Advice on how to choose a divorce solicitor please

The wife is divorcing me. I believe she has instructed a solicitor and I need a solicitor myself. Can you advise on how I choose a divorce solicitor. Do I need to use a local one? I am based in Stockport. Any advice or recommendations would be gratefully received. We have two young kids (both 2.5 yrs old), a mortgage if that makes any difference.

No advice on topic, sorry, but best of luck to you.

It’s always good to get legal advice particularly with young kids. Is there any chance of an amicable outcome though?
You might both end up agreeing between yourselves and saving a lot of money the divorce solicitors are excellent at extracting as people’s default setting is that you need one.

You may well do, but that is not always the case, check first with your wife and ask what she wants as you might be OK with it if sensible.

Sorry to hear that, I’m going through the same thing but in Scotland so things might be different.

We still get on it was just that the marriage was at the end of the line and because of this we are going through mediation so pretty much sorting it out ourselves. Should hopefully (if that’s the right word) be done soon.

Having said that if she’s already got a solicitor you might not be able to do this or she’s jumped in without knowing there’s more than one way to do this.

Either way good luck with it.

Sorry, double post

Sorry to hear this fella. Can’t offer advice on a solicitor, but have been through a (no children) divorce so can offer a ride/pint/friendly ear. You know where I live.

If you can agree on most things, we’re using a service called amicable.io – they act for both parties. I guess it depends on if you’re still getting on with each other. Way cheaper than using solicitors

Strongly recommend finding a mediator to work it out with if the two of you are still talking to each other. As above, they don’t take sides and work it through to get the right outcome that then goes as a pack to a solicitor to string some words together for the court.

Separation Agreement – if possible – then Divorce –  pick solicitor you know or random – they all charge a fortune, £250/hr + VAT and upwards and can charge by the minute. They’ll try and fight for your corner and make sure you’re not getting hood-winked so to speak. It’s a bitter pill to swallow

You may end up paying for both or just yours – all depends on circumstances.

wish you well – it’s tough for all – especially if you start argueing about who gets what, who pays for what, who owns what, where people stay, financial settlements – best avoided if you can but probably beyond that if you’re looking for a solicitor

Wikivorce:

https://divorce.wikivorce.com/

shame that she has got a solicitor – first step towards a cr8p experience.

I used wikivorce – you build a list of all assets and how long together, etc, and then they (the chosen solicitor service) come up with an appropriate split – if you two keep everything transparent with disclosure to them, and then adjust the outcome amicably then the whole process will be much less painful. As soon as each side has a solicitor it becomes war with lots of miscommunication making things worse, plus the solicitors getting a lot of the assets in monetary form.

The wikivorce solicitor will also advise on whether the split of assets you finally decide on looks ‘fair’, as this is what a judge will be looking at. An agreed upon split might not be ‘fair’ if one party has undue influence on the outcome.

I met with a mediator and they seemed pretty useless to me – the mediator won’t give you any advice on whether any agreed upon split of assets is ‘fair’, and so you have more risk that the judge won’t like it.

There are also forums to ask for advice.

Talk to your wife, see if she will go down this more amicable and less confrontation route, better for everyone – less anger, less money paid to solicitors – just suck up any of your anger and approach the matter in a calm a manner as you can.

+1 for https://divorce.wikivorce.com/

You can also use the website Resolution to find a family lawyer based near you

https://resolution.org.uk/

They sign up to a code of conduct about amicable communication and trying to negotiate through mediation or arbitration and avoiding court costs where possible

Depending on your finances, it is advisable to go for a locally based family lawyer, ideally operating out of one office location. If you go for a corporate lawyer with multiple offices they will have bigger overheads to cover and therefore higher fees to you

Take care, truly think about what is best for you, focus on your children, and continue to reach out for support when you feel able to

Good luck

Trying and explain to her she has missed step 1 in the critical analysis path which is: do we need a lawyer at all?

That’s probably not going to go down very well.

Sorry to hear this, our solicitor charges 350 plus vat per hour for specialist work, try and negotiate directly or your legal bills will soon get out of control.

