MiniMonkey is nearly three weeks old. She’s an absolute babe, and we love her to bits. However she’s not overly keen on sleeping. In fact I’ll qualify that; she’s not overly keen on sleeping in her crib. Or at night.

The night sleeping there’s probably not much we can do about – apparently it’s not unusual for a baby to ‘cluster feed’ at night at her age, so that’s ok. What we are struggling with is getting her off to sleep in her crib or moses basket.

If I take her from MrsMonkey so she can have a snooze then she’ll happily doze off on my chest, but as soon as I put her in the crib she starts squawking and, often as not, then decides she wants feeding. And once she wants feeding, that’s that. Sometimes she’s a bit snuffly which I think wakes her up, but not always.

Any suggestions? The midwife suggested that she should be settling better by now, but hasn’t really given any insight as to how we can encourage it.

Any suggestions?

Just stick with it….. the returns policy with babies is disappointing. No refunds.

3 weeks is too early to worry  about it. She’ll get the hang of it eventually and so will you.

Don’t listen to people who tell you what your baby should be doing and when.  They’re all different.

We have three and they were all completely different. You’re freestyling it most of the time , even fifteen years later.

Junior OTS 1 spent the first year of his life sleeping on Mrs OTS.
There are very real concerns about bringing them into bed with you, but you have to balance the risk with that of no one getting any sleep and killing each other with fire.
Probably not what you wanted to hear.

The great (perhaps the only great) thing about little tiddlers is that nothing lasts very long – so she’ll get through this fairly quickly.

She may miss the warmth of being on you – perhaps her cot feels quite cold in comparison? Our little one needs lots of shushing and hair stroking to get to sleep sometimes, and she is 8 months old.

sounds normal to me and our two girls (now 10mo and 3yrs). Still seems v early to be self settling, ours were nocturnal for a good 6/8wks. Ps in my experience, take advice from midwives and home visits with a pinch of salt, dont view it as
a hard and fast rule- we’ve found their advice varies massively, and you’ll both become increasingly anxious if a certain week is reached and something hasn’t happened..

congratulations btw and best of luck!

Edit- Perchy in there like a shot with the same advice. V true re taking advice, even from professionals like i said.

Have you tried warming the crib first? We used a cherry seed pillow, warmed in the microwave when our oldest was tiny, as soon as his face touched a cool mattress he would wake up shouting. Other than that I would say give it a bit of time. Our Niece wouldn’t be put down for the first six weeks and my bro and his wife ended up staying up in shifts. It nearly killed them, and to be fair, they haven’t had another one.

Totally normal.  My 4 year old still doesn’t sleep through, gets up and gets into our bed….

Our eldest (now 6) was a terrible sleeper, but now sleeps like a log!

We co-slept with ours from day 1.
Three kids.
All 3 breast fed for approx 12 months.
Initially feeding every 2 hours.
It was a joy for all parties.
Never any stress around bed.
But as with all advice on babies you have to find what works for you.
Now 11, 16 18.

Our little one didn’t take to the Moses basket immediately; she was absolutely tiny. We eventually put “bumpers” in to make the space around her smaller (rolled up towels.) Seemed to work, think she just needed to be cosier.

White noise and Ewen the dream sheep worked for her as well (she still likes Ewen now she’s nearly 3!)

Maybe try swaddling? Worked with our two, no issues with sleeping in Moses Basket or cot.
As others have said though, every child is different!

We used a sleepyhead pod. That worked a treat for our two. Ask around your friends and you may be able to borrow one to try to see if it works.

Both of ours slept on their mum for the first month, or two months.. i can’t really remember, it’s all a sleep deprived blur. I think the advice says it’s better they sleep on mum, rather than dad. Mum slept on her own in king size bed with baby to reduce risk.

One liked swaddling, other one hated it.

Sleepyhead, Ewan dream sheep, and disco light thing (like this https://www.amazon.co.uk/Playlearn-SPB6-Rotating-Kaleidoscope-Portable/dp/B00GFN30VC ) have all helped.

