When I was about 12, I left a class to go to the toilet in the middle of a lesson, I bumped into a teacher as I came out of the loo and thought nothing of it. 2 hours later they found that someone had used the bar of soap to right f’s and c’s all over the dark green walls of the toilet.

It was of course wrongly attributed to me, they called my parents in, and my mother still thinks I did it to this day. I’m only 38 now.

PE teacher, Mr Hanson, bitter twisted failed county cricket player.

Basketball. I stand still, arms behind my back and guy dribbles into me. I call for a charging foul. He just says they don’t teach that rule. I pointed out that as it was a PE lesson, it might be the perfect time to teach it. Someone, I got sent out for that.

He’s also the same **** that doing high jump, I asked for the crash mats to be pulled across more, he said no, I said they weren’t where they needed to be, he said he didn’t care and that if I didn’t stop wasting time, I’d be in trouble. I jumped, skimmed the edge of the mats and winded myself as I landed on the grass.

From that day forward, every PE lesson was greeted with a note saying I couldn’t do PE due to a bad back. What a **** that man was.

My infant school had a massive conker tree, age 5 someone had drawn on a white painted wall with a brown piece of conker skin or a conker itself, I got the blame and made to scrub it off while loads of people stood and watch.

Junior school wouldn’t let us outside lunch time when it was pissing down. I wet my finger and drew a smiley face on the blackboard, another kid then drew a huge smiley face, utter bitch of a teacher gave us some scare story about how saliva and the oil in our skin could damage the blackboard and how our parents would have to pay for it to be fixed, then the headmaster came along and made me bend over and smacked me bloody hard twice.
He died of cancer, she was sacked many years later after parents organised a petition, wish I could have signed it.

Trying to save all the Silver Barb fish in a village pound because bulldozer was burying them alive (contractor bought the land to erect a useless badminton hall) only for me to suffocate them in my buckets (several buckets) due to lack of oxygen or wrong water temperature or chlorine water. 😯

Not me, but both my younger brothers.

Mid-brother was 8, youngest was 5, and they were both walking to primary school one morning, would have been about 1977. The moment they arrived at school, they were ushered into the head’s office, and given the belt. The first and last time either of them did.

What had happened: 5 minutes in front of them was our neighbour’s middle child, a boy of about 10, who’d been walking to school with his little sister. Little sis had spina bifida, poor kid.

Neighbour’s kid had walked into the head’s office and claimed that my brothers had beaten his sis on the way to school that morning. Now, at this point, some reading this will think “hey CDB, mibbe your bros did do this, eh?”. Well- no. They were both quiet, studious kids, who’d never been in a bit of bother.

Why the teacher didn’t think to query this is beyond me. Why, indeed, she thought she had jurisdiction outside of school is yet another thing. Somehow it never occurred to them that 2 quiet wee boys beating up a disabled kid was something to investigate.

As an adult, its come to mind and I’ve wondered if the brother was hitting her- its possible, as they were a family that had been in hot water with social services for a long time, and had been moved alongside ‘nice’ families (like ours) to see if it would settle them. Which only had the effect of driving good families out, as we did, soon after. They were a family of utter scumbags.

I’m too young to remember it, but apparently my Mum more or less told the school that when she’d finished, the teacher would have no job to return to. I forget the outcome, and Mum is now gone, deity rest her.

Our head of year was ranting in an assembly that no one listens to what is being said and we should all pay attention more.
He pointed to me & asked what the previous assembly, the last week, had been about. I couldn’t for the life of me remember what it was.
He shouted at me & told everyone that was exactly the point he was trying to make.
About an hour after the assembly, I realised that the week before I had been ill & hadn’t attended school; typical that he should pick me out and ask a question that I had no hope of answering!

My brother had a Grifter & it was bought back from my Nan’s in the back of an estate car one day during the summer holidays. When we got back to our house, the little Sturmey Archer chain was broken & the gears never worked the same since. Apparently, because I was in the car at the same time & ‘always fiddle with stuff’ it was me that broke it. My brother still believes it was me that did the damage over 30yrs later.

