I need to steal my own bike…any tips? (idiot content)

Probably overthinking this but here we go anyway.

A few weeks ago I was leaving work and my rear mech packed in on my gravel bike.

I was in a rush to get somewhere across the city so I quickly phoned a mate and asked if I could store my bike in their secure lockup in their block carpark, and took the bus. I planned to pick it up the following weekend but basically kept forgetting or didn’t have time.

Cut to now…I have received a new rear mech and some new bits for it as needed doing.

Lost the bloody lock key haven’t I. Nowhere to be found. Why didn’t I just pick it up when I planned?!?!? It’s been there so long it has cobwebs on the bars.

Anyway I basically need to steal it. My mate is away and I have a spare key. There are security cameras in there with a number that nobody answers on the signs.

Should I just go in and saw the lock and walk out, and show photos I have of the bike to anyone passing by to ensure them I am a nice middle class man who would never steal a bike? Should I phone the police on 101 beforehand? Go to the local station?

I stole my own bike on a central Edinburgh street. Full on grinder and sparks, broad daylight. Hundreds of people about

No one batted an eyelid

For the avoidance of doubt, what lock needs breaking? And what type of lock is it?

judging by various videos I’ve seen no one will bat an eyelid if you turn up with an angle grinder and cut it free.

edit: you could add a high viz jacket if it makes you feel better. You can do anything if you’re wearing hi-viz.

Just cut the lock and it’s almost certain no-one will care or do anything

You’re not doing anything illegal and presumably you can prove ownership in needed, so don’t worry about it.

Best bet is to put on a black hoody and balaclava, use a battery powered disc cutter and no one will bat an eye

@kormoran – given I am also in Edinburgh and this is kinda tucked away in Leith that is encouraging. I suppose I have photos of it on my phone etc if I get grief for it.

@goldfish24 – It’s a Kryptonite lock, one of the mid price grey ones. I have a second one with keys that look identical but seemingly they don’t work…guess I will be pinching the work angle grinder.

It’s your bike. Just go and liberate it.

I had to do the same when my ex locked hers and our sons outside a big Tescos and lost the key.
Another time I spotted a mates old Pace bike outside the station (stolen in a burglary years before). I put my d-lock on it and called him up and we liberated it. A member of staff queried what we were up to and asked for ID! We declined.

No one will G.A.S.

Just wanted to check you’re properly tooled up! Definitely a job for a grinder, not a saw.

Oh, and…

Correct PPE and a bit of high viz should cement the appearance of a nice middle class man.

You’re not doing anything illegal and presumably you can prove ownership in needed, so don’t worry about it.

Be interesting how you would do that definitively.

Your idea of calling 101 is a nice plan, but realistically you’ll be able to leave the house, cut the lock, ride home before anyone answers!  You could go to the local station as you suggest – but most of them are not manned with a front desk 24/7 so you actually just get a phone than connects to 101!   If I was really concerned its probably easiest to send an email – that records who you are, where the bike it, what you plan to do and roughly when.  And then if the cops do turn up you can point them to it as reassurance of your legitimacy.  Unless the lock is really good you’ll not take long!

Just cut it.  I recommend something to protect the frame, say a wet cloth, and something to hold the lock steady such as a quick clamp, and safety goggles of course.  That’s what has worked best for me in the past. Given you are indoors I might be tempted to have something to hand to put out any fires if the sparks set light to anything but that has never ever happened to me so far, I just overthink

Cut through the frame. It’ll be a lot easier than cutting through the lock.

On second thoughts a bit by bit theft over several weeks is probably better and less suspicious. Front wheel first. Then the bars and stem. Then forks and brakes. Rear wheel and saddle. Finally the frame after it has sat forlorn for a month d locked to a hoop.

It’s basically performance art

put on a black hoody and balaclava

nah- hi viz is what you need!

101, tell them the reason and ask for them to make a note?

We used to do this with MRT team when we got rid of old flares/had a flare launching training session…

A trolley jack will burst a D-lock, not sure about a car scissor jack  though.

Bottom of leith walk/leith pop into queen Charlotte st station say what your doing. Top half Gayfield square station.

Hi Vis and a “work permit” to say you’re authorised to clear the area of unclaimed bikes.

I’d try and nab some traffic cones and a “men at work” sign too. Really go to town on it.

I’m fact, I’d he tempted to run an experiment to see how far it goes in the (very unlikely) event that you’re challenged on it.

nah- hi viz is what you need

This. Make sure you have the BLF logo clearly displayed

We used to do this with MRT team when we got rid of old flares

This isn’t the TJ fashion thread

You can do anything if you’re wearing hi-viz.

That’s my entry to Hardline next year sorted then.

I once stole my own bike from outside Morrisons supermarket in Stirling.

Came out with the weekly shop and realised I’d forgotten the key for the lock.

Home was many miles away. Walked into Halfords where they lent me a hacksaw (the guy behind the till said he recognised me and so lent me one from his toolkit).

No issues while hacksawing the lock other than the trolley guy offering to get the caretaker to see if he could help 🙂

Bottom of leith walk/leith pop into queen Charlotte st station say what your doing.

earmarked for complete closure – open hours for front desk are so inconsistent that the advice is to call 101 to find out!

Those grey kryptonite locks are easy enough to hack saw. Had to steal my own frame* from outside the office after one seized on me. Did not take long to cut.

* Had to leave it there overnight so stripped everything off.

As someone who works for 101 in Scotland don’t waste your time calling for this.  Any note taken will not be seen or even be findable by anyone who subsequently takes a call about bike theft by elray89 in Leith and won’t be findable by any officers attending either.

Calls advising of Explosions (Matt’s MRT disposing of flares) and firearms shooting are treated very differently (just because of the huge amount of police resource consumed when we take reports of unknown explosions / gunshots).

A group of us called at Leith police but got dismissed pretty sharpish. I think they thought we sort to stay

If you angle grinder the lock, cover the bike with something, or you’ll likely shower it in sparks/metal particles that won’t come off

(Like I did with a toilet seat bolt and a nearby shower cubicle panel)

Sor all concerned parties – many thanks for your help firstly, and secondly an update:

My bike has been stolen succesfully. Actually amazed at how easy it is to cut those grey Kryptonite locks with just a hacksaw. Took maybe 2 minutes all in. No untoward looks or anyone there at all to be quite honest, so I can’t imagine I will be getting a visit from the 5-0 any time soon.

In fact, if I did I would be incredibly annoyed as I’ve never heard of anyone in the past few years actually getting caught. Perhaps I could frame it as some kind of social performance art about police budgets.

101, tell them the reason and ask for them to make a note?

We used to do this with MRT team when we got rid of old flares/had a flare launching training session…

If you are getting rid of a whole box of out of date red smokes, it is worth letting the fire brigade know in advance so they don’t rock up thinking there is a terrible chemical fire. That happened to ‘a friend’.

Excellent – I was hoping this would be an update on how you got on! Possibly with a plea for bail money because plod had charged you with attempted theft… 😉

@nicko74 – Haha thankfully not. Nice to have it back and up & running with the new kit on it…I wonder if “But I just bought a new Rivel mech!” would have worked on the coppers had it come to that.

Bonus info: After the recent weather (pollen aplenty and then damp repeat ad infinitum) my bike was incredibly sticky all over. At least I hope the weather was the cause.