From the mouths of babes…
When my cousin was younger he was on a long car journey and they were playing a game where you had to name a country beginning with each letter of the alphabet to pass the time. He’d got to I before getting stuck so my uncle decided to help him out
My uncle: Where to pizzas come from?
My cousin: …the chippie?Posted 4 years ago
My 2 nephews (11 and 8 ) are always play fighting with their dad and attacking him unexpectedly (like Cato but smaller).
Just recently if he retaliates and tries to tickle them they’ve started start shouting “Jimmy!” and “Saville!”, to get him to let go 🙂
Hasn’t happened in public yet but its only time 🙂Posted 4 years agoTuckerUKMember
Lad was about 5, maybe 6, we were shopping in Center Parcs. We came out the shop with him pushing one of their kids shopping trolleys. He had trouble directing it, hit an immovable obstacle head on, and loudly exclaimed “Oh f***!”
The first swear word we ever heard him use, obviously he must of got it from me, but I don’t swear that much (do I?). The shock/horror/embarrassment of the language was outweighed by the hilarity of it all, particularly as a passing gentleman made some humorous quip.Posted 4 years agoGrizlaMember
benslow – Member
I spent a lot of my childhood wondering what a dance settee was and where to could get one
As in –
“Dance, dance wherever you may be
For I am the lord of the dance settee”
I never thought I’d hear someone say that … !
Me too – wondered all the way through school …
I thought I was the only one!Posted 4 years agoyunkiMember
my eldest (3.5) is currently asking anyone of large stature that he meets, whether they have a baby in their tummy.. which is awkward and fantastic in equal measures so I’m wholeheartedly encouraging it
Auntie Kath’s baby is coming out next week son, your Uncle Kev just eats too many piesPosted 4 years agobinnersSubscriber
My 5 year old, listening to an article about this on the radio earlier in the week
led to the following conversation
“Why do people steal bikes daddy?”
“Good question! Because they’re very naughty!”
“I wouldn’t steal bikes, I’d steal sweets. And I wouldn’t care about the eyes posters, not even if the eyes were really, really googley. I love sweets!”
“oh… ok”Posted 4 years agofreeagentMember
When my daughter was 3 my Mrs took her shopping and bumped into a friend who happens to be Dwarf.Posted 4 years ago
My daugher (who is a big wizard of Oz fan) had not met this lady before.. she did 2 or 3 slow laps of this lady, while looking her up and down.. then asked very loudly “are you a Munchkin?”esselgruntfuttockMember
When I was a kid one of my Uncles still lived at home at my Grans, he was a miner & worked shifts so was often in bed when I went round & Gran was always saying ‘sshh, uncle Billy’s in bed’ (cos I was noisy)Posted 4 years ago
Anyway, me & Mum & Dad were in the Lakes having tea in a fancy hotel near Grasmere & I was being my usual noisy self, at some point Mum said, ‘James, be quiet’ & I said, dead loud, ‘why, is there somebody in bed like?
I can still remember that.CoyoteSubscriber
My nephew walked in to the kitchen where my sister was baking.
“What are you doing?”
“Why are you putting raisins in them? You know I don’t like raisins.”
“I’m not putting raisins in.”
Nephew storms out of kitchen with the remark,
“YES YOU ARE! You’re using self-raisining flour.”Posted 4 years agoInternational RichardMember
My ex wife worked as a manager of a pub chain when our boy was real young. One day at school he had to write story about his day to day activities
He wrote – my mum gets me up in the morning, serves breakfast, takes me to school then goes to the pub … My dad picks me up from school. Mum doesn’t get home from the pub till laterPosted 4 years agogenghispodMember
Last year my daughter (age 9) was in the back of my car and told me about a kid at school who got in trouble for saying “oh f@@k” in a lesson. This led to a discussion about why some words were just a bit rude, and some were really unacceptable. At which point she exclaimed “c@@t isn’t so bad”.
She goes to a small local well-respected church school.Posted 4 years agoneil the wheelSubscriber
In the days of black and white valve sets that went wrong all the time, our TV repair man was a rather rotund gentleman. He came into our living room one day and my brother, aged about 5, declared, “Oooh, you look like a balloon!”Posted 4 years ago
My bro. was another one who thought there was a dance settee, by the way.adjustablewenchMember
Got a taxi with my eldest two when then 5 year old son asks very loudly. . ‘Mum why are all taxi drivers brown?’
I was sat in the middle at the back with the drivers eyes fixed on me – he raised his eyebrows in a friendly but ‘like to see how you get out of this one’ kind of wayPosted 4 years agoCountZeroMember
The Beard – Member
At dinner one evening –
Me: ‘Eat your carrots.’Posted 4 years ago
Me: ‘They’ll help you see in the dark.’
Daughter looks at carrot suspiciously, but eats one. Then stares hard out the window. ‘It’s not working.’
Brilliant! That young lady will go far. 😆
This thread is comedy gold, these kids are far funnier than most so-called ‘comedians’ I see on telly.jojoA1Member
I used to think it was “I’ll eat you all in the dance said he”.
My son was 14 when he asked me about when they were going to use the launch pads for the European space project just outside Glasgow. I’d told him a tall story when he was about 4 or 5 about the gasometers next to the M8 being where the European space project was based and he’d believed it all those years 😳
Also, one holiday we were going to Skye with another family and the drive was murder with squalling, squabbling children. At one point one of them asked where we were going and I replied “to hell and back”. Again, about 10 years later, my son asked me about the place we went on holiday in Skye, “you know, the place called Hellenbach”Posted 4 years agoirelanstMember
One of my wifes friends came over the other day for dinner;
Daughter (she’s 6) “where’s your husband”
Friend “I’m not married”
Daughter “do you have a boyfriend”
Daughter “are you a lesbian?”
No idea where she got that from.
About 10 o’clock and the little ‘un comes downstairs;
Her “what are you watching”
Me “Grown up telly, go to bed”
Her “can I watch it”
Me “No, go to bed”
Me “it has grown up words, now go to bed”
Her “does it have the f-word in it dad?”
Me “yes, go to bed now”
Her “do you know the f-word dad?”
Me “yes, go to bed now”
Her “it’s f^&* isn’t it”
Me “get up those stairs now young lady”
It’s become apparent that there are some negatives to sending her to school on a bus containing kids up to the age of 18 and no adults!
Slightly more twee;
“Daddy, brains are like mummies aren’t they”Posted 4 years ago
“why do you think that”
“they tell you things that you need to know and they keep you safe even if you don’t know it”
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