My mate Delvin was using the disc sander to fling small bits of mdf across the design classroom by flicking them at the ‘wrong’ side of the disc. He kept telling me to have a go and I kept saying no ‘as a teacher will walk in just as I do it’. He’d been doing it for about 15 mins and telling me to ‘just do one’. So I did, and it was sent on it’s way across the class room just as the head teacher walked in.
Delvin, the git, took a couple of steps backwards & I got landed right in it.

The only occasion I can remember being stuck-up for was when I was doing rehearsals playing clarinet in the orchestra for some school concert that was coming up.
I had a borough XC championship race that day & was screamed at by the slightly deranged music teacher that I absolutely could not attend it, as I HAD to attend rehearsals (for a concert that was several weeks away).
I went and told my running coach (who was our maths teacher, but just so happened to be a very fast middle distance runner) that I couldn’t attend because of orchestra rehearsals, so he went to the room where the rehearsals were just getting started and went proper batshit mental at the music teacher (in front of about 25 kids) before telling me to get my stuff so ‘we can get to this race’.
I think I won the race; might have been 2nd depending on the yr, so it was kinda justified.

Seems that all we really learn at school is how much injustice there is in the world and how a little bit of power seems to corrupt some people.

Exactly Onza and I think the distrust of teachers never leaves you.

Mate of mine is married to a teacher. She’s still like this even at home. We’be both been in the bike trade in the past, but despite th fact she’s always Bern a teacher, she took it upon herself to inform us that our industry conversation was wrong and things didn’t work like that in business.

So what you’re telling us is that teachers are big hitters?

They’re not all bad, but the really bad ones do stay with us.

or that onzadog and his mate had a very poor understanding of the business and it is probably for the best they moved onto other things 😉

Thanks msp. We were discussing our experiences, she told us we were wrong. The business practices discussed are irrelevant. It’s the fact that some teachers much always be seen to be right with no regard for whether they are or not.

At public school I got hauled out of Choir and thrown down the stairs, Made me walk home after a trip in the dark 3 miles not knowing where I was. The same bully teacher also grabbed me in PE and basically pinched me so hard I bled. Later that day after school he cornered me and said if I whispered a word about it no one would believe me and my life would be hell, I was 9 and this was 1984. There was a couple of boys he singled out for this stuff. He was seriously psychopathic.
Anyway I left on some pretence after that year and I learned later he moved to Canada to teach and his only son (a year younger than me) died in a tragic accident.

However these paled into insignificance at some other things I was the victim of. Not for this forum.

So what you’re telling us is that teachers are big hitters?

I’ve been out with a couple, and provided tech support to a few more, and the one thing I took away is that <rash generalisation alert> many of them can’t handle the concept that someone might know more about a subject than they do. When I worked in support, teachers, doctors and senior managers were by a country mile the worst people to try to help, and I expect they were all broadly for the same reason, that they spend their entire life telling other people what to do.

As a random example, I once had a blazing row – and I mean proper full-on screaming mentalist I-think-she’s-going-to-punch-me-in-a-minute argument – with a teacher then-girlfriend over whether the key to the gas meter cabinet at her house was square or triangular. Seriously. I knew the answer absolutely (I’d seen it like half an hour ago), and she couldn’t entertain the idea that she might be mistaken so it just escalated way out of hand.

So, totally different to STW Big Hitters.

A couple spring to mind

1: Fire Alarm goes off during a drama lesson. Class carries on regardless

Me to teacher “Sir the fire alarms going off”

“Just ignore it” says he “There is no alarm practice today.”

That’s cause the school really is on fire you D**k. He retired very shortly afterwards

2: Also getting told off for using bright colours on a Dinosaur drawing. Seems the teacher had decided that all of them (across millions of years) were uniformly only black, brown or grey.

http://pubs.usgs.gov/gip/dinosaurs/color.html

In grade 1 (yes, ‘grade’), I had an old Scottish battle-axe of a teacher. One of those hardliner, no-nonsense types.

We were all sitting around on the floor for story time when one of the kids let one go. A prissy girl in the class named Tracy, started giggling and the teacher asked her what was wrong. Tracy simply pointed at me and said my name.

