I ride alone a lot of the time, safety aspect aside, most people don’t get it. The first question someone usually asks me when I say I’ve spent the day in the Black Mountains or wherever on my bike is “Who with?”.

I think some people see it as a bit weird, but I just don’t see that I need to do everything in a group, or with anyone else, I’m quite happy in my own company. I like the solitude normally, also I don’t like waiting for people on bike rides much…….

As a slight aside I work remote from our main office, either from home or in a shared satellite office most days, with a big chunk of the day driving around visiting various customers, so I’m used to being on my own most of the time really.

Weirdly, or perhaps not, I seem to like solitude less when it isn’t of my own choice.

I need solitude in my life – being around people constantly tires me and leaving me feel very claustrophobic.

For the last 5 or so years (up until last year) I’ve taken myself off sailing on the west coast of Scotland – take a pile of books, a good few hours worth of podcasts and a bottle of whisky and disappear for a fortnight to the remote crinkly bits.

Absolute bliss.

Unfortunately my new partner doesn’t understand this need at all, she just cant comprehend spending more than a couple of hours alone through choice.

We’ve came to a bit of a compromise in that I have been doing a bivvy a month for the last year and continue to do so – it provides me with much needed solitary time to recharge the batteries…

Ah good, everyone on this thread sounds perfectly normal to me. And to the 25%* of the world who are like this. I like you all already. Even if you are a bunch of serial killers you o appreciate the value of quiet.

Although to about 75%** of the world, we’re solitary weirdos.

It’s problematic in relationships. I am finding. I need time alone, every day, at least a couple of hours. I don’t get it, I get wound up. With two kids I often don’t get it.

* might be a made up number but you get the idea
** as above

Not fond of people and much prefer riding a mountain bike or motorcycle on my own, I probably need 2 hours a day on my own. My missus just hunts me down in the house,workshop, garden, 8 acres of land to see if I am “all right”

Partners tend to see it as a rejection..

Partners tend to see it as a rejection..

+1

Whenever I say I am heading up stairs to do my airfix, tie flies or play xbox, the OH gets the arse as it appears I do not want to spend any time with her.

FTFY

Surely there have to be loads of paths/trails up in the Beacons/Black Mountains where there are few people around?
I’ve ridden up over Pen Y Fan with a couple of mates before now, and there were hardly any other people around, and I can get out for walks in lots of places not far from where I live in North Wiltshire, up on the Marlborough Downs, various woods, etc, and while there are some people about, often I hardly see a soul. Most people rarely venture further than about half a mile from the car park!

Surely there have to be loads of paths/trails up in the Beacons/Black Mountains where there are few people around?

There are all sorts of deserted places, just not the places most peopel have heard of, hence why they are deserted!

As the years have gone by, I’ve gone from wanting “everything” on my doorstep to really loving the idea of living somewhere rural, away from the rat race and all these people and buildings.

This has been going on in my head too, although I never ‘wanted’ to be near everything, I just moved here to follow where the work is. I have managed to find myself a relatively quiet bit to live in but it’s still too busy for my liking.

There’s a theory that extroverts gain energy from being with friends, whereas introverts expend it. It’s probably navel-gazing twaddle, but I certainly find myself “peopled out” quite often.

I wouldn’t call it twaddle, I suffer from that a lot. So does my mum! I do find I have a certain amount of time I can dedicate to others every day, once it’s gone I get rather reclusive. Like the battery is dead if you know what I mean.

I’m also happier in small groups. Large gatherings freak me out and I tend to recede into the background.

This^! My sister calls me a ‘people watcher’. Hopefully not in a creepy way 🙂

Maybe OP you should actively engage with other people.

I do that all day with work, 20-30 customers a day is normal. I’m all peopled out by the end!

It wasn’t interacting with people that tired me out, just the constant physical proximity and inability to create any distance.

