I pay 18% of my salary to my Ex in Child support via the IRD. I'm three nights short of paying 12% which whilst not by any means ideal would be more manageable.

The Ex won't budge on the extra 3 nights although I can facilitate many more than just three. So I'm faced with going back to Family Court to get any change in the current arrangement.
I won access to my children through the courts two and a half years ago after separating but being denied access to them by her for 3 months before I went to a solicitor. I'm slowly repaying the $12,000 bill.

It makes me cross that she was able to claim legal aid to defend her action because looking after the children meant(she claimed) she couldn't work. She also continued to breast feed my son until he was three and half and used it as a reason in court as to why I couldn't have access.

The 'Catch22' is having won the court case, because the allocation of time is fractionally less than the IRD definition of 'shared care' I'm pretty much in a position where I have gained access to my kids but struggle financially to make ends meet.

The system is totally biased toward women to the point that I'd still pay a percentage even if the allocation was 50-50

Anyway I was just interested if other peoples experiences are as frustrating as I feel mine is?

All I want, is to just get ahead a bit again. Instead of my post divorce hand to mouth existence

I'm really sorry to hear about your plight!

I can barely believe how some women are so incredibly vindictive! Spiteful empty souls, who don't have an ounce of humanity, or compassion towards those they deem as having wronged them. Sad!

Involving the CSA was/is a dumb move because the money you pay goes into a big pot and gets dished out to other mothers of absent fathers. So a proportion of your money is going to strangers' children who's fathers have managed to disappear without paying a penny. Grossly unfair to the fathers of those who want to/ have had to do the right thing for their offspring!

If she'd got a brain, she would have got her lawyer to make you pay her maintenance so your children benefitted solely.

Using the children as a bargaining tool is a really low stunt. You should have as much access as you want!

The law needs to change to make the balance between couple equal and therefore fair.

Perhaps you might want to highlight to her the fact that the more she damages you, the worse it will be for the children (she can't change the fact that you are their dad). Also, one day, the children will be old enough to judge her. She might want to think about that too.

I hope you get you life back on track.

I do pay, but fortunately for all concerned it is through a private arrangement.

But my ex-colleague had an ex-wife like yours', when he collected them he had a 15 minute 'window', otherwise, tough.

Involving the CSA was/is a dumb move because the money you pay goes into a big pot and gets dished out to other mothers of absent fathers. So a proportion of your money is going to strangers' children who's fathers have managed to disappear without paying a penny. Grossly unfair to the fathers of those who want to/ have had to do the right thing for their offspring!

Bullshine!

TJ i think the poster is trying to allude that the portion of the payment he makes (that which replaces any additional benefits the mother claims) then allows additional benefits to be paid to others (as its not being paid to the mother)

the CSA also claim a cut. i assume this is an 'admin' fee.

i pay maintenance but thankfully we have an amicable agreement.

its bloody tough but i'd seek legal advice with a fimily lawyer rather than ask here. alot depends on the level of access you had prior to the breakup, how hte breakup was instigated, how you acted prior to breakup etc etc.

i imagine there are easier ways to make money rather then pursuing your ex.