Just another day in the bike shop…

Middle-aged bloke with Don King hair put his head around the door:

“Hello, could you lend me a bike?”
“Um, sorry?”
“Could you lend me a bike? I’m going on a walk and my legs hurt.”
“I have demo bikes – I don’t really lend bikes out.”
“My legs are sore – I’m on a mission here.”
“Well, um…”
“You might not get it back.”
“Um, er…”
“I’m looking for some trust here.”
“Sorry, I don’t think I can help.”
“Well, I’ll go then. Don’t follow me. My knees might give out.”

He wandered off muttering…

Jedi mind trick fail.

WTF?
He’s looking for some trust and he’s already said he might not bring it back. Err jog on mate!

😆

We used to get a tyre sniffer in a shop I worked in years ago, loved the smell of the rubber 😯

Sounds like a set up for a Derren Brown show.

Wonderfully random

That’s the best thing I’ve read all year. Thanks for posting:-

Don’t follow me. My knees might give out.

explosively?

Did he have a red nose on?

I had this…well similar, a pikey walked into my shop and after 5 minutes or so (we had 2 other people watching him) he picked his bike and walked off with it. He then asked the my 2 colleagues (who were watching him) if they’d help him get the bike in his car!

We didn’t know whether to laugh or cry!

We did however gently relieve him of said bike and sent him on his way 😆

😀 brilliant, how random

I parked my Yamaha R1 outside Lloyds bank in Stroud once while I got some cash out. On returning to my bike a guy came over and asked if he could have a go on it there and then. He was pretty persuasive, but obviously I stood my ground! When he got the message that he wasn’t going to get a go, he proceeded to drop his trousers and pants and tried to stick his Johnson down the end of the exhaust can that was still boiling hot…

😆 That’s twice this week the laptop has got sprayed with coffee 😆

We used to get a tyre sniffer in a shop I worked in years ago, loved the smell of the rubber

Yep, we had one of those. And another one who liked to sniff saddles! I kid you not! 😯 😯 😯

tried to stick his Johnson down the end of the exhaust can that was still boiling hot…

Equally as 😯 😯 😯

He used to wear a tweed 3 piece suit as well and looked pretty respectable (the tyre sniffer) 😯

That isn’t that out of the ordinary in Stroud 😉

That’s twice this week the laptop has got sprayed with coffee

This!

I get chavs asking for a go on my MTB all the time.

I don’t understand why they think I would say yes…”Certainly, here you go. As an added bonus, when on my bike you’ll be faster than me so if you decide to keep it, there’s nothing I can do. Enjoy!”

You’re not wrong Pigface

Not long after that, later at night I heard some singing getting louder on the road outside my house. Looking out the window I saw a chap cycling along no-handed in just a pair of pants, playing The Wind Cries Mary on an acoustic guitar and singing at the top of his voice

We had a young lad, around 12 or so, who spent ages looking round all the bikes then pointed at a top-end road bike and shyly announced he’d like to buy it.
As alarm bells were tinkling we asked how he’d like to pay for it before taking it off the stand.
He produced a bank paying-in book (in the name of Mrs E Smith) and told us he’d pay by cheque.
After some gentle instruction in the art of cheque fraud (like, you need a cheque book for a start) we sent him on his way.

Not long after that, later at night I heard some singing getting louder on the road outside my house. Looking out the window I saw a chap cycling along no-handed in just a pair of pants, playing The Wind Cries Mary on an acoustic guitar and singing at the top of his voice

That’s the kind of bloke I’d like to go drinking with

Must be something in the water.

Malvern is about the same when it comes to odd eccentrics.

‘oh that’s a nice summer dress you’re wearing today…Mr…….?’

where i used to wrk we used to get a guy in pretty regular who was crackers. he came in once clearly a bit agitated asking for a rear light because god had sent him for a rear light. he didnt want to pay because it was for god. started screaming and shouting then turned round and waled out. he cam in another time asking for a table tennis bat. we were trying to explain to him we didnt sell them and that we were a bike shop but he was having none of it. started getting a bit agro then screaming and shouting then turned round and walked out.
we had another guy who was impossible to understand. everyone used to hide whenever he cam in and the last person who noticed him had to service him. usually with another staff member stood behind him trying to make you laugh. he was a bit crackers too.

had another guy at a builders merchant that i used to work at who insisted on being accompanied around the place because he said if he was left on his own he would just start stuffing whatever he could in his pockets. he used to spend a fortune with us too. paid cash every time he came in. you’ve got to admire the honesty.

he cam in another time asking for a table tennis bat.

I once had an elderly couple come in looking to buy a microwave, when we told them that we sold bikes and that the clue was in the name above the shop they walked out very quietly the lady saying to her husband “i’m sure this used to be J.T Electricals” 😆

him had to service him.

😯

Did you not try to sell him a bike on finance, or encourage him to come back when he finished his walk to buy bike??

…another possible customer lost

This chap was a regular where I used to work

Usually, even with the oddest customers, I have some vague idea of what’s going on in their heads – this one not so much 😉

Rural Devon – he’s a celebrity!

Surely with the stuff that you sell, most of the customers must be odd

Wilko – I think I know the guitar playing cyclist….or at least I know someone in stroud who would do that!

Tang – could be any number of hippy fruitcakes capable of that around the 5 valleys!

Surely with the stuff that you sell, most of the customers must be odd

😆

Surely with the stuff that you sell, most of the customers must be odd

Not at all! Okay, maybe a few. Normal people are boring anyway.

I used to have a petrol station in a very rural part of County Durham, one day this guy came walking down the road & came into the shop & said, ‘call the police, I’ve absconded but now I’m tired’. He’d wandered out of the (not so) secure mental hospital in Sedgefield.

I’m still bewildered a decade on from this incident…

**tinkle tinkle** (the door…)

me: hello, can I help?
her: erm… I thought you were a fish shop?
me: er, no, that’s next door, we are a bike shop (casually wave arm at the row of nearby bikes)
her: oh… so you don’t sell fish?
me: no, the fish shop is next door, we sell bikes
her: what about aquariums?
me: no, but the fish shop next door do
her: are you sure you dont sell fish?
me: …..
her: I’m sure this used to be the fish shop…
me: nope, it was a windows and conservatories shop years ago but the fish shop has always been next door.
her: (takes a long look around at the bikes and shelves of bike parts) OK, thanks!

and then walks out of the door… and turns AWAY from the fish shop next door and walks off…

madness

Until today, my oddest visitor was the man who walked past the window full of bikes, through the door, past the bikes in the shop, up to the back where I was working on a bike in the workstand and asked:

“Where are the sunbeds?”

and then walks out of the door… and turns AWAY from the fish shop next door and walks off…

Perhaps she came in to chat you up 😉 or another member of staff.

Or….or she was just plain mad- it happens 😆

“Where are the sunbeds?”

Was he German?