The humble midge gets a lot of bad press as does the tick. But I give you the true evil bastard of our time – the cleg. Horsefly to the southerners. Or utter **** in pretty much any language.
I’ve always got the odd bite but yesterday took it to another level as we fell to their cunning ruse. We walked to the beach through a local wood (Culbin Forest if you know the Moray coast) – about 40 mins each way from where we were parked. On the way back an eerie silence fell and the breeze completely disappeared. And then the little bastards came for us. We were not ready, we were not prepared. It was an unfair fight. I did think about running for it and leaving Mrs C as a sacrificial gift, but something inside me told me that her bite might be even worse so took it like the snivelling coward I am.
I’ve counted them. 110 welts across my legs, neck, face and even on my shoulders. The murderous bastards can bite you through a t shirt. Through a **** shirt! One of my hands is puffed up like a tennis ball and my legs look like I’ve taken a couple of rounds of buck shot.
You’ve been warned – they are out there. Take smidge. Take a **** flame thrower. Take a bike and ride like the wind. But stop or lower your guard – they’ll ‘va ya!