do people have children for themselves or for the child?

I suspect it’s the first reason if we are honest with
ourselves or do people find life so great they want to produce others to experience it.

we are genetically predisposed to breed as it is what keeps our species alive so we do it because we “want to” like we eat and breathe because we “want” to
For most, though not all, its a biological imperative

Initially the former; later, the latter.

I think the definition of ‘good parenting’ is how quickly you can shift from the first to the second.

I always wanted children, so when I found someone daft enough to have them with me, there was no question.

We always wanted two children.

Now that we have three it turns out we only want one.

BTW, I should have asked…..

or do people find life so great they want to produce others to experience it.

I hope this isn’t presumptuous of me, but are you feeling ok?

My brother who is a doc simply replied “it’s natural” which although probably true was rather a rather disappointing reply !

Yes Im fine but well spotted..i have struggled with depression for 30 yrs..great at the mo though and thanks for asking..really appreciate it.I never had kids as my experience of life despite being relatively privileged has been one of much dissapointment particularly in relation to how others are happy to behave ( seems the norm nowadays )and didn’t want to put others through that as they would inherit my genes.

No probs, shout if you need to-

I like to think that most people do everything they can to make their children’s lives fulfilling and enjoyable once they are born but the initial decision, assuming it’s an intentional pregnancy is a selfish one.

Selfish gene ‘innit?

+1 The fun is all in the making part I believe.. thinking about a child at that point really detracts from the job at hand abd can be a bit off putting.

But once they are here its all about them.

Was that Timothy? Dawkins

the wife forced me into it

we are genetically predisposed to breed

My genes must be broken…

men have a cock, ladies have a foof. they are there for 2 reasons.

choosing either of your reasons is going against nature….imho.

We’d ran out of things to talk about and didn’t want to get married. Now we have 2 kids and are married!!

Seriously though, we’d been together for about 15 years and both always wanted kids at some point, once we’d done most of the stuff we wanted to we decided to have kids before we got to old to play with them.

My life has had it’s ups and downs so I recognise that it’s not easy for everyone. That said, nothing makes me happier than my daughter being happy so I do absolutely everything I can to give her a good life. I’m not sure if that’s selfish or not.

I always feel sad when i see people popping them out willy nilly to get a council house or whatever. Likewise sprogging vast numbers without any financial stability knowing the govt will pay . For every other thing in life that requires a person to be responsible we are vetted and required to hold a licence etc .

do people have children for themselves or for the child?

Good use of the words willy nilly,did you really mean willy max?

In bimblers case above i would think neither of the original reasons would suffice

kaiser – Member
I always feel sad when i see people popping them out willy nilly to get a council house or whatever. Likewise sprogging vast numbers without any financial stability knowing the govt will pay …

Don’t be sad, just stop reading the Daily Hate or listening to the mass media.

the wife forced me into it

Yep, sometimes you have no choice in the matter!

I suspect most folk have kids simply because “its the usual thing to do” Interestingly my social circle is mainly childfree – thats quite a lot of long term couples who have not had kids and at our ages are unlikely to

I suspect most folk have kids simply because “its the usual thing to do”

On what basis do you suspect that?

i suspect most people have kids, because it is the natural thing to do.

or maybe evolution got it wrong……….. 😯

^
Maybe because the human race has survived more than one generation?!

DrP

Had a child because we wanted one. Now that he exists, he seems pretty happy about it – win win!

I’m sure it’s down to the fact that red wine bottles don’t have replaceable tops

Ransos a lot of discussions with folk over a long period of time.

Edit – I know a couple of folk who really wanted kids and made a positive decision to have them. I know folk with kids who regret having them but most folk I know with kids “just had them” as an accepted part of life without actually thinking or making a positive decision

Ransos a lot of discussions with folk over a long period of time.

So from these discussions, you concluded that most people have children, not because they wanted them, but because other people have children?

I don’t know anyone like that.

my social circle is mainly childfree

most folk I know with kids “just had them” as an accepted part of life without actually thinking or making a positive decision

Maybe not very representative of people in general then. But we’re all allowed an opinion.

Have a two year old. Was planned. Wanted kids. Love him to bits. Trying for another. Will be advising my children not to have kids. The world seems to be getting cramped and the future of my own children scares me

Couldn’t have children, so adopted 2 of them. So I’d say our reasons were selfish, but everyone thinks you’ve done something massively unselfish, so its a win-win I reckon.

(serious answer – probably both, it’s made me and my Mrs happy, and I genuinely think the kids will have a better, happier life with us than they would have)

My genes must be broken…

Mine too.

I suspect most folk have kids simply because “its the usual thing to do”

This is true with a few in my social group, get married, have a year or 2 then have kids. I think as you get into your 30’s it’s normal to go in this direction.

My wife and I have decided not to have kids as the only reason we have for wanting them is so that we have someone around to look after us in old age. We both decided that was not a good enough reason to bring life into the world.

Maybe not very representative but its my experience. I do know a lot of folk from a lot of backgrounds
Ransos – no not at all. They simply had kids once settled ‘cos that is the conventional path. NO real thought into it. Some a lot had kids by accident ie contraceptive failure. Others have said they regretted having kids – not because of any issues with the kids and they are good parents but because having kids restricted their lifestyle choices but they never thought about not having kids until after they had had them

tjagain – Member
I suspect most folk have kids simply because “its the usual thing to do”

This couldn’t be more wrong.

Most people have kids because they feel an unstoppable urge to do so, to look after someone, to care and feel a love that genuinely can’t be put into words.

We get distracted in life and thinking that things are important. Bike races, keeping fit, socialising with mates etc. Once you’ve had a helpless little beautiful creature, that calls you daddy, crying himself to sleep in your arms at 1am because he had a bad dream and his whole world is in terror, then you appreciate what being important and doing something worthwhile really means.

I do feel a sadness when I hear people say they don’t want children, but I wouldn’t berate them for it. I just think they’re going to miss out on doing something that matters over and above everything else they’ve ever done. Not to mention the scientist in me that can’t help but scream “if we all thought like you we’d be extinct in 70 years”!

So, for me, having kids wasn’t selfish, it was instinct, and now that I’ve one and one on the way I feel nothing but alive and complete.

Fear of death.

I do feel a sadness when I hear people say they don’t want children, but I wouldn’t berate them for it. I just think they’re going to miss out on doing something that matters over and above everything else they’ve ever done.

Save your sadness, I love my life and am more than happy with the decision I’ve made, I need no sympathy thank you.