In your late 30s and 40s, feeling pretty low just now so hoping for some nice stories of love in later life to give me some hope…

When I was 50 I ended up with a 28 year old surfer babe.
Only lasted a year so not relevant. But some days I really like to remind myself. 🙂

Give me your stories of finding love

A picture is worth a thousand words

Which one is you ernie?

Found Mrs Z 38 years ago. It’s much cheaper to keep them than chop and change. Not unlike cars I guess, but at least with cars you get to try out a newer model from time to time.

Wouldn’t like to be looking for love at my age. It’s be a long fruitless search I guess. Finding one that’d want me would be the problem.

Probably stick to renting now……

Timeshare?

Get online. My boss is 45 and is a lovely guy who is just couldn’t find anyone at all. 6 months on Match.com resulted in some good “fun” and a long term girlfriend who is now a fiance and the mother of his child. He said that he did very well by just being a nice, normal human being and not just a moron who wants to get laid.

We met on a Meetup. Com outing to the pictures, both just looking to kick-start our social lives rather than looking for a relationship. Spent the whole afternoon chatting as though no-one else existed, laughing like drains.

As of next month we’ve been together for two blissful years, still laughing all the time. I’m a far better person for knowing her, and I’ve seen a big change in her too. I was early thirties but she early forties so it counts, right?

Jupiter Rising will always be “our” film. Unfortunately, since it’s too shit to watch a second time

Good luck by the way. Through all this I’ve learned how many people are in shit relationships because they think that’s the only option. It annoys me no end, not least because I feel almost guilty for having a loving one.

Not me but my brother – his marriage broke down after his (mental) wife decided that she needed space from their kids and all the pets (she wanted all the pets).

So she walked out on everything but my brother got in touch with a lifelong friend to sound out his sister (who he’d always liked) and now (at 51) he is like a loved-up teenager (perhaps a little *too* sickly in love) but the new woman is a million times nicer than his ex-wife, they do more than just drink all night and all weekend (which is what his old life was), his kids (late teenagers) like the new woman and she actually engages with them.

I wish he’d got together with her before he met the ex as she always was toxic and did nothing to try to bring up two nice children – thankfully my brother did (and continues to) support them so they have turned out okay.

Does this handkerchief smell of chloroform?

Tinder.

Pissed about on match and soulmates for years, currently I’m 43. Two year relationship and several shorter ones. Then, I met me girlfriend at work… 🙂

You mean there’s hope for me yet, at 46??

Just so long as they’re not as “challenging” as the last one 🙄

Rachel

Just so long as they’re not as “challenging” as the last one

Anneka Rice?

Well, it’s funny you should mention Anneka Rice – it was me that booked the hotels she hid from the media in way back when…

Rachel

If you are a bloke, then you still have excellent chances of finding love at those ages – its a matter of getting out and meeting new people. My fathers wife is 30 years younger than him. No he is not rich.

If you are a woman over 40, most men treat you like you are a waste of space romantically.

If you are a male, be kind and decent to middle aged women – its not ok to hurt people or treat them with contempt just because you have no personal sexual use for them.

Get online.

[quote]He said that he did very well by just being a nice, normal human being and not just a moron who wants to get laid.[/quote]This. You will be pleasantly surprised to find that you are a rare & desirable commodity 🙂

It was January… I was 43 and fell in love. She was Italian, stunning… but Jesus was she noisy ! soon as you got on top of her it was just noise and throbbing.

We had passion, we had lust, we had fun and we had the occasional loss of fluids..

allthegear – Member
Well, it’s funny you should mention Anneka Rice – it was me that booked the hotels she hid from the media in way back when…

Rachel
You do realise that us chaps in our 40s now have a head full of images of Anneka’s hotel shenanigans…. 😆

soon as you got on top of her it was just noise and throbbing.

Hemorrhoids?

