How do kids do it?

Yeah, the physics necessary for my daughter to shit in her own hair remain a mystery to me.

I think it’s when they sit down on a particularly large one. The nappy is perfect for shooting it straight up their back.

My 10 year old has resorted to doing half, wiping and flushing and then starting again after faaar too many blocked toilets. It’s good that they learn the limits.

The earnest expression from my 3 year old whilst stating (straining) – “poo’s coming, Daddy”. Thanks, Honey. #Oversharing.

Oh yes, my 3 & 5 yo’s who still need help wiping have this habit at the moment of calling for help and then halfway through the wipe “I need to make more!” then when sitting there telling me earnestly “just one more blob daddy”. Thanks…

When my daughter was in nappies she use to stand in a corner and face the wall while making a deposit in her nappy.

“Hey Cougar, how come you never had kids?”

How – as a parent – have I not known of the ‘Forest Fr1ends’ page so far in life? Brilliant stuff.

On her last but one visit to our house, OHs young niece made a quick exit to the bathroom. As she had been missing for some time OH went to investigate. First thing she found was niece’s shoe just outside the bathroom door with a deposit on top of it. A trail of further deposits across the bathroom floor led to niece attempting to wipe it up with bog roll.
On her last visit, same niece made a simillar exit to the bathroom. Cue exchange of nervous looks between OH and me. She reappeared a reasonably short time later looking calm so we relaxed. A little while later I was next to the bathroom to be met with a monster of impressive girth occupying the toilet bowl. One end of which was out of sight somewhere around the u-bend while the other was out of the water half way up the bowl, looking like it was about to escape!
How do kids do it indeed?

When my daughter was in nappies she use to stand in a corner and face the wall while making a deposit in her nappy.

Fairly standard behaviour. Both mine did this, either hiding behind the sofa, standing in a corner or similar.

Or stood in the middle of IKEA. Grunting.

I’m regretting starting this thread now. It’s just hrought up long suppressed memories of New year 2016.

We’d had a party, some folks stayed over. My then 12 year old nephew among them. He went to the loo and blocked it with a dead otter covered in about half a roll’s worth of paper. The Mrs got up and in her bleary state didn’t notice that the toilet was already full. So, without realising this she unleased the full fury of the morning after the night before from round the back. On top of the beast that lay beneath. So the toilet was already blocked and had another deposit left on top. Guess who had to sort it out…

I was woken from my slumber after having fallen into bed at about 4 in the morning (I think I carried on the party alone in the “pub” at the end of the garden), absolutely hanging. I felt as sick as a dog and I had work to do. Out to the garden to find a stick. A whole new spin on “poo(h) sticks”. The rest is a haze (thankfully) but it took a long time to get over the trauma of the event (and get the smell out from the back of my nose).

We don’t have kids but thank you all for this thread, genuine LOL and tears here 😂

I watched that Shimarijo video; does he have some sort of handlebar to increase his purchase while birthing the otter? Where does one get those, a friend wants to know?

As for the blockage stories. My wife managed to block a foreign toilet in quite a posh hotel; one of the ones with the small escape hole but large inspection shelf, resulting in a near to the brim experience of slow draining but (by the time she called me) quite disperse nuggetty matter.

Each flush just added to the ‘will it, won’t it’ excitement – will it leave by the prescribed door, or is this the one that overflows. We had to bale a couple of times, with the bathroom bin, trying to only gather clear water that could be sent down the sink, and then when it became evident the gentle swirl of the toilet flush wasn’t going to provide the impetus we then went for the option of filling the bin with water from the bath taps and pouring in to the bowl from as high as possible. Precarious because i was by now stood on the edge of the bath, to maximise the effect, but also because any splashing could well see the escape of a chunk on to the expensive marble tiled floor.

To add to the enjoyment – this was about 4th night of my honeymoon. We’ve now been married 21 years. The magic has not faded, albeit from that fairly low starting point.

“poo(h) sticks”

I can confirm that it does, yes.

he is capable of spending quarter of an hour on the job (while singing away happily to himself)

Hey, we all do that, right?

Top tip by the way folks – a bog brush in a carrier bag makes a very effective plunger, eminently suitable, and I speak from experience*, for de-loggifying a blocked loo.

*it wasn’t mine.

small escape hole but large inspection shelf

This terminology is new to me, but also absolutely perfect.

does he have some sort of handlebar to increase his purchase while birthing the otter? Where does one get those, a friend wants to know?

Try the accessible toilets…

Grab and brace for impact

Hey, we all do that, right?

I usually read Private Eye. I do worry about the language my eldest might be exposed to if he has a read, but then again his modus operandum is ‘sit, poo, go’ (no wipe, no flush), so he’s not there long…

Try the accessible toilets…

With the arms and buttons, that wouldn’t look out of place on the bridge of the Enterprise.

Captain’s Log. Number One. childish giggling

I usually read Private Eye.

Not a euphemism I’ve heard before.

@cougar

Alright then…

YES!

🤣🤣

Where is the like button?

The magic has not faded, albeit from that fairly low starting point.

They say romance is dead.

I had a great non-shit related contribution to this thread that was equivalently mysterious to as how kids do it. Sorry can’t remember what it was so just take my word for it. Kids have scrambled my already scrambled brain.

Cool starry bra.

My eldest once clambered in to a bush and Mrs F thought he was just exploring. Turns out he’d gone in there to release king turd of shit mountain. Doesn’t sound bad right? Well, he managed to get stuck in the bush and somehow completely covered in poo.

Mrs F had to clamber in like a Royal Marine. Both of them covered in poo and twigs. I’ve never been so grateful for finishing work later than planned or it would’ve been me conducting bush rescue.

My daughter once approached me whilst I was distracted reading. “Present for you Daddy” so I took it without looking. Handful of fresh poo!

Some of us never left childhood… Regular as clockwork… 2-3 times a week.

hope that is sarcasm. You should be pooing once a day or every 1.5 days.

Err…everyone is different. It can be normal to go once a week or three times per day.

^ to balance TiRed, I’m on at least two, usually three per day. A morning one, regular as clockwork about 15 mins after getting up. Maybe a second one mid morning, and then another late afternoon or early evening.

Unless I’ve just put bib shorts on, I reckon there’s a nerve in my collarbones that as soon as they feel a bib strap over them set things in motion no matter what time of day or night.

I was still pretty much a kid…back from uni used the loo then upon flushing I heard my mum yelling at me, ‘Geoff what the hell have you done..nooooo’.

When I’d flushed, the pipe detached on the outside of the house and all that I had just expunged went rushing down the side of the house. The smell was horrific. Cue my mum trying to throw buckets of hot water and bleach up the side of the house.

My 9 month old can produce some truly horrific poops for a tiny little thing.

hope that is sarcasm

No it was an observation. Everyone is different but I’m actually still normal. Based on humans consuming about the same amount of food and extracting about the same nutrients, let’s just say that multiple flushes are a thing in the TiRed household. That’s a good outcome. One of my nieces has the same phenotype.

Scales in the bathroom make for some interesting games. Based on £1/g weightweenie mantra, I can get some serious performance gains before races.