I get this a lot, especially on my days off where I have to go into town for something. I especially get it in places like London when I go there, I like to visit the museums every 2-3 years and get a bit of culture into my brain. I normally manage 2 days but any more than that and I just have to escape!! How people live there is amazing to me, I would go mad in a week.

I think it’s very important for some people to have this space but seemingly, it’s never been a high priority for any girlfriend I’ve had.

I’ve lost girlfriends over this too, they just can’t understand why I would want to be alone for a bit.

I ride alone a lot of the time, safety aspect aside, most people don’t get it. The first question someone usually asks me when I say I’ve spent the day in the Black Mountains or wherever on my bike is “Who with?”.

I think some people see it as a bit weird, but I just don’t see that I need to do everything in a group, or with anyone else, I’m quite happy in my own company. I like the solitude normally, also I don’t like waiting for people on bike rides much…….

My non-biking friends have got used to me being like that, riding alone in the middle of nowhere is just ‘my thing’! I really do have to concentrate on being sociable and waiting whenever I’m out for a group ride with friends too, doesn’t help that I’m usually one of the faster riders (not because I’m awesome, more that they don’t get to ride anywhere near as much as I do!). I have no problem doing it for a day at BPW for example but I do struggle on a big day in the hills. Despite me getting out on the bike 2-3 times a week I always want to go and get over the next hill ASAP, I’m like a kid full of Skittles and Cola 😳

Surely there have to be loads of paths/trails up in the Beacons/Black Mountains where there are few people around?

I know of a few as I grew up there! The trouble is that I know how much more empty it used to be, the place is filling up fast or seems to be. I think the rise of ride/walk sharing sites on the interweb has made these hideyholes more known so they are more likely to have someone there now.

It is really good to read all your thoughts on this subject, means I’m probably not going mad! I must be reacting to the constant bombardment of everyone seemingly being on a treadmill of working flat-out so that they can go shopping all weekend, plus socialising. Add in the near-constant destruction of green spaces to build more houses/roads/shopping centres/offices and it feels like the world is leaving me behind the second I take a different path.

I think mrmonkfinger sums it up nicely for what my brain is processing it all as:

Ah good, everyone on this thread sounds perfectly normal to me.

I would say that we should all meet up for a celebratory ride somewhere but that would be somewhat missing the point 😆

I would say that we should all meet up for a celebratory ride somewhere

So long as we all rode in differing parts of the country, fine!

So long as we all rode in differing parts of the country, fine!

I’d be up for this.

Oh, and OP. Get yourself a copy of Robert Kull – Solitude: Seeking Wisdon In Extremes

I would say that we should all meet up for a celebratory ride somewhere but that would be somewhat missing the point

I like the sentiment, but the osteoarthritis in my left knee after smashing it on Tarmac has put me off riding.

Introvert here. But lots of noise and people didn’t bother me so much when young. Now it does get to me, although spending too much time on my own can make me depressed. A balancing act.

Never done the riding with anyone else thing. I think I’ve ridden with someone other than me on maybe 4 occasions in my whole adult life (being out with the kids excepted) and if I’ve ridden somewhere where lots of people about I’ll often just sit off for a while until they get some distance away or just go somewhere else. Riding is definitely an activity best enjoyed alone. Since became a dog owner last summer being out walking dog alone is another great way to pass the time. Surprising how easy it is even in the city to get away from people.

Works both ways I feel, with a little effort it’s easy to get some quiet time even in a city. A bit more and you canget some space and time to youself. However when out in the country if your being introverted it can be isolating. When everything is an effort to get to and to do it means that it’s easy to cut off a lot of contact.

I did the move away from the city 20 years ago nearly. Moved from Leeds out into the Vale of York. Went for the close enough to commute – it’s about 30 or 40 minutes to get to most bits of Leeds or York.
Didn’t go full on lonely rural house, still live on an estate of about 80 other homes in a village setting, but it is quiet and friendly.