Her marriage was falling apart and the media were lapping it up. It probably wasn’t as exciting as you might be imagining… 😉

Rachel

weeksy – one day I will lose my Italian sportbike cherry…

Rachel

Mate of mine has had no end of girlfriends – longest relationship was probably a year or so, but they were ‘never quite right’. He was a bit like Goldilocks – there was always small details with the girls he was seeing that he didn’t like & wasn’t willing to compromise on. It was like he was looking for THE perfect woman in every way, shape & form. That coupled with an unswerving demand that his life should not have to change & he should not have to bend just a little bit meant that he always struggled with relationships.

His trouble was never finding dates & women who were interested. It was just that his relationships never lasted; normally because they never matched up to his exacting standards….

Well, he met a girl <3 years ago now. They are now married, have a house together & are expecting their first child. He’s 39 and only got married in Oct 16. I don’t know whether he realised that perhaps a bit of compromise was necessary or this girl really is ‘the one’ but it seems that he has finally found love…..

We all assumed he’d be a bachelor forever, so it just goes to show…..

Mountain biking mate of mine divorced a couple of years ago (age 47 now). Within a year he met a very nice lady on match, and they moved in together a year ago.

He’s a pretty standard, intelligent bloke who likes a drink and a chat. He enjoyed the experience.

We had passion, we had lust, we had fun and we had the occasional loss of fluids..

I’m surprised that you didn’t have seasons in the sun.

My other arf is for sale, much cheapness if you’re desperate

is she a 26er? or a fattie? I’ve often wondered about a fattie.

I’m surprised that didn’t have seasons in the sun

— too busy polishing it?

We met on a Meetup. Com outing

People use those for dating? I’m never sure! I’m on a meet-up group, but I always think the agenda is the “event” and it’d be rude to try n pull 😆

I was three months into a divorce and about to go out to Afghanistan when I met someone at a briefing. Wasn’t interested in her at the time because of the divorce, but e-mailed her to say thanks for her help in getting me out of Kabul when there seemed to be no transport available.

Anyway, fast forward a few months and we had spoken on e-mail a bit, then met up at the cinema once or twice. I was still going through the divorce at that time, but being with her and ‘dating’ was a lot like being a teenager again. She likes doing all the same sorts of things that I do (camping, hillwalking, etc) and, now that the divorce is completed and months in the past, we’re going out properly.

She’s awesome.

42 by the way and

I had a string of failed relationships and increasing despair at ever finding someone. When I reached my late 30s I began to realise that I had a reservoir of love, patience and generosity stored up inside me that was untapped and going to waste and that it was probably time I should be prepared to make some compromises.

One fine day I happened to buy a national newspaper and out of idle curiosity I looked through the personals. There was one that looked good, it said something like “Seeking someone to share snow, sea and mountains”. So I ringed it then put the paper down and forgot it. A couple of days later I remembered so went and found the paper and rang the number or sent a letter or whatever you had to do. We ended up meeting at the V&A hotel in Manchester when she next came up on business and the rest is history. I can’t say it’s been a bed of roses and it has certainly required a lot of that stored patience but we’ve made a lovely boy (now 17) and managed to stick together; on balance companionship and loyalty being far far preferable to solitude.

I can’t imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t bought the paper that day or looked through the personals or gone back to it two days later. My lovely child would never have existed!

I shall refrain from giving any advice as my love life is a complete shambles. I would go in to details but you’d all (quite rightly so) claim I’m stark raving and laugh at me

Meh, love.

At 52 I married the girl of my dreams last July

Here’s what I’ve found out in the last year and a half in a nutshell in one handy flowchart format:

Q1) Got patience?

Yes > carry on as you are and someone will bump into you on a train one day
No > go to next question

Q2) Want fun and an ego boost?

Yes > Tinder or Plenty of Fish
No > go to next question

Q3) Want serious relationship?

Yes > Match.com or similar
No > Go to Q2

And just so you know I ended up with someone I met on Tinder. She’s perfect.

Meh, love.

I’m with Houns. (well, figuratively anyway)

Dickyboy – Member
At 52 I married the girl of my dreams last July

And she got the man of her desires…

😉

Hmmm, didn’t settle down until I supposed you’d call it mid-30s

TBH, I saw the writing on the wall. When I was in my 20s and we were out in pubs and clubs every weekend I met lots of Women, but I was fairly immature – saw sex as the end goal. A few I hoodwinked, but mostly the ones I found that were into one-night-stands weren’t into relationships and I didn’t see them as GF material anyway.

