Lost my son today

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  • Lost my son today
  • bruders338
    Member

    I hated it.

    It was that awkwardness when you bump into people and they dont know what to say and just carry on.

    but i was working with a guy and all he did all day was ask how i was every 5 mins.. his a really nice guy but yesterday i just wanted to explode..

    But i had more yet bad news yesterday and your never believe out luck.

    I was told than my gran had a brain tumor and prob wont last the week.
    the family kept it from us for a long as poss not to get us all upset again…

    What the hell i have i done i have some real bad Karma at the moment

    bullheart
    Member

    It must be very hard at the moment. You’re coping very well though, given the situation. Keep talking to people, and don’t be afraid to vent, wail and cry. It’s all very natural.

    I’m on half term this week, and just down the road. Do you fancy a coffee? We can talk about everything and nothing if you like; hell, we can just watch the world go by if it suits. Just let me know.

    ti456neal
    Member

    I’ve only read your first post, and can only repeat what so many others have already said. Your son may have left you, but he will never be forgotten, and his taking this early in his life has touched many of us who don’t even know you or your family.
    Both my little ones were very premature, and we spent 3 months in hospital wondering if that day will be the last, to loose one after tucking them into bed would be even harder to comprehend.
    As a reader, it’s touching to see the amount of support from STW members from around the country.

    Premier Icon Hells
    Subscriber

    I’m so sorry to hear about your Gran! I wish there was something we could do to ease things for you & your family!

    I took a little trip out to Sherwood Forest tonight with the balloons I was sent. I left just after sunset. I released the balloons from the edge of the forest, so they didn’t get caught in the trees.

    monsteryeti
    Member

    Bruders, I have not been on line all week and just logged on, only opened one thread, this one.

    Feel so desparately sorry for you and your family. God bless your son and your gran.

    Stay strong mate if you can, your family need you.

    As you can see you have support from friends and strangers (like me) alike, this is what makes the biking community a true community.

    My thoughts are with you all and I hope you can find peace soon.

    Miles

    Premier Icon JoeG
    Subscriber

    Wow Bruders that’s terrible; more bad news. 🙁

    I can’t really say anything that’s not cliche, but a lot of us feel your pain. Hang in there; it will get better!

    davembk
    Member

    Dear bruders,

    I’ve not long been on this forum but I read your thread and felt I needed to post to you.

    I was very sorry to read about your loss.

    Nothing right now will make you feel much better, but feeling less alone might bring a small degree of comfort.

    It might often seem as if all around you are getting through life ok, but it is not so, there are countless others who aren’t.

    In 2008, our lovely 25 year old son and great club rider, was taken from us by a van driver, on a beautiful summers evening, while he was faultlessly riding his beloved Cannondale.
    It was over in a second, with no time to say goodbye….

    It’s left his dad mum and sister, with our lives changed forever, from the trauma of that night, to the thoughts of the years taken from him, to just plain missing him every single day.

    But with time, we are, at last, slowly picking up our lives again, and although the pain will never leave, and the dark days still visit, we are learning to live a little now, whilst at the same time carrying him always close in our hearts.

    There is never anything worse than losing a child, but there are endless examples of those who do live on from the trauma of such events. It’s often said, the hole that’s left in your heart will always be there but you can learn to build around it. I’m finding that maybe there is some truth in that.

    Hope this helps.

    Best wishes, Dave.

    bruders338
    Member

    Thanks for that Dave,

    I’m not to sure what to say?

    See it strange because in a way its worse for you as you had 25years to know your son you had good memory with him

    But im just feel numb i must admit i have been extremely snappy at work (nearly ended with me throwing my weight around) not good..

    I kind of had things sorted and life was looking up for a change and now i dont really care

    cant sleep to good,snappy got a constant headache and well im spending more money on bikes bits (just to do something) work is pants as a postie all i do is walk about thinking what if i did this or maybe did that. maybe i should have slept in bed instead of on the sofa.

    the list is endless.

    sorry for your loss dave

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Subscriber

    Bruders – it’s natural what you’re feeling and going through, but you have to try not to let it eat you up. Nothing that you did or didn’t do made this terrible thing happen. It happened.

    Don’t bottle it up – maybe time to see someone who can help you with these thoughts. I heard an interview on the radio last week with the father of James Bulger who has for the last 20 years beaten himself up over what else he ‘should’ have done and it’s ruined his life. As terrible as it is right now, you, your wife and children have lives in front of you to be lived to the full.

    andywoods
    Member

    i have hated/loved this thread, hated it because of what started it, cant imagine what your going through, but on the other hand have loved the response it has restored my faith in humanity. been tempted to post on this thread several times but nothing ever seems to come out right, best wishes to you and all your family

    bruders
    Talk to Bullheart , have a manhug . He is one of the best people in the world.
    Parents should never have to bury their children , its just not right.
    Be there for your wife . Talk . I mean really talk, about how you feel .
    stick some random rubbish on here . it will help .
    rob

    bruders338
    Member

    well the random rubbish is.

