Jeez. You’re 16. Go out, buy cider, chase women

May I just add NOT WITH A HUNTING KNIFE, check some bushes for magazines and I hear there is some great stuff on the internet.

I’ve personally only seen parts of the great wilderness of Hertforshire but you would probably struggle to avoid civilisation for about 10 minutes

As for cornwall see the cider point again.

but you would probably struggle to avoid civilisation for about 10 minutes

You’ve obviously never been to Watford on a Saturday night!

I think this is where he’s seen “Hertfordshire”

Hereford might be a better bet 😆

natrix – Member
Hereford might be a better bet

I wouldn’t go wandering round Hereford pretending to be Rambo, there are some strange thing lurking out there.

SAS…

should have chosen their camo before putting their nightvision on.

or are they pretending to be bushes in a sandpit?

should have chosen their camo before putting their nightvision on.

Maybe they should wait until it’s dark too……………..

There is no end to the sarcasm is there? and @peterfile, there’s more to life than that, and I think it’s sad that you don’t see that.

And thanks Seosamh for the advice, it’s spot on, I’m going to do exactly that (:

And @esselgruntfuttock, I really can’t understand why people do such things – sign their life away to someone who doesn’t give a **** about it and then go on to fight a fight that is not their own, to give their lives away for nothing. I mean, it’s the epitome of ignorance. That will offend a lot of people, and I’m not sorry. I mean it’s almost like signing up to become a slave. And the craziest thing is, even so, the pay is shit! Oh and about the knife? I’m still confused on which one to get lol!

@jambourgie You’ve got it spot on there, wish I never mentioned my age. But then of course, I’d have no excuse for my silliness! Unlike some people…

Oh and about the knife? I’m still confused on which one to get

Just get yourself a cheap Opinel to start with, although if you are riding a multi-tool with pliers can be very handy. Go prepared, with instant noodles and enough containers to carry water.

Leave no trace.

If you venture into the real wilderness solo make sure to leave a route plan with someone and an ETA.

Food: just carry porridge – it’s light. You can make it with cold water, it won’t taste great but it will keep you going. The Highland armies were fuelled by it which is why they were so mobile, a sporran full of porridge and a great big knife, and they were good to go. A week of porridge isn’t going to have you suffering from malnutrition, so you’d get by.

Great big knives: very useful things but they’ll get you arrested in this nanny state. If you think you may have to despatch some of the Zombie horde, then a folding shovel is the trick. Just sharpen the edges and it will do double duty as a chopper. Just don’t expect it to last long. Many of the Australian troops in WW1 preferred to use their suitably sharpened shovels for trench warfare in place of a rifle with a bayonet. I’m told it was far more effective. You can also use your shovel for disposing of waste.

Small knives: spend your money on a quality blade and learn to keep it sharp. Keep it small enough to appear innocuous. It can also be lashed to a pole to make a spear, but that’s a quick way to bugger up a good blade.

Endurance: you can survive without food for a few days if you ration your energy expenditure. just don’t try it in winter unless you want to experience real misery. While the weather is good, try a day out without eating so you can learn to control your appetite.

Hunting: poaching is illegal. As far as I’m concerned that just means don’t get caught or target endangered animals. The right to live of the land has been stolen from us, so I see nothing wrong with “stealing” some food for a meal from the possessors of the stolen lands. If you haven’t killed anything before, you may be surprised how hard it is to do. No animal conveniently drops dead just because you’ve stuck a few holes in it unless they are the right holes.

If you get your outdoor adventure wrong you’re not going to die (in this country) unless you do something really stupid. What can kill you is exposure to the elements if you get caught in some nasty weather, so concentrate on getting your clothing and shelter sorted first.

Doing a course may be a wise idea. At your age there are lots available.

Whatever happens don’t be put off trying, and if you get it wrong, try again.

Yeh, go for it officerfriendly, just without a whacking great knife – as others have said something like an Opinel (and a sharpener) will be fine.
Fortunately I’m old enough to have grown up in an age when you could get away with just about anything outdoors, as long as you didn’t do any actual damage (or get caught).
Keeping warm and dry might be your main problem – the old adage is that the limits of survival are 3 minutes without air, 3 hours without warmth, 3 days without water and 3 weeks without food. Bivi bags aren’t fashionable these days (fancy group shelters being the in thing) but might be worth having.
You could also look at getting involved in something more organised (again, not so fashionable these days) – Duke of Edinburgh, Scouts, Cadets etc.
Best of luck anyway, better than sitting on your arse with an xbox!

