Clegageddon

The humble midge gets a lot of bad press as does the tick. But I give you the true evil bastard of our time – the cleg. Horsefly to the southerners. Or utter **** in pretty much any language.

I’ve always got the odd bite but yesterday took it to another level as we fell to their cunning ruse. We walked to the beach through a local wood (Culbin Forest if you know the Moray coast) – about 40 mins each way from where we were parked. On the way back an eerie silence fell and the breeze completely disappeared. And then the little bastards came for us. We were not ready, we were not prepared. It was an unfair fight. I did think about running for it and leaving Mrs C as a sacrificial gift, but something inside me told me that her bite might be even worse so took it like the snivelling coward I am.

I’ve counted them. 110 welts across my legs, neck, face and even on my shoulders. The murderous bastards can bite you through a t shirt. Through a **** shirt! One of my hands is puffed up like a tennis ball and my legs look like I’ve taken a couple of rounds of buck shot.

You’ve been warned – they are out there. Take smidge. Take a **** flame thrower. Take a bike and ride like the wind. But stop or lower your guard – they’ll ‘va ya!

I thought Nick was back. I got bitten through my glove by a mosquito yesterday too, but Clegs are a whole other level.

Yeh clegs are a nightmare and I’m very reactive to them (mossies and midgies too 😩). Some years ago on a bike packing trip I literally had blood running down my arms and thighs, never mind the welts.

I think the only thing that keeps them off is something like the super strength jungle formula and heavy canvas! They just drink smidge I reckon 😂

I genuinely thought this was about brexit and the Tory’s all the way through the first paragraph.

Thought I had it bad with 3 bites …

I swear the ones in the Isle of Man have evolved intelligence – they were landing on the underside of my arms while I was moving slowly uphill on the bike, where they felt just like a stone/piece of bark being flicked up and into me, until the little **** bit me through my baselayer.

After a little while every flicked up stone had me slapping the underside of my arm with the other hand just in case. There was a lot of swearing on that ride.

I’ve had some nasty infections from their bites too.

It was an unfair fight. I did think about running for it and leaving Mrs C as a sacrificial gift, but something inside me told me that her bite might be even worse so took it like the snivelling coward I am.

Just trip her up.
There would be nothing left but bones as evidence.

Five bites on one calf and three on other was the worst I’ve had (fixing a puncture). All got infected and pumped out yellow liquid. Red hot and swelled up like balloons. Proper painful when all the fluid worked it’s way down into my feet (felt like they were going to burst) and I couldn’t walk, flu and wheezing symptoms just to add to the fun and games. One of my calves is still bigger than the other years later!

I’d happily see every last one of them exterminated.

I hate the way they get into the gaps in a helmet, or take your back when climbing.

As for Culbin – that is mosquito central too.

Agreed, absolute barstewards.

I had 2 weeks ‘off’ after getting a Cleg bite on the end of my todger…swelled up like a balloon and it proved very painful whilst walking (couldn’t do anything else!)…’off’ of absolutely everything, even walking was like a bad copy of Here Flick of the Gestapo (from Allo’ Allo’)!

Deeply unpleasant and the fact they bite through clothing just makes.them.even worse. Apparently their bite is bad due to their piercer bit (my lack of biology terms is clearly on show!) is ragged and jagged, so it isn’t a smooth insertion.

There’s a cousin of the clegg in Austria that used to follow us down the ww rivers, usually just as you were entering the crux of a massive rapid. Total bastards.

And then we realized the trick was to stay calm and let them land and then BANG!! Smash the mofus to bits. Took a bit of practice but it worked.

Apparently their bite is bad due to their piercer bit (my lack of biology terms is clearly on show!) is ragged and jagged, so it isn’t a smooth insertion.

Yeah, they’re pool feeders, they cut a gash in the skin with their serated mouthparts, gob some anticoagulant saliva into it then feed from the blood pool. Midges do the same but obviously on a smaller scale so you just feel a wee nip.

For those of a squeamish disposition, I present evidence for the prosecution, one large marsh horsefly – about 25mm long.