Pretty much got to drive to even go to a shop, GP is miles away, but it does mean prescriptions are easy as I can collect stuff from the GP Dispensary as I live too far from a pharmacy.
It’s a 2 mile walk to the train station, but that just keep me fit if I have to use the train.

It’s cost me a fortune in cars and fuel, usually just laugh when the car dealers try to offer a 5000 mile a year personal lease plan.

Can’t stand cities now, been into Leeds once in the last year, even York is crowded and horrible.

Certainly had the difficulties with the other half, she still wants to go out late night partying but won’t learn to drive or expects me to seeing as I don’t drink and she wants to. Can’t get public transport easily and last trains are usually about half an hour after the clubs open.

Love the riding though, no hills so it’s CX bike and farm tracks or drive to a trail centre\bridleway.

Find social riding tough anyway, I’m really slow, have to keep stopping, some days the pancreas doesn’t want to play and no matter what other people say about “social” rides or “beginners” rides or “slow” ride, it’s never been that and no one has enjoyed waiting, I get a bit angsty in a group about holding it up so stick to solo now and really enjoy it. Probably the good thing about getting my bike nicked at Cleeve Hill a few years ago 🙂

Don’t know if I could recommend moving out of the city, it does cost a lot more in travel and it isn’t getting cheaper. I find it was worth it though, just getting home to quiet clean air has been worth the downsides.

If I don’t have time outside I get a bit of “cabin fever” however I almost always go with my partner. After a couple of days out in the wilds I feel much calmer and content.

I think its because you get reminded / remember whats really important. somewhere warm to sleep, food and water. Nothing else matters ( at tha point) so your mind is clearer

Well I moved to a small village at the end of a fjord in Western Norway to get away. Its 30km by bike or car to work but only 15 mins by boat across the fjord. So am lucky. I have also got a small cabin in the mountains to hide away in with the family. I totally understand all the introverts on this thread

Am also totally in for the (Non)Group organised ride

I think its because you get reminded / remember whats really important

I think it’s deeper than that. The outdoors is hard-coded into our brains on an evolutionary level. It’s fundamental to what we are, not just who.

Anyway – to the OP: go to ST 1920 8596 and stand on the bridge for a while and look around. You won’t see anyone all day. Then try and clean the tricky climb on the other side of the stream 🙂

For the organised ride – how about we all go for a ride to somewhere solitary and post up pictures?

I like this concept ^ and was going to post it myself. We all set off at a roughly similar time, alone and go from-to wherever we want, then share the details/photo’s later?

I’m born and raised in Herefordshire, never left to go to Uni, never been ‘travelling’ for an extended period, and I don’t mind admitting I can’t cope with cities for more than a day or two, actually just anywhere busy to be honest. The City of Hereford only has a population of about 60,000 and we rank as the 3rd least densely populated county in the country. I’ve spent a lot of time all over Wales for various hobbies and have Welsh roots too, so am drawn to the isolation of mid wales in particular, love being out in the middle of nowhere, it just suits me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done all the nights out and group weekends away etc, but these days I’d rather spend my weekends riding my bike on my own or with only one other and be ideally spend the night in a cabin miles from anyone else.

#stwlonersclub

I grew up in Herefordshire too. I felt pretty stressed out when I first went to Cardiff as a student. Took me a while to get used to cities. Still haven’t managed to move back to a small town, which is my plan.

One of my closest friends describes me as a failed misanthrope. I always thought I wanted total solitude, but I actually really like seeing people – just not all the time.

As an only child I was used to keeping myself entertained for hours on end and I still have that capacity.

Having lived in London for twenty years my wife and I moved to N Wales three years ago and I love the opportunities we have here for solitude. I take myself off on remote and quite often bleak and brutal bike rides and runs out of the door and I really enjoy them. When I start out on these things my mind is normally buzzing with thoughts and by the end, if I’ve pushed myself, my head is empty. For me this seems like a perfectly normal and necessary thing to do.