Be aware that an opinel is illegal unless you have it for a purpos (because it locks) just pointing out a technicality.

Get a svord, non locking but you cant close it while you hold it. Its meatier than other wee knives too so you can baton wood with it.

Also. Go to bushcraft. Co. Uk maybe you’ll get less abuse

Be aware that an opinel is illegal unless you have it for a purpos (because it locks) just pointing out a technicality.

Not all opinels lock.

(Just pointing out a technicality) 😉

There is no end to the sarcasm is there? and @peterfile, there’s more to life than that, and I think it’s sad that you don’t see that.

It was a joke, lighten up Andy McNab.

Go skin a cat or something.

A man with a knife and no sense of humour is a dangerous thing 🙂

nealglover – Member
Be aware that an opinel is illegal unless you have it for a purpos (because it locks) just pointing out a technicality.
Not all opinels lock.
(Just pointing out a technicality)

Damn, I had meant to say either buy one with out the lock ring or prise it off

And @esselgruntfuttock, I really can’t understand why people do such things – sign their life away to someone who doesn’t give a **** about it and then go on to fight a fight that is not their own, to give their lives away for nothing. I mean, it’s the epitome of ignorance. That will offend a lot of people, and I’m not sorry. I mean it’s almost like signing up to become a slave. And the craziest thing is, even so, the pay is shit!

It’s state of mind & It’s obvious that you don’t have it. (I don’t either, but I understand why people do go for RM/Para training). They get to carry guns & big FO knives too, bonus!
Oh, & if you live long enough & stay in, the pension ain’t bad! 😆

FK sake what’s wrong with carrying a few pot noodles and plenty of packs of custard creams: -)

Just make sure you’ve got proper clothes an sleeping bag for what your doing ….otherwise your more likely to die of hypothermia than starvation TBH

I used to carry a 12 inch knife and it most definitely would have got me arrested had I not been allowed to do so. But it wasn’t for hunting or running around the countryside pretending to be Rambo. Go out, have an adventure but forget about the survival stuff. Having been trained in it, it takes ages to be even slightly good at it and even then, it sucks big style.

And @esselgruntfuttock, I really can’t understand why people do such things – sign their life away to someone who doesn’t give a **** about it and then go on to fight a fight that is not their own, to give their lives away for nothing. I mean, it’s the epitome of ignorance. That will offend a lot of people, and I’m not sorry. I mean it’s almost like signing up to become a slave. And the craziest thing is, even so, the pay is shit!

you’ve a good head for logic on ye anyhow, well said! 🙂

Kuruki …. I had a misspent childhood ….

Repeat do not throw axes …..

Kuruki …. I had a misspent childhood ….
Repeat do not throw axes …..

For throwing………. You want ninja stars.
I also had a misspent childhood, it’s a miracle we all made it.

Kuruki? Khukri? Yep, might have been.

And yes, throwing axes is a BAD idea.

I’ve got a 2.5″ scar on the back of my hand and no feeling in my right index finger thanks to spending too much time as a yoof in trees with knives and axes 🙂

Brained myself with nunchucks once ….. Bit of a nak to those things….

But throwing stars were fun, my mate used to make them @ lunchtime in work when they were banned.

Trouble is only the hard learned lessons tend to stick…:-)

As others have said you do not need a big knife to deal with anything the UK has to offer game wise.
I’m an ex-gamekeepr part of my job used to be to kill things on a very regular bases here is my take on it.

In general in pursuit of game without the landowners or their representative permission is classed as poaching, fish carries heavier fines than fury game, and river bailiffs have the power of arrest.

Gamekeepers to not have the power of arrest except for citizens but have the power to remove you from the land using the minimal of force necessary.
So I in the past have asked people to leave and they have **** off or we have had 12 blokes, 3 4×4 tractors a Alsatian and a Rottweiler to do the job. The final result was the same in both cases BTW. The third party/s left. 😀

Armed tresspass is a big one and you will do time if caught.