In front of the whole class, the teacher then turned on me and asked what I had done. Of course I wasn’t going to tell her what had happened, as I couldn’t bring myself to say the word ‘fart’ (or whatever) in public. I was so embarrassed.

In the end, the teacher just told me to leave the room and stand in the corridor until she could send me to the principal.

The thing is, it wasn’t me. 👿

Primary school everyone is making Fathers day cards. Thats great miss. Mines dead what can I do. Oh you have to do Maths because you’re not very good at it. Added 1 to every question for the next month. It drove her mad. Bitch.

I once wrote a load of silly names with made-up phone numbers in my parents’ address book, including names that I thought were really rude, like “bra”, and “knickers” :lol:. I overheard my mum showing it to my dad and my older cousin got the blame.

They’re not all bad, but the really bad ones do stay with us.

A teacher friend once likened being a teacher to a Picasso painting. You exaggerate a certain part of your personality to control the classroom – but if you aren’t careful, you end up like that permanently, a control-freak.

I live a couple of doors away from a teacher couple who are thankfully moving soon. They constantly shout at their kids for the tiniest reasons. But at social gatherings with friends they play the part of the perfect family.

Took a beating from the school hard nut (3 years above me) for apparently making a comment about him as he walked past us that I know came from somebody else.

The greatest injustice is that as a fully grown adult, I know that I now stand a good foot above him and I am now built of considerably more robust physical and mental stuff. Oh for a chance to set the records and his nose straight…..

I was reading a report (ahem) into British preferences for porn and prostitutes.
A growing theme is the female teacher dominatrix.
I wonder if this all relates to the fact that Britain specialises in producing nutcase primary school teachers (not all, mind).

1. Being sent to the headteachers office for deliberately ignoring the teacher and colouring in a picture the wrong colours.

I am colour blind.

2. The teacher being allowed to bring her daughter into school whist she was on longer (private school) holidays. The smug little idiot would sit smirking at us as we had to do work.

and don’t even get me started on the ritual humiliation of how teams would be picked for sports lessons with the two sporty kids being captains and them picking their teams in order of preference.

thestabiliser, I did a double take there. We went to the same school. Class of 1990, me.

Remember a mate taunting Kappa, who looked a bit like Rowan Atkinson, from the football pitch sideline by playing the Blackadder tune on a trumpet. Kappa marched off the pitch and decked another mate, not the trumpeter but the smallest of the group. Still shocks me!

I had an ingrowing toenail and couldn’t do PE. The teacher didn’t like the fact that I didn’t take part and put all the gym equipment away and asked if I thought it fair that all the kids who were doing the work should stamp on my toe… Didn’t happen, but he seemed like a sadistic git!

I did have some brilliant teachers as well, for the record. Robert Evans-Teush, John Crosby, Dave Scott and an English teacher whose name escapes me, sadly (he was a prisoner on the Burma-Siam Railway and must have found A Town Like Alice a very hard book to teach), please take a bow.

Final one from me. I went to a pretty competitive grammar school and managed to stay out of trouble for the whole time I was there. When it was time for sixth form they refused to let me in as I was one point shy of the the minimum grades, but they let in a kid who scored one point higher and had been suspended twice for dealing drugs. The headteacher pretty much said to me that they couldn’t give a stuff about the person, just the grades for the school league tables.

I had to do my a-levels at the local college and pretty much spent the next two years either riding my bike or going to the pub, so all is well that ends well.

Bob – I think there was a bit more’old fashioned discipline’ at the place than you’d have thought.

Heard a few tales regarding one of the biology teachers taking on the enforcer role

Hello Lisa 😳

We were snogging near the tennis courts, the school bully came around the corner and caught us. Threats ensued, he tried to lift up Lisa’s skirt..

I flattened him with one punch..

Absolutely no injustice.

I got dragged to the Head, who promptly rained praise down on me 😀

Told to write a story in primary about being a fireman. Started with the sentence ‘me and my mates were playing cards’ and got ripped to shreds by the teacher in front of the whole class for not writing ‘my mates and I’
I was a bit of a swot, knew what I was doing, and no amount of protestations that I did it to sound more realistic made any difference

I was a bit of a swot, knew what I was doing, and no amount of protestations that I did it to sound more realistic made any difference

You were right- your teacher was a knob.

