Absolute scumbags need their hands chopping off, it’s about time the laws were changed for high value thefts like this, mountain bikes cost more the motorbikes and mopeds being nicked but police treat it like a toy has been stolen and don’t give a crap usually.
The value of those bikes would make me keep them in the house though or build an extension/ garage conversion, it would probably be cheaper than the cost of the bikes ?.

 insertion of a backwards saddle up their arses

There’s a song by Alestrom describing a similar act, but with a boat anchor. I probably can’t repeat the first word of the title here or embed the video, but the rest is “with an anchor”. Maybe we should commission a bike thieves version.