I paid for myself with a Career Development Loan. I’ve never relied on her financially.

We have had a long distance relationship until last year, with neither of us sharing costs until then as we didn’t live together. We only shared holidays, etc. We both had (student) loans. I think it’s me just getting used to everything being shared.

Also, English is my second language so thanks for the pointers.

Sounds a bit odd, expecially if she’s earning 1.5k more than you per year.

I think it’s me just getting used to everything being shared.

That’s what it sounds like from here, too 🙂

Although that said I don’t have a shared account with my wife, I pay the mortgage+utilities+phone, she pays the school fees+food. Seems to work out…

I think it’s odd. My husband doesn’t pay for me to drive to work.

Sorry.

Does she pay for half of your bike?

rogermoore – Member
1. I’m worried they give Masters to people who don’t know the difference between ‘claws’ and ‘clause’. I hope you never meet a bear.

Also, English is my second language so thanks for the pointers.

I’m sat here with a big smile on my face as a result of someone with (almost) perfect english as a second language and an MSc handing rodgermoore his arse 🙂

I think it’s a bot off tbh. As said above, if the situation was reversed would you even ask..?? We have a joint account (now entirely funded by me), but there was a “working” value put in evenly every month for the house to run, this didn’t include motoring expenses and was seen as fair by both parties, especially as my fuel bill was exponentially higher.. Also has been insisted, “claim” for a new bike for your commuting purposes..

A shared account could be good.

We’ve got a Santander 123 one so we get cashback on petrol, supermarket shopping and utility bills. That’s pretty much all we put on it. (+ rent and joint holidays).

We earn about the same so we both put the same in each month. Whatever’s left of my wages is mine to do what I want with.

As for the “men pay, women pleasure”…
😯

Those commenting on her paying for half my bike.
Her response to me asking that is that it would be equivalent to me paying half her car. Seems fair to me.

Edit: No I wouldn’t ask her to, as I’m earning £1.5k more, which would cover the cost.

TBF, it sounds like it could get out of hand here – you have clearly been discussing this for a while and the ‘tit-for-tat’s’ are evident.

Joint account is the way forward. Both pay in – both take out. Then you get a share of her £1.5k additional salary and pay towards her fuel.

Must admit a bit bemused as Mrs JAMJ was a mature student with a small bursary (c£6k) when we met – I had a reasonably well paying job (£35k). All money went into joint pot and we shared. Only for one short period in our life together has Mrs JAMJ earned more than 50% of my salary – yet we share our costs and any money left over.

My money is her money and vice versa. In fact I don’t earn for myself I earn for the family as does she.

‘tit-for-tat’s’

OK, I know some women like men with tattoos but still…

Even though they have been together for 7 years, it’s been a long distance relationship.
We all know, that when you move in with the other half, life changes.
They are coming across normal relationship challenges.
I live in China.
Here it’s normal to give the wife everything you have.
That way, she knows your going to be faithful (because you don’t have anything left)

Let’s get to the real problems here! I’m really worried that we have a person masquerading as a former James Bond actor on this forum…

Those with joint accounts- how does this work?
Do you both pay your salary into the same account?

I think personal costs and household costs are very different. Her commuting expense is her personal expense, not a joint expense at all. My and my good lady put the same amount into a joint account that covers mortgage, food, utilities etc, but we pay for our respective personal expenses separately (generally). We’ve lived together nearly 10 years and have kids.

That said, she uses my car pretty much every day and I bike commute 90% of the time – so I do in effect pay for her to commute to work! But she buys more stuff for the house than I do, so swings/roundabouts.

My money is her money and vice versa. In fact I don’t earn for myself I earn for the family as does she.

I find it really hard to do that, I must just be a reet tight bastard. 🙂

Both our salaries get paid into one account which covers all joint expenses (petrol, mortgage, shopping, going out (together), holidays, etc.

We then get X amount each each month transferred to our own accounts to spend on bikes, shoes, lunch, whatever.

Personally paid into personal account and scheduled regular payment to joint account.

Works the other way around too

Do you both pay your salary into the same account?

We both pay our salary less £100 into the joint account and we also have a joint credit card (paid off at the end of each month).

The £100 we keep is for ourselves/presents etc but of course we can use the joint account or credit cards too.

I pay the bills, mrs rocket pays for the luxuries it’s never been any different.

In terms of commuting the way I look at it is I pay for the fuel she uses so she can earn the money that pays for our holidays. Have never had a joint account

bails – Member

A shared account could be good.

We’ve got a Santander 123 one so we get cashback on petrol, supermarket shopping and utility bills. That’s pretty much all we put on it. (+ rent and joint holidays).

We earn about the same so we both put the same in each month. Whatever’s left of my wages is mine to do what I want with.

As for the “men pay, women pleasure”…

I simply paid everything as I didn’t want to have headache over money issue between us. Besides, I was earning more than her in those days so I could afford to do so.

Contribute… you are not losing out and she is winning … because you’ll see it back

She not going to squirrel away that 1200 quid and kept it for herself… is she?

She’ll buy some new clobber, maybe get her hair cut more… so she looks more pretty for you 🙂 … and she’ll probably pay for meals out the cinema more often…

TOGETHER you’ll both have the same amount of money.

Do you share the car at other times, or is it her car? Who pays for fuel if you go out together?

I think it’s odd. My husband doesn’t pay for me to drive to work.