I sympathize with the pedants…

I had a teacher 30 years ago, and was asked to write a historical account of a day in the life of a cowboy/old Western/Cowboy goings on….

I put loads of effort into this. I wrote it in the style of an olde worlde mid-western, and mis-spelled it it to sound like an authentic cowboy.
When it was marked, I was taken through it step by step, by my pedantic tutor, and informed of my grammatical errors- which were actually not as bad as I had feared.
I didn’t have the confidence at the time to explain that my mis-spellings were intentional.
He would not believe it was written in an authentic style intentionally, but chose to believe I did not have a full grasp of English.
This really bothered me for years, and felt like a true injustice.

Generally it was me, and the crimes were mine, or if not directly mine, mu idea.

i always felt an injustice when i was caught though

Due to the peculiarities of my particular local council, some primary schools kept their kids until the age of 12 after which they joined 2nd year of secondary school. Mine was such a primary school. When we arrived at the “big” school we had a spelling test to decide which English class (set?) we should be put in. I was accused of cheating on account of being able to spell “subterranean” and “portmanteau”. I was made to take another spelling test which, bafflingly, contained exactly the same words as the one I’d been accused of cheating on.

The very next English lesson I had, we had another spelling test. I was ridiculed by the teacher and laughed at by the entire class for (despite apparently being some kind of spelling genius as per my test results) spelling the word described as ” ‘brooch’, as in what a lady might pin to her coat” “b-r-o-o-c-h”. Apparently, according to the then-head of English, it’s “b-r-o-a-c-h”.

Teachers. **** idiots.

beefheart, are you Irvine Welsh?

“I do not believe this is your own work”

From a teacher that I liked as a response to a ‘pick a photo out of the paper and invent a story’. I spent ages on it and even used my dad’s typewriter to do it on so it would look printed.

I had to get a note from my parents to say I’d done it unaided.

She never actually marked it. Probably out of spite.

Bitter, twisted PE teacher who laughed and joined in with the rest of the class chanting “weirdo” at me for the heinous crime of having a birthmark. I have a pathological loathing of schools to this day. He and his mate teacher also used to pick on the weaker kids at games and have them run round and round the fields when everyone else had gone in. How I utterly loathe that man. His twisted pal (famous for kicking kids from behind, very hard) was unsurprisingly done recently for abuse.

Only nearly 40 years ago but my blood is boiling again at the thought…….

Got detention for being late to assembly. I was late as I was having the poo kicked out of me by three older lads. They didn’t get in trouble as they were “good lads” (I.e sporty).

Mr leonard who lost my homework and then claimed i never handed it in, then sent me to the deputy head for demanding a receipt overtime i handed my homework in after that.

Being told to stop wearing a Metallica sweatshirt as it wasn’t school uniform

I stood up for myself and asked why it was ok for all the other kids to wear MCKenzie jumpers, which were the fashion of the time, as they weren’t school uniform either. No answer.

I kept wearing my sweatshirt……..**** the police

GCSE PE hockey assessment…i got 6 out of 10
my mate who had a knee injury and didnt do it at all got 9 out of 10.
the teacher at the end of the assessment pointed out that i had performed the best during the assessment in front of the whole class…on the result sheet my score was the lowest.
i got her back a few years later when me and some friends broke into the gym store and emptied everything out onto the gym floor while she had an outdoor PE class…cow deserved much worse!

we had an outdoor toilet at our old house and a white goods retails shop backed onto our house…there were always broken washing machines etc in the back alley. my little sister found a large machine part and decided to stick it in the toilet and it got stuck in the bottom…she blamed me and watched as i took a beating off my dad!

my parents stopped me from going to see Public Enemy at the Manchester Apollo in 1988 cos it was a school night and I was only 14, plus it was difficult to travel from Wrexham to Manchester and back, some friends went though and said it was ace 🙁
Seen them a few times since but this would have been the one gig I wish I had gone to!