IVF Content

@jimdoubleyou – thank you for your best wishes and sorry to read that it did not work out for you, I hope that the time was not too hard on you. It is good to read that for me in a weird way, it does keep things realistic.

Re: Counselling, yes we are taking advantage of that and have had 2 of our sessions already. It was actually really helpful when we went…though the various nurses at the clinic have all had a kind of counsellor sort of vibe to them as well. Everyone is so lovely.

One of them told me that the majority of the staff that work there do so because they have been through the same thing, and it shows with their empathy and manner.

Alongside all the hard, stressful parts – we are finding the process quite interesting and engaging as well…just learning about how everything works a bit more closely.

@finbar  – Whiskey would be of more benefit 🙂

Those stats don’t surprise unfortunately.

We went through it with ICSI about 16 years ago, long waiting list in west yorks meant we went private first time, which didn’t work, although I do have fond memories of being w@nked off in a small room by my GF whilst she was off her face on Tramadol. Second attempt on the NHS was successful but no handjob that time.

Massively stressful experience & very easy to get hung up focussing on the difficulty that some face with trying to conceive whereas others pop ’em out seemingly at will. Hope it all goes well for you.

we went private first time, which didn’t work, although I do have fond memories of being w@nked off in a small room

I was about to say that our private experience didn’t include that service then I read by my GF.

Ahhhh!

Didn’t realise that kind of ‘assistance’ was a thing anywhere. What’s wrong with being sent to a bleak cubicle with a chair and a selection of publications from the mid 80s that you wouldn’t want to touch without gloves?

We’ve been through it and are very fortunate to have our son as a result, after 1 round followed by a 2nd frozen transfer round.

Nothing prepared me or my wife for the process and how ‘hard’ it was. From the never ending appointments, to over stimulation and my wife getting to a seriously ill state during the whole process.

Stick with it. Hopefully the hard work will result in a positive outcome for you.

My wife found the whole journey so poorly supported, that she quit her job and now works to create better patient experiences for those going through IVF.

She creates a lot of content, speaks on behalf of patients to the big medical companies, works with clinics to improve things for patients and has created various support groups and a book to help patients.

Her book is at https://positivityplanners.com/ and her support group is on Facebook as “TTC Support UK” and is a really positive community for those trying to conceive.

On the cycling front, the doctor told me to ride. He said there’s some evidence to say being in the saddle lots (and he stressed lots) may have a negative impact, but it was outweighed by the health benefits of being fit by riding.

Good luck on your journey!

We did IVF and it didn’t work for us, took some time out and eventually adopted.

It’s exhausting and very much a rollercoaster – but we tried everything together and although it didn’t go to plan- there is a great & happy life on the other side.

Two things:

Be honest and completely commit to your choices is the thing that got us through it.

Find something to stay sane and centered – your wife/partner is experiencing 10x the challenge.

Quick update for everyone on our situation.

We have completed nearly all of the 2 weeks of stimulating injections, and OH had a scan today. It’s very much on the cusp of what the NHS will agree to do for us – they need to be able to harvest 3 x eggs in order for continued funded treatment to be viable.

As it stands OH has 2 x follicles which are mature, with only a couple of days before they start to over-mature. There is one more follicle which is really far behind the other two and will produce an egg, but not one that is mature enough to fertilise successfully before the other 2 follicles kick the can. And of course, not all follicles are guaranteed to produce an egg at all.

we have been scheduled for egg collection on Monday, as it’s kind of the only chance before the procedure needs to be called off really. If they only get 2 x eggs, then that’s it, no more funded treatment if the fertilisation / implantation doesn’t work.

To say that it is squeaky bum time is an understatement. Nothing to say it won’t work first time with just a couple of eggs, but our chances have slimmed down quite considerably.

Fingers crossed for you.

Does low egg retrieval on first cycle even mean a high chance of a poor harvest in later cycles? I hope this guideline is properly evidenced.

@martinhutch thank you very much.

I don’t know to be honest. I am assuming it does mean that, at least for viability in NHS’s criteria. So many people on waiting list etc…they must have some fertility “KPIs” so to speak to give everyone a fair chance, so I get it, but at the same time it makes the whole thing a bit nerve wracking

I have a daughter 9 and son 5 through ivf with donor. The process is hard, not just the physical strain and distress but the mental side as well.