Perchy has it in the first reply. No two are the same (I have twins, I know this). Just try things until they work, wing it. Just try not to get into bad habits (ie, letting them sleep on you/with you to get them to sleep if you don’t want this to be a long term solution).

Every baby is different so don’t take anyone else experiences or opinion as read. We kicked out kids out of the Moses basket and our room as early as possible (like a few days) and into the nursery and cot as we didn’t want our sleep disturbed or have the problem further down the line of transitioning the baby from our room to the nursery. Worked fine for us. Also its OK to leave the baby crying for a bit. If you jump to it as soon as the baby starts crying or makes a noise then it soon learns that you will be there immediately as soon as it starts crying and will exploit that ruthlessly. A bit of mild controlled crying might be worth while. Our first was a terrible sleeper and after 6 months of agony that pushed us to the edge we did controlled crying and were pretty ruthless with it. After about a week or ten days she was sleeping through.

Also never wake a sleeping baby. We took some ‘professional’ advice (as if there are professionals in this) and started waking the baby for a feed, but struggled getting her off to sleep again. We soon ditched that and although the baby woke naturally around the same time for a feed, she went back off pretty well after the feed, so there appears to be something about waking a baby vs. letting it come around naturally. A bit like adult really, they can be grumpy if woken up.

But unfortunately you can only suss it out for yourselves…every baby is unique and its a balance between you fitting in with the babies natural routine and encouraging the baby to fit in with yours.

There isn’t no product that is a magic bullit.
I tried them all and it just takes time. Terrible sleep is normal for first 3 months and beyond.

I can assure if someone made a product that got a baby to sleep better it would be the most profitable item in history.
When I got to 8 months or so with my one if someone suggested an item that cost £3000 that would give you a good night sleep I would have gladly paid.

As per Perchy’s post. I could’ve written exactly the same thing (as the OP) when mine was 3weeks old

Any suggestions? The midwife suggested that she should be settling better by now, but hasn’t really given any insight as to how we can encourage it.

Trouble is that midwives have the manual for the generic model, and you’ve got a specific FMC limited edition variant. Much of the parts and instructions are interchangeable, but some definitely aren’t. And you’re not allowed to know a/ what the specific differences are, you have to find out; and b/ even once you find out, you are the one in charge of the beta-testing program so you can write the updates for the FMCVer1.01* version.

* I’m assuming this is FMCVer1.01; if in time there’s a FMCVer1.02 or even 1.03, rest assured that’ll be different to 1.01 as well

Seriously; 3 weeks is nothing, try not to stress, tag team if needs be so you both can get some sleep, don’t be afraid to put her down and let her cry for a bit if it is getting too much – she won’t come to any harm whereas stuffing her mouth with cotton wool to muffle the crying can be hazardous (among other things I considered with my first one) and in a few weeks (maybe) this’ll be a distant memory.

Some people say a radio tuned to white noise on low helps, others a ticking clock (or is that dogs?)

But it will pass, and now as the father of TOJVVer1.01 @15 and TOJVVer1.02 @12, I’m thinking of placing a bulk order for Semtex to get them out of bed in the morning.

Just stick with it….. the returns policy with babies is disappointing. No refunds.

3 weeks is too early to worry about it. She’ll get the hang of it eventually and so will you.

Don’t listen to people who tell you what your baby should be doing and when. They’re all different.

We have three and they were all completely different. You’re freestyling it most of the time , even fifteen years later.

This this and thrice this. There’s no magic solution, it’ll all work out. I’m already at the stage of trying to get the idle buggers out of bed (5&8)!

All good advice above, they’re all different, my little girl used to be a bugger to get to sleep when she was a baby, best thing I found was death metal to get her off! The Emporer by Firespawn used to work every time! (She’s 3 now and absolutely hates my music!)

White noise and Ewen the dream sheep worked for her as well (she still likes Ewen now she’s nearly 3!)

+1 – helped ours loads (now 15 months and still wakes occassionally during the night).

He also started sleeping a lot better once we got a sleepyhead, but there is some debate around safety of them (I think?!). I guess, do some research if you go down that route but worked for us.

My son was 2 before he slept through his first whole night. Some kids are just crap sleepers. He’s 3 now and still wakes some nights and won’t settle.