I thought it was odd too. I’ve driven my OH to work – hell, she doesn’t drive so I drive every time when we go out – and I’ve never even considered going “that’ll be £30 please, love.” That just feels… weird.

Hypothetically, whether I’m giving her a lift and thus paying wholly for it, or whether I’m working from home and she’s spending a fortune on commuting, neither of us would go cap in hand to the other unless we were stuck. It’s just the way finance has worked out for us.

Anyway. If you’re going to act as individuals financially, then the commuting costs are individual also. I can’t see any sensible logic that would dictate you should be paying half of the money for her to get to work irrespective of the fact you earn nominally more than she does.

If OTOH you’re going to act as a couple then you both contribute to a central pot and decide between you whether travel costs come out of that or not. As you’re earning more than her, you should of course contribute more proportionally; as it stands you seem to be arguing that extra you earn should be split equally between you, which is trousers. Back of an envelope calculation, say you’re earning 20k (/21.5k) and decide to pool £400 each, she’d pay £400 and you’d be paying proportionally £415 (I think.) That seems a lot fairer and more sensible to me than “hey, here’s a bunch of money.”

As for the “men pay, women pleasure”…

Trolls troll.

In most grown up relationships, no one person should be financially better off or worse off than the other. A potential argument about fuel costs should be knocked on the head very quickly. Joint account with regular outgoings with proportionate contributions from both is the easiest way to do this. Otherwise you risk over complicating it. How much would you pay her in fuel costs if she is off work for 2 weeks…..

Wait.

She earns about £1.5k more than me (really dosent bother me).

No I wouldn’t ask her to, as I’m earning £1.5k more, which would cover the cost.

Which is it?

Are you making this up?

I suspect this discussion in their relationship is more about her not liking spending two hours a day driving whilst he’s seen to be swanning off on his bike (which he likes riding anyway) and going just down the road to work.

The money is the focus, not the cause.

I think it’s me just getting used to everything being shared.

Don’t forget, it’s both of you having to get used to this.

Thanks for peoples perspectives. Interesting to hear how others do things.

I think I’ll discuss having a joint account.
Then everything we earn goes into the one account and then whatevers left at the end of the month is halved between us (savings, fun).
Sound sensible?

Cougar- she is the one earning more. I was just answering a question of ‘what if I was in her shoes’

But she’s earning the extra 1.5K. So she should proportionally be paying more, if that’s the way they choose to do it.

I think my post at the top of this page sums it up – if the tables were turned would he ask her to do the same?

Would any of the people who have contributed to this thread or their partners ask the same? I doubt it. It’s a bit odd. If it doesn’t sit comfortably with you OP then there’s something not right about it.

Cougar I think he meant if the tables were turned he’d be the one earning more

Cougar- she is the one earning more. I was just answering a question of ‘what if I was in her shoes’

Aaaah, I see. Apologies. You’ll need to turn the logic round in my previous post, then. (-:

If it doesn’t sit comfortably with you OP then there’s something not right about it.

TBH, if you have to come and ask the forum, there’s something not right about it.

Very fiery relationship, not going to lie. Makes it more fun though (mostly).

A Russian and a German..

joint account with both putting the same set amount in is what me and my g/f did when we moved in together. even though she dragged me from south Yorkshire to London. that paid the rent and living costs, we each had our own money to go out with, paid out own commuting costs. even now we have a house and are married it’s kinda the same although i put more in as i earn more and she has to buy yearly tube ticket that is 2k or something. i drive to my work and pay the fuel but it’s only short (i cycle in summer but don’t want to down a laptop in winter) everyones happy and we also have a holiday fund by both paying more into the join account then we spend.

I think I’ll discuss having a joint account.
Then everything we earn goes into the one account and then whatevers left at the end of the month is halved between us (savings, fun).
Sound sensible?

A fixed amount might be a better idea. Then anything that doesn’t get spent stays there for savings / emergencies. You’ll be glad of a slush fund when the roof caves in.

Bear in mind also that there are legal implications if you have a joint account. Eg, I believe if one of you runs into financial difficulty (even accidentally, a missed payment or some such) it impacts both of you. I’d look into exactly what the implications are before signing anything.

In our household, the bills all come out of my account and leisure expenses come out of my OHs, along with funds towards a house deposit. Originally she paid me “housekeeping” so I could be Man and pay for everything, but I’m quite happy these days to pay for the electric if it means that later on in the year I get taken to Orlando for free. If either of us were paying disproportionately, it’d be reflected in our bank balances.

second the don’t go for an all in one shared account, what if the relationship fails? what if one person decides to spend 2k on a watch form it. and if you do go for a joint account then it does link you so credit scores and such can be affected, although you can write to the credit agencies and ask to be disassociated from someone if they are negatively impacting you.

We only had a joint account (actually joint everything), everything went into it, and everything came out of it – served us well for 27 years.

Ask for £750 / year from her too (to balance up your salary levels) 🙂

Does seem odd IMO, you both chose the location and she chose her job with that location known.

We didn’t go for any joint account/card/mortgage-related stuff until we got married. So now she can legally shaft me for everything I have and there’s chuff all I can do about it! 😀

Luckily I’m more than happy to share everything with her, or I wouldn’t have got married in the first place.

Point is, neither way is inherently wrong, it’s just the way we’ve agreed to do things

This.

I dont know what you are grumbling about….I pay for all the fuel in both cars and her fags at £70 a month!!