‘Millionaire’ shortbread

I haven’t had a decent Bakewell slice in years. Dammit. Now I want cake.

Also, that map… I had never realised what a cultural wasteland Ipswich and the surrounding area is for decent cafes. Even Woodbridge appears to be lacking.

For those unsure how to locate cyclist recommended cafes – add any missing via the FB page:

https://cafes.cyclingmaps.net

just looking at the area around where I am, that is woefully incomplete & features several that I know have closed! Personally I just use Google Maps for en route cafes – can be reasonably confident that the info is up-to-date, includes opening times & a rating, some info etc, which is all useful.

Strava also has a lot of points of interest like cafes, pubs, water taps etc built into its map now which is also really handy.

Hands down the best Millionaire shortbread I have ever eaten was back in the day at The Hub at Glentress. Tasted amazing. Big portion as well.

My mum used to make back in the seventies, but she called them Wellington Squares

Same here – known as ‘sticky-bicky’ in our house. It was a VERY rare treat with one piece per day to be nibbled slowly and savoured.

Many pale imitations around these days, but you do get the occasional good ones – usually in small cafes.

Yes you are.

Break it to me gently!

“the quiet laddie disnae get the jammy piece.”

I think that translates from Swahili or whatever that was, to ‘the squeaky wheel gets the oil’? I am aware of the sentiment. I shall resolve to be more strident in my approach in future.

I’m all for respect for servers, but it has to go both ways. The crappy bit goes last. Twas ever thus.

Ah yeah, the original Hub cakes and slices were very good bitd. All the other recommendations are noted for when I am out and about around the country. Thanks!

I occasionally eat ordinary shortbread just to keep in touch with the peasants.

More worryingly, Bromyard?! there’s nothing to see here (literally!) move along please!

Did you pop in to Legges on  your way through? My usual Lunch purveyor for work, i’ve not had anything i could describe as mediocre from there, ever.

Which cafe in Bromyard were you in? Flowerdews used to be my go-to when cycling through there but now sadly shut after one of the owners passed away. Once had a view of a Morris Dancing display – probably 4 years ago.

Used to be able to get a custard slice in most cafes but they seem quite hard to find these days. And even most bakers seem to prefer its pretentious cousin the Mille Feuille.

Both of which are far superior to the millionaires shortbread however.

That reminds me @Yak, The Fat Batard, Peebles

Balls a knew my statement would fall apart in short order.

However, as the fat batard is my local bakery… If you went in here and chose a millionaires shortbread…. You need to get your had sorted.

More worryingly, Bromyard?! there’s nothing to see here (literally!) move along please!

I had a nice meandering motorbike ride in the Sunshine, through South Shropshire, North Herefordshire and Worcestershire. Retirement sucks! Bromyard was a pitstop. I don’t know the name of the cafe, it’s on the high Street and quite good.  Bromyard itself seems a pleasant enough little town, but like lots of other places (including Ludlow where I live) it’s become noticeably more tatty in the last few years.

@joshvegas

However, as the fat batard is my local bakery… If you went in here and chose a millionaires shortbread…. You need to get your had sorted.

The mistake that you’re making is presuming that I chose a millionaire’s shortbread and nothing else.

Their millionaire’s shortbread is as good as everything else there, ie excellent. In fact it’s one of the things I like about millionaire’s shortbread, to get it right you really need to be on the details, so if it’s good, you can be pretty sure everything else will be too.

Retirement sucks, ha, so I’m led to believe! That sounds like a splendid way to spend the day.

I work here but live just outside, toward Tenbury.

I’m doing it a disservice, it’s a pleasant enough place really, just not what it was. Possibly the cafe was Brew? Small narrow little place, down a step.

Small narrow little place, down a step.

That’s the one! It is really nice all round here. I love the little twisty B roads from Bromyard to Tenbury, then from Tenbury to Leominster. My wife had a stall at the Tenbury show the weekend before last. We are not natives, we moved to Ludlow about 8 years ago, but the countryside is fantastic in every direction.

BlackflagFree Member
Used to be able to get a custard slice in most cafes but they seem quite hard to find these days

If you’re ever in Marple – Archers family owned bakery makes really good custard slices, it’s a shop though not a cafe.

Ah yes the bunnyhop householders are seduced by the very sight of a Millionaire’s shortbread. As others have said, the shortbread has to be buttery, quite thick and not a brittle biscuit, the caramel needs to be rich and sweet, but not so sweet in that it gives one sugar sweats and finally the chocolate needs to be of good quality and has a ‘snap’, baking chocolate should be banned. This weekend I’m going to endeavour to make a tray (apparently it’s not easy to get the caramel to the right consistency and assemble everything).

Ah yes, Tenbury Show, flippin hot as I remember, the lamb burger and cider were spot on though!

Their millionaire’s shortbread is as good as everything else there, ie excellent. In fact it’s one of the things I like about millionaire’s shortbread, to get it right you really need to be on the details, so if it’s good, you can be pretty sure everything else will be too.

I will by even the best millionaire shortbread is as dull as it comes.

However i will test my hypothesis by trying a fat batard* one.

*Not as a substitution mind, no danger i am giving up the actual good stuff.

What sweet treat do actual millionaires eat?