At 3 weeks old there’s no routine or expectations with sleeping through so not sure why your midwife would be saying that.

Some things that worked for us to get kids off to sleep are try and get them bathed every night at the same time and feed a bottle before winding them then settling them. Bottle feeding at night helps to fill them up.
Other things are having a poddlepod/sleepyhead or a extension to the bed where they can be placed right next to you at night. Use a comfort blanket which is scented by mum. (Not dog/cat style!)

Otherwise it’s just a case of going with what ever your baby wants. Thems the breaks I’m afraid. It gets easier as they learn to go longer between feeds but for sure the first 6 months are basically on demand feeding and basically no sleep.

Best of luck. You will miss it when it stops though, strangely.

We ended up having to do shifts for the first 3 months or so, until we got a puddle pod sleeping cushion thing.

Basically the Moses basket was a complete no-no, even stuffed with towels to make it cosier. Same with the cot.
We tried all the usual stuff talked about, such as swaddling but nothing helped….white noise, whale song, in the womb sounds….no light, some light, a teeny bit of light….
We ended up doing 2-3hr stints of staying awake with our daughter. Once we got into a routine it was ok.

Eventually we borrowed this puddle pod thing (it’s probably not actually called that) and it was a bloody miracle. Instant sleep on her own.
There were warnings all over it about not leaving a baby unattended because they can wriggle out, but she was so small there was no way she was moving, once settled in.

Junior OTS 1 spent the first year of his life sleeping on Mrs OTS.
There are very real concerns about bringing them into bed with you

A baby sleeping on your chest is the most dangerous way if cosleeping.
Our 3 year and 3 month old daughters cosleeping with us (super king bed). I hated it for 2 years but now I’ve excepted the lack of nooky I actually quite like it. The girls sleep so well once settled, prior to that we were getting up at all hours.
But like others have said, stick with it, all kids are different.

Funk Jr still rarely sleeps through and ends up climbing in with me and Mrs F, relegating me to his bed. He’s just turned five and pretty much didn’t sleep for any length of time in the first two years. This was mainly down to severe reflux. Mrs F and I would tag team sleeping upright in a rocking chair with him. Poor guy would just scream if he wasn’t vertical.

I had to call in to work once and tell my boss I couldn’t come in. I was sat on the settee and saw a Jack Russell at the top of the stairs, wagging its tail and staring straight at me. We had a Newfoundland at the time and she was laid in front of me. Serious sleep deprivation is a real bastard.

Funkette on the other hand sleeps like a narcoleptic sloth. We honestly thought she was broken when we got her. It’s been nice to be able to enjoy the early stages the second time around though. Might be soppy, but having your baby sleep soundly in your arms is one of the best feelings I’ve ever had

Try not to worry. They are all different and at three weeks I wouldn’t expect much in the way of a pattern. Stock up on coffee and buy Ewan the dream sheep. Makes womb and heart beat noises and would (occasionally) help Funk Jr to settle. Bloody brilliant thing. I can check if we still have him if you want?

Any suggestions? The midwife suggested that she should be settling better by now, but hasn’t really given any insight as to how we can encourage it.

It does get easier. Swaddling worked with both of ours.

Hi FMC, nothing to add to all the above except don’t throw too much money at it, new parents are a marketing managers dream!
Just remember everything is a phase (good and bad) and that it will all change soon enough.
She’ll be in the weeride soon enough!
Edit: oh and if you get Ewan, buy shares in Duracell, he treats batteries like crack. Or just get a baby sleep white noise app on your phone.

Ours hated confinement of moses basket but didn’t mind cot. Getting mum to sleep on the cot sheet for a night before use also helped (so it smelt of mum / milk).

Once older and kicking we found grobag sleeping bag things stopped them kicking off covers / getting cold / easier transition back into cot after feeding.

As said before – you’ll look back on this in a few years as such a short phase in life. It seems really hard at the time but you’ll (sort of) miss it once gone. Time really flies – ours now 16 and 14 battered me for 4 hours up and down every hill and valley all over Grizedale today!

