Is there anything worse…

Than a long hair wrapped around your toes when you’ve got a sock on? Gives me the heebie jeebies!

So satisfying if you pull it out in one go though.

Standing on a fat, squishy slug in bare feet on wet grass so it bursts between your toes.

Standing on a fat, squishy slug in bare feet on wet grass so it bursts between your toes.

I stood in dog poo barefoot once, that wasnt a great experience.

You’ve obviously never had a long hair wrapped around your uvula

Hearing your new dog being sick in the night, going down stairs to fetch cleaning supplies in the dark so as not to disturb anyone else in the house and stepping in the doggy sloppy 💩 that has also occurred.

https://www.healthline.com/health/penis-fish

grimep

Free Member

You’ve obviously never had a long hair wrapped around your uvula

That’s quite the achievement!

Falling over when out running and smashing your knee up so bad you need surgery to clean the wound and thus missing your planned trip to Nice to ride some Cols 🤔

What about standing on a discarded Elastoplast at the public swimming pool?

Strimming the long grass around the apple tree and finding out it’s where the neighborhood cat has been pooping…

Guy I used to cycle with around Harlestone firs had a dog toffee flick up behind his glasses and into his eye. He had to go to hospital (twice).

I dropped my wallet in the urinal not so long ago

I had a stone bounce up into my eye whilst scything once. I sae thh damn thing coming, SAW IT, and could not jerk away or blinkfast enough. Ended up in ER having the eye rinsed out and the small flap of conjunctiva put back. Eye drops for ages.

I’ve used goose poo as a lubricant for getting my feet in wakeboard bindings. People using the Box End cable might understand that

You’ve obviously never had a long hair wrapped around your uvula

I’ve had uvulitis, it was **** horrible. Wasn’t caused by a hair though 🙂

Accidentally wiping dog shit into my beard was pretty disgusting (it was on my brake lever, and then on my fingers and then I ended up smearing it on my face). I was on my way to work too 🤢

@v7fmp riding into a bunch of slugs on the road after rain – dozens and dozens of slugs that get squished under your front tyre and bits flying up on your face and everywhere. Noticed them way too late to do anything.

And the Mechanics Special –  customers bike in for a tyre change, and both tyres and frame in places covered in spots of soft dog shit that the customer has just ridden into before bringing the bike in. And you notice as you put your (luckily gloved) hand in it.

Had a (sober) friend be sick on a busy tube – put his hand to his mouth to stop it hitting the people in front of him and just ended up deflecting it over everyone either side of him. I copped it in the face, not a good day out.

Slipping on a soaking wet pub toilet floor and landing flat on it.

Yes I was tipsy.

Yes I was wearing my brand new (at the time) very expensive *insert brand* hand wash only woollen jumper.

Yes I still cringe/shudder at thought now 18 months later.

I’ve been splattered by numerous animals shit, including human (first rule of strimming is keep your gob shut!), cleaned public toilets, cleaned/cleared sewer systems, emptied stinking dog litter bins etc etc but falling on that piss soaked floor is by far the worst.

Had a (sober) friend be sick on a busy tube – put his hand to his mouth to stop it hitting the people in front of him and just ended up deflecting it over everyone either side of him. I copped it in the face, not a good day out.

Years ago, I was on an incredibly rough overnight ferry crossing from Hull to Stavanger. I went up on the deck to get some fresh air and leant over the rail to look at the churning north sea. A woman upwind of me also leaning over the rail, emptied the contents of her stomach into the void which immediately blew all over me. She liked Wotsits and Fanta from what I could tell.

Putting your socks on then walking into the bathroom we’re your missus has seemingly just sprayed the shower head all around the room.

I **** HATE WET SOCKS!!! 🤬🤬

Giving the lawn its first cut of the year and not seeing the frog in time…..

(Strimming one and having it splatter all over your face is worse, sorry, not being all Elevenerife)

Giving the lawn its first cut of the year and not seeing the frog in time…

God yeah, I’ve done that. It’s not a proportionate response but I felt awful about it for weeks.

