happy to have met the little chap, try and take something from that. Ultimately it sucks big time so hang in there mate…life is just shit sometime.

    am very sorry to hear of your dad’s passing away.cancer really is a horrible illness.i remember watching my grandmother dying of it when i was 11,i wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.i wish you all the best mate,but definitely agree with other posts that it is important to talk about your feelings,or they will build up.there are plenty of people here that will listen to you/offer advice e.t.c i wish you all the best mate!sorry that i cannot offer any decent advice.

    Premier Icon Rusty Mac
    Subscriber

    sorry for your loss monkeychild try and remember the good times

    Premier Icon transporter13
    Subscriber

    condolences to you and your family.

    my mother passed away just over a year ago now, weeks before our 3rd child was born and the only thing that kept me going was to think positive….remember the good times and concentrate on being the best parent you can be….make your dad proud of you for being the person you are and how you can raise your children in a wise and worldly fashion.

    Can’t add any wisdom to what’s already been said. I’m very sorry for your loss, mate.
    My granny died of cancer on my 30’th birthday. Never had a chance to say goodbye, I wish I had. 7 years and it is a little bit better, just a little bit.

    Courage dude. May he rest in peace.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and friends. I can only begin to imagine what you’re going through.

    Premier Icon sheeps
    Subscriber

    i don’t know you but i feel for you loss

    my father lost is fight with mesothelioma (asbestos cancer) two years ago very suddenly – gentle decline one day, gone the next. my oldest son was 6 months old, and i am constantly grateful that they had the chance to meet – and pained that he will never meet the twins born last month. we made a book of photos for the boys so in a few years time they will have something to remember their grandfather by.

    as others have said… remember the good times and celebrate a life lived – i found doing something special on his anniversary helped immensely – dad bought me my first mountain bike, so i went off for a bivy night and enjoyed the sunrise and a morning ride

    Ho hum
    Member

    I am sorry to hear that.

    I remember reading your posts over the last few months and the end has now finally come.

    Take your time to grieve and remember your father well.

    willard
    Member

    I know how you feel. Lost my grandad several years ago now. Saw him for the last time and he looked well. Said goodbye to him and said I would see him soon, then got a call one morning telling me he had died. still wish I could have said goodbye to him properly.

    Be strong and just remember the good times.

    freddyg
    Member

    Sorry to hear of your loss.

    I lost my Mum to that god-awful disease 21 years ago. I still think about her every day. Treasure your memories, try and be strong but remember it’s okay to grieve – don’t bottle it up.

    Premier Icon SaxonRider
    Subscriber

    My sincere sympathies. May he rest in peace.

    Premier Icon Teetosugars
    Subscriber

    Stand down Monkey Child Snr.

    I lost my dad when we where walking in The Lake District.

    He complained he felt dizzy, went to sit down, and never got back up.

    He was 63.

    Completley feel yer pain.

    It will hurt.

    A lot.

    You’ll get there fella.

    Feel free to come on here and rant.

    Like many of the above I know your pain – just remember the good times you had and keep strong. And as you say – at least he got to see your two children and nothing can take that away from him.

    sturider
    Member

    May he now rest in peace. My dad passed away 18 months ago. he was 64. I was holding his hand and talking to him when he died. A big big life experience. Think of the good times, i have pictures of him riding his Triumph 750 motorbike in a frame, i have his leather wallet. It will be hard but all the advise given to you is right, keep busy, talk, off load do what you need to do. Are you a cyclist? i rode my bike alot and gave myself some time and space to reflect and think. It helped me.
    I hope it gets easier with time.

    Thanks guys.
    I finally got some sleep (at the end of the how’s making myself I’ll going to help?)
    It just feels “real” now. I am stopping at my folks house as I shot back on my own and to know I am never going
    to get to see him here again makes me feel sick in my stomach.
    I know he wouldn’t want me to mope around but it’s going to be hard not to as he meant that much to me.
    I have so many good memories to hold onto and I always said I loved him so he went surrounded by love.
    RIP Dad you are going to be missed so much.

    That is good monkey – he went knowing what he meant to you.

    I was the last family member to see my dad alive (just over two years ago). Went to see him in hospital, he was doing fine, waved goodbye through the glass but as I walked away a nagging doubt flashed into my head but I quickly brushed it aside – he was recovering well from pneumonia and was expected home in the next couple of days. Eleven hours later, as I drove to work, my mum called…

    Now mum is recovering from a lung cancer operation and is on chemo 🙁

    Tough times but focus on YOUR family now – they are your future and make sure you have as much of an impact on your children’s lives as your dad did on yours.

    Premier Icon takisawa2
    Subscriber

    Can offer nothing more than condolences mate.
    Sorry for your loss.
    Take care of you & yours.

    bigyinn
    Member

    Really sorry to hear your bad news, if its any consolation, your father is at peace now.
    Mine died 13 years ago this May, 1 week short of his 52nd birthday. We’d arranged a flight over the Isle of Wight for him as it was something he’d always wanted to do, he died 4 days before.
    He never saw me settle down and have his only grandchild either.
    Just ramble away and be there for your mum. It doesnt go away, but it doesn’t hurt as much over time. Just go with the flow….