Cheers for all the replies, kinda what we knew / thought already, but it’s good to hear it confirmed! I’ll look into some of the things suggested, we already use Growsnugs which seem to work pretty well. She does sleep to be fair, she’ll go for three hours on my chest just as soon as we put her in a crib the rage starts.

Did you not get the manual on check out?

We ended up with a baby hammock. The cool thing was that it enclosed him well, plus a it hung from a spring when he moved it bounced a little and put him back to sleep.
Little git wakes up now in the night 3.5 years on

Hindsight is the gift that keeps on giving.

Our wee one is in this, she sleeps from 8pm -5am she’s been in it since we brought her home. 5 months now. She sleeps beside her Mum. Im in the spare bedroom (bliss)

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01N4STMVX/ref=asc_df_B01N4STMVX58599264/?tag=googshopuk-21&creative=22122&creativeASIN=B01N4STMVX&linkCode=df0&hvadid=255499370580&hvpos=1o2&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17214797235383814208&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046933&hvtargid=pla-4409758888

they sleep when they want.

just keep going, you’ll get used to being knackered. ignore people who say they had it super easy.

try and give the mum as much of a break as you can.

Not really a solution to night times but I found stretchy wraps to be fantastic. I can appreciate they’re not for everyone but I loved being able to stick my daughter on my chest and get on with things, she just seemed to sleep great when she was in it. It was great for helping take some of the strain off my wife and it felt like we could carry on with normal life (just failed back in a few respects). If you’re interested a local sling library is a good place to start.

Also I echo the points ‘it gets easier’ and “everyone’s experience is different”. Getting our first born breast feeding was perhaps the most emotionally draining month of my life, I’ve never felt so useless! I remember thinking a few weeks in, Will life ever feel normal again!

Not really a solution to night times but I found stretchy wraps to be fantastic. I can appreciate they’re not for everyone but I loved being able to stick my daughter on my chest and get on with things

We did this too with our first child – he slept in a bondolino on my chest into the early hours whilst I worked or watched tv or whatever. I’m a night owl whereas my wife was early to bed so we’d usually swap at 1 or 2 am as I was going to bed (they co-slept). This worked really well at the time. He’s now 6 and still doesn’t always sleep through – as many have said, they’re all different and their habits will evolve as they grow…

Some cracking advice above, MiniKrag is now 9 months and whilst sleeping through the night until 6am she takes all evening to get to sleep, sometimes 9pm so we don’t have much time to ourselves.

I guess what I’m trying to say is it might get harder before it gets better but hang in there. Be kind to each other, even if you get into sleep deprived arguments about who’s had the least amount of sleep 🙂 At no point should you suggest spending the day at home/drinking coffees with the ante-natal girls is easier than 8 hours in an office job 😉

Go ride your bike when you get the chance, it’ll do wonders for your mental health and you’ll be fresh and keen to do your parenting when you get home. (Wifey and I both went for 2 hour rides today with our own mates and feel like new humans!)

I’ll echo what’s been said- they’re all different. Little Miss breadcrumb started sleeping through at 3 months. Until teething, but that’s something else to look forward too!
She’s coming up 2½ and we put her down for 8pm and she’ll twitter on for 30-45 mins before falling asleep then wakes from 7:15-7:45.

We’ve got another kid on the way and I’m expecting it will be totally different, just got to wing it the best you can.

Welcome to parenting! Eldest is 3 and rarely sleeps through, let alone the youngest… Just make sure you get sleep between yourselves, that’s where we went wrong/struggled.

If you want to find out more about the range of sleep behaviour there’s a good source of baby sleep info at Basis Online (recommended by Mrs NS):

https://www.basisonline.org.uk

Have you tried co-sleeping? I know there’s a billion and one differences between kids but both ours co-slept, both went into “proper” beds around 2, and both sleep really well (7.30 to 6.30 ish). I know this is this isn’t a helpful thing to hear when you have a kid that’s not sleeping. But also, bare in mind yours is only 3 weeks old and has just spend 9 months inside a very comfortable place with all the food, warmth and space she ever needed. Give her chance she’s not even month old.