My Christmas anxiety has already gone off the scale this year, and we’re not even there yet! I’ll admit that I don’t think buying a house recently has helped (we were supposed to have completed by beginning of November, finally completed 14th Dec and still not full in yet!), but other aspects of Christmas Time are getting to me even worse this year than normal! So much so that it’s keeping me awake (hence the ridiculous time of this post!) and really dominating my thoughts pretty much all the time now… It’s definitley worse than I’ve experienced before. Last year was bad, but only actually on Christmas Day itself (I was alright until then), when I shut myself away on my own pretty much all day. The year before was the first and only Christmas I’ve enjoyed since I was a kid, I flew out to Tenerife and had 3 days all inclusive in the Sunshine including Boxing Day swimming in the Atlantic, but was just me and my ex GF then, new GF has 2 teenage kids and would be totally unfair/impractical to wrench them away from their father and extended family at Christmas, let alone bloody expensive… It’s got so bad now though, I’ve been looking at last minute holiday deals for me on my own, just so I can get out of this hell hole for a few days!

Anyone got any useful advice…?

Useful Advice?

I struggle at this time of year as well. Every year. Because of the memories it triggers.

Ten years ago, during the banking crisis, when I lost my business, my house, my car, and everything but the clothes I was stood up in I literally didn’t have a penny to my name to buy presents for my kids.

I sat there one night, sobbing, face covered in tears and snot, with a knife at my wrist, willing myself to do it because I thought that’d be better for everyone. I didn’t do it because I’m a coward and because I loved my daughters too much

Every year since December is hell, because it all comes flooding back to me. Hence being sat up at this time in the morning. It haunts me at this time of year, every year. Though I’m so lucky to have been able to rebuild my life

What I’d recommend is to read back what you’ve just typed, put the news on, read the paper and look at the people in the world who would absolutely love to be burdened with your ‘problems’. 600 homeless people died on the streets this year of hypothermia.

My advice would be to to learn a sense of perspective, count your blessings and stop whining.

I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but quite frankly it appears that you don’t know you’re born! Get a sense of perspective. For your own sake, as well as everyone else’s

Have a think about others far less fortunate than yourself and you might sleep a bit easier

There but for the grace of god….

I’ve been suffering with some insomnia but mainly due to work related stress. It takes a couple of days to unwind. Also thinking of going away but I don’t have the energy for airports and travel, so just going to go to a hotel with a nice pool for a few nights after the big day itself.
I’ve been seeing a good therapist this year and it helps get a sense of perspective so maybe look into that as a resolution for next year.

Bit harsh Binners.

OP – do a shift in a homeless shelter. I know that sounds cliched but i reckon it would help you.

Ditto – if getting away from the festivities is better for you, having something to do that everyone around you will respect is a good move.

I have not bought a single present or written a card this year. My mum had a heart valve replacement and I have been in Germany pretty much all of December to support her and my (now showing sign of dementia) dad. I just can’t bring myself to go shopping so we are going to eat, sleep and count our blessings.

My advice would be to remove all triggers. That being your phone, computer, tv. Shut it all off. Go for a walk, cycle or read a book. Only engage with immediate family and don’t get caught up with what other people are doing.

Just think of it as a regular Sunday. Go out on your bike or for a walk and get some nice food in for your evening meal. Choose Netflix or Amazon Prime etc. over regular telly.

Don’t think Binners was being harsh, I took that as being the message he’d told himself and was sharing with the op.
It’s true though. We get so engrossed in our own situation precisely because it is our own.
A bit of perspective isn’t going to be the panacea for your ills but maybe it will remind you that they aren’t that bad in the grand scheme of things & help you cope a little better. Your problems will still be there to deal with unfortunately but maybe that realisation will help.
I also find big open spaces help, in fact I’ve found myself driving further & further from home to walk the dogs as I’m finding myself getting more angry every time I go to my local haunts & they are full of bumbling groups of families etc… who I began to think were taking my space & ruining my walk even though the dogs don’t give a flip.
I know it’s just a manifestation of some other stress or irritation but it’s easier to be angry at them than to address the ‘real’ issues.
There’s a really mixed message up there I think, some sort of “as I say not as I do” vibe to it. Maybe don’t listen to me as such but take solace in solidarity with those others of us who share your travails…

I have a bit of experience in this ( sectioned twice).
Ignore what binners wrote.
Escape seems like a great idea. But it’s temporary.
What I suggest is you identify the cause and work on this. Save the money from the trip and find a good therapist. If you do not connect with the therapist you find, get another.
Mindfulness helps me a lot.
You ever need to talk Mail in profile.

If it’s other humans around you that contribute to the anxiety, don’t pander to them. I love and cherish all those people I have positive unconditional relationships with (which I can count on one hand), and as I get older, give less of a sh1t about the ones I have conditional relationships with. If there’s a condition to “needing” to be in a relationship with them, it’s not always a positive one.