So back to the OP the biggest knife you need is a Opinel #8 that’s it. You as someone with very little experience will starve to death using your outdoor skiillz at present having snares, traps etc is one thing known where the hell to use them is a different skill all together 🙂

So being helpful to survive and hunt for food you will need a Opinel #8 knife,a wire saw or folding saw and a decent air rifle with scope and ammo. You will then need to get your field craft skillz up to speed fairly quickly as you will once again starve unless you kill anything.
And the final fly in the ointment is with this perfect tool kit for self sufficiency you will be committing armed trespass.

Not sure about knowing what I’m talking about, but I read a lot, and was brought up to have an interest in and respect for the countryside by my dad, who sadly died before I was really old enough to gain more knowledge. He once took me along the little river in the valley below the village where he grew up, and tried to teach me how to tickle for trout; this involves putting your arm in the water and carefully feeling along under the bank for a fish, gently stroking their underside to calm them, then quickly flicking them onto the bank. Great idea in theory, but when your arm turns blue with cold after ten minutes, and you can barely even feel your fingers, let alone a bloody fish, then surviving on nice big, juicy trout becomes a very distant possibility!
As various people have said, a good multitool is a handy thing to have, but I’d be reluctant to use a SAK, (Swiss Army Knife); because of the very basic non-locking blade, it’s horribly easy to shut the blade across your fingers, which, while unlikely to result in loss of said digits, would result in lots of cussing and bleeding, and a fair amount of pain.
Spyderco do a good UK Legal Penknife, which is designed so the blade closes 90 degrees, then stops, then you have to push it hard to fully close it, to avoid accidental closure.
TBH, an Opinel would be ideal, as others have said; cheap and cheerful, looked after will last for donks, and has a little ring below the blade to lock it open. They do some very nifty folding saw versions, too.
I would also suggest going into your local WHSmiff, and looking out Bushcraft Magazine; lots of useful info on all aspects of being able to sustain yourself out of doors, if only for a few days.
It’s not just food, it’s having good shelter if the weather goes to Sheol in a handcart as well; better equipped and knowledgable people have come to a very sad and final end in the UK by misreading the weather, especially in places like Dartmoor and mountain areas. A pocket knife and good intentions will amount to nowt if a storm blows in and you find yourself in a howling gale with horizontal rain, in an exposed position, and little protection.
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing; I know enough to know that I don’t know anywhere near enough to survive for very long if caught out poorly prepared!
Also, check out the various bushcraft courses run in various parts of the country; reading stuff in magazines, or on websites is fine, but nothing beats actually watching someone doing something, and having them there to correct you when you inevitably cock it up!

Should you eventually decide you do want a fixed-blade knife that’s going to serve as a genuine, all-round tool, rather than a beautiful, expensive example of craftsmanship that you’re too afraid to actually use, I’d suggest checking out this guy: http://tuluskivi.suntuubi.com/?cat=35
His BushProwler knife is a beauty, hand-forged, superbly balanced, and tough enough to use as an axe, butchering a large animal, general camp duties, cutting vegetables, whittling…
This is mine:

[/url] image by CountZero1, on Flickr[/img]
[/url] image by CountZero1, on Flickr[/img]

To give you an idea of size, it’s about 230mm overall, blade is 119mm, with a 110mm cutting edge, and the blade is 7mm thick, so you could easily use it as a pry bar.
It’s hair-shaving sharp, too. Nothing fancy about the finish, there are file and grind marks all along the blade spine and the tang, but that’s what makes it a good tool, you could happily bang tent pegs in with the spine, or strike sparks off of it with a flint or fire-steel and not give a damn about marking it.
Cost me £160…

@thisisnotaspoon
Excuse my ignorance if you will, but what’s the difference between hunting and poaching? I’m guessing one is where it is within the boundaries of the law and the other it is not? Getting a job kinda defeats the point in the bikepacking aspect and I doubt I’ll be lucky enough to get one on a quirky beach bar or beautiful rural farm, those are the only I would really consider, and life isn’t a movie. If you’ve got any idea how I can get one of those kinda jobs, I’d love to hear it!