Squished a slug on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night. That woke me up

Having a massive pus filled boil burst inside my sock, knowing I’d have to take the sock off and explain it to my mum. (Age 10)

Being hit in the BGC that had gone septic at fencing and having a outspread hand sized pus soaked fencing jacket to explain to my mum. ( Age 12)

The bought of the massive yellow stinking yellow pus with bits of blood soaked in to the white fencing jacket.

My dad went to an ashes scattering at sea , was a windy day and everyone copped it in the face.

Years later he found them in his turn ups

@houns I’ve known a place that used paint ball masks due to the proliferation of stinky land mines as they have less gaps than the clear visor.

And to contribute, not disgusting but really uncomfortable is the sap from grand fir trees when felling and processing them.
It’s first move is to use its glue like properties to hold your eye lid open. Then, just as your eye starts to really dry (unless filled with salty sweat) the next flick of sap to the eye will highlight its citric sting.
It is also so sticky I have contemplated waxing my arms to make it easier to clean off and after sitting on a log of it at lunchtime have pretty much had to rip arse hair to remove pants later on.

Sitting next to and downwind of a seasick and atrociously hungover sailor on the side of a yacht in bad weather is to be avoided.

Strimming the long grass around the apple tree and finding out it’s where the neighborhood cat has been pooping…

Not strimming the lawn, it’s not big enough to bother, so I hand shear it, and it’s easier to spot the cat shit, but finding cat turds in the large pot my apple tree is planted in was pretty disgusting. I tend to put holly bush trimmings around it now. 😖

A friend was pinning up a poster when it slipped. Paper cut to the eye. OUCH

Than a long hair wrapped around your toes when you’ve got a sock on?

I’ve had a long hair wrapped around worse places.  The worst part was, it took several days to discover what was going on.

Oh dear, I’ve done all of these…

1. Strimmed dog turds
2. Strimmed a couple of Frogs (Strimmer had folding blades fitted not a cord!)
3. Stood, barefoot, in dog poop with ‘millions’ of worms in. We had new puppy from a poor home and the worming powders upset his tummy one night!
4. Had a Lamb that I was handfeeding fill my lap with Yellow/Green scour (infected poop)
5. Been sprayed with Cow pee and Cow poop while walking behind a number of Cows in Stalls in a Barn
6. I also hate wet socks and Mrs JAG has a habit of spraying the shower head all over the bathroom floor

Over many years I have learnt to “not give a monkeys” as none of this has ever caused any real issues – just a lot of Yuk!

For a while we got eggs delivered by the milkman and they’d regularly go missing which we found out was foxes nicking them. Stopped ordering them shortly after that but whilst tidying a big plant pot by our front door the other week I put a trowel through a buried egg that the foxes must have put there. I reckon the egg must have been there at least 8 months given when we stopped getting them delivered… I can still smell it.

Discovering a big juicy spot behind your ear while in a meeting and just wanting to squeeze it.

Nappies, I was chief nappy changer in our household. I’ve no idea why people mess about with wipes when using the same methods as cleaning an MTB work perfectly.

Living in an old farmhouse rats used to choose the most inconvenient places to die and stink.

We still have the paint scrapers we used to clean the nappies with. Good fun grossing out the boys telling them what we used them for.

What about standing on a discarded Elastoplast at the public swimming pool?

Getting it stuck between your fingers whilst swimming 🤮

“ when using the same methods as cleaning an MTB work perfectly”

Now, as much as I dislike children even I wouldn’t use a jet wash on them.

I doubt you’d use a jet wash on your bikes sensitive parts either.

I grabbed a handful of cat egg from under my daughter’s bed t’other night.

She called me in, the smell was bad. We looked for the stealth poo. Obvs, under bed was clothes, toys etc and I’m grabbing handfuls of clothes out then SQUISH.