What causes your anxiety mboy?

If it’s not nosey, who causes the anxiety re: Christmas?

binners talks sense, he has been there and back.

take stock of your life. look at the good bits, good health, ability to work, ability to exercise, lucky enough to be in a relationship.

now imagine your life without having any of that.

life aint so bad is it really.

But it’s temporary

This. From my own experiences and results with anxiety this year, it seems that the Holiday fix is your version of my Tamazepam for flying. Now that you don’t have it, you spiralling onto anxiety. This in itself needs to be removed. You need to change the way you are thinking.

I can’t think how a day with great friends, few restrictions on comfort, food and drink for someone of your standing could be an anxious event. So, you need to change the way you think about it to that.

What are the negatives in your head? Is this critical thinking, prophecy of something going wrong, self doubt? Is something bad happening now? no? Then there’s nothing to worry about. Google the Worry Tree. You never actually wrote down what it is you are worrying about. Write it down, let us have a look and propose some alternatives. Eg.

Worry – you might burn the Turkey
Response – have you burned it now? Like right now? No? You can’t predict the future, you simply can’t. Take that thought and actively throw it away, move on, do something else.

Just think of it as a regular Sunday

Yip, it’s just another day.

Frankly, the hooblahh created is often constructed by others around you in mild state of present buying panic. That’s thier problem, not yours.

Binners has a right to be anxious, those symptoms are caused from a major stress event. He can do something about the intensity of them, but realising the cause and the releasing the outcome are worthy states and reflective positions to step in/out of as he wishes.

This season is more about friendships and family than baubles and glitter. If you can or want to, then choose to be with those who you love or love you.

If you have no one, relish the solitude and freedom.

All the best to those who feel aggrieved this time of year.

Go and ring one or two of the numbers on Gnumas’ sticky post for a chat with a neutral third party. Mind would be my recommendation and ask them for some help.

All the best.

Binners wins

I’m not really keen on flying. Have spent a fortune on hypnotherapy and that tapping business.
A trip to the docs and a couple of diazepam and I’m raring to go.
I’ve not upped my dose to 3 tablets or become a crack addict.
I know it’s not fashionable to recommend drugs for anxiety but they are the business.

There is me thinking I find this season hard. I clearly don’t

I find mindfulness very helpful. A simple lesson I learnt was that fighting an emotion makes it worse. Accepting that you’ll feel anxious is easier than trying not to feel anxious. Using logic to solve emotional problems doesn’t work. It’s all well explained here. Worth it just for the introduction

Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/074995308X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_mn1hCb2N6WJDN

Kindle will be the fastest way to get it

Finally have you spoken to your partner? If possible make a plan with her

Excellent post from Binners about his personal mental health issues. Some people will find it very harsh, some people will find it very helpful.

But I must comment on this:
“I didn’t do it because I’m a coward and because I loved my daughters too much”
If you’ve lost someone to suicide, it absolutely does NOT mean they didn’t love you enough.

A family friend took his life a couple of years ago, when his wife tried to prevent him seeing their six young children. They were his whole world.

Stocktaking.
Set up your financial year to do stocktaking on Christmas Day. You’ll know exactly where and what you’ll be doing every year and have the perfect get-out excuse for anyone else trying to plan your Christmas Day! Then a good ride on Boxing Day.
(Also frees up a day some other time of year 😉 )

Don’t know the real answer Mark but hope it all passes well.

Anxiety could be caused by a feeling of lack of power. So, put yourself back in power. Own your Christmas. Do what you want to do.

The same goes for life. Your post looks like it was made around 3am and you refer to it as ridiculous. Why is it ridiculous? Because everyone says so? **** everyone. 3am is a wonderful hour. If you can’t sleep, get up, watch telly, do something, enjoy the silence and solutide. Own the time. Make every hour your own. That doesn’t mean being selfish, it means you do what you want even if that includes doing stuff for others. But make a proactive decision not a reactive one.

Have a think about others far less fortunate than yourself and you might sleep a bit easier

Depends on your situation. Having money doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to anxiety. More so when you understand anxiety isn’t necessarily about something specific and can be a mental condition that makes no sense whatsoever leading to strange thoughts even suicidal over nothing rational. Can lead to not looking after your situation and end up losing it all. Or maybe what you have you don’t care about because of it. Maybe you give it all away, you consider the less fortunate, but it doesn’t make you happy, but then anxiety isn’t necessarily about happiness. You don’t have to be sad or depressed to have irrational anxiety (though can be related).

Are you alone or with your new GF?

You need to start breaking this vicious cycle, the sooner you start the better. Replace the negatives with something better, mindfulness or whatever, get out for a ride, do nice things for yourself.

You are not a failure for not wanting to socialize, or whatever else is stressing you out. We are all different and need different things.

As above, Gnusmas posted a helpline list so if you need to talk go to that thread.