Same as the difference between shopping and burglary. To hunt anything (even pests like rabbit) you need the landowners permission. They maybe quite happy for you to catch a few rabbits, but it does mean you’ll also probably let them know you’re sleeping rough on their land, which they may be less keen on. This is an important legal difference between Scotland and England, in England wild camping isn’t a right. That’s not that you (practicaly, not leghaly) can’t bivi in the woods, plenty of STW’ers do, but it’s not legal and in some places is actualy specificaly made illegal by bylaws.

I think you’ve got a slightly delluded view of a countryside that doesn’t exist. Someone is the landowner for everything, and untill you hit the Lakes you’re probably nver more than a half hour walk form the shops or a pub, even the Peak district is quite compact and populated. Whilst I admire your optimism, you need to be respectfull, you’ll never be far enough from other people to live as some kind of off-the-grid outlaw.

Farm jobs are ten a penny, especialy at the moment in fruit picking season. But it won’t be picking a few apples on a beutifull rural farm folowed by drinking the cider and rolling arround in the hayloft with the farmers daughter. More like 12 hours of back acheing work and a bunkhouse with a load of eastern european migrant workers.

Thank you all for your replies! They are much appreciated, I hope you know that 🙂 they seem to be getting a lot better as well, I guess that’s probably because you can see I’m actually serious about this? and sorry for my late reply, had a lot on my mind (and not good things neither lol).
@epiccylo
That is some amazing advice you’ve given me! The porridge idea is ingenious! And yeah I’ve gathered that there really is no need for the bigger knives, will be getting an Opinel #8 per the reccomendations of people here 🙂 though the idea of looking like Rambo is rather tempting(!) I would agree with you on that, I really don’t like how it’s seem to come to that, I mean it’s one thing to have a meaningless rat race, it’s another to literally take the basic freedoms we were all born with. I agree that I do sound ignorant, but I promise you I am not 🙂 While I agree the right of the land has indeed been stolen from us, while it’s one thing to hunt wild animals for food, it’s another to kill someone else’s cattle, and I’m just not going to do that. The rights of who’s what does get a bit muddled up in my ethics, because I don’t believe (this will sound very silly to some of you) that any person should really “own” an animal, in the same way that you don’t “own” a person. I don’t think it’s morally right. Yes I know it sounds silly to some of you. But sure farming animals is different, and I don’t think it’s fair to take away someone else’s farmed animal, because it’s just not. What someone else recommended is asking, which I think is probably the best option by far, and I hoping, if I’m lucky I may get invited to dinner or two! Which I know sounds desperate, but it is the uncensored truth 🙂 and I’ve no worries on killing the animal, if you know how to do it, and do it properly, you can’t go wrong, unless you do, to which you did not do it properly haha. That’s a very very good point you’ve got there, on exposure to the elements which I don’t think should be understated, as yes, logically, it is probably that that will kill you before anything else. I’m thinking a good tent should be fine under heavy rain? But then there’s the tent pitches to worry about :S Doing a course is a brilliant idea! I was actually going to sign up for Duke of Edinburgh now that the term has started again. Thanks for your help 🙂

@Rusty90
Thanks for the encouragement! Going to get an Opinel as I’ve said, and yes a sharpener! I forgot about that… Without a sharpener the knife is pretty useless I guess, so gotta get that! I didn’t know what a Bivi bag was and so I researched it, and came upon Alastair Humphrey’s Blog (which for the record I think is amazing) and here is what he has to say about them:
“You are not cocooned from the environment as you are in a tent. In a tent you are basically in a rubbish version of indoors. In a bivvy bag you really are outside. You feel the breeze on your face, look up at the stars before you sleep and sit up to a brilliant view in the morning.”
Haha that’s amazing! My worry with the Bivy bag is insect bites. Insect bites. Tons. Everywhere. I mean even during the day when I’m not even still I get a ton, let alone when I’m sleeping!! Is this uh, not a concern??? And although a tent doesn’t have much in the way of physical protection, it still has that sealed barrier (albeit a thin one!) that prevents unwanted visitors – animals etc. I’m wondering, will you not be very, very vulnerable in one?

