Sorry for the long post but I hope that others on here will have experiences similar to mine or will have insight.

About an hour ago my fiancée told me that she was worried about how often I drink. I thought I would approach the STW massive for a different range of perspectives as it is all too easy to be too close to a problem, if indeed it is a problem.

My father was an alcoholic, he spent a great deal of time blatted in his shed, getting through at least a bottle of spirits a day. I have lived my life in the shadow of addiction, seen his AA mates die off one by one and have strived to be moderate for most of my adult life.

Most nights, not every, I have a glass of wine or two, a beer or two or whatever. I quite like a glass of scotch but I limit myself to one bottle a month as it does seem to deplete rather quickly when I have it, I can easily munch through a bottle in a week and go without for the rest of the month. It goes in phases and sometimes I do drink a little more but I tend to self moderate and it always balances out.

I probably overdo it about once a fortnight (always on the weekends) which will include not remembering going to bed or waking up on the sofa. For pretty much all of my adult life I have found great peace/release in having a couple of drinks and/or a smoke of an evening and relaxing. since swe have started co-habiting I have laid off the smoke because she does not like it, even though I know it is far less psychologically and physically harmful to me than alcohol. This has led to me drinking more regularly.

I know that addiction, no matter how mild is bad for my self esteem and for my sense of feeling normal but I have always had a void that seems to need to be filled and despite my best efforts, have always returned to a consumptive behaviour pattern, albeit gentle.

I have no health problems and am pretty successful in my career, I have good relations with my friends and family (some of whom are a real worry!). This is all sounding rather me me me but am interested to hear of other people experiences.

The conversation with the Mrs started to get a bit heated as I was defensive and she doesn’t handle conflict at all well, she told me she has the right to tell me when she is worried about me. I agreed and said that what I hear from her was that she was telling me to modify my behaviour in order to make her less anxious. In order to resolve this we have two options, I either have to change my behaviour or she has to worry less.

I am not sure I even know how to change, I have found myself in a pattern of behaviour which satisfies my needs, keeps me functional and ensures I can relax without raging against the world. The only downside seems to be the worry that it causes in my partner.

Does anyone have similar experiences?
Am I so abnormal in liking a drink or two of an evening?
Has anyone managed to successfully overcome the urges to imbibe or understood why they do it?

Thanks for reading, I know I am not a perfect person but I am pretty open and will take any flames on the chin.

Cheers,

Ben

Most nights, not every, I have a glass of wine or two, a beer or two or whatever. I quite like a glass of scotch but I limit myself to one bottle a month as it does seem to deplete rather quickly when I have it, I can easily munch through a bottle in a week and go without for the rest of the month

That’s far, far too much to be healthy. I take it you don’t drive the next morning?

Shes already stopped you smoking, now she’s working on the drink, whats next?

Sounds to me that it’s more than just a drink or two and that you’re using that expression to condense the reality. That’s what it sounds like anyway.

My advice would be to, in isolation, make a note of what you drink each week and see how it adds up, decide whether you’re drinking too much then.

It does sound a lot….

Oh – no children?

If kids are on the horizon (and excessive alcohol makes conception less likely) then having them might also change your behaviour.

That’s far, far too much to be healthy. I take it you don’t drive the next morning?

I drive to work every day but I think you may have misunderstood me, I rarely drink more than 6 units in an evening. I will have a glass of wine or two OR a beer or two. Not all of them at the same time!

Kids… then having them might also change your behaviour.

No doubt.

21 units per week for an adult male is the recommended limit. As said above, might be worth seeing how you compare to this.

That is way too much to drink.

Calm down and listen to your Mrs as she is right in pointing that to you because you cannot see it since you are the one “enjoying” the drink.

Sometimes we take thing for granted and take it to the extreme without knowing that we have overdone it. It is only when someone pointed the our habit to us that we realise there is something not normal.

Also, probably, she needs someone more healthy rather than having health problem later.

I either have to change my behaviour or she has to worry less.

I am not sure I even know how to change, I have found myself in a pattern of behaviour which satisfies my needs, keeps me functional and ensures I can relax without raging against the world. The only downside seems to be the worry that it causes in my partner.

I’m in a pattern of behaviour that keeps me from being suicidal. Tonight it took about five pints and a couple of whisky’s. I wouldn’t have done this seven months ago when I thought all was good between me and my now ex partner.

