Hello 🙂

I lost my Mum back in October – am coping with it all ok (I think!) but I keep on making stupid mistakes at work which are starting to worry me a bit (not least because I work in publishing, so mistakes are printed in their thousands)….

Any ideas on how to sort this out? I am good at my job and I am triple checking everything to (try to) prevent this. You ALWAYS get some mistakes creeping in anyway with human error, so this could all just be sods law, but I do feel a bit guilty as it is *possible* that it’s my fried brain that is causing this! Because there are always little things like this everyone else is happy and i’m in no way under the microscope – it’s just me worrying!

I don’t feel particularly distracted or unable to concentrate. And sadly my direct boss is the most tactless person on the planet so I cannot discuss this – it will immediately translate as ‘Miss Notax can’t do her job’ 🙁

Any ideas guys?

week or two’s holiday – get away, change of environment and doing something different. grief doesn’t always happen on the day of the loss, sometimes it takes a bit longer to sink in.

Advice from someone who’s been there before.

Accept that this is what will happen for a while. Being told not to think about something like a bereavement won’t work. Instead try to concentrate on a few minutes at a time. Small victories and all that.

At some point you will not so much “Get over it” as learn to accept what is and can’t be changed. It will come in time, but the time is not yet.

We’re all with you.

Stop fretting about it…

…easy to say very hard to do.

Diet, Exercise, Sleep, avoid alcohol (not religiously just drop the intake) caffine,

Eat well, exercise well, sleep well…. and you will find life gets easier

Could be a sign of depression? Speaking from personal experience of suffering it has affected my brain, intelligence, concentration etc etc

I think you’ll find its an “age” thing.
Sorry about your mum BTW, it took me a good couple of years to feel really normal after my dad died.

Get somebody else to check your work before it goes to print. You’ll still make mistakes, but technically its now their fault!

Works for me 😉

Sorry to hear about your mum, BTW

Could be a sign of depression? Speaking from personal experience of suffering it has affected my brain, intelligence, concentration etc etc

Probably is Houns, EVERYONE will suffer from it at some point or another. Counselling is the answer for mild cases IMHO, unfortunately in this day and age it’s medication medication medication due to pressures on the NHS.

Been down that route too, personally I would avoid the pharmacological answer as it never really is an answer. You find your own, I did, that’s why I ride a bike.

I found that the more I ride, the better I feel, the more I can concentrate, the more positive I feel, the better I eat, the better & longer I sleep, the more I exercise….. you can see where I’m going with this.

Also works WONDERS for the libido too 😯

You have my sympathies missnotax. I lost my mum in October so I know exactly what you’re going through. Having been there before all I can say is that it does take time and it will get better. A holiday would do you the world of good though.

emails in my profile if you want to talk.

Grief is a very strange and sometimes overwhelming set of emotions and feelings. It took me about a year to get back on an even keel after losing my mum. It is different for everyone but as some have said above, look after yourself, take some time off if necessary and just take things as they come.

On a positive note, losing someone close to me has made me realise that the world won’t wait for me and life really is for living. Two years on from my mums passing I’m now more ready to start making some big positive changes to my life and feeling excited about the future again. Hang on in there and life will start making sense again, just don’t feel you have to force it.

Get somebody else to check your work before it goes to print. You’ll still make mistakes, but technically its now their fault!

Now this I like 🙂

However I fear there may also be an element of this;

I think you’ll find its an “age” thing.

😆

I take on board everyones comments – thank you! I feel okay and am actually very positive (although obviously miss my Mum terribly) so I don’t think it’s a depression thing. I’m also having sessions with CRUSE each week which is helping sort out all the random mad thoughts 24/7!

I’m also taking the opportunity to do loads of biking which is helping beyond all belief – it really HAS been a life-saver. I had also better win some bloody pots this year after all these miles 😉

Thanks guys 8)

Try aversion therapy – slip an elastic band over your wrist, everytime you catch yourself dwelling on negative issues, give it a good snap.

You’ll soon learn that negative thoughts lead to pain, so you’ll give up to it.

I went through a pretty hard time last year and was very negative about the whole issue which was affecting my work and my personal life. When someone suggested the above technique I just laughed in their face, but I can only say that it really does work! I still catch my mind wandering to darker thoughts occasionally but I don’t dwell on it any more, and can put it behind me far quicker.

Try it – you might surprise yourself!!

However I fear there may also be an element of this;

I think you’ll find its an “age” thing.

I’d tell your age to go and do one!

…you are as old as you want to be, don’t listen to the maaaaann man!

“you want to grow up at your age”
“you want a nice little car at your age”
“you want to find a sensible girl”
“you want to get that hair cut”

It’s all a con…. kick, scream, punch, bite, but NEVER EVER give in to the biggest con of all….

[u]GROWING UP[/i][/u]

Fight it all the way

You’ll soon learn that negative thoughts lead to pain, so you’ll give up to it.

I can see that logic – but the thing is, i’m not having a negative thoughts!

