do people have children for themselves or for the child?

I understand the argument that people just have kids because it’s the normal thing to do. My girlfriend and I don’t have or want kids, same with marriage. Lots of people still assume we’ll get married and have kids, they think we’ll change our minds. Married with kids is still very much the dominant and accepted lifestyle choice for adults. Straying from that sadly still raises eyebrows and questions.

Most people have kids because they feel an unstoppable urge to do so, to look after someone, to care and feel a love that genuinely can’t be put into words.

Never once thought like that. I mean I’ve felt the urge to look after someone and care for them regardless of the circumstance we find ourselves in but I’ve never felt that in relation to wanting a child.

My wife and I have decided not to have kids as the only reason we have for wanting them is so that we have someone around to look after us in old age. We both decided that was not a good enough reason to bring life into the world.

But I have thought this exact thing.

I understand the argument that people just have kids because it’s the normal thing to do. My girlfriend and I don’t have or want kids, same with marriage. Lots of people still assume we’ll get married and have kids, they think we’ll change our minds. Married with kids is still very much the dominant and accepted lifestyle choice for adults. Straying from that sadly still raises eyebrows and question

This rings so true. I’ve stated to get a lot of “you’re next”, particularly from older relatives. I wish i had the courage to say the same to them at funerals…

Ransos – no not at all. They simply had kids once settled ‘cos that is the conventional path

Of course it’s conventional. That doesn’t mean people do it because it’s conventional.

Human beings only ever do anything for themselves. There is no such thing as altruism. Religious people do nice things because they think it is earning them a place in heaven. Rich people give money to charity because it is tax deductible (and they might feel guilty that they are living a lavish life at the expense of others), people do things for charity because it gives them a sense of personal satisfaction, or they get to do a parachute jump for free. People have kids partially because we’re genetically programmed to want them and partially because we get love and affection in return and there will be someone to wipe the drool from our mouths and wipe our bottoms when we get old and useless.

In nature humans only ever started working together and forming tribes to protect themselves and increase their own chances of survival. And it has continued from there really.

We had kids because we wanted them, pure and simple. So strong is the selfish desire to have kids that some people will have more kids than they can afford, knowing they can’t financially provide for them and will have to live a life subsidised with benefits.

Selfishness – it’s the secret of our success! We won the evolutionary race because we were even more selfish than all the other animals we were competing with.

Slightly cynical view, but when you boil it down nobody does anything for zero benefit to themselves. It’s how we’ve engineered our lives. But does it really matter if we do the right things for selfish reasons?

do people have children for themselves or for the child?

For the benefits innit

nobody does anything for zero benefit to themselves

You’re wrong, there may not be many that do but I certainly know some people that do.

Take what I say with a pinch of salt but I do think the world isn’t a particularly great place to bring a child into.. I’d much rather adopt.. however I don’t mind practising making babies.

That being said it’s mostly down to what the lady wants as adopting probably doesn’t tick the selfish / personal reasons box for most… just in the same way everyone doesn’t donate or work for a charity, I guess adoption isn’t for all.

Meh

feel an unstoppable urge to do so

Eh..?

Nope. Just don’t get that.

now that I’ve one and one on the way I feel nothing but alive and complete.

Nope. Just don’t get that either.

I feel nothing but alive and complete already.

I couldn’t feel less interested in having kids. I’m 39, in a long term relationship, cohabiting, with decent salary.. No interest in kids whatsoever. But I do feel quite happily alive and complete (and free!). 😀

I don’t think you would get it unless you had kids. I had no desire for kids, our first was an accident. If I didn’t have kids I’d guess I’d be perfectly happy. But now I couldn’t imagine life without them. I like to think they’re good company and fun to be around. Tomorrow I’ll be watching my son in a diving competition, in the evening we’ll enjoy a film together and on Sunday we’ll have a laugh on bikes. I’ve had plenty of time to do stuff for me. Life is great.

We have one and are under ‘pressure’ from others to have another one but we won’t – I love the little dude to bits but have no desire to go back to the new born stage.

We’ve been together for ages and waited a decent while to have a kid and saved up a bunch of money to take the sting out of the financial side of things (which looking back was the right thing to do). I wanted one – not entirely sure why. I guess there is an element of it being natural as well as the ‘normal’ thing to do.

I’m glad we did because the little fella is ace.

Once you’ve had a helpless little beautiful creature […] then you appreciate what being important and doing something worthwhile really means.

Those without children are unimportant and worthless? Wow. This is genuinely the most condescending, self important thing I’ve read on here in years.

I suspect most folk have kids simply because “its the usual thing to do”

I’ll leave this here:

I guess there is an element of it being natural as well as the ‘normal’ thing to do.

our first was an accident.

Not knocking it – at all 🙂 – I’m sure kid(s) make you very happy indeed. But it does confirm my suspicions (as others have alluded to on here), that kids – ‘just happen’ to people in a lot of cases.

Personally, I’ve made an active definite decision not to have them on the basis that I clearly know I couldn’t provide what I know a child would need in life… and that in having kids, I wouldn’t be able to do all of the many things I really enjoy in life (such as heading off to parts of the world for a few weeks with a backpack, a few books and no plan, on a whim. Or sleeping in on a Sunday morning.).

Also, I have no innate urge to have them whatsoever. In fact hanging around any of my friends, or family with their kids, just makes me feel so lucky I don’t have to deal with all that 24/7.

I’m sure it must be great, in some way though. I’ve no desire to find out why. 🙂

If I didn’t have kids I’d guess I’d be perfectly happy. But now I couldn’t imagine life without them. I like to think they’re good company and fun to be around.

I feel that way about beer.

km79, take a bow, cheers.

🙂

My wife and stepdaughter both refused to pull my finger when offered, so we had two little boys who are far more suited to that task. Parp.

Why is there a picture of Bradley Wiggins on the first page?