ok, i look like I’m new around here, but I’m really not…..suppose it’s the old fashioned “don’t admit anything” in me

So over the past few nights I’ve been feeling worse than I usual. Waves of anxiety and guilt. Nothing to really feel guilty about, I haven’t done anything out of the ordinary. Just an overwhelming feeling of guilt.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about 10 years ago, never really went away, used to take medication but stopped that about 2 and a half years ago. Never felt the need to go back on them. Gave up smoking about 3 months ago, that wasn’t helping anyone, don’t drink much at all (a couple of glasses of wine of a weekend) no drugs or anything like that. Try to eat ok and exercise less than I probably should.

Thing is I feel guilty over everything I do or worse, have no control over. I put everyone else’s feelings first and don’t do or buy things based on how other people might feel. It’s got to the point where I can’t focus on anything and procrastinate constantly or take an interest in something for about an hour before talking myself out of it and moving on to something else wacky and hair-brained.

I tried a counsellor a couple of years back but spent more time telling them the issue and how I knew how to fix it that they kind of gave up and let me ramble.

I’m probably not making any sense, but I have seen threads on here before and there seems to be a lot of good advice kicking around. I plan a ride tomorrow to try and clear my head a bit, but at the moment it all feels like I’m slipping back down a slope.

Makes perfect sense to me. From a professional amateur (although been a professional sufferer for 99% if my life) I’d say you have a low-self esteem problem (been there, tee shirt).

I found counselling nothing short of miraculous, but I understand one man’s wine might be another man’s poison. Perhaps you had a counsellor that didn’t suit you?

I tried a counsellor a couple of years back but spent more time telling them the issue and how I knew how to fix it that they kind of gave up and let me ramble.

I’m fairly sure that a counselor’s role is to help you think through your options and work out for yourself what your solutions might be, they are not advisers. So your experience doesn’t suggest that it was a failure to me.

You appear to be going through a bad patch at the moment, depression is often very cyclical, it won’t last forever but an appointment with your GP to discuss your options would seem a sensible first course of action.

Nothing to really feel guilty about,

Hang on to this. It’s irrational. Massively helpfully, you *know* it’s irrational. Stop beating yourself up, the rest will be easier.

I tried a counsellor a couple of years back but spent more time telling them the issue and how I knew how to fix it that they kind of gave up and let me ramble.

A good counsellor will let you talk (ramble) and will not direct you. Only when you have told your story can they try and help you to find your own solutions or ways of coping. It takes time, could be weeks or months or years.

I think you might benefit from giving it another go. Medication will not sort out the root cause of your troubles in the way that counselling can.

Sometimes there isnt a root cause to sort out, some of us are just dour, highly strung folk with all sorts of nonsense going on in our heads.

Medication works, although you might need to try a few before your get the right one.

Given the choice between taking medication forever or being ill I know which one I chose.

Have you Googled OCD symptoms?

Yes medication can help, but it is not the best long term solution.

I disgaree that there is not always a cause. I think that given time, you could find the reason for most of our behaviours/anxieties and problems with the mind.

To say that something is not the best long term solution is pretty naive. For lots of people medication is the only effective long term solution.

There is always a cause for mental illness, it is not always an event in the person’s life or similar.

Counselling, talking therapies, CBT or whatever dont work for some people not matter how much effort thy put into it.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01m5hhw

Good programme on procrastination and some similarities to depression on radio4 last week.
Well worth a listen as the presenter was finding ways to cope with what sounds like a similar situation.
The jist of it was about getting started, and things getting easier by just making a little bit of progress – something to build on.
4 days left to catch it on iplayer so don’t put it off too long. 😉

Enjoy your ride tomorrow too, fresh air and exercise is great medicine for everything.