the itcher a man’s struggle to wean himself off of his addiction to putting itching powder down people’s backs (and also has to save the world by using nothing more than an exploding cigar and marx brothers disguise).

Man on the Moo – Jim Carrey plays a man that lives on a cow

Steve ‘obs – a Yorkshireman whiles away his days fittings hobs. Gas, Induction, Halogen, you name it Steve can fit. It’ll look really good and cost you a fortune and in a year or so it’ll need replacing with an S model.

Assport to Pimlico.
A bit like Being John Malkovich, but dirtier.

Man on the Mon.
Jim Carrey goes to Anglesey, with hilarious consequences.

1 Angry Men – A dissenting juror with a dual personality slowly manages to convince himself that the murder case is not as obviously clear as it seemed in court.

Wall – In the distant future, a small a structure that defines an area inadvertently embarks on a space journey that will ultimately decide the fate of mankind.

Irates of the carribean – Johnny Depp leads an angry crew around some islands

Snakes on a lane – serpents terrorise a country road

Hoe Alone. One night in the life of a lonely prostitute in an almost empty brothel.

Chariots of Fir. A group from Scotland take up the challenge of authentic Roman wagon racing – using only organic, local materials.

Ben Hu? An enigmatic tale of a amnesiac who only remembers his first name – trying to find out who he really is.

The Silence of the Labs – documentary about mute retrievers

War of the Words. A film of the really heated argument between a pacifist and invading martians who haven’t developed weapons but are great linguists.

Orgy and Bess – At last, the truth about the ‘Virgin Queen’.

Oxcatcher – Bestiality in Ambridge.

Macbet – Gritty drama set in a Glasgow bookies.

Apocalypse No

The peaceniks get their way at last

The files – the story of the files that exist?
Finding Emo – Where all those weirdly made up people in dark clothes went.
Point Beak – Large wading bird fights crime in California.

The Eat of The Night. Detectives from different backgrounds enjoying a meal in a 24 hour restaurant.

Tar Wars. Woodbines take on Gold Leaf in the race for tobacco supremacy

You Only Lie Twice – then the missus finds out and does a Lorena Bobbitt

Debbie Doe Dallas.

Anthropomorphic deer visits Texas.

Tar Wars – Luke competes for road maintenance contracts with a man who later turns out to be his real father (revealed in the sequel when Jed returns).

Intertellar – the life story of a bank clerk behind the archives

One with the wind – Be prepared to be blown away (actually that is another film description entirely)

Danes With Wolves- the true story of Vikings in America.

Eat – val kilmer and Alan Pacino star in the cafe culture thriller in which they critique various eateries in the los Angeles area

The Wizard of Z
– A compilation of Cliff Thorburn’s finest safety shots.

Tar Wars
– never has driveway surfacing been so intense

The Passion of the Chris – Chris Brown passionately punches Rihanna in the face

The Izard of Oz – Eddie goes to the antipodies.
Happy Fee – a lawyers delight

Captain America: The Winter Solder – Steve Rogers needs all his superhuman powers to join two workpieces together in the bitter cold.

Ords of Dogtown ..the ord family make a team of skateboarding dogs who dominate the skate scene for many years

Ron Man – Mr Pickering, a biopic.

He Right Stuff – a dyslexic author’s tail.

City lickers – 3 unlikely lads become gigolos

The Rays …. East end crime family recruit for there new venture employing only people called Ray , Raymondo, Rayston or Stingray ,gritty drama set in the 1960’s starring ray liotta and ray mears

Hotel Wanda – the heartwarming tale of, err… Wanda’s hotel.

Carface – Robert DeNiro goes through reconstructive surgery to make him look like a Ford Edsel

Acky brown .biopic about purple akis brother

Ladiator …true story in which Russell crowd infiltrates a football hooligan gang and falls in love with an alpaca

Schindler’s Lit – An underground hero of the war descends into alcoholism.

The Dirty Doze – Telly Savalas, Donald Sutherland, John Cassavetes and some friends have a kip in a ditch.

Star was – it isn’t anymore

Twin Arnold Schwarzenegger, quite rightly stays on his island paradise rather than wasting his life searching for his aggravating **** midget of a brother

Depicable me – A touching story of self explanation
The ego movie – Grown men build bigger plastic things than their kids
The ting – Robert Redford cons the cast of Cool Runnings

shat- starring Richard rountree – the story of a badass detective and a dodgy prawn