I am lucky that I am married to someone who understands and shares my desire for such things. That said, with the limited self knowledge I’ve accumulated, if I had a partner who was not supportive I think I would still do these things as I know the long term wellbeing benefits to the relationship would outweigh the conflicts (probably).

I still love seeing friends and visiting cities, and sometimes I crave a crowded place, but in the knowledge I can always head back to the hills.

In summary, you’re perfectly normal, but that’s being said by a man who ran 15 miles on Sunday, 4 miles of which was through a knee deep bog. Make of that what you will.

There’s a theory that extroverts gain energy from being with friends, whereas introverts expend it. It’s probably navel-gazing twaddle, but I certainly find myself “peopled out” quite often.

Not sure it’s ‘twaddle’, I get completely exhausted by company, especially larger groups. After an hour or so of it my ideal space is aboard a small boat bobbing in the Celtic sea just beyond the horizon*

On the flipside I have a friend who quite simply goes crazy without company and so surrounds self with people. I mean, they literally despise even an hour’s solitude, so much so that I’ve never seen or heard of them go and do anything alone. (Edit: Wait, once, and only then for an hr or so. And they never shut up about it afterwards)

I cannot begin to understand.

*With options to dock once I feel like mixing again. It could be a week.

I do. Living in a city with family it gets tricky to achieve.
Luckily, I have a few spots within cycling distance that can be peaceful and free of people.
I had the whole of High Barnet High street to myself ,very early yesterday morning.
Not a car, nor person.
It lasted two or three minutes but was a little slice of bliss. 🙂

Just sat reading through this in my break at work and Whitesnake Here I go again came on the radio 😆

Some Partners tend to see it as a rejection..

Indeed. I’m fortunate enough to have someone now who gets it. I’m sat there feeling all guilty about wanting time on my own and she’ll go, “will you just bugger off for the weekend?” After clingy exes who saw it as a personal slight if I didn’t want to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with them, I still can’t quite get used to it and we’ve been together over ten years now.

I especially get it in places like London when I go there, I like to visit the museums every 2-3 years and get a bit of culture into my brain. I normally manage 2 days but any more than that and I just have to escape!! How people live there is amazing to me, I would go mad in a week.

Yeah, ditto. I like visiting London, but it does make me feel very claustrophobic. Literally, like I can’t get out. I can pick a direction, drive for an hour and still be in London, what’s that all about?

Never really thought this in depth but i can understand so much of what is being said above. I think most of my friends would see me as quite outgoing but i really struggle as i simply get very little “alone time”, I crave just the occasional few hours here or there where i could just go and work on bike or maybe watch one of the films or documentaries that i have saved on the Sky box.

Despite the fact that i live in a very rural area i am always on the go, my wife feels that if i disappear for the day i am not wanting to be with her and my daughter, plus as my daughter is Type 1 diabetic and is also very full of life (constantly talking and singing, which i love but is wearing) I feel I am dropping the ball and leaving her to care for her.

But my wife is very homely, she grew up in this area and she sees her parents and relatives every daily, its just what they do, no-one locks door, you just walk into each others houses and what she loves. I suggest that maybe if she wanted to do a hobby or activity, then there could be a trade-off, but any free time she has involves seeing them.

I really struggle to find some time to myself, i love the hills and love riding my bike and being around the few friends i still see occasionally on the bike, but what with work, the 3 hours of commuting from the sticks, fulfilling my duty as a husband and father (often having to be up 2-3 times a night to my daughter) i struggle to find any time alone, especially time when i’m not tired.

I find myself taking the occasional day off work with some excuse, just to have a few hours to myself, usually with the dream of going for a long bike ride, but when i occasionally do get a bit of time to myself, i’m often so knackered i just wanna sleep.

I wouldn’t change it and love my wife and daughter more than anything, but i do need that bit of time to myself occasionally for my own sanity, but it is difficult to justify that to my wife.