Into my 30s most of my mates were in relationships, some cohabiting, some gone as far as families and stuff – the nights out became fewer and further between and there was a very definite shift from Lads nights to Couples nights and I met less and less people – I did make the mistake of working my way through the friends of my friends GFs – shouldn’t do that, it’s messy.

Anyway, got signed up to Plenty of Fish, My Single Friend and all that, but when sober I was very shy, and suffered from self-image issues so wouldn’t put a pic on, you might as well not bother.

I was beginning to give up, all trails lead to nowhere, I didn’t know any single Women I fancied that I hadn’t tried it on with as some point in the past, I think I’d spent all my goodwill with my female friends and my male friend’s partners so they weren’t about to introduce me as “this lovely single Bloke” and I’d reached the point in life when it’s pretty hard to make new friends – it all seems a bit weird, oh and after a few disastrous workplace ‘relationships’ in prior places I wouldn’t go down that route again.

In the end I went along to my best Mate’s wedding as Best Man, got battered before the speech because I hate public speaking, drank even more afterwards to cure the shock of it and half-sat / fell into a seat on one of the back tables alone at the evening do – by pure luck I happened to sit in a seat that was being used by someone who was tearing up the dancefloor at the time, she returned with her friend so find this overweight drunk wreck of a man barely sitting in their seats (I’d been injured badly 9 months before and spent the time laying on the sofa eating crap in a painkiller induced bath of self-pity). I was meaningfully older than her, unemployed, almost broke and living with my Mum because I whilst I could just about look after myself, I couldn’t work to pay rent etc.

Somehow, I ‘pulled’ her.

We went on exactly 1 date to the Cinema, we saw a ‘Saw’ film, it was crap.

Neither of us had any money – she was a student and had a little boy, I was still unemployed so I used to go over hers for a takeaway and watch TV once a week, then it was twice a week.

We’re not alike in many ways, we like different things but we never argue, we’ve had maybe 3 or 4 arguments in 8 years now.

We were living together within a year, the 3 of us went on a long weekend break as a trial run and I never left.

We got engaged after 2 years. I didn’t really see the point, she did. I didn’t and don’t really see the point of marriage and expected a looooong engagement – we were married the following Summer.

We had another kid a year later, I’m equally Dad to both of them.

Happier than I’ve ever been, is life perfect? No, but on balance it’s great.

If I had to look again now, I think I’d find it much easier actually – but then hypothetical things always seem easy to me. I’d find it a lot less stressful and I’d be confident to be completely honest, there is a tendency to ‘sell’ yourself, make out your something really special and basically lie – the illusion doesn’t last long.

I think once you’re past your 20s you’re going to struggle to find someone to love in a Pub or Club, I’m not sure you ever could – most couples I know met through friends of friends, random event or through dating schemes of some type or other.

I’d probably sign up to one of those ones they advertise on the telly that does bowling nights and mundane shit like that – really the hardest part is finding other single people, it’s a rare thing in your 30’s and 40’s. Talk to people like people, not conquests, look past the superficial and try to find someone you can have a laugh with first and foremost, it’s a long shift a relationship.

I found it, but it was one of them pretentious wooden twaddly things, so I re-arranged it to say ‘VOLE’ instead.

First marriage ended after 5 years (12 years together) when I was 34. That was followed by a couple of years of illadvised horizontal shenanigans, mainly because my head was in a bit of a mess.

Eventually I went on eHarmony, and met the now MrsIHN. We’ve been together 7 years, married for 3.5.

The greatest irony of all is that, as most married people will agree, once you’re married and have a bit of maturity and self-confidence you are quite happy to waltz up to just about anybody and start chatting. If the worst happened to Mrs Gti I don’t think I’d have any trouble in finding somebody else once I was ready for it. There is however the danger of ending up with some nutter, as a cycling pal of mine discovered when he started dating a woman he met through Fitness Singles.