Best advice would be, be kind to yourselves, try your hardest to not build up your hopes. I strongly advise discussing the process and how it makes you feel with someone. I had a really weird moment where (I think due to donor) I had a proper wobble where I felt my wife had cheated on me!

I also dipped into online forums for dads going through the same, there was sensible conversations there that helped.

Be how you want to be about it, there’s no rules. I was open as I felt no shame and was surprised how many people also had trouble conceiving and had used ivf. The hardest bit has been how quickly my daughter has aged and choosing the time for full disclosure of how she came into the world.

I don’t know to be honest. I am assuming it does mean that, at least for viability in NHS’s criteria. So many people on waiting list etc…they must have some fertility “KPIs” so to speak to give everyone a fair chance, so I get it, but at the same time it makes the whole thing a bit nerve wracking.

The question is whether a single cycle with a low egg count should be sufficient evidence by itself of likely poor outcome in future cycles, or whether age and ovarian reserve testing should also be taken into consideration.

Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that though – good luck!

We did 4 rounds without success. All privately. One miscarriage was as far as we got.

My advice, don’t stop doing things like going for the occasional bike ride except maybe a week out from egg collection etc. I think it’s an unnecessary stressor. Obviously stop drinking and eating rubbish if you do that.

Don’t be afraid to tell the clinic if they’re changing things you thought went well in previous rounds.

This one is very important. Be very, very careful about who you share the fact that you’re going through this with both during and after. Even way after. Can’t emphasize this enough. Tell your missus that aswell.

GOOD LUCK 🙏

Another member of the club here. 4 rounds, 1 “free” (but we still had to pay for the injections, so ~$10k) and 3 private. ICSI didn’t work, and the final round was really a balls to the wall “if this doesn’t work we’re done”. It’s expensive, emotionally draining and hard work; and even if you go  private it can feel that the professionals aren’t necessarily hugely sympathetic. And as a lot of people have said, it’s something We Don’t Talk About, which makes it even tougher and more lonely.

All I can say is good luck, and try to keep calm through it all. And from personal experience, if you can separate out the “OMG this is our only chance!!” emotional anxiety from it, it may help a little to survive it all – but it’s tough to do so.

Good luck! It’s a rough process, particularly for her and the emotional toll can be heavy if it doesn’t work.

We went through multiple rounds with no joy and had a tough time with it. Eventually went back for a “last chance” option and took a much more philosophical approach of “If this works, that would be great. But our life is pretty awesome right now as well, so if it doesn’t work the outcome is also great. It’s a win-win.” Might seem odd, but it did seem to help psychologically. My wife did also get quite a lot out of counselling.

I can hear the 18-month old bundle of trouble waking up downstairs right now…..

finbar – is egg donation an option? I found the idea of adoption difficult to process as well if I’m honest.

Ach. Had egg collection early this morning and only one egg retrieved. After this cycle, there’s no more funded treatment available to us. Bugger.

However, all you need is one egg and I’m sure they’ll be able to find one workable swimmer from my sample, so hopefully they can at least fertilise and we will get one shot at it. We will find out tomorrow. Hope is still alive even though the odds are very much not in our favour.

Fingers crossed for you.

Last update on this – at least for while.

Unfortunately our only little egg didn’t make it – so that is the end of our NHS funded treatment. Yesterday was a really hard and strange time going between utter despair and a kind of “oh well” feeling. It is gonna take a while to come to terms with this.

We can afford a round or two of private treatment, which we may go for. However with such a low egg reserve for my OH’s age, we are going to take some time to consider it carefully. Don’t want to rush into anything and just focus on supporting each other for now.

For now, we are going to try and have a few weeks “off” and just live our lives, maybe head up to my Mum’s in the NW Highlands. I went out on my road bike last night and it really helped, so nice to feel that feeling again even after just a few weeks.

Thanks for everyone’s input on this over the last few weeks. It has really helped, and the less-positive stories really did help to prepare myself for this. Mountain bikers are awesome.

So sorry to hear this. If you haven’t done this, definitely worth getting a couple of other medical opinions about the way forward and confirming that any treatment/monitoring regimen is the appropriate one. I remember getting a variety of suggested approaches from different clinics, although this was a couple of decades ago, and success rates varied very widely across the centres offering private/nhs IVF.

Sorry it hasn’t worked out yet, but please bear in mind that you can still try naturally – it can and does happen – I know of two couples personally that conceived naturally, one after having twins on IVF, the other after trying and failing at IVF.