@JoshVegas
Thanks for the advice, I was confused with what you were talking about until Nealglover pointed out that they’re not all locking. I don’t really want a folding one at all, just much rather have the sturdiness of a non-folding. And thanks for that, it seems it has mostly ended – for now… And I’m armed with enough information I can do with now, will be reporting back though for my daily dose of sarcasm (double sarcasm! That’s gotta be called something right?:D)

@Peterfile
I’ve got a sense of humour, it’s just your jokes are bad. And sad. Don’t forget sad!

@DudeofDoom nothing I’ve been trying quite a bit of them recentely and I will say this, the Ko-Lee ones are the best by far. Best tasting, pot comes with a lid and super fun (im serious lol – they are!) folding fork and they’re 45p a pop! Doesn’t get better than that! And nah forget custard creams, apple and sultana biscuits are what it’s about – seriously they’re the bomb xD oh and good point on the sleeping bag, I’m gonna want to really invest in one of those, just trying to conjur up some moneys!

@Alpha1653 Becoming Rambo is looking quite enticing now….and in all seriousness, holy shit do those Bowie Knives look badass as ****. But like too many people have said, they’re more bad than they are good, more trouble than they are practical. No. No I am not going to forget about the Survival stuff. If you want to discourage me, you’re going to have to try harder (please don’t lol). No, how can I not learn how to live independently? I mean, it’s like a basic life skill. It’s learning to live, on your own, independent from any impermanent things that won’t always be there. Well they probably will, until you know, we kill mother earth, but that’s another story lol. The point is, I don’t want to be some sheltered nitwit who doesn’t know how to live life the way it was meant to be lived. I know I get too much into things sometimes, I just think it’s only fair that I explain myself 🙂

@Seosamh77 Thank you 🙂

@Badllama
It’s lovely to hear you’ve got some serious experience in this! Oh, so that’s what poaching is, killing other people’s animals basically. Well, asking them for permission seems straightforward enough and is more than fair enough. Thank you for your advice on a specific knife, I’m going to get exactly the Opinel #8! You’ve embedded it into my brain lol. But then reading on, your post seems turns into a ill-meaned tidbit of sarcasm advising me to get an air rifle with a scope. Now I’m not sure if you’re serious or not. Reading up on the legislation tells me that any fixed blade knives (which I know understand what it means – non folding, never got that!) are illegal to carry, leaving it down to folding knives only. Non Locking knives are out of the question as they are too dangerous for general use and the knife must be under 3” in blade length, using an imperial to metric calculator, the 3” blade length restriction on a folding knife is 7.5cm, the Opinel #8 being 8.5cm, or in other words illegal. Right. I still can’t determine 100% whether your advice was ill meaned but I take that it was. It almost sounds like a setup/trap, you telling me how illegal something is, then advising me to get it, then alerting me to how you think you’re in a position of power? Good day to you, sir.

@Count Zero
I’m sorry to hear that, and your dad seems really sweet as to how he brought you up that way. I always have a deep respect for people who themselves respect the land they reside on. It’s like they respect and appreciate it you know? It’s a great idea actually, I think I may give that a go sometime, not when I’m alone and in danger of Hypothermia though LOL. I’m not sure if this was real or not (as in fiction or non-fiction), but I remember hearing about this bhuddist monk who by gaining total control of his body, was able to stop his hand from getting cold, and defy the bodies logical responses to it. It was really interesting, I’ll have to look it up! I hope it’s not something from Fringe though lol. What you said about the Swiss Army Knives is exactly why I don’t want to get a folding knife, but it seems anything else is illegal? And yeah, the danger with a non locking one is far greater than anything to do with legislations, as in cutting your **** fingers off :S Folding saws sound brilliant I’ll have to check those out! Oh and I’ll just have forget the easy way and do my own research on knives…. That’s a good idea to read up about it then follow up on that by learning about it actively, I think I will actually do a few courses, I’ve done one two years back and it was the most fun I’ve ever had, and it inspired me into what I’m doing now! And that’s also a brilliant point on the weather, I will really have to watch out for that. I had a bad encounter with the weather in Cornwall actually, very recently, with the steep hills by the cliff, as in so steep you can’t even stay still let alone walk. I entered it blindly on my Surly ECR, fully rigid with single speed and holy shit. It was the scariest thing of my life. I must have been going easily 30mph+, and I was going so fast there was nothing I could do but hold on for dear life. My heart stopped in those few minutes and it just felt surreal, I’m surprised I came out of it alive as opposed to being thrown so far into the seemingly endless thorn bushes that I could never have gotten out of alone. My family didn’t even know I was there. It was wet, but not pouring, but slipperly and damp and the surface wasn’t flat, but filled with mini boulders of rocks, and at 30mph and a ridiculous downhill angle, I felt like I was strapped on a rollercoaster but this time I could actually die. I had to hold my head almost below the bars to prevent being wacked in the faces by the branches in the way, and corners were blind but I could not brake, if I did I would just slide and lose even more control – not that I ever had any. The scariest thing was, I was being thrown off rock to rock, bouncing harshly at 30mph with no control whatsoever on such slippery terrain you couldn’t walk down safely and it was on a rigid bike with **** Surly Knards. They handled surprisingly well though, as in they didn’t slip too much or I wouldn’t be writing this 🙂 scariest thing of my life, bar none.