    I just over this rubbish time ordered a new frame. i was thinking of doing a build to keep my mind off the rubbish times (or thats what i tell myself just self indulging on bike purchasing)

    So on the 25th march my Regin x frame gets delivered
    building my wheels up from hubs,spoke,rims etc hopefully this week (just waiting on the hope hubs)

    Got my Shimano Zee crankset etc

    just need to get the little bits now (I hope)

    dropper seat post
    brakes
    seat
    chain
    stem
    handle bars and grips etc
    pedals

    pretty much ready to rock and roll

    Just need to find the perfect place to go for a ride (may time)

    vixalot
    Member

    bruders as Bullheart / singletrackmind said ‘Talk to Bullheart’ go get a coffee and a bit of cake x
    Sending big hugs and thinking of you x

    bruders338
    Member

    Wow i met Bullheart tonight what a top guy, had a good chat and when he left i actually felt good about something (something i did not think i was going to feel again).

    Its amazing what a faulty bike and a cuppa can do

    mightymule
    Member

    So glad to hear that Bruders 😀

    Premier Icon parkesie
    Subscriber

    This all makes me cry and smile at the same time so much good will and kindness between virtual strangers who just happen to share a hobby, so much hope for us all.

    mightymule
    Member

    This all makes me cry and smile at the same time so much good will and kindness between virtual strangers who just happen to share a hobby, so much hope for us all.

    +1

    mightymule
    Member

    Oh, and Bruders – you will start feeling good about things again. It will take time, but it will happen.

    bruders338
    Member

    After having a chat with Bullheart i have decided im going to attempt some of these races, they sound pretty interesting and gives me something to look forward to

    Premier Icon JoeG
    Subscriber

    Bruders – Its good to read an upbeat post from you! 😀 I hope it continues!

    Premier Icon Nobby
    Subscriber

    That’s good to hear Lewis ^^

    No doubt there’ll be a few off here at most events you are likely to attend should you need someone to abuse or even a bit of encouragement/moral support.

    Maybe, if you fancy it, we could sort out a group ride somewhere down your way – perhaps Bedgebury. – later in the year as I for one would like to meet you.

    bruders338
    Member

    Well Nobby after i have finished getting the last little bits for the reign (just seat,seat post, handle bars) i’m going to start saving for a van of some kind so me and my friend can come all over to ride with you all. it may take some time but after the support from you all i feel i need to meet you as well.

    you have all helped me so much (with out people like you) i honestly think i would be sat in a chair stinking feeling sorry for my self in stead im back at work kids are back into a routine,

    we still miss George very very much and its nice to hear Alfie and Mae talk about him. i heard Mae (when she thought we was not listening ) singing to her self saying that she missed George and loved him very much and where ever he is he will have lots of Sweets.

    this made me smile (something also i did not think i would be able to do)

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
    Subscriber

    i heard Mae (when she thought we was not listening ) singing to her self saying that she missed George and loved him very much and where ever he is he will have lots of Sweets.

    I don’t think I’ll ever read anything as nice as that again.

    So glad to see you’re still posting Lewis (and I’m up for a trip down south if a ride is arranged as Nobby’s suggestion!).

    freeagent
    Member

    ^^^This is good to hear.
    It sounds like you and your family are doing a fantastic job at getting through this… there will be bad days, but it sounds like you will be able to work through them.

    Keep it up, you family should be very proud.

    stumpy01
    Member

    Good to hear how you are getting on, Bruders…

    Fair play. You really are an inspiration!

    🙂

    Premier Icon Nobby
    Subscriber

    i heard Mae (when she thought we was not listening ) singing to her self saying that she missed George and loved him very much and where ever he is he will have lots of Sweets.

    Bearnecessities +1

    From the mouths of babes…….

    Rosss
    Member

    It’s so good to hear how well you guys are dealing with this. I know that whenever i’ve got trouble from now there will always be part of me that will take inspiration from you. I know it might not appropriate yet however it would be great for everyone to meet up and have a group ride!

    Premier Icon JoeG
    Subscriber

    i heard Mae (when she thought we was not listening ) singing to her self saying that she missed George and loved him very much and where ever he is he will have lots of Sweets.