Court will force you to use a mediator as a first try to resolve things yourselves

Really sorry to read that. IF you do need a solicitor try get a personal recommendation. They are SO varied. The advice you’ve had on trying to come up with an amicable agreement seems very sound. Good luck.

If you can agree on most things, we’re using a service called amicable.io – they act for both parties. I guess it depends on if you’re still getting on with each other. Way cheaper than using solicitors

Ooh thats an interesting choice of words.  There’s a reason solicitors don’t normally act for both parties in a potential conflict…  I can see the attraction of the amicable negotiations, I wonder what happens when “her” best friend/new partner/virtual acquaintance on MTB forum says “no you are entitled to X” or after signing it there’s some dispute about who got good advice, or one party not doing something that was promised etc…

To answer the OP:

The wife is divorcing me. I believe she has instructed a solicitor and I need a solicitor myself.

I don’t think you actually need a solicitor…   but its unlikely to end up a reasonable deal for you without someone who knows the law and the process on your side.  Solicitors prefer to deal solicitor to solicitor – that may or may not be in your interests.   My first step would be to find out who she is using (officially so that you can make sure you don’t appoint someone with a conflict of interest) so that you can see how your prospective advisors respond when they find out who it is.   Unlike the others who posted above I wouldn’t assume that her instructing a solicitor is a sign that she is out for a fight or doing anything bad – she will (presumably) now know what “her rights” are and that is a decent starting point for a discussion.  Its unusual that your and her perspective of fair will exactly coincide.

Can you advise on how I choose a divorce solicitor. Do I need to use a local one? I am based in Stockport.

I don’t think you NEED to use a local one, but are you the sort of person who gets difficult and emotional stuff done face to face or are you better by email and phone?  Do you have a solicitor you’ve used for other stuff (property purchases, wills etc?), the advantage there is they will already have your file so know some facts and you’ll already have gone through their money laundering checks etc.  Neither of those would make me use one unless they had both been good for the previous transactions and their website etc said they did family law (worst type of solicitors is the one who is outside their comfort zone but trying to prove themselves or make more money!).   If they don’t do divorce work they most likely know someone who does (either through professional relationships or training together).   Word of mouth may be as good a way to find them (or find one’s to avoid).

Any advice or recommendations would be gratefully received. We have two young kids (both 2.5 yrs old), a mortgage if that makes any difference.

Keeping it amicable is very much good advice.  Some solicitors can make that harder, but often the solicitor is actually just representing the impression their client has given them.  You can steer your solicitor with how to respond, you can make clear that arguing for 4 hours over £1K is not the objective, etc.

[cynical]There may be a school of thought that says a man instructing a female solicitor* will face less resistance than a “male solicitor sticking up for a man”.[/cynical]. see also men instructing women barristers for sexual offences.

(* you’ll know your soon to be ex-wife and how she responds to other women, some really don’t like ball-buster types in powersuits etc).

Mediation is worth a shot, it didn’t work in my case, but you should qualify for a £500 voucher from the government.

I’m negotiating the consent order at the moment and it’s been tough.  My ex is with a local firm that have a good reputation, they are making my life tough!  I’ll dm you the details as my partner used them and recommended them, just the ex beat me to them.  Stockport based as well.

I’m sorry you are having to go through this, I’ve posted a bit about my experiences over the last few years, it’s not great, but you’ll pick up the pieces and move forward again!

Steve

If you’re in England and Wales, you might find the Law Society briefing useful: https://www.lawsociety.org.uk/public/for-public-visitors/common-legal-issues/getting-a-divorce/ TBF a mediator is supposed to work for both of you, and they can’t take someone’s side by saying whether a proposal is fair or not.

I’ve never been divorced (yet), but have been involved in lots of legal disputes. One thing people can misunderstand is that these things never end with anyone being “proved right”. No judge is ever going to say “I officially declare that Alex was an unreasonable, mardy beast that stole the best years of your life”. Don’t waste money on chasing that dream.

Take care of yourself, and the kids, even if it means “sucking up” the other person’s nonsense for a while. In time, they will hopefully come to realise what you did for them. It doesn’t have to be a nightmare – my parents were amicable after a split.

