Does anyone want to swap?

Every time there is a glimmer of some sort of positivity, everything comes crashing down around me. It really f*****g sucks

Are you a Spurs fan?
I’ve messaged you mate.

Well its the only one you have so hang in there, at some point things will improve.

Alan, stick in there. You are a great dad, and that wee gang of yours are great.

Anything we can help with?

I’ve just messaged granny ring with the jist of it. You’ve all done enough already, only so much crying about things at night you can do.

You’ve all done enough already…

No chance, people will always be there to help, you just need to know that all you need to do is ask 👍

I hate my life

So did I once.
10 years of shite including…
Divorce & losing a business & going ‘pop’ at the same time which meant losing my house/job. losing both parents, losing loads of weight cos of worry/stress (that was the upside)

It’ll turn the other way, always does.

Your lovely kids think you do a great job. You should be proud of that.

nealglover +1

We are genuinely here as a shoulder Tu cry on, real assistance if needed and p*ss taking while riding or talking about bikes.

There’s a bloody good chance that you’ll come out the other side of this & things’ll pick up. Have you got anyone you can talk to? It helps if you can get it off your chest. Someone you trust. Good luck mate. 😊

Thanks all, as usual. If you really want to know what’s going on I’ll say, it’s not as if you don’t all know enough already. It’s difficult doing it all alone, and the only people you feel you can turn to are STWers.

What’s happening Alan? Get it all off your chest, it’ll help to share. Just seen your lovely post on FB by the way. Keep doing what you’re doing

Feel free to use this forum as a release mate. I don’t know you or anybody on this forum but as you know people are always happy to help or just listen with a sympathetic ear if required.

I have read all your previous posts and I have to say that there is no way I could have coped with what you have been through the last year or so. I have had a hard few years which came to a head in June when I went out on a night out and never came home.. no idea where I ended up or what I intended to do. I was at the end of my tether and just couldn’t see a way to get out of the hole I was in. Luckily my 2 best mates and my wife were there for me to pick up the pieces and force me to go and seek help. It really helped having people to talk to, so please use this forum as your platform to try and put your emotions and thoughts into words.

We are here to help or just send you encouraging words.

The post on fb was a memory from last year, was nice. She still has the rock in her bed too which is really sweet.

Right, this is what’s going on. Eldest (nearly 16) is self harming, 11yo is flying off the handle, 6yo is really struggling and 4yo is kicking off at everyone. Started my first gym session last week, a specific training one. Couldn’t make the gym session yesterday as I had to go to school to sort 11yo’s bleeding ear out, down the docs this morning with him for antibiotics which took forever and wasted all of today, but at least he’s getting sorted. Because of today, I lost my physio appointment for the torn ligament in my ankle.

Top that off with general stress, struggling to cope, lack of money and a 5k debt I’ve put myself in (see the filling the void bit on my blog) and can’t seem to find a way out. That and a realisation that if and when I am ready to meet someone, I’m not exactly a great catch. Widowed father of 4 isn’t exactly an appealing thought.

That’ll do for starters, don’t want to scare you all off completely.

Are any of the kids having counselling? The gym thing is a minor setback, you’ll be back on it next week.

Widowed father of four isn’t what you are. That’s just the circumstances you are in. A father doing a great job of raising four kids who’ve been through the mill, that’s what you are.

Still waiting (again) for any sort of counselling to be arranged for us all. And I hear you funk, I do. But dealing with all this for such a long time is taking its toll, believe me.

Yep agree with that funky.
Although the Spurs joke was wasted on him 😂

Doing all that makes me think you’re doing a great bloody job.

It’s not easy being a parent at the best of times but you’ve had it shit and are doing it all on your own.

Keep going gnusmas. You’re an inspiration to us all.

Don’t ever worry about needing to vent on here, nobody here has to read your posts, but lots of us do.
With the amount of s##t you are dealing with hating your life seems a completely reasonable response!
I know it sounds corny but if every time there’s a glimmer of hope it goes to s##t, then it follows that whenever it’s turned to s##t there’s going to be a glimmer of hope soon.
Keep plodding along fella, keep plodding along.

On the other hand, that’s 8 high-quality kidneys you have to sell.

Man it will get better, it will.

gnusmas, my life is pretty shyte at present mate.

i have a 22 year old daughter upstairs crying her eyes out and screaming that she hates me. she is 4 month pregnant.
she hates me because i have just told her 29 year old loser of a boyfriend that he needs to move out of my house.
i foolishly let them both move in 3 month ago when their flat let run out. which they had six month warning about.

he has just left in a huff, which i am glad about deep down, even tho i told him he had a month to find somewhere. since moving in all he has done is play x box and go to the gym.

but enough from me.

life is indeed shyte sometime………but pretty ok the rest of the time.

chin up mate.

Must be difficult doing the 30 minutes exercise challenge in those circumstances tony.