@CountZero, thanks and while that does look so enticing, I’m going to try a smaller one first and only get one if I really find myself with a need, I mean there’s no point breaking the law (as in being vulnerable to arrest) if I don’t actually need it. If I do, why that’s another matter!

@thisisnotaspoon Thank you for saying all that, you’ve really helped me understand 🙂 I get the difference now and to just ask them is a brilliant idea, worst that can happen is they say no 🙂 best that can happen is that they say yes, but why don’t you come for dinner and it’s only the lady of the house and she’s one single milf LOL but that’s the best that can happen. Idk, I’m sure y’all could think of some more elaborate things, but that’s my elaborate thing. And yeah, you’re right, I do have a deluded view, so thank you actually helping me to understand, I appreciate that 🙂
Oh and the **** farm jobs. Dude, that’s what I imagined it would be like, it seemed like what would happen – my mind is one dimensional and clearly has a deluded view! But I wish it was, so, so much. Why can’t life be a movie with the farmer’s daughter? WHYYYYYY this shit’s like **** of mice and men

edit: really? **** is blocked? this is political correctness gone crazy as they say. It’s a **** forum. free speech bitch

If you’re interested in the countryside, have you considdered applying to agricultural collage?

agricultural collage

Making pictures with bits of old fertilizer bags and baler twine?

Here:

http://evaq8.co.uk/Ration-Packs.html?gclid=CMHM9e-p28ACFabLtAodBmoALg

To save you the trouble bringing knife and hunting. Have fun i

@Alpha1653 Becoming Rambo is looking quite enticing now….and in all seriousness, holy shit do those Bowie Knives look badass as ****. But like too many people have said, they’re more bad than they are good, more trouble than they are practical. No. No I am not going to forget about the Survival stuff. If you want to discourage me, you’re going to have to try harder (please don’t lol). No, how can I not learn how to live independently? I mean, it’s like a basic life skill. It’s learning to live, on your own, independent from any impermanent things that won’t always be there. Well they probably will, until you know, we kill mother earth, but that’s another story lol. The point is, I don’t want to be some sheltered nitwit who doesn’t know how to live life the way it was meant to be lived. I know I get too much into things sometimes, I just think it’s only fair that I explain myself

Knock yourself out, big lad. I’m not trying to discourage you from getting out, understanding and enjoying the countryside; far from it, I actively encourage that. Why not learn to hunt and fish? And by hunting I mean, having someone teach you how to shoot using a good air rifle w/ optical sight and, very importantly, use it humanely; and fishing, try fly fishing – to actually catch anything regularly, you will really need to understand the environment and understand what’s happening under the surface. If you get someone to teach you properly, the process is far more productive than jut trying to make it up as you go along plus you’re more likely to stay on the right side of the law.

I understand what you say about “owning animals” but just remember that very little of our countryside is properly wild and much of it requires careful management – take the river Wye for example and its salmon stocks. Management requires money and if every man and his dog started poaching then it would undermine the efforts of those who try to maintain it and reduce the impact of the billions of people who live in this crowded isle. Maybe agricultural college or a career in countryside management beckons – my cousin who works in this area knows unbelievable amounts of things that the normal ‘sheltered nitwit’ would never have a clue about.

…reduce the impact of the billions of people who live in this crowded isle.

My bad: that was meant to say ‘millions’ not ‘billions’.