Getting bitten on the todger will teach you not to go naked in the woods on a sunny day

I’ve been bitten a few times only realising when I saw the trickle of blood from every bite but all evidence disappeared by the next morning so I’m thinking a wee bit of exaggeration on this thread, they are annoying but hardly killers

they are annoying but hardly killers

survivor bias

The barstewards will even wait for you to emerge after swimming. And can keep up with you on the bike, even a breeze doesn’t put them off.

Thanks, that’s reminded me that it was about this time last year, when I started archery, that I got bitten, because there’s a stream runs down one side of the club field, so I’ll get some spray tomorrow before I go along in the evening. 👍🏼

The barstewards will even wait for you to emerge after swimming

They call them March Flies in Oz … and they will get you when you’re in the pool if you leave anything sticking out of the water. Nothing like as bad as the biting ants, which will literally **** walk on water if it’s still enough!

Persistent little barstewards as well. Chased me and my riding buddies almost 12km at speed across the steppe of Kazakhstan on a particularly bad day, each of us trailing our own personal cloud of them.

Currently tailing off a course of Flucloxacillin here for a nasty one. Six days since the actual bite and still painful. The little midges that gather in clouds – they bite, I get a tiny itch and a red patch about 4mm across then they disappear in no time. Horsefly bites set off a horrendous histamine reaction in me and I almost always get an infection too. All my bites come whilst riding and my legs have some dirt on them. That gets chewed into the skin and hey presto…

And they HAVE evolved to land gently on clothing then crawl down onto skin unnoticed.

Wasps have many uses and pollinate a surprising number of species of wild plant. Ants are fascinating and carry out essential tasks for nature.

Horseflies are the invention of Satan.

Truly the zombies of the insect world: an insatiable hunger for human flesh and utterly unconcerned with their own survival.

I’m thinking a wee bit of exaggeration on this thread, they are annoying but hardly killers

Hardly killers yeh, but you obviously don’t have the level of reaction to them that some of us have. Evil ****!

No place in hell hot enough for them. I was bitten a few years ago by several. The next day my knee was so swollen I could barely get my pants off over my knee. Im of a certain age so my troosers are not of the fashionable narrow type either 🙂 Absolute buggers and aggressive.

We were on holiday near there once and it was described as a nice walk. Like you we got heavily bitten, no idea why the locals seem to actively go there to walk the dog. Horrible place. Should be logged and replaced with something else.

This is Culbin – to orienteers it’s Wimbledon, Lords, St Andrews, Innerleithen etc.   Holy ground, lay off.

To be fair it was created by a massive storm, maybe a massive storm will take it away

Horrible place. Should be logged and replaced with something else.

To be fair it was created by a massive storm, maybe a massive storm will take it away

And planted originally to stabilise important sand dunes and prevent long shore drift. As well as help keep the nation in timber after the world wars.

And……. if you make it through the woods of doom, past the clegs of hell you get to this….

2 miles of beach all to ourselves on Sunday for a couple of hours. It’s a sublime fat bike ride from Nairn to Finhorn of woods, dunes and beach – go another mile or so past this point and via the seal colony and get the water taxi over to Findhorn for top scran and a pint at the Captain’s table.

Update – a couple of days of  antihistamine and the swelling is abating.

Remind me to take the Smidge when bike packing in September “darn Sarth”. Never really come across any in the North West, but the only time is one mate got bit in Gwydir – they left the rest of us alone. He was fine until a couple of days later and his leg swelled badly – course of anti-biotics time.

The little bastards seem to have infra red vision and go for the largest, hottest thing in range.  I found that out pushing a petrol engine mower – they were all clustered on the hood and largely left me alone, but that changed when it was time to attack the briars with a slasher.  IIRC their saliva is anaesthetic, so you don’t feel the bite until they’ve had their fill and buggered off to find the next victim.

My then-partner and I got absolutely molested by them when out walking one time.  I was fortunate enough to heal pretty quickly but she was properly ill with it and her bites took weeks to fully heal.  Horrid things.

They’ve got cool eyes like they are wearing oversized designer shades!

Nuke the planet to get rid of them 😉

I remember seeing a couple stumble out of a water-logged field on the West Kernow Way with blood running down their shins. I thought ‘nope’ and rode 5-mile road detour to avoid them. Still have scars on my ankles from getting gnawed on earlier this year – through my socks.