We don’t know each other but afraid we’ve been through similar with our losses. I don’t post much but have read a lot of yours and I’ve been amazed how well you’ve done in the situation you’ve found yourself in, venting on forums is good and there seems to be some proper good advice here, hope you find a way fella

Might be stating the bleedin’ obvious but have you talked to your GP recently? If nothing else I have always found them to be sympathetic and prepared to listen. That alone has helped me with stress and anxiety over the years, and the GP’s referral to CBT helped me too. And apparently the start of Autumn is known to trigger/increase stress and anxiety.

I had one of my children being quite challenging.

But it does eventually get better. I have to admit he is much improved since he moved out.

You are allowed to cry, in fact you need to cry.
Unfortunately most (not all) 16 year olds are a handful. My best friend is going through a really tough time at the moment and her 16 year old is not helping.
Has he got a job? Maybe a part time job or some voluntary work with some responsibility could help him.

Please try and get to the gym. If you can’t, then get the whole family out for a walk and out of the house.

Please mail me if you need to vent.

You are a great father. Keep going.

Sorry to hear this. You have been inspirational to me and I believe you can get through this.

Re; the Gym and getting your son volunteering as mentioned above, can you combine to two and start getting the family to your local Saturday morning Parkrun?

Its free, regular and has a current push to be less ‘runny’ (tail runners are now called tail walkers and some people at our event take over an hour to get round with zero pressure from the volunteers to go faster)

Every week our local one needs volunteers and the jobs are simple, but the ‘Parkrun family’ can be very supportive and friendly.

There is even a junior version on Sundays which is shorter and obviously designed for family groups, but they are not at every location.

Good luck and keep ‘talking’ on here

Hello, not spoken before but I recall a little from previous threads. I used to help out at the board of CHUMS – Mental Health and Emotional Welbeing Service for Children and Young People (http://chums.uk.com) it’s worth taking a look at their site, and getting in touch with them as they do great work and may be able to offer some support and/or advice. The CEO is an amazing lady called Dawn Hewitt and if you’d like I could put you in touch.

Gnu, don’t ever feel like you can’t share the good and the bad on here. I don’t know you and have never met you but have been nothing but inspired by how you have dealt with everything over the last few years.
definitely get in touch with the docs re counselling for the eldest lad, try not to be too hard on him, he’s gone through a lot too and may not have the same support network that you have here. in fact why not share you posting history with him so he can see there are people out there who can or will help.
the gym can wait as can the “right person”, where you are does not define you, it’s how you deal with it that makes you the person you are and it will come in time.
and lastly and most easily rectified (possibly) is debt. if you’ve still got your justgiving page open pop up a link. I can’t donate much but am happy to give what I can and i’m sure i’m not alone in wanting to help.
They say there’s no such thing as strangers, just friends you haven’t made yet, and they don’t come much stranger than us lot here so open up your arms and welcome all the support and help you can. it takes a lot of bravery to say you need help and a whole lot more to accept it.
all the best

For reference, with the money problems, I know you are proud and don’t want to accept other people’s money (I’m sure I saw that in an earlier thread). I get it, but if it’s a major factor, there are people on here that’d be happy enough to chuck in the cost of a beer or 2 to make things better for you. Alternatively, there are definitely people who can meet you for a ride!

As for the gym, it’ll be there in a week!

Gnusmas you are doing everything you can and coping with it like a hero. It is understandable that you feel like you do, but never forget that this quirky corner of the internet is full of supportive strangers who listen to and support each other. Use us to vent your frustrations and we’ll support you and we’ll still be there routing for you and your family when you’re all on the up. You are not alone or a burden. STW wouldn’t be the same without you.

It might not mean much to you today but you are an inspiration to most of us on here.

At the risk of sounding a wee bit rude you’re probably not brave or a hero or a superman. I guess you’re an ordinary bloke who has had a whole pile of crap flung at you recently.

If venting your anger on here is a release and helps even a bit then go ahead. Better getting it out than keeping it bottled up.

Most folk on here (me included) talk a load of nonsense much of the tine. But if you need practical help do genuinely not be afraid to ask. Lots of folk doing a wee bit each can make a real difference. At the moment you need help. In the future it may well be you helping one of us. Just know that we’re here if you need us.

Is it worth gathering the kids around for a ‘team’ talk – you get them to describe their world as they see it and what problems they are having, etc, and then you go last?

See if it changes anything once they realise what the situation is really like?

Thanks everyone, again. This week has been incredibly tough. I have read your comments, will update tomorrow once my head is (hopefully) a bit clearer.

I don’t know you but my heart genuinely aches when I read your posts but I notice that they are not all negative.

I hated my life, brought up by a violent father I went off the rails in my early teens. Went through something else that resulted in me having a brake down aged about 18 and spent the next 10+ years blocking out the pain and depression with drink drugs and violence.
Then I met somebody, and everything changed for the better.

I wish Id had a father like you, your children will one day be adults and I sure they will be extremely proud of what you have done for them.

Keep going.