- Lost my son today
- Capt. KronosSubscriber
I lost my wee boy 4 years ago. The first year is the hardest.
So sorry to hear someone else going through the same, my thoughts are with you and your family – feel free to give me a shout if you need to talk.
I dont think you ever get over it, but the pain lessens with time – you kinda learn to live with it. Sometimes I think of him and smile, sometimes I get caught unawares and it knocks me hard.Posted 5 years ago
I fell asleep for an hour or so straight on this site just had a good read and all I can say really is thank you all so so much at your lovely replys.
Yes at everyone I have read its made me cry so so much and in a way I do fill a tiny bit better.
My autistic son Alfie is 6 my other daughter Mae is 5
As for the army thing as a couple of you have mentioned im only TA serving so dont have any benifits to that help but im sure if I call my welfare officer he would help/point me in the way to go.. To be honest I dont think I could do the whole army thing anymore specially MATTs first aid
I just feel numb im trying to think of other things coz at the momebt I just cant cope..
Thanks again people xxxxPosted 5 years agodeadlydarcyMember
Really sorry to hear such terrible news bruders. I have no words of advice other than to say stick together as a family through what will be some dark days ahead. Your partner will need a lot of support, as will you.
As an aside, I have a mate who lost one of his twins (from SIDS) at around the same age as you just have. He and his wife have always been really open about the whole thing. If you’d like me to ask him any questions or find out the names of any support groups they used through their bereavement, my email is in my profile.
I really hope you all can get through this. Take care fella.Posted 5 years agoTracker1972Member
We had to speak to our schools Educational Psychologist a couple of weeks ago about an 8 year old who’s dad had committed suicide. The advice was to be completely honest but without being graphic. It was all about making sure he would be OK long term rather than just getting it out of the way. It was more tricky for mum right then but doing what is hopefully the right thing isn’t always easy…
Very little experience of autism but this is one change you can’t manage for him. As soon as you can talk to his school about it and getting some advice from their Ed Psych and don’t feel bad about it. It is well within what a school can deal with, you aren’t being a burden.
Lastly, as a dad who woke up in his two and a half year olds bed because she couldn’t sleep and went through to see the nine month old in with her mum, I guess she couldn’t either, I am just devastated for you. You will be strong for your family, and it won’t seem like enough, but don’t forget to get some help and support for you. You will need it just as much.Posted 5 years ago
As with others, email in profile if there is any chance you think I/we can help.tartanscarfMember
Big Hugs to you and your family. I used to work with a bloke who’d lost a wee one in similar circumstances and as mentioned above he was really open about it too. I think you’re doing the right thing talking to people. I don’t have any other words of advice other than talk to your family and maybe some support groups etc.
All the best, what a terrible thing to happen.
KeithPosted 5 years agoJoeGSubscriber
Wow; I don’t know what to say. No parent should ever have to go through losing a child. I don’t have kids of my own, but I can’t imagine what you’re going through. All that I can say is that I really feel for you.
One of the posters above said that he went through the same thing many years ago. If I was in your situation, I’d certainly give him a shout.
Again, my thoughts are with you and your family, all the way from the US.Posted 5 years agobolMember
So, so sorry to hear your awful news. As others have said, a parent’s worst fear. There’s been a lot of good advice already, and not much I can add, but the hospital may well have someone to speak to for advice right now, and be able to put you in touch with some local support for you and the kids too.
On a separate note, it never fails to astound me what a good place this is to come when you really need some support. For all the banter and bickering, there are some truly thoughtful and caring people on this site.
Thinking of you all, and as others have said, try not to keep it in.Posted 5 years agotransporter13Subscriber
As a father of 3, I couldn’t even begin to imagine how I’d feel in your shoes. It’s 😥 making me well up trying.Posted 5 years ago
All I can say is that my thoughts are with you and your family right now.
It’s times like these when you realise that life is all too precious and can change in the blink of an eye.spacemonkeyMember
So sorry to hear of your loss 🙁
Deepest condolences to you and your family.
As others have said already, this is my worst fear. I wish I could say something of value but I’m rubbish with this kind of stuff. Maybe all I can say is if you want to talk about it then do so; likewise if you’d prefer to bottle up (and process?) some emotions for a while then do that instead. I guess the fact you’re opening up on here is a good thing and no doubt others will offer greater help/advice.
Written while playing with my 2yr old.Posted 5 years agojamj1974Subscriber
bruders. After a bit of a think I can only suggest you keep talking so you don’t end up bottling it up – you may want to contact Cruse, the bereavement charity who can provide support. Be honest with your children – that will make it easier for them long term (We did and I think it worked). As someone has already said speak to the people at Alfie’s school because I am sure they will be able to help you explain it.
Be there for your wife and cuddle your eldest two a lot. They need you and you need them!
J.Posted 5 years agocoldhams1Member
I lost my first born son nearly 7 years ago now. No matter what anyone tells you, no one other than you and mummy will understand the pain and grief you will go through. As already mentioned on here you are in shock at the moment but don’t fight it. The only advice I would offer is to allow yourself to acknowledge that no matter what you are feeling, it is right for you to feel this way and that you owe no one an apology at any point. Your situation has left me in tears but leaves me remembering the strength I drew from my other half, please stay strong to each other as they are one person who can help you. My wife and I send our love and deepest support to your family.
If you want anyone to talk to whether by mail, over the phone or whilst out on the bike in the near or distant future then please contact me, my email is in my profile.Posted 5 years ago
I managed to get another half hour sleep.. I dont think me and the Mrs have ever held each other so tight for so long..
I kinda stopped crying as I did most of it this morning just thinking to myself while she slept. Got to be strong now as mentioned for my beautiful little family.
And I hope one day I meet each and every one of you for a tea beer etc etc. I know we are strangers but all your kind words are helping.
Thank you so much I owe you all so much xxxPosted 5 years agoCoyoteSubscriber
Our eldest daughter died when she was very young and I would just reiterate everything coldhams1 said. You in a very bleak place at the moment and it is not something you “get over”, you learn to live with it. Your son will always be with you as Tess is with us. Draw strength from your wife and other children, you all need each other very much now. My heart goes out to us, it really does. No one should have to go through what you are going through now.
My email is in my profile if you need it. My wife also works on the Child Death Helpline, 0800 282986. It is manned by volunteers who have been where you are right now, ring them.
Hugs to you and your family.
#Edit. Wise words from Hora. You are not a rock. You all need each other.Posted 5 years ago
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