I’m generally a pretty happy little soul – I accept the situation and with doing lots of biking I can find the space that I need to work things through. I’m just being unusually inept at work 😕

Are you sure it’s completely related to your bereavement? You say you are ‘coping OK’ but how is your physical health?

Are you sure it’s completely related to your bereavement? You say you are ‘coping OK’ but how is your physical health?

Nope, not sure it’s related – there will always be the odd random error in my job so it could just be one of those things. Health-wise i’m fine too 🙂

Maybe i’m just reading too much into it and worrying about pointless stuff – this is also a possibility!

You’ve been through a life altering event, it shouldn’t come as any surprise that your mind wanders occasionally, although your client might think otherwise life, love and family are more important than the current project you’re working on.

It will get better as life finds it’s own equilibrium. But in the meantime can you have a colleague check your work and you do the same for them. I’ve always refused to check my own work purely because it’s not a very good way to work, fresh pair of eyes sees twice as much as someone that’s been looking at a project for weeks at a time. it’s not a weakness it’s a better way to work.

I’d give a plus one to holiday. I’m in a similar situation, and as I’m sure your finding it comes and goes but it never really goes. I know when I was 4 months through I did a good impression of being OK, but it was just that. Getting better now, but one thing that went for me was attention. But consider taking some time off, and spend some it going place that remind of her, or going through some stuff if you’ve got stuff to go through.

My sister and I are going through stuff as our Mum was it turns out something of a hoarder. Its actually a weirdly enjoyable and entertaining process, the things we find are heart breaking, exasperating, hilarious and deeply moving. It has helped me greatly. Spend the rest of the holiday riding and getting away from things.

I was very upset, though I wasn’t depressed. I was happy in myself, but very sad about what had happened and it really didn’t feel real to me, the above has helped. Might not really pertain to your situation, and it isn’t a strategy I deliberately took, its just the way things have gone, but I’ve come to understand recently how much it has helped me. Though a bit worried about when it’s completed. Fortunately there is so much stuff that’s a way off.

Holiday sounds like a great idea.

Just find some good friends near some awesome riding and decend on them at a moment’s notice for a weekend.

Personally, I think you’ve just had a run of bad luck with the work thing. Problem is, thinking it’s a problem will make it one.

Been there, all last year in fact, made some stupid errors that, could, potentially hav eresulted in investigation by the Gaming Commission, loss of valuable contracts, etc.
Feeling much better about things now, but it does take time.
Best wishes from me, it WILL get better.

Hmmmmm, good friends who live near awesome riding….. Tricky one Onzadog 😉 😆

Thanks CountZero – good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Maybe i’m just reading too much into it and worrying about pointless stuff – this is also a possibility!

+1 for this. Everybody goes through phases sometimes where NOTHING goes according to plan or you keep dropping enormous bollocks with monotonous regularity.

Sometimes you start over-analysing and in doing so you become hypersensitive to potential faults and pitfalls before they’ve occured. This in turn knocks confidence and if you’re lacking in confidence…vicious circle.

I’d go for the holiday option!

I’d go for the holiday option!

i believe shark wrestling is a good stress busting holiday.

Yeah, I have some nice biking weekends planned and a week mtbing in Spain at the end of May. I guess I could really do with a week lying in the sun not doing anything apart from reaching for a cocktail, but as i’m a) watching the pennies, and b) single, this is sadly very unlikely!!!

Hey ho…. 🙄

Easter is coming up, why not book a few days either side and go riding?
You could ask on here for company. Might find some amazing places and people to ride with.
B & B wont be too expensive , but need booking now.
Scotcheggland 7 staines might be worth a go.

Sorry about your loss . Might be worth a word with the boss just to say you might need some bits and bobs proof reading and can he /she OK it with evryone else in the office.

FWIW, I lost my mother a couple of years ago and my father barely 12 months before that. Like you, I found my work suffering for quite a while afterwards. I’d tried to keep myself busy and my time occupied to help with the grieving process, but what really did it for me was just to take some time off and search for solitude in order to let that grief surface and take time to actually remember my parents, to think about stuff we’d done together etc. That certainly made quite a difference to my peace of mind.

Having said that, I still find myself in periods of melancholy, though it has got easier with time.

“You are only as good as your last issue,” my boss used to say. Try and make sure the next one is betterer. Mix up how you do things rather than features do news pages first or somesuch.
Now I am the boss, I remain amazed that I can get any work done without all the general day to day distractions.
Ms TPT lost her mum last November and has found it hard, sleep has not been good, key dates are hard, Mother’s Day the most recent. Just got to let time heal, while hanging onto some real memories.

Hi there,sorry to hear your news.I lost my dad some years ago and pretty much didn’t know what day it was for about a year. For me,things didn’t change until I accepted that at times,however inopportune,something was going to hit me and I’d be in tears.I must have looked a right state walking around Asda with tears rolling down my face just because I’d seen something that brought memories flooding back.But when it happened it released just a bit of the emotional pressure I was carrying.

Ohnohesback has it right in saying it’s not a case of getting over it,you don’t; you just learn to accept and cope with it.It does get better.Take care.