Wasn’t having a pop at Binners whatsoever, I just think the “stop whining” comment specifically was a bit harsh. If the OP has anxiety issues the “pull your socks up and realise how lucky you are” approach won’t work. Binners knows this already though so I’m preaching to the converted.

Hope everyone has a good Christmas in their own way.

Hard to comment usefully without knowing what stresses you about Chrimbo, but my tip is to just ignore it and do your own thing.

I’m working for much of the festive season through circumstance, but that kind-of suits me anyway – I’m not interested in protracted periods of home-based gluttony any more.

It’s only a big thing if you let it be one.

Very mixed feelings from me over the past week, for very different reasons to what has been posted. Somehow I have done it, looking back I don’t know how but xmas is happening for the kids.

Personally, I am filled with a sense of achievement doing that and happiness knowing they will have Xmas, as Lyanda would have wanted. Mixed with dread, sadness, a weird hollow feeling I cannot explain, anxiety and depression. Not a nice place to be. But kids are a distraction, to a point.

For me it is a case of dealing with one day at a time. It’s the only way I can cope with things at the moment, to the point we will probably be having beans on toast for Xmas Dinner coz I haven’t done any food shopping. But that’s fine, all that matters is we are all together and try our best to make the most of it. For all of us and for Lyanda.

Sorry if what I wrote came across as harsh. It wasn’t meant to be. The stop whining comment was insensitive. I’m sorry

I’d been at a party last night and one of my best mates had taken me to one side and said ‘how are you doing, really?’. He knows and understands what I get like at this time of year, and he checks in on me all through December. Bless him.

And that’s the key. Having people around you who love and support you. People you can talk to about everything. Everything else is just ‘stuff’

If you don’t have someone you can offload too like that, then I’m volounteering. Please message me if you’re feeling anxious and i’d Be available to chat any time.

Hope you’re better than last night

Oh, and on a practical level get to your GP and get some beta blockers.

If you get panic attacks, take one and it stops the physical effects immediately. They really work.

Oh, and on a practical level get to your GP and get some beta blockers.

Christ don’t do that without medical advice, its just hiding the problem. Go an get some CBT / Counselling and work out why you are this way and how to deal with it.

If you’ve read my flying thread you’ll know I spent years on diazepam, tamazepam and alcohol to get through a flight. 16 sessions of CBT and I’ve flown 9 times without any meds this year. Its how you think not what you are thats causing the anxiety.

don’t do that without medical advice, its just hiding the problem

That’s the whole point the blockers allow the sufferer to function. Yes they do mask the problem but allow some control to reasserted until the talking therapy gets you fully in control.
It may be the OP has an ineffective mental health trust locally (Suffolk where I am is crap) and beta-blockers may be all the NHS can provide in a timely fashion. He may have to pay to get talking therapy presently and like me that may not be an option.

There’s nothing wrong with beta blockers. You don’t need to take them daily, like antidepressants, just when you need them. And they work immediately. It can’t be any worse for you than running the massively increased heart rate that comes with anxiety attacks.

They really helped me. I still carry a pack around in my bag ‘just in case’, but I’ve not taken one for about nine months, I reckon, because I’ve been on a lot more of an even keel mentally of late. Thankfully

GPs prefer to prescribe beta blockers than benzos as they are not addictive – you don’t get a high off them. But they knock you out and some people have reactions to them like inflamed lips. Best to talk to GP.

recline in a chair with a drink of your choosing and embrace the chaos.

It’s one day, it’s like all the rest except we’re expected to please everybody, in the name of god know what anymore.

Have you got your nearest and dearest gifts and are you with them? then that’s all that matters. The house will get there, I still have unopened boxes in a shed from 10 years ago, i’m kinda hoping someone thieves them so I don’t have to face them one day. Got a bike? book in some time on xmas morning once the usual is out of the way and go for a ride for an hour or so. Doing a runner never helps, everything is still there when you get back so you might as well spend some time doing something you want. Cuddle the missus and let the rest just go to shit. The teenagers will look after themselves

You can’t continually run from your anxieties. This is just fueling your fear of the anxiety.

I would stay at home. Let the anxiety come. Feel it. Notice it is nothing more than a very uncomfortable feeling. Ignore your thoughts about anxiety. Continue to do this until you condition your subconscious/amygdalae to switch off the anxiety, as it is no longer needed as proved by your new relaxed reaction to anxiety. It will eventually go away by itself.

Do not get caught in ruminating/thinking over about your anxiety, as you cannot consciously reason with it. It is what you do when you experience anxiety that determines if it becomes chronic or not.

I had very severe anxiety from 2009 onwards for quite some years, unkniwn to me at the time I was maintaining it through by daily battle/ruminating of it.

Moving house and christmas are stressful events – try and be more conscious of what you do when you experienceanxiety symptoms and thoughts.

I think the anxiety bit can be misleading. Are you just feeling edgy because of Christmas, which I guess can be quite normal or are you suffering very badly from a mental illness?