Sounds to me that it’s more than just a drink or two and that you’re using that expression to condense the reality

There is no point in lying on here, very few of you know me and your feedback would be worthless if I was untruthful

This evening I have had one small Whisky and one G&T, primarily because someone left a bottle of gin in the house after a heavy weekend and it saves me buying more booze. I very rarely buy gin unless my mother is coming to visit!

It was the second G&T that prompted the discussion.

So – you drank the gin “because it was there”, not because you particularly like it – after all, you rarely buy it for yourself. If you don’t particularly enjoy gin, why did you want to drink it?

Its the every night bit that worries me – and I bet if you actually added it up over a month it would be frightening the amount you drink

I always have enjoyed a drink and getting drunk on occasion. Ten years ago i realised my couple of pints a couple of times a week( I almost always go out to drink) had turned into 3 or 4 pints 3 or 4 times a week – and a good session at the weekend so I cut it back greatly.

I still get hammered now and then – and infact I am now beginning to worry that is an issue. I have no memory of getting home Saturday night.

I probably overdo it about once a fortnight (always on the weekends) which will include not remembering going to bed or waking up on the sofa.

also worries be – you are drinking regularly to the point of amnesia?

You don’t say how old you are but I would think you are drinking far too much, it will have a toll on your health in the future and your consumption will begin to rise

i would suggest its time to do something about it now before you end up in full scale addiction 3 non drinking days a week at minimum and probably a complete break for a couple of weeks

you might be surprised how much clearer headed you are in the day if you do

Drinking every day is not good, drinking the amount you do over a week is not good

i think its quite possible you are a “high functioning alcoholic”

So – you drank the gin “because it was there”, not because you particularly like it – after all, you rarely buy it for yourself. If you don’t particularly enjoy gin, why did you want to drink it?

Oh no, don’t get me wrong, I am very partial to a G&T, it would just not be my first choice of drink.

Home measures of spirits are usually much larger than pub measures.

When did you last have a day without a drink?

Perhaps try and do a couple of other activities on a few evenings that don’t involve booze.

You don’t say how old you are

32

i think its quite possible you are a “high functioning alcoholic”

I think you are probably right, but compared to those I saw around me as I was growing up, I know I am not in danger of drinking myself to death.

When did you last have a day without a drink?

Sunday, but that was after an old boozy friend came over Saturday and I needed a day off.

Is TJ actually your bird?

really tho, not an unreasonable point he’s making

Perhaps try and do a couple of other activities on a few evenings that don’t involve booze.

She is always too tired. 😉

On a serious note, I have started to write again after a long break which I hope will distract me.

You have asked for others opinions. I would take heed if i were you.

I have lost a friend to drink not that long ago. at your age he drank like you do. He was dead by fifty.

I suggest you come back to this thread when you are sober.

I suggest you come back to this thread when you are sober.

I am not drunk now, I know I have had a couple of drinks but I am perfectly lucid. I do fully intend to listen to the responses and absorb them. I am appealing for a sense of normality here which I can gauge myself against.

EDIT seems I’m doubling up on some advice here. Typing at the same time, sorry.

Try abstinence. Go without the drink for a few weeks and see what your relationship with it actually is. And if you feel rage against “the world”, then I suggest that you learn how to work out precisely what it is gets you to that state (of rage/anxiety), and why. They are complicated problems that require a steady head and clear thinking to resolve – it simply isn’t possible to do so whilst under the influence of alcohol.

You may find it useful keeping a diary.

6 units a night 5 days a week – plus a good session once a week – thats another 15 units – so 45 units a week. Twice the maximum

As you well know from your own personal experience alcoholics can go through dry periods (proving to themselves they don’t have a problem because they can go without. 1 questionaire thing to look at would this one. Two “yes” responses indicate that the respondent should be investigated further. The questionnaire asks the following questions:

1. Have you ever felt you needed to Cut down on your drinking?
2. Have people Annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?
3. Have you ever felt Guilty about drinking?
4. Have you ever felt you needed a drink first thing in the morning (Eye-opener) to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?

The most concerning bit to me would be the binges with blackouts etc. Given your normal consumption it must take quite a bit to get you in that kind of state. I would suspect that is the bit that worries your partner the most.

I don’t want to come across as saying you have a problem as I don’t know you. I drink several beers and love a wee dram of whisky too, I probably exceed the government limits on units some weeks. I have a beer sitting beside me as I write and I could answer yes to 2 of those questions.