    Sorry to hear that Monkeychild. But as others have said, time is a healer (although it often doesn’t feel that way in the beginning).

    I lost my mum to a stroke a few years back. All pretty sudden – probably happened inside a week. Can’t even recall the last conversation we had (which would’ve been the night before she went into a coma). Still struggle to talk about it now. Sometimes you don’t realise the importance of certain people until they’re no longer there. I guess I have more gratitude for my life these days as a result.

    Might be worth trying to keep yourself busy … spend time with your family … and give yourself some time to do the stuff YOU want to do.

    Chin up. It will get better.

    hora
    Member

    Even though I cut my father out of my life 25yrs ago I still felt a keen amount of loss at his death in December. I dread the time when my Mother will go.

    Did they say what caused the cancer?

    Echo what nickf said. I lost my dad this time last year to the horrible disease. He deteriorated from a strong healthy 61 year old to a 63 year old old man. Horrible to see so I know how you feel. He held on for 2.5 years struggling with this dreadful disease.

    The comfort I took was that he better off not suffering in this world. I’d realised he didn’t really have a nice life.

    Like you say It’s also worth thinking ‘What would my dad want me to do’ and i do this now and again and it certainly helps.

    What can i say but think about the good times you shared and be there with the family.

    Email in profile if you ever want to talk

    JtotheP68
    Member

    I lost my Dad to cancer 18 months ago. I don’t really know what to say to you monkeychild, but it will get easier in time. Don’t bottle the emotion in, get upset, cry if you need to, talk to your partner, friends about it. Be strong for the rest of your family.

    Remember, if you ever need to see your Dad, just imagine him being there with you as he was before he was ill.

    Remember, if you ever need to see your Dad, just imagine him being there with you as he was before he was ill

    It scares me the amount of times I see my ‘dad’. People’s smiles (especially one of my daughter’s), people sat in cars, bloke wandering down an isle in a supermarket. 🙁

    Premier Icon paulosoxo
    Subscriber

    Awful, awful, awful

    🙁

    JtotheP68
    Member

    It scares me the amount of times I see my ‘dad’. People’s smiles (especially one of my daughter’s), people sat in cars, bloke wandering down an isle in a supermarket

    Yeah, I get that too.

    I have a reocurring dream where he turns up at my front door, not dead as if everythings normal. When I ask him where he has been he can’t explain. We have a hug and then I wake up.

    JA
    Member

    I don’t usually post on here, but of late there seems to have been loads of stuff that has seemed relevant to ‘me’. We lost our dad at the end of last year to cancer of the liver. You can’t cure what he had, only prolong life through chemo, which in his case wasn’t really effective. It was an awful scenario to be honest; chemo made him look so frail and so poorly. Anyway, to cut a long and upsetting story short, I ended up travelling to see him in hospital whilst he was waiting for a procedure. There were delays etc and in the end nothing could really have been done for him; it’s part of the process unfortunately. I won’t go into too much detail because it becomes too long and involved in order to tell it properly, suffice to say I watched my dad die as he went downhill quickly. I’m sure I could recognise the point at which his spirit left him. I then had to meet my brothers at the hospital and tell them, before driving to the airport to tell our other brother who had flown from the other side of the atlantic. But got there too late. I miss:
    Telling him how well work’s going
    Asking for advice
    Phoning home and him saying ‘I’ll put your mum on the line’.
    Little things.

    My wife is a surgeon and deals with cancer every day of her life and I am very proud of her because of that; as was my dad. His passing has brough my brothers and I together and we all appreciate mum more because of it. We’re going to ride the Manchester to Blackpool in the summer; cycling is something we have all found a mutual like for and the Christie Foundation is the charity so it seems apt. He’d appreciate it, I know for sure.

    I thought I was the only one who had the ‘seeing him in daily life’ scenario.

    The other day at work one of the girls in the office asked me how I am doing ‘after your dad and all that’. I said she was the first person to ask me for a while (like, 3 months) but thanked her: it was on the morning of his birthday. My boss (who’s wife died of cancer shortly before my dad died) said to me the other day; “you don’t move on, you just move forward.” And he’s right. You have to work out how his influence affects how you live your life from now, going forwards. It’s not a case of drawing a line under it and ‘closing that chapter’. It’s different, for sure though.

    Good luck. Some days are better than others. But I miss him all the time.

    hora
    Member

    Thank you for taking the time to post JA. Thank you.

    lalazar
    Member

    Very sorry to hear about your dad fella , I lost both my parents to cancer mum eight years ago and dad two and a half. I still miss my dad as it wasn’t so long ago but I take solace from the fact that he had a good long life. It’s not easy but as jtotheP68 says above let it out and over time things get better.

    tony_m
    Member

    Sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my father to pancreatic cancer in July 2008, and still miss having the old so-and-so around. It’s also funny how often he turns up in my dreams!

    My condolences to you and your family.

    It’s also funny how often he turns up in my dreams!

    This is a strange one isn’t it. I’ve had this a few times in the past year and It does seem so damn real. Like you met them.. very comforting

Viewing 45 posts - 1 through 45 (of 73 total)

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