@willard The fact that Riverside Tea Rooms made the cut on that map tells me to approach any recommendations with care. Possibly the worst cake I’ve ever had due to margarine in the sponge. Also omitting Pump Street Bakery, Snape Maltings and Wickham Market offerings. The data is incomplete!

Further perusal of West Suffolk shows that the locals are playing a close to the chest game.

I avoid all those dense sugary things like flapjack, brownie etc.  I like a nice proper cake, victoria sponge, coffee and walnut etc. But many cafes these days don’t have that type of cake, presumable because of the short shelf life, all they have is these slabs of stuff, normally enough for two.  If it is the only option on a ride I eat half and put the rest in my jersey pocket for later.

What sweet treat do actual millionaires eat?

Billionaire Brownie of course, it’s all about aspirational slices, eat for the wealth class you want to join, not the one you’re already in.

Of course the further up the wealth ladder they go the more alliterative and Niche it gets, ‘Musk Macaroons‘, ‘Bezzos Baclava‘, ‘Thiel Turnover‘ or a ‘Gates Gateux‘…

In all of them the special ingredient is usually the tears of exploited workers 😉 it’s a flavour you can’t replicate even with the poshest butter.

Beware the shortcake base….

Its a sub par copy. The Temu of the cake world….

My Gran used to make it.  It was absolutely amazing as a 7yr old!

@duncancallum…..your occasional late night taxi driver makes sublime Millionaires shortbread…Then the Mint slice will send you to heaven.!

Occasionally come across Millionaires Flapjack, which is great if you hate having teeth ?

Does it come with pink or mint custard?

away with your weird coloured/flavours of custard – but if you want to elevate millionaires shortbread from over indulgent snack to “pudding” status take some ordinary custard (hot) and pour over the millionaires shortbread and leave until the chocolate starts to melt (which also means the caramel goodness will escape into the custard).

Dammit. Now I want cake.

Yes, but this is a biscuit thread, as clearly millionaires shortbread is a biscuit.

No one has mentioned tiffin ! I prefer it to both Rocky Road and Millionaires shortbread

I make mine with cranberries, cherries and goji berries with almonds or brazil nuts and the essential digestive biscuits. It sound be sickly sweet but careful selection of the not too sweet dried fruit can avoid this pitfall.

No one has mentioned tiffin ! I prefer it to both Rocky Road and Millionaires shortbread

We have, and you are correct

Best millionaires slice I’ve had was at Gloucester services on the M5. They have all sorts of organic / fancy stuff but the millionaires slice was epic. Decent base, lots of caramel and then really thick crisp / crunchy chocolate on top. Must be approaching a million calories but it was so good. Last few times I’ve called in they haven’t had it though sadly.

That said, I am partial to a dirty Greggs custard slice. Retro dessert ftw.

I much prefer a nice Tiffin

Same here.

So why is it an Empire Biscuit?

Empire biscuit?? Biscuit sandwich with jam, icing and a cherry thing? Well that’s only really a Scottish thing. Rarely seen south of the border imo. Even then it’s got a different name.

Tiffins and Rocky road type biscuit mashups are also good. They feel like a viable pre or during activity snack and millionaires shortbread for after. Less of a sinker.

I confess to not being sure what tiffin is.  I’ve vague recollections of seeing it on cafe menus but I couldn’t describe it. It sounds like it should only be eaten with lashings of ginger beer.  Or something Jacob Rees Mogg’s nanny would spoon feed him.

Billionaire Brownie of course, it’s all about aspirational slices, eat for the wealth class you want to join, not the one you’re already in.

Of course the further up the wealth ladder they go the more alliterative and Niche it gets, ‘Musk Macaroons‘, ‘Bezzos Baclava‘, ‘Thiel Turnover‘ or a ‘Gates Gateux‘…

In all of them the special ingredient is usually the tears of exploited workers 😉 it’s a flavour you can’t replicate even with the poshest butter.

That explains the difference between Millionaires and Billionaires Shortbread being the addition of salted caramel

Tiffin is like a Rocky road without marshmallows and with a bit more dried fruit (sometimes). Crushed biscuits, chocolate, some other stuff as sweet aggregate for structural stability.

So why is it an Empire Biscuit?

Used to be called ‘German Biscuits’ until the 1940s, probably a joke somewhere about an appetite for power

I always find it a bit too rich personally

Yep, the sort of sickly sweet, over-sugared, under-flavoured goo that helps explain why the UK is now populated by a curious species of waddling, spherical people who – if on two wheels – invariably have electrical assistance…

Joking – not really – aside, our local ‘cyclist approved’ caff offers a range of cakes which seemingly consist of some sort of ultra-compressed sugar created by a secret method that allows them to somehow cram around a kilo of sugar into something the size of a small biscuit. All overwhelmingly sickly sweet and guaranteed to trigger some sort of hyperglycaemic crash within 10 minutes or so.

I like Portuguese custard tarts though.

Too sickly. Plus caramel is yuck.

kormoranFree Member
I always find it a bit too rich personally

Deserves more recognition.

And I tend to agree, I find it very rich and avoid it on reflux grounds.  A decent piece of shortbread is already food of the gods, the risk of getting a crap version with shite caramel and cooking chocolate is too high a risk against the inevitable indigestion.