Assuming everything you say is true about the amount, being alright in your job and whatnot, it sounds like quite a lot to me. I don’t know whether I’d be losing sleep over it. You are, almost inevitably, going to die of something. It’s the “void” bit that would bother me, as presumably if the void is there then there’s no particular guarantee that it’ll always be filled by amounts of booze small enough that your job, health and relationship can hold them in. Can one stay as a “high functioning alcoholic” indefinitely or does one inevitably cease to be very functional (TJ)?

My wife used to accuse me of drinking too much. I think her perspective on it was rather skewed, she’s almost certainly never been properly pissed and can make half a glass last a very long time. Are you and your partner using very different yardsticks?

The other thing I’d say is that my drinking, such as it is, is very easily displaced by exercise.

Take it easy anyhow.

Twice the maximum

I know I know, but my inherent distrust of authority has led me to do my own research and it turns out you have to drink over 60 units a week to get back to the same risk of coronary disease as a tee-totaller (here).

I know, excuses excuses. I am going to go to bed, thanks all for taking the time to read and I shall see all of you slackers in the morning!

I had an eye-opening moment of clarity last year. One of the young lads I work with occasionally at the ski slope turned up looking flustered and upset. It turned out his dad was in hospital with serious heart problems, mostly down to his habit of downing a bottle of wine every night, sometimes more and smoking heavily too.

Now this guy (the dad) is only six years older than me and I realised my consumption wasn’t far behind his. I excercise vigorously which may somewhat mitigate the damage, but as I said, it was a real eye-opener.

I still drink at least half a bottle of red every night – I very rarely get hammered – it’s more like I have reached a plateau, but I’m very aware it’s not a healthy state of affairs. All the more so as the wife and I are thinking along the lines of babies and she reminds me daily (and forcibly) that cutting back is a necessity.

I’m knocking the tabs on the head on the 1st of February and plan to make a serious effort to drink much less at the same time.

So, in short, and to answer the OP, yes, that much drink is a problem and I share it 🙂

my opinion,

who cares? I drink a fair bit (I live in London and live with lots of other people so there is always temptation to go for a beer!)

However, whilst your booze consumption is undoubtedly against medical advice and will probably not be doing you any good your question is about its other impacts on your life.

From my experience and my friends and people at work I wouldn’t say your consumption is unusual though because its causing arguments I would say it’s probably officially classed as ‘problem’ drinking (thats what I scored when I did a standard alcohol dependency test, im not trying to be negative)

Personally I would take an objective view of the situation, but these are the standard questions. From a personal point of view I definitely tick some of these boxes, including my missus rolloxing me for liking the sauce? I also spend too much money on it and I have rocked into work late because I was razzed up. Personally I see all that and at the moment I don’t care. Why not have a think and cut down on the sauce a little and as summer approaches start heading out for a ride more often? (Thats always a killer with me, i LOVE a cold beer after a ride!) :-

1. Do you ever worry that you drink too much?

2. Have friends or family expressed concern about you about your drinking habits?

3. Do you find you can drink a lot without becoming drunk?

4. Do you need to drink more to have the same effect?

5. Have you tried to stop drinking, but found that you were unable to for more than a few days?

6. Do you carry on drinking even though it is interfering with your work, family or relationships?

7. Do you need a drink to start the day?

8. Do you get shaky, sweaty or anxious a few hours after your last drink?

9. Have you experienced blanks in your memory, where you can’t remember what happened for a period of hours or days?

10. Is your judgement affected by alcohol, so that you do things that you normally wouldn’t, such as starting fights or arguments, having unprotected sex with strangers or becoming violent.

Can one stay as a “high functioning alcoholic” indefinitely or does one inevitably cease to be very functional (TJ)?

I don’t know. My pal was working and living an organised life right until he died. More than just the booze.

My take on it to the OP is that you are on the cusp. You might not be introuble now but carry on as you are and you will be in ten years times.

I think the fact your posting on here shows that you are worried too at about your age i was a serious binge drinker about a months allowance in one night then 48 hour hangover then nothing till next time i was no good to anyone for 3days each month so i cut drink out for a year then started moderately i have no regrets and still have the odd sesh

user-removed that’s my minimum too (half bottle of red). But it is an absolute minimum. I’d love to find a way to cope without it.

I’ve not read that lot up there, but in the true style of stw, it wont be lacking in good advice.

Here’s mine.

I would be fairly confident in saying you are experiencing the first stages of alcoholism.