Good luck. 👍

Sorry for double post. But if you want to reduce your legal bills: save your lawyer’s time by responding to their requests quickly and in an organised way. If you eg get asked for bank statements, then go online and download them in order. Don’t send a smartphone photo of just one of them. If you get asked 3 questions, answer each of them in order, 1, 2, 3. If you don’t know the answer, say so.

I don’t know how to choose, I suspect they are all pretty much of a muchness. My advice would be to get this sorted as quickly as possible, cut your financial loses and move on with looking after your children and yourself.

Follow mediation if possible, but my ex refused mediation and it had to go to court to get settled. It cost and absolute fortune and it could have gone to court twice because she refused to follow the judges ruling, so I just gave her what she wanted to avoid the second lot of court costs. This should give you an idea that fighting is not worth it. Good luck.

Btw. I’m very happy now, life does get better.

Thanks for your advice all. Regardless if this I’m so upset, the grief of losing what I thought was our future is devastating.

I get that. I totally get that. Even though I was lucky enough that the breakup of my first marriage was amicable, it was still just f___g awful, and I’m not ashamed to say there were a number of occasions where I took myself off for a dusty walk around the car park at work, or just sat on the kitchen floor at home and sobbed.

And if that’s what you need to do, do it. Working through the grief is as important as working through the practicalities

Really just want to reiterate what TwistedPencil has said, its hard. But there will be a time fairly soon when the divorce will be over. You will move on and you will be happy again.

I have very recently been through it, have also documented some of my experiences on here. I caught my wife having an affair. Things got to the point where neither of us would move out of the family home, so she would get her “boyfriend” to come and pick her up from the family home…he would even pull up on to the driveway! I went through an awful time, the divorce process was horrible, but it is only a point in time.

Anyway, just want to re-iterate. As hurtful as it is and how upset you are, please remember there is going to be a point in the near future when you’re happy again. This is a good forum for venting on, lots of people with different life experiences. And I’m not a million miles away from you, if you ever want to chat over a beer I’m only in Liverpool and I’m sure other locals would also offer the same.

If you need legal help then a specialist legal exec will do as good a job

Ask around locally and at work, people will have recommendations

Decide as much as much as you can between yourselves

A pal of mine used some solicitors that work for both parties. Possibly those mentioned up there, saved a lot of pain and money. Best of luck.

Grieving will take time of course though once in better place, reach out to healthy support and to maintain fitness in general.

I’ve decided 5 months back that women or the ones I get lumbered with are deceitful or their perogative is to have sex and sod the consequences whether sti related or pregnancy.

Thankfully I’ve never experienced an sti or std.

Will now concentrate on my self, self care, and fitness to then attract a much much healthier female.

Preferably one that works and has decent morals with no bs from past that sets president on future relationships.

Apologies OP Ed, I had to type freestyle off my chest (quite literally)

As NS BIKES Moto goes,

STAY TRUE STAY STRONG

A friend of mine is going through this at the moment , try your best to sort it without solicitors, it’s cost him £16k in solicitors fees so far , and it’s not over yet

Requested this at my mates wedding. He was divorced after 20 months.

It was a German wedding and no one really cottoned onto the lyrics.

I’m in the same boat now. We were planning to just do 50/50 through Wikivorce but wife has listened to bad advice and is planning to get a solicitor.

How did this work out for OP?

I’d still like to avoid getting one.

If you are able to negotiate with your wife and reasonably happy with the outcome then there is no “need” to get a solicitor. But solicitors are duty bound to advise their clients in their best interests so what you & your wife agree might not align with what the solicitor advises your wife & unless she is strong willed to push through your agreement against solicitors advice it could end up with you needing a solicitor at the end of the day anyway.

Don’t do what friends did – spent £10k arguing about what should happen with the last £10k ?

Probably need one side to appoint a solicitor to make sure it’s all legal and above board with no loopholes or errors.

Get the child arrangements formalised before the finances.  Otherwise you could end up in a mess, not seeing your kids and the wife’s solicitor using them as leverage for an outrageous financial settlement.  ie don’t pay up and you don’t see the kids.

You don’t actually need a solicitor – not yet anyway.  Just start mediation for child arrangements for a 50/50 shared care order.  If you want to share the care of the kids half the time – ie equally.  If you’re happy to have less time then accept you’ll need to pay child maintenance at between 12% and 15% of your gross income.

