Conversations that never happened

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  • Conversations that never happened
  • Premier Icon billyboy


    Xan Tan Shitmo Jnr…. “Granpa, Granpa, I’ve invented this incredible undoing bicycle hub. Even if you locktite it, the hub will still undo and it is bound to increase sales many times over because people will have to buy three or four of them over a six year period rather than just one. You own the biggest bicycle parts outfit in the world, please, please market it for me.”
    Shitmo senior…..” Ok Grandson, we’ll call it an XT hub after you, BUT DON’T ever tell anyone it undose on it’s own otherwise we’ll be in deep shit”
    Xan Tan Jnr….”But Granpa, that’s the best part, just picture their little faces when they are in the middle of an epic Scottish Highlands trip and the lock nut slowly undose until eventually the quick releaee explodes out and the rider dies a horrible death or has to walk miles and miles, snigger, snigger, snigger”.
    Shitmo Snr…..” GRANDSON, do as I say or we will never produce it for you”.
    Xan Tan Jnr, “OK Granpa, whatever you say”.


    Young Kieth….” Uncle Trek, Uncle Trek, I’ve just invented this incredible exploding bicycle tyre. Will you produce it for me.”
    Uncle Trek….” Ok best nephew I will, but on one condition, DON’T ever tell anyone it explodes.”
    Young Kieth…..” But Uncle, that’s the best bit, you should see their little faces when the tyre explodes in the middle of a vast wilderness and they are either killed in a horrible accident or they have to walk miles and risk running out of food and dying of starvation or being eaten by a rabid Cumbrian farmer who plays the banjo very fast with no teeth.”
    Uncle Trek….”I’ve told you once BOY, either you shut it or we cancel the whole thing”.
    Young Kieth….”Ok Uncle you made your point, I’ll shut it”.


    Member of the public…. ” What is the etemological derivation of the word ‘Bontrager'”?
    Etemological Expert…”This derives from the late 1990’s and early 2000’s when a man named Kieth started to insist on using the bicycle products he designed himself. These more often than not failed and he was termed “GOOD” WALKER”, in French…. Bon Trager”

    Yes I know it’s all wonderful new bounty to us all but sometimes it pisses me off when you pays your money (quite a few spandoulies in many cases) and the bloody product continualy fowls up.

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