It’s now that you may have the control to do something about it, though i fear not.

You’re using it as a means to be able to cope with certain situations, nothing wrong there.

However, it’s clear to others specifically, your fiancée is witnessing clear changes in your behaviour/temperament that gives her cause for concern. You personally will not of noticed it as it’s part of the denial stage of addiction.

You’re body will in time, not respond in the way it needs to after your 6 units a night and gradually, you’ll increase your intake.

It will spiral and develop to a point where it will begin to affect you mentally stopping you from functioning without it.

This all will sound very negative a scary. But you’ve come here tonight for help, clearly the concerns of your fiancée are also concerns of ones of your own.

You need to take this seriously and get help to reduce the need for drink to fill that void.

And that is to find out what that void is or why. Then you need to fill it in a positive and productive way.

I’ve seen the ravaging changes from various addictions. We all have the potential to become an addict to something so you’re no different to any of us.

But using booze to fill that void will only lead one way.

First point of call is to your GP.

Explain like you have to us here, your concerns and that of others, be honest totally. And do it for you and your father..

HTH

Kunstler. I’m still awaiting that mail from you, if you ever find a way to say what you want to say.
In you’re own time though K

Sharki.

This has made me stop and think. I like a couple of beers of an evening but its becoming more than ‘habit’. 😯

I know I know, but my inherent distrust of authority has led me to do my own research and it turns out you have to drink over 60 units a week to get back to the same risk of coronary disease as a tee-totaller

The fact that you’re hunting for evidence to justify your actions suggests yoou’re aware you have a problem starting. Take noting of your SO, and others here. Anyone having a drink each night is on shaky foundations IMO, but more specifically if doing it “to relax”.

(Spent 8 years as a student, I know how to have a good time and drink, but rarely drink more than a few pints every couple of weeks after the novelty wore off)

I’m with coffeeking on this, the title masks the real reason for the thread, you have come here looking for support and not advice, you appear to see your partner as the problem for questioning your habits and you’re looking for the evidence to convince yourself that you are doing no wrong.

You have to be brutally honest with yourself and that will hurt and you probably won’t like the answers, and until you are honest with yourself you won’t be able to be honest with those around you.

Hmm interesting responses. I guess you need to take into account that alot of posters on here are going to be more into health and fitness than your general slice of the population.

I spent much of last year having a glass or two of wine or a couple of beers every night. It did not affect (or I did not see it as a hinderence) my work/relationships or fitness in so far as I commuted by bike and played a bit of footy once a week.

This year I decided to try ceacing alcohol in the week unless a special occasion and easing off on the weekend generally. I have to say I do feel a bit sharper, though havent noticed a massive difference in weight/fitness.

I know what you mean about a void that needs to be filled, in my youth I experimented with various drugs and smoked tabs until about 4 or 5 years ago. Sometimes I think the urge for a beer is a crutch for the real urge for a fag… I think I could probably never drink again if smoking was good for you!!

Best of luck, you sound sane enough, I am sure you will realise if you need to moderate yourself a little more.

1. Do you ever worry that you drink too much?

Yes, but usually only after a heavy night.

2. Have friends or family expressed concern about you about your drinking habits?

Yes, hence I am here talking about it

3. Do you find you can drink a lot without becoming drunk?

No, I have a reasonable capacity but I would wake up with a thick head after a bottle of wine.

4. Do you need to drink more to have the same effect?

Not really, been pretty stable in this behaviour for years, though it can fluctuate a little.

5. Have you tried to stop drinking, but found that you were unable to for more than a few days?

I can give up for prolonged periods but always return to consumptive behaviour.

6. Do you carry on drinking even though it is interfering with your work, family or relationships?

This is the first time my lady has spoken to me about it and I do intend to moderate further in order to put her mind at ease and tackle what I have known is an issue for a long time.

7. Do you need a drink to start the day?

Never.

8. Do you get shaky, sweaty or anxious a few hours after your last drink?

No.

9. Have you experienced blanks in your memory, where you can’t remember what happened for a period of hours or days?

As above, I occasionally can’t remember going to bed but on a big session I can black out and not remember a thing. My friends say I fall asleep rather early!

10. Is your judgement affected by alcohol, so that you do things that you normally wouldn’t, such as starting fights or arguments, having unprotected sex with strangers or becoming violent.

Nope.

We have had a bit of a chat this morning and we are both going to make an effort not to drink on school nights and see where we go from there.

Thanks for the input everyone.