How do I stop it?

Some **** today on his bike blasting through the crowds at Greenham Common almost ran into my 7 year old boy who was coming the other way. Bloke just bellowed “Oi Wake Up” almost scaring him off his bike. I shouted some rude words at him he said come here and say that whilst riding off….why do I rise to such childish shit…

Anyway I caught him and told him he was a **** but he refused to stop!

Rightly my Mrs  and son are pretty appalled by my behaviour as  am I. It ruined a nice day out in the sun…the control tower cafe and displays are well worth a visit by the way.

Why does this happen, I even counted to 10 before setting off after him..any suggestions other than just growing up, clearly thats not happening.

I’d say that was absolutely normal TBH.

That maybe true but I’d really like to not do it when my son is around.

Been there, done that. Gone as far as a physical violence against someone who close passed me, his wife and daughter were in the car.   Since then I’ve been deliberately a lot more relaxed about other people’s behaviours, especially in cars.  It’s just not worth it.  I noticed I got very aggressive when playing football as well, so had to quit that.

Having someone possibly endanger one of my kids… yeah, I can imagine that would get the Adrenalin spiking.

Does happen when’s it’s not your children/family?

I can walk away from pretty much anything except from perceived or real threats to my kids. Then I lose my shit big style. It’s something I’m working on because a. I want to try and set them a decent example and battering people probably doesn’t fall in that category and b. I’ll be a more effective parent if I’m not banged up.

Not easy though, I realise when it happens and try very hard to focus on something else. Works most of the time. The last time was when a couple of chavy youths on a motorcross bike came very close to wiping my eldest out on a blind corner in the woods. They probably still don’t realise how fortunate they were.

The answer has just been legalised in Canada. Might be here too hopefully

The answer has just been legalised in Canada. Might be here too hopefully

I’m not sure I could roll a joint that quickly anymore!!

Does happen when’s it’s not your children/family?

Sometimes. What really triggers me are bullies who clearly lack the bollocks  to say things face to face.

Well, you aren’t alone – I get the same, fight or flight mode kicks in hard when myself or family are threatened – but my body just doesn’t do the flight bit, I get the red mist instead.

Controlling your breathing helps….

dont see that you did anything wrong.

people sometimes need telling loudly and aggressivley that they are ****.

Do you feel you were a bit to Frank?

Its all a bit incident specific for me, if the perp is a complete dick like you experienced today then they can get ready. However a little old lady today literally just drove straight at us in a mini roundabout this afternoon, clearly away with the fairies, I consider myself a well switched on driving god and thankfully avoided the collision, howevèr rather than giving her both barrels like some would, mrsws and I both checked she was ok etc as she looked pretty upset. Don’t sweat it id say, we all have our triggers.

Count to 20 or 30 instead.

You counted to 10 thats 11 better than me .

Agree with the sentiments expressed so far. Not nice for you and the family, but normal behaviour when your kids are involved.

Learn some better wittier insults to shout.

If he’d turned round and stopped would you have been prepared to actually go to to fisticuffs?

If he’d turned round and stopped would you have been prepared to actually go to to fisticuffs?

Yep 🙁

Stress I’d say.

@ vongassit – I’d forgotten about Frank the **** punisher Castle – whens season 2 out? 😀

You can belittle them whilst not losing your cool.
“ooh you flirt” works wonders
But yeah you need to grow up (pot, kettle, black here as I am/was just as bad).
The thing is a real man would not need to prove to himself or anyone else that they can tell someone off, just let it blow over you and save the fight for when an actual bad guy threatens you or your kids, what you were dealing with today was an actual bellend and wasting a moment of thought on him means he has beaten you already.
Just let it go.

I have a mate who is mid 50’s, about 6ft 5, looks and sounds like Roger Moore in his best bond days and is intimidated by no-one. When this stuff happens to him he treats the perp as thought it has all been a dreadful mistake and that everyone is dreadfully sorry about the misunderstanding. It works like a charm and even the most nasty bastards end up apologising to him.
Exude coolness. You will never have to even think about fisitcuffs.

“Oi you pedo, were you trying to touch my kid?”

“yeah, I’d run too, you weirdo”

Or something like that

How do you stop it..? Dunno.

I had a very similar moment yesterday. I am blessed to live in a nice rural area. Went for a little spin with my 7 year old on the lanes. Just as I was riding out of my village some arse coming the other way in a car squeezed through a section where there were some cars parked (on his side I might add) as we rode through. He had 2 opportunities to pull over and let us ride on uphill. Instead he ‘close passed’ my son coming in the other direction. Touchpaper immediately lit I shouted ‘could have effin’ waited’.

Screeches to a halt and starts reversing. The funny thing was he seemed incapable of reversing all the way up to where I’d stopped to watch him. So he just opened the door and asked if I’d said something. I told him to drive a bit more carefully to which he said ‘no you didn’t you said ‘could have effin’ waited’. I agreed with him and for some reason was feeling more calm and just said ‘look mate, child on a bike on the road, you could have slowed down and let us pass safely’. He slammed the door and drove off.

Sorry for the long self disclosure. Like you I lost my shit. But somehow managed to gain my composure and when you are calm it seems you take the higher moral standpoint. And stops things escalating quickly when one of you is less emotional.

I wasn’t proud of the language I used in front of my son. He was oblivious and asked me if the guy was a friend of mine! LOL.

But you’re right. Spoilt a ride on a gorgeous day. At least my lad enjoyed it.

Mmmm, physical violence aside, is this not setting a GOOD example to your kids? Ie. Don’t take shit from people. Call people out for being dicks, stand up for yourself etc etc.

I would prefer it not to involve a tirade of swearing and me being out of control!