    That is priceless!

    gixer.john
    Member

    Good to see a little bit of distraction helping you. We are still waiting to release the balloons and will send the pictures when done.

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
    Subscriber

    I deliberated whether to post this, but with permission of moderators & company involved, I thought it would be quite fitting to add the best wishes from the actual people that were the first stage in making the balloon release possible…

    Hi Richard,

    Thank you so much for sending this over. We can now see what you meant when you mentioned you were sending them out to different locations. What a lovely Idea, thank you for sharing that with us.

    Extending warm wishes and regards from all here,

    Susan

    The Balloon Printing Team
    http://www.balloonprinting.co.uk
    0845 486 0198
    Please reply to info@balloonprinting.co.uk

    On 27 February 2013 10:27, <richardmcoulter@hotmail.com> wrote:

    Richard Coulter

    Hi, I had an order off you a few weeks ago for 200 printed balloons. It was for quite an emotional reason and I think the lady that took the initial call was a bit upset. I also think that eveyone involved in the process was fantastic. I thought I’d share with you the reason for the order, and thank you for all your efforts.

    http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/lost-my-son-today/page/17

    Richard

    bruders338
    Member

    That’s good to see..

    Well today been bad one min I kind of feel good then earlier I saw some pics and it just reminded me what has actually happened it’s just not bloody fair.

    Stupid life what’s the point nice things never happen to me (except you lot) I just end up with the bad.. And why is it only the @#&* heads that get everything and live a wonderful life..

    I try and help everyone I abide by the law and yet I get shat on

    Lady Gresley
    Member

    I know it sounds a bit trite, but don’t forget to count your blessings too, bruders, you still have children and a wife to love, who I’m sure love you too.

    Edit: And don’t forget you’re allowed to have “down” days, you can’t always be strong.

    bullheart
    Member

    Be brave Lewis. Don’t concentrate on what others get in life; focus on the wonderful family you have, and how the thought of them running around, face painted and offering to help fix a bike on a Sunday night, made me chuckle as I drove home.

    These are very precious things. Think of them and they will help you through.

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
    Subscriber

    Hi Lewis

    My life is nowhere comparable, but today me and Mrs Bearnecessities seem to be parting company, she is moving out temporarily, but I know what that means.

    Anyhow, my point is that it doesn’t matter whether you are good, or bad. Stuff happens that is beyond what is imaginable to people (and I’m not even that nice!)

    You are beyond definitions of what is ‘nice’ Lewis, you do not even need to compare yourself to anyone, it brings sadness to my eyes thinking about what you have been through, and no matter what has happened between me and Mrs BN, we both love you for how you have dealt with this including the rest of STW no doubt.

    I am in tears now actually, if Mrs BN was beside me she would be also.

    So, it is not that “nice things never happen to me” . You have a fraction of what I wanted for me and Mrs BN, we have no children between us despite our wishes, but you have been beset by a sad crisis and you have shown exemplary behavior, and have shown so many people the way to deal with difficulty, no matter how severe.

    You are a better man than many, but you are not a victim, and thanks to you, neither are your family.

    As many have said, you will have bad days, and good days. We are all here for you still no matter what.

    Love still & thank you to you and George, for improving so many lives.

    Richard x

    mamadirt
    Member

    You are a better man than many, but you are not a victim, and thanks to you, neither are your family.

    +1. You are allowed to have bad days – sometimes on reflection troubled times can make you appreciate the brighter moments more and there will be many more brighter times to look forward to. Take care Lewis (you too Richard).

    Houns
    Member

    {Comment removed following complaints – perhaps you’d like to express your concerns in another thread? – Moderator}

    bullheart
    Member

    Houns,

    It certainly seems like it’s an issue you feel strongly about.

    I’d be happy to debate it on a new thread if you want to start one; it feels a little sour on this one, don’t you think?

    bruders338
    Member

    Richard that Terrible news. I honestly hope you sort things out as you have been so good to us it ashame to see that happening to you.

    After having a read/sob pulled myself together I feel a little better. It kind of just hits me. One min I’m fine the next I just want to smash something and throw a massive paddy. Childish comes to mind.
    It the only way to explain it.

    stumpy01
    Member

    I get like that when I get stuck in traffic, when I run out of time doing jobs around the house, when I burn my dinner….

    You have a reason to be irrational and want to ‘unleash’. I don’t.

    I am crap at giving words of wisdom/advice/guidance in this kind of situation. But, to me your behaviour sounds entirely normal; feeling that things are under control & then that they are not. Feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, ‘why me’…..

    As others have said, go with it. Be strong for your family & keep communicating.
    You are not being childish. You are being human……

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