Anyway – to the OP: go to ST 1920 8596 and stand on the bridge for a while and look around. You won’t see anyone all day. Then try and clean the tricky climb on the other side of the stream 🙂

Go up there regularly, even though it’s a footpath 😳 Never cleaned that climb! Usually see a dog walker or another biker up there though. The ridgeway is one of my best rides locally to get away from people, I go from Castell Coch to Cwmcarn and back usually. Still see a lot of people but it’s the best I can find without travelling a long way away.

For the organised ride – how about we all go for a ride to somewhere solitary and post up pictures?

A solitude ride photos thread? Will take one when I’m next in a suitable place and post it up.

Find social riding tough anyway, I’m really slow, have to keep stopping, some days the pancreas doesn’t want to play and no matter what other people say about “social” rides or “beginners” rides or “slow” ride, it’s never been that and no one has enjoyed waiting, I get a bit angsty in a group about holding it up so stick to solo now and really enjoy it.

Tried some ‘social’ rides years ago, and found myself ‘tail-end charlie’, struggling to keep up, finally catching up then it’s ‘Right, everyone here? Let’s go, then’, without being allowed a chance to catch my breath, or chat for a few minutes.
Sheer misery, really pissed me off, so I didn’t do it again.
Much prefer my own company, I can stop when I want/need to, take photos, enjoy the view, look at birds/wildlife, all without having to be worried about holding others up.
Although I’m perfectly happy to talk to others I meet when out, I do enjoy having miles of countryside to myself.
I went out for a ride from Avebury when the countryside was opened up after the Foot and Mouth closure, not even sure myself if there was any access, I rode for miles, and didn’t see another living soul – it was lovely!

molgrips – you said to PM you about quiet spaces round here, we have a PM function on here now!?! How does that work?

Grew up in a small, isolated, friendly town in Cumbria and hate big cities, crowds of people, all the hustle + bustle, went into shock when I went to uni in little old Lancaster! Love family get-togethers + being with close friends, but struggle with parties with folk I don’t know well,as it seems hard work + I revert to wallflower mode. Totally understand being “peopled out” + needing time alone to chill. I’m happy being outside with hubbie, being indoors with mogs, meeting in a cafe with friends + living in a rural village, close enough to a decent town, but far enough away to feel like we’re away from it all!

molgrips – you said to PM you about quiet spaces round here, we have a PM function on here now!?! How does that work?

We do, but I dunno how it works. My email is also in my profile so that might be easier 🙂

Go to a profile and there should be a huge green button for the messaging.

Never used it so don’t know how the notifications and stuff work.

Also in Cardiff here. Different for me as I grew up in Manchester so the sheer amount of “not city” that’s local is bloody excellent in my head. Roads out into the vale of glam in the week = hardly anyone around. Taff trail up into the beacons = pretty much noone around, especially once you get up around talybont etc.

Gower is amazing for bike/surf. I drive out there in the late evenings in the van. Park up somewhere. Watch the stars. Get up early, ride or surf. Helps if you can do stuff in the week of course.

This is all sounding familure. Spend all day at work being approachable to people then get home wanting to sit in silence, now drive home with the radio off and quiet car helps. Girlfriend is brill and understands/ demands on holiday i take my bike and bugger off for a few hours to “come back happy”.
I dont mind social rides but tend to treat them as an exercie forcing me to talk to stangers, which i’m not to good at.

Strangley i find London quite soletry (sp?) The green spaces just of the main streets are supprisingly quiet and there is a certain solitude from everyone ignoring everyone else, having said that i couldn’t live there.

Currently in a rural location in the Scottish Highlands. Unfortunately a seminar/workshop type thing, I’m having to get up at 5:30am for a run in a desperate attempt to balance things out.

Out in the forestry and open hillsides still in darkness I do feel far more at ease than when at breakfast in a communal dining area.

I took the Dog out at 1.20 this morning and there was no one around, no traffic for at least 10 mins which round here is a massive gap.

Just being able to see about a mile down the road to the next curve is a weird view that you just don’t get any other time due to the sheer amount of traffic.

Amazing how different times of the day can change places.