Don’t be too hard on yourself AA – swearings fun – go full bore, it only sounds silly if you swear like a middle class person – the more you sound like a psychotic regimental sergeant major the better.

It’s also a valuable lesson for your kids, most people run away when you start swearing at  them like that. It’s the equivalent of puffing your feathers up to make yourself look bigger in the animal world – aka a good survival technique.

What is it with you people and your shit.

Won’t somebody think of the children/princess on board etc.

is this not setting a GOOD example to your kids?

No. No it’s not. It shows you losing control in front of your wee man. It shows you swearing and shouting and making it normal to your wee man. You want to stop? Then stop. Cos your kids are learning this shit from you. This is how daddy handles things. Plus, one day someone will turn round and knock you out  stab you or spray you with some chemical.

diary you

Is this some new London term? 😀 I have never heard it.

Stealth edit…

If this is new behaviour then maybe you are stressed. If you’ve always been like it then grow up/dont worry about it!

If this is new behaviour then maybe you are stressed. If you’ve always been like it then grow up/dont worry about it!

Not new, growing up would be nice but hasnt happened yet, I wont hold my breath.

Anyone got any ideas of techniques that I could apply to such situations.

There is a fine line between sticking up for yourself, and flying off the handle uncontrollably when it isn’t appropriate.

Anyone got any ideas of techniques that I could apply to such situations.

In the nicest possible way, grow up, and learn from your mistakes.  You have to learn to do this, there is no magic trick to stop you breaking rule 1.  You obviously don’t want to repeat this behaviour, so try and anticipate when it might happen again (that might be at any time, initially), and think before reacting.  Easier said than done, but it is no more complex than that.  Wanting to change your behaviour is the first, and most important, step.  Make it important – think about the impact it has on your son.  He obviously copies your behaviour, as noted by your recent school/religion thread.  Go too far, and you are setting him a very bad example.

Obviously if this is being triggered by outside events (stress, as suggested), you need to deal with that separately.

Yeah, being less flippant, I’d say try to do a few more things that calm you down and make you feel less pensive on a day to day basis. When you feel less wound up over long periods of time, you are less likely to lose it.

What relaxes you AA? Do your hold in frustrations until everything builds up, or do you talk to your other half about whats pissing your off or playing on your mind?

Have you read the Chimp Paradox?

Buy a heavy bag, learn some combinations and spend twenty minutes each day doing four minute rounds. Great way to work off stress and will improve your overall fitness and coordination too.

I would prefer it not to involve a tirade of swearing and me being out of control!

Not new, growing up would be nice but hasnt happened yet, I wont hold my breath.

Anyone got any ideas of techniques that I could apply to such situations.

It sounds like you are already on your way ….

I can be a bit volatile by nature and never bothered to apply anything like a “lowering myself to their level” filter.

In general anyone threatens me I respond .. physically threaten me and I tend to respond pre-emptively however having got myself into a not dis-similar situation a while ago I figured that it’s just not worth it in front of the kid.

I had a bloke in my face … hovering on the edge of violence (literally frothing at the mouth and spitting all over me) and in normal circumstances I’d just have laid into him before he got a chance to lay into me…. but having my kid there I just played along until he backed down…

It later occurred to me that waiting for him to back down was a bit stupid.(and somewhat reliant on him backing down which retrospectively seemed unlikely as he was a lot bigger than me ).. and actually avoiding the situation in the first place would have been better.

The bloke and his wife were cycling the wrong way on a one way track to which I responded in a verbal way… (after which he decided to get in my face and start acting threatening) but realistically there was no need for me to say anything… no-one actually got hurt and chances are someone who isn’t a parent, has a job they need to hold down etc. will say something in the next 10 mins.  If he wants to mix it up with them then .. well not my problem.

As it was my kid had to listen to him f-ing and blinding at me… and a real risk of me then getting into a fight so now this incident seems to pop up in my head BEFORE I start with the smart-ass comments… probably more so when he’s with me but even when he isn’t I’m still aware going to court for GBH is hardly going to create a good impression.

Anyway… that’s what worked for me… and it sounds like you already have had the experience.

Work out how it could have played out… you lose pretty much either way…

You either get the shit kicked out of you in front of your kid or you kick the shit outa someone else in front of them and risk being prosecuted and getting a criminal record to boot.

Now you just need to remember… it took me nearly 50 years so …

I’ve started giving a cheery “Thank You!”  or “How lovely to meet you” at the top of my voice instead of my previous “**** off you ***”.

It works a treat.  I’m satisfied that I’ve responded strongly so I don’t feel I’m just being a wimp, I don’t get wound up, and should the offender detect (heaven forfend!) any sarcasm and come back for seconds then I’ll feel justified for sending him home in a ****ing ambulance.

Have you read the Chimp Paradox?

You really should, best advice anyone can give.

Hi AA.

You’re a teacher aren’t you? What’s your reputation around school? I mean amongst staff.

Are you the “shouty” teacher?

Had a run in with SLT lately? Ever been knocked back for a promotion?  Ever got yourself into a sticky situation with a student/parent? Ever just said a “little too much?”

Imagine being asked “dont come into work today” because SLT need to conduct an investigation.

Kinda focuses the mind when your ability to pay the mortgage comes into question.

Time to grow up?….. If you are still saying “no” after that…. then you need professional help.

Ah, Greenham Common!
That place attracts some idiots. People up there ride far too fast & far too close.
I rode up there with a local group once and was appauled with how they rode. Flat out through the single track wooded bits &r ound blind corners. They didn’t slow for any one. People forget it’s a shared use space. Not helped by the Strava routes running through the whole area. This behaviour from riders up there seems the norm saddly. Not sure why.

You’re right though, the renovated control tower is great. The views out the top are lovely.