If she agrees then a consent order can be drawn up and no need to go to court (you both need a solicitor for a one off job for this).  Nothing else is legally binding except a child arrangements order either by consent or court ordered.  Agreements mean nothing.  If she doesn’t agree put a C100 application in for a Child Arrangements order.  It could take about 9 months but there’s opportunity for agreement for a consent order at the first hearing (say after 3 to 4 months).  My advice is prioritise child arrangements first.  In the meantime, her solicitor will be pestering you to start financials and for a Form E.  Delay as long as you can and get the child arrangements sorted first.  You don’t have to do a form E straight away.

Once you have your kids secured, the finances can be sorted (might need some overlap eventually).  Otherwise the kids can be used as blackmail.  And worse than that is not being able to see them at all unless your wife decides you can – and she might be difficult if you don’t give her everything financially.

When do get to deal with finances, it can be better to just use a direct access barrister for hearings and no solicitor.  Solicitors run up vast bills.  Thousands.  Barristers aren’t cheap but it’s a fixed fee per hearing and ends up being cheaper and you’re more likely to get a fairer deal.  In between that you can do a lot yourself.

The other reason to prioritise child arrangements first is – you might need some money to pay a barrister to get a good order.  So if you spend loads on the divorce financial aspect then you can’t afford representation for child arrangements,  And you want to be represented for those or you could end up with it dragging on for a year or two and no time with the kids.

If you can afford it, you could use a solicitor and barrister team.  Most people can’t afford it.

The pattern is – the wife wants finances agreed first and to have control over child access.  The man wants child arrangements sorted first.  So unless it’s extremely amicable, you’re likely to have to apply to court for child arrangements.

The divorce finances can be sorted by mediation (different mediation to child arrangements) which means no need for court bills over that.

Biggest tip – do not move out until you have a child arrangements order in place.  You can get one that starts from the time you separate – whichever one of you moves out.

Also look for Dad support groups online. There are loads of Dads in the same position.  And maybe get some counselling for support as well.

https://www.dadswithkids.co.uk/

Thanks.

We have just managed to agree a 50/50 parenting plan.

I think I have talked her into continuing as we agreed which is a consent order through this lot (and splitting everything 50:50):
https://divorce.wikivorce.com/services/financial-settlements/clean-break-consent-order.html

I have booked another appointment with wikivorce.

Without a shadow of a doubt i would recommend JMW solicitors in Manchester. I initially appointed another firm (cant remember who) but i didn’t feel they had my back. Katie Lowe at JMW however has been fantastic, with some excellent letters to the other side.

My ex wife to be called the police alleging controlling coercive behaviour and assault, for which the police have informed me they will dismiss the case (she provided no evidence). She did this to have me evicted from my own home as the bail conditions prevent me from returning home and contacting her until the 22nd of this month. She also is not allowing me access to my children apart from 6 hours on a Sunday. I have stacks of evidence to suggest her behaviour is the issue here, not mine.

Her allegation of controlling coercive was me turning a light switch off too aggressively. Her allegation of assault – i can demonstrate that she assaulted me first and i used reasonable force (by locking her in the kitchen – albeit there are two other exits) to separate us both and i was acting in self defence for fear of escalation.

If it wasn’t such a sad case regarding the children, its quite comical watching her fall on her sword.

My criminal solicitor from JMW is Ian Lewis who has recently represented Ryan Giggs. I would not hesitate to recommend them.

Lordy. Remember that the ride/pint/ear offer is still there/

Thank you IHN. I hadn’t forgotten. However i’ve been unable to get access to my property/bikes/everything since 27th March and i’m currently residing an hour away with my folks.

Jesus, that sounds terrible feel for you I really do – I often forget just how reasonable my ex is.

I might also add that my wife’s allegations dated back to 9 months prior to my arrest, and one week within me receiving the notification of the divorce. She also provided no evidence to the Police (because there isn’t any). The only evidence the Police have is what I said in the interview, as I wanted to come across as credible. Im waiting for the Police to confirm they will be dismissing the case, as they have told me that’s their intention.