I’m calling the loss of your mum a red herring. Biking more though… Do you find yourself sat at work thinking about shiney new bling for the bike? Nailing that descent you’ve been so close to getting perfect.

Its something I suffer from greatly. Strava does not help.

I’m calling the loss of your mum a red herring. Biking more though… Do you find yourself sat at work thinking about shiney new bling for the bike? Nailing that descent you’ve been so close to getting perfect.

That comes across as a pretty stupid and insensitive thing to say.

Sorry to hear about your loss. Grief is a bumpy confusing mental process and its effects can be profound, but not all negative. Since Wendy died last year, my work performance has been quite erratic, with highs and lows. But as time passes I feel I’m getting there and in hope you will too.

I think it’s very important to discuss personal issues that affect your work, with those responsible for welfare at your work. This might not be your immediate boss. A personnel officer can help by dealing with your boss if you don’t feel that you can. Not everyone is sensitive about this, either because they have not really experienced it or because they deny their feelings. They should cut you some slack as long as you remain committed. Things will get better, but slowly.

One thing I am discovering is the importance of milestones in this first year, something I have previously dismissed: first Christmas, pancake day, birthdays etc. I think the first anniversary of her death will be tense, but beyond that the way will become clearer. So just hang in there.

I know what you are going through.

My parents had a house fire last November, my mum passed away 5 days after moving back in, dad was then in hospital 3 days after with pneumonia for all over Christmas and new year and has been in and out of hospital pretty much ever since and keeps asking me why does he keep waking up when he falls asleep as he just wants to go now.

I have good days and bad days, made silly mistakes too… Bestest so far was not putting handbrake on fully and car rolled straight their new garage doors!! Then 2 hours to find their house keys I had thrown in the temper of doing it.

But I found the support of good friends, lots of messages from guys on stw is slowly getting me through it all.

I also found having a day off here and there doing something you like best with your best friends helps loads… In fact I’d say book a days holiday next week if you can and do something you haven’t done for ages and keep meaning to go or do….

Smudge

I’m calling the loss of your mum a red herring. Biking more though… Do you find yourself sat at work thinking about shiney new bling for the bike? Nailing that descent you’ve been so close to getting perfect.

Its something I suffer from greatly. Strava does not help. 🙄
You really didn’t think before you posted this, did you? As Gary_M said.
Missnotax, try to get away from your home situation a bit more often, maybe just extend a few weekends by a day or two, just book into a B&B, maybe near the coast, or somewhere in or near lovely countryside, and just get out and walk, read, listen to music, and clear your mind of everything to do with home. Doesn’t have to cost a fortune.
And leave the bike at home, then you don’t have worry about storing it wherever you’re staying, washing grubby, smelly bike gear, etc. Just being able to sit on a cliff top, staring out to sea, watching gulls and ravens soaring, listening to the sea and wind, is really therapeutic, you can just blank your mind.
Being up in the hills, or mountains does the same. It’s a fact that nowhere in the UK is more than 72 miles from the coast!
It works for me. 😀
[edit] I see you’re in the New Forest, which is, in itself, a beautiful part of the world, and not far from the coast, but it helps to get a bit further away, maybe Devon or Cornwall, get up into North Devon, Exmoor and Dartmoor, just find places away from people for a bit, maybe even give yourself space to really sit and howl, get some release.
I hope this helps a bit, gives you some ideas, OK?
All the best from me, anyway. 🙂

Spend time with good(old)friends.Enjoy their company,talk openly with them if thats how you feel.

Thanks guys 🙂

I take the point above that escaping without the bike is probably a good idea – I love biking but it means I spend all my time biking / cleaning bikes / faffing with bikes when maybe I should just ‘be’ for a bit.

Unfortunately I work for a really small company so the only person I *could* discuss this with is my direct line manager, who just happens to be the person that I would least like to discuss this with in the whole world. I don’t have an HR person, and my job climate is such that I don’t want to discuss this matter with anyone higher up in case they start to get ideas about shipping me out and getting someone else in instead!!

Hey ho. I am just trying to make the best of it really! 🙂

Thanks for all the good advice though, I do really appreciate it. I helps to type stuff down!

but as i’m a) watching the pennies, and b) single, this is sadly very unlikely!!!

Sod that, get to Faliraki or Ibiza!!

My mum passed away in Jan after a 10yr illness.
Dad has been in and out of hospital with a herniated oesophagus with another visit in 2wks time. He can only eat liquidised food. He needs a nebuliser for his knackered lungs.
Wife is awaiting results of a biopsy and may have to have toes amputated due to arthritis.
Potential redundancy looming at my work!

Unfortunately I work for a really small company so the only person I *could* discuss this with is my direct line manager, who just happens to be the person that I would least like to discuss this with in the whole world. I don’t have an HR person, and my job climate is such that I don’t want to discuss this matter with anyone higher up in case they start to get ideas about shipping me out and getting someone else in instead!!

Hey, you don’t need them when you’ve got us… 😀

Hurrah! And I am extremely grateful for that 😀