Funny things people newly introduced to cycling say . . .

my GF started riding about 2 years ago and has done really well. But this weekend we took a newbie with us who asked her “what singletrack is like”. She replied quite seriously “it’s like a normal trail but you get more punctures” (she ONCE got a puncture on singletrack, she’s had loads off of it)

How much is ….?
HOW MUCH!!!!!! 😯

It never ceases to amaze me how many people don’t have a front and a rear brake, but instead have “left brake” and “right brake.”

It never ceases to amaze me how many people don’t have a front and a rear brake, but instead have “left brake” and “right brake.”

I call mine “Eric and Ernie” anyone else have daft comedic names for their brakes??

It never ceases to amaze me how many people don’t have a front and a rear brake, but instead have “left brake” and “right brake.”

Lets hope they never go to mainland Europe, it can be quite difficult riding with your hands crossed over.

“What do you mean, you don’t wear anything under cycling shorts?”

“Why did I get cold hands? I was wearing proper cycling gloves!”

Said to me by a friend of a friend. She had just arrived at the pub. In mid winter. In a pair of finger less track mitts.

Got asked on Saturday by a lady walkerist if i thought 42 was to old to let her husband have a mountain bike, as he had driven a car since he had last had a bike at 18,and may be a bit to old to ride a bike now.

“Why is your seat so high?”

Is probably the question I get asked most.

What´s that for?

“can i have your number”

yeah right! 😉

“Do you really need such big discs?”

I am amazed at the number of people who still ride with the brakes and shifters butted right up against the grips, not all newbies ever.

why are those pedals (spds) so small?!

Do you actually sit on that saddle?

my bike (bso) has rear suspension too!

“What gear should I be in?”

“What button do I press?”

Despite this, she turned out to be surprisingly well balanced when freewheeling down DH trails. Chapeau!

“So it’s finger for down and thumb for up…?”

“Why does my arse feel bruised…?”

“Why are my knees hurting so much…?”

bloke to me on a fixed wheel: “what gear is that?”
me: “45:15”
bloke: “no, is it 1, 2 or 3”
me: “eh?”
bloke: “like on my Brompton, is it gear 1, 2 or 3?”
me: “errrrr, dunno, bye!”

Oh you work for a bike company! Brilliant I’m thinking of getting a new bike and the man in Halfords said . . . . .

MSP – some of us have small hands! I have my shifters inboard of my brakes, and my brakes about 10mm away from my grips. Any more than that and i can’t comfortably reach the paddles on the shifters.
If i run my shifters outboard of my brakes then if the paddles are in the right place my brake lever is too far from my little fingers 😳

The high seat one, SPDs offroad bafflement, why ride uphill?

“”Do you really need such big discs?””
Well do you really?

“amazed at the number of people who still ride with the brakes and shifters butted right up against the grips”
If your bike comes like that and you dont ride with anyone who has played around with their lever positioning (or you haven’t noticed/been shown) then I can see it happening
I’m more amazed at the amount of bike shops/manufacturers that setup bikes like that

“if i run my shifters outboard of my brakes then if the paddles are in the right place my brake lever is too far from my little fingers”
You shouldnt have your little fingers on the brakes?
(If* you’ve got hydraulic discs) you ought really to only to use your first finger on the end of the brake lever for maximum leverage, the other 3 fingers on the grips/bars to hold on
*If not then 2 fingers? first and middle?
Some (newer) shifters allow you to move the shifter around in relation to the clamp that holds the shifter to the handlebar

“That cost HOW MUCH!?!?!” 😯

Hayes Stroker Trail brakes and 2009 SLX shifters. I’ve tried all sorts of positions, with and without the shifter windows and the current position is what works for me. I tend to use my middle finger for braking and fore finger and thumb for shifting for some reason.

SLX should be able to move the shifter/levers part of the shifter side-to-side in relation to the handlebar clamp part of the shifter (2 bolts, and 3 holes in a line)

I’m quite happy with the set up now ta!

“you must hate it when it snows”; – how wrong can you be!

“Isn’t it dangerous?”; – er probably but its worth it

“But you don’t ride uphill surely?” – for me that is the best bit. Sorry.

‘I took my bike back to the shop for a refund because the gears and other stuff stopped working properly’

I’ve heard that more than once.

Sombrio? Should you really be wearing that at your age?

“Really, you wear a helmet offroad? That’s a bit gay isn’t it!”

Is one I hear all the time… Often from people who’ve just spent quite a bit of money on a half decent bike even! Not sure to be more worried at their lack of concern for their own Swedes, or their latent homophobia…

wait, i have my brake levers against my grips!

didn’t realise it was such a newbie mistake.

i use two fingers to brake. don’t think i could do it with one.. but maybe i should give it a go

But if I put my seat there… my feet are not on the ground 🙄

“amazed at the number of people who still ride with the brakes and shifters butted right up against the grips”

I position my shifters and levers where they’re comfortable for me, but then I’ve only been riding MTB’s since 1993 so what do I know 🙄

“don’t think i could do it with one”
(youll get the most out of your brakes my setting up so your one (first) finger is at the end of the lever for greatest leverage)
You might find it easier if you alter the lever reach
Many bikes/brakes come with the brake levers wound right out away from the handlebar (tbf they can need to be to bled/setup)
There ought to be someway to move the levers range of movement inward a bit. You might have to check the brake manual but there ought to be about a 2mm allen key hole (if you dont have an external reach dial) somewhere around the lever to adjust it

‘How do you get up hills with only one gear?’

strokers aren’t the best lever for optimum cockpit setup, I don’t remember exactly why, I just remember them being a bit of a pain.

“These trainers are fine for riding” is the newbie mistake you see the most. Okay they might be comfortable, but I bet they’re not very water resistant, grippy or robust…

Spending more on your bike carrier than your bike seems a big newbie mistake

Pointing to SPDs "Wheres the rest of your pedals?
“What gear are you in?”
“Why do you need so many tyres?”
“Why do you clip in to the the pedals? Thats a bit dangerous isn`t it……?”
“Bloody hell that`s light!” When picking up c/f road bike.
“Where`s your bell and reflectors?”

Why do your wheels have such a loud clicky noise?

“Spending more on your bike carrier than your bike seems a big newbie mistake”
Well the thule catalogue seems to have hit that nail pretty square?

I’ll put my brakes and shifters wherever I damn well fancy! Didn’t realise they were some kind of badge of honour! 🙄

“But that means I can’t touch the ground.”

“Shingaurds? Kneepads? Do I need them likes???”

“Shorts? In January???”

“50psi? Thats more than the car tyres!!”

binners +1
I’m building a new bike. I like it very much so far. I don’t want to be judged for every little detail, I just want to ride