Man 'tried to have sex with a pile of leaves' in a hotel car park https://t.co/YLTjF9oGEV

— Manchester News MEN (@MENnewsdesk) October 31, 2019

Reet, lets be having ’em. Is his name Russell? Was it a treesome? etc etc

Must have had some serious wood

leafs nothing to the imagination.

I heard thats all in his past now that he’s turned over a new leaf.

“tried” couldn’t get wood I assume?

Does he subscribe to Rustler magazine?

Humus be joking. IGMC.

Btw they put the inverted commas in the wrong place, FIFY:

Michael Golsorkhi was seen thrusting with his trousers around his ankles in full view of families eating at a Beefeater ‘pub’ in Stockport.

Meats, shoots in leaves?

Arrested by Special Branch?

Was the story on what sap ?
Had he been advised to branch out in his love life?

I’ve blown a pile of leaves before; guess it’s much the same thing

Operation Yewtree involved?

anything for a root

Well if they will have those sexy leaves just laying around…

Bet this will make him poplar with the ladies…

I can see this being an evergreen thread.

He humped, he dumped, he had a great Fall.

I’ve blown a pile of leaves before; guess it’s much the same thing

Wind in the Willows ?

Had he taken cannabis? The article only mentions it like five times so I’m not quite sure.

Really, who writes this shit for the MEN? The last non-story someone posted from there about two slappers having a fight was the same, two sentences repeated over and over into a thousand words, only interspersed with 47 trout pout photos.

Sex on the beech.

Has anyone checked if the leaves are oak-ay?

I feel as though I may have been on the cannabis when trying to unpick this pithy little one-liner from the sentencing magistrate:

Unfortunately for you, it is you who have found yourself in this position.

Really, who writes this shit for the MEN? The last non-story someone posted from there about two slappers having a fight was the same, two sentences repeated over and over into a thousand words, only interspersed with 47 trout pout photos

I’ve always assumed they just published Binners diary

Really, who writes this shit for the MEN?

Typical muck-raking journalism.

#treetoo

Careful the squirrels dont steal his nuts!!!

As a Salfordian, the MEN has always been part of my life. Mum and dad got it delivered when I was at home and I read it into adulthood once fledged. Over the last fifteen or so years the standard of content and journalism have declined vastly. I don’t think proofreading is costed in any more. The grammar, punctuation and syntax are bloody dreadful.

I’ve seen quite a few conkers on the ground recently.
RM.
Edit:

I don’t think proofreading is costed in any more

Teh ironing.

proofread[ proof-reed ]SHOW IPA
EXAMPLES|WORD ORIGIN
SEE MORE SYNONYMS FOR proofread ON THESAURUS.COM
verb (used with object), proof·read [proof-red] , proof·read·ing [proof-ree-ding] .
to read (printers’ proofs, copy, etc.) in order to detect and mark errors to be corrected.
verb (used without object), proof·read [proof-red] , proof·read·ing [proof-ree-ding] .
to read printers’ proofs, copy, etc., to detect and mark errors, especially as an employee of a typesetting firm, newspaper office, or publishing house.

Typical leaver.

I imagine he cedar opportunity for some action with hazel but the police willow ways catch yew

Mulch ado about nothing.

I imagine he cedar opportunity for some action with hazel but the police willow ways catch yew

Lots of great responses above but this is the winner so far 😂

He got hooked up through the dating site Timber.

We all know the Sue Lawley story, I take it?

In that song by The Police?

The MEN’s definitely gone down hill but for some reason it’s still poplar.

I’m going out on a limb here…..but I reckon he’s nuts!

Maybe he had a bet with a mate to see who was sicker more.

Shame the police maple him in for it.

Apparently one of his mates phoned him up after hearing about it:
“hey Michael, deciduous behaving indecently – what did yew do?”