Don't Order a Mojito

Have we done this yet ? CLICKY

The words “East” and “London” in the first sentence arriving not far after “drinks consultant” will give you a hint of what’s coming but OMG, what an utterly monumental nobber.

Only got as far as ‘Manhattans Project’ in the first line.

FFS.

Bellend.

It is nice sometimes to do as he says and trust a good barman. But no, **** off, if I want a mojito I’ll order one, I don’t need your permission or to read your menu of other things I don’t want before I order what I do.

OTOH,
“On Monday night we offered 25 percent-off drinks for people who came in and reminded me that David Cameron had ****ed a pig.”

Did make me lol. I hope they put that on the specials board.

i was so shocked by the voice in my head screaming the c word repeatedly as I read that that I forgot to read the comments at the bottom.

. I can tell in about ten minutes if someone is going to get laid or not.

What does he do, follow them home to check? He’s full of shit.

At first glance he does appear to be a bout de cloche (“don’t call it a fin du cloche in my post”) but on further reading he’s just an enthusiast:

“All these stories are certainly bollocks but are just delightful.”

I got as far as Felix

Anyway Mojitos ??

So noughties

And they were rubbish then as well …. took bloody ages for them to be made and they were pretty much all ice.

“I’d like a minty, fruity rum drink please. I really like lime”
“oh, you want a mojito”
“good boy”

It’s like someone has gone, “how can we end up on Get In The Sea?”, and written an article accordingly.

shoreditch samurai innit

People Just Do Nothing nailed that one….

He’s violated his own “No Being Creepy” rule right off the bat.

Unleash the Bombers.

dont worry, thats just a generic shoreditch samurai from http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01xw0xp

hes dissapontingly hairless in real life, but he is a roadie

assuming he’s sporting a tw*tty beard and a topknot
shoreditch samurai innit

So that’s what it’s called then! Natural successor to the Hoxton Wedge, or have I airbrushed a decade or so?

Met a fella sporting said Samurai look at a do down in that there London the other day. Turned out to be a decent enough chap, but it took me a while to get beyond the “look”

There’s a cocktail bar called in the West End called Lab. Most of the good cocktail guys train there. They do awesome versions of every classic you can think of, plus a shedload more. Given that they’re not pretentious tossers they’ll do you a Mojito if you want one, but you’d be missing a trick.

Talking of East End, jumped up tossers – many years ago mate of mine was contracted to run the pop up bar for the opening of 93 Feet East (hip Brick Lane club that keeps getting busted) and I was roped in to help run the bar. About 1am this little w*nker (with a Hoxton wedge) who was one of the owners grabs me and a mate,takes us to the horrendously blocked and overflowing toilets, produces a mop and tells us to get to it. Near as dammit used his head to do the job. As it was told him where to go and spent the rest of the night giving free drinks to all and sundry (no Mojitos more’s the pity).

so this guys wrote an article about how amazing he and his bar is?

I think ill drive down right now to check it out…

The article comments very much echo this thread. I particularly enjoyed “know your place, functionary.”

I’m terrified of being labelled a molecular mixologist or anything

That’s exactly what you want to be known as, you smug git. Otherwise why mention it?

“The London bar scene is banging – it’s just so inclusive.”

Unless you want a mohito, or vote tory, or want to stand up, or have a loud voice.

I actually wonder if its a piss take.

Please don’t walk into my bar and order a mojito. I have no problem with a mojito—the mojito is a fantastic drink—but my problem is that it suggests that you don’t want to read my menu.

Your want money you do as told! 🙄

I used to live round the corner from Gillet Street in Dalston. Miss it in a way. The great pulled pork war of 2012 was my lasting memory

I’m so achingly niche that I’m choosing not to buy any of his overpriced alcopops.

**** you am I a roadie. 456 Ti and a Santa Cruz Stigmata fwiw. And we’ve got good bike locks at the bar if any of you want a pint. 20% if you posted in this thread. No mojitos (I’m out of mint).

And, fwiw, you try chatting to a Vice journalist for an hour and a half and then being left at the mercy of what they actually want to publish.

Biscuits anyone?

Bloody classifieds only users….

Guess we know what a STW bar would be like now.

felixcohen – Member

😆

Well, that escalated quickly.

Ha. Seriously, though, sorry the piece annoyed some of you. I didn’t write it, I sat with a journalist who then transcribed and cherry picked the bits. For those of you saying ‘take my money and do what I tell you’, gtfo, everyone else, have a proper read of the article if you have a chance. Of course we make mojitos (and a lot of other fun, trashy drinks), it was just a great line for the journo to lead with. And we *are* called Manhattans Project, so perhaps you’d expect a bit more of a focus on whisky drinks!

And if anyone wants to give me a lift to Swinley on my very rare day off I’ll chuck a bar tab your way. Otherwise I’ll be stuck on the paltry olympic ‘trails’ for the foreseeable

god bless the internet

FWIW im still laughing uncontrollably at a thread started to show us all how much of a pretentious bellend you come across as Felix, then it turns out you are one of our own. 😆 😆 😆

Have my vote for the best STW thread ever.

also, FWIW, I love trying cocktails i’ve never had before, and the next time i venture to that London, i shall be visiting

But you do secretly hope the term “molecular mixologist” sticks don’t you.

Sorry, best threads are still picolax, sudocreme cat and smuggling ducks…..

But you do secretly hope the term “molecular mixologist” sticks don’t you.

I dunno, it sounds like an East London DJ to me.

Molecular I’m surprisingly ok with; I do weird stuff with as much science kit as I can lay my hands on. It’s just ‘mixologist’ that sticks in the craw a bit. c.f http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1948/11/06/the-vocabulary-of-the-drinking-chamber

Fine, best post hack thread, IMO.

Fine, best post hack thread, IMO.

Sudocreme was post-hack.

TBH, as a confirmed drunkard connoisseur of fine alcohols, what you’re doing sounds quite interesting and it’s good to do something different. Though as a vegetarian that bone marrow thing sounds utterly revolting and the spin in the article really doesn’t do you any favours.

The rest of the forum will be along shortly to also shamelessly backpedal. Edinburgh Defence in 3… 2…

I thought the fella came across OK in the article actually

Massive lols that he’s a rider and a forum member.

Edit – I’ve heard people talking about bicycles in far more dickwaddish ways on here to be honest. Still, I suppose we all like a good sneer from time to time.

This isn’t even in the same league as Sudocreme cat.

The night is young, Padwan.