[Closed] You can forget your cancer, laxative overdoses, amputated feet and snapped banjo

You're a set of big girls blouses. The socks I put on today are that tiny bit too big and one of them has twisted round funny inside my shoe. I beg for the sweet release of death over the mild discomfort I'm now suffering.

I have a mate that alegedly caught the 'unsheathed' end of his old chap while ironing naked.
apparently it smarted a little

Yeas ago...a mate of mine burnt his cock in a tanning machine then thought it was a good idea to tell my whole 6th form group about it... for the "bantahhr".

We nicknamed him hotdog after that incident.

I once sat on a very full 5 gallon drum of waste thinners.
My weight caused the can to slowly seep thinners out of the cap. I was soon made aware of this by a very stingy ring.
Try washing waste thinners out of your bum. Not easy.

One of those little bobbly things on my neck fell off last week.
Stung a bit.

Tastes like bacon.

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OH! I didn't know about "banjo string" - I've learnt such a lot since frequenting this forum. And to Mr Poddy - it was an eggbeater pedal. Ow. Lol my phone makes Poddy into sneez and eggbeater into eggbeaver.

Is Mr Karin in for a rough time tonight?

I'll be phoning in sick tomorrow if this ulcer on my tongue hasn't vanished overnight.

I once put 6% hydrogen peroxide solution directly into my eye. I mistook it for my contact lens saline solution. Jeez - my eye slammed shut like a vault door. Absolute agony.

Didn't get injured, but a few weeks after leaving the shower naked the other day and having a shave, I dropped my Mach 3 and had a nervous juggle around the family jewels area as I attempted to catch it on the way down.

Will be wrapping my loins up in a towel immediately on exit from now on.

I had to brake hard the other day and landed on the top tube. Hurt

Once got caught short and the only thing I had to wipe my bum was some of those industrial hand wipes. That made me hop around a bit I can tell you

there isn't a Mr Karin 🙂

Sat in a meeting this afternoon on a really uncomfortable chair, thought I'd shattered my pelvis!!!

No other pain like it....

Meh! - I slept funny and have a slightly stiff shoulder!

This mad me chuckle quite a lot

Try standing on a lego block in the room of two small sleeping children...

I stepped off what I thought was the bottom step of a flight of very steep stairs in an old holiday cottage of a friend, in the dark, while carrying my then three month old son. I landed on the tips of my toes and dislocated the toe next to my big toe by shunting most of the toe back up into my foot. I just about managed to stagger to a sofa and collapse before according to my wife wailing rather loud. She was less than impressed and shouted down to me to shut up as it was four in the morning.
I also discovered that the A&E on the isle of Arran isn't that great.

I've got a bit of a sore throat

(normally means I'm about to come down with a cold)

Lately I've been suffering with shooty bum pain, don't know why or what causes it, but it's rather uncomfortable

matt_outandabout - Member
Try standing on a lego block in the room of two small sleeping children...

Earlier I turned my neck a bit too quickly and it made it go all shooty and painful.

shadowrider - Member
Lately I've been suffering with shooty bum pain, don't know why or what causes it, but it's rather uncomfortable

Sounds like IBS cramps.

the heating at work is set to a temperature that means if i wear a hoody i'm too hot, but if i take the hoody off i'm a little bit cold. its practically abuse in the workplace!

[i] matt_outandabout - Member
Try standing on a lego block in the room of two small sleeping children...[/i]

This always rewards repeat viewing;

Thanks to this thread.... yes I'm blaming this very thread for this.... Last night I ripped my thumb nail back when I got out of the car at the train station.

It hurts, amputation may be needed

How do you amputate a train station?

How do you amputate a train station?

how did he get his car onto the tracks?

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Poor me!
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this might help

Messiah wins

My brew was a bit too hot this morning, resulting in my burning that little bit of gum behind my top incisors.

I later bit into an apple.

[i]The horror.[/i]

I suspect this counts as a mortal injury in the context of this thread;}

[IMG] [/IMG]

Can I have your bike?

I have a slight chaffing of the skin on my neck as a result of a heavily twisted knit jumper. I don’t know if I can go on... I see a tunnel, should I go in to the light...

My Thai beef curry is a little spicy 🙁

I warmed my pea and ham soup in the company microwave and it wasn't uniformly hot all the way through.

This afternoon I will be working on my CV.

I have a Brabantia breadbin stuck in my ass.

I once cut chillies - and then rubbed my eyes. It doesn't end here though - I then went for a piss. Fool.

Stingy!

TAFKSTR - don't then go and have sex.

TAFKSTR: Ha! friends of mine were indulging in a bit of early evening nookie, 'cept that he had just been preparing dinner and chopping chillies, needless to say whilst going through the (ahem!)pre-ride warm up... she quickly realised that the hot flush was turning into a burning bush! Literally.

You think you've got problems?

After work this evening, I have to go to the vet's to pick up some anti-depressan tablets. For my CAT. Seriously.

I think I may be living in some strange parallel universe.

Oh, and the onion that I chopped last night made my eyes water.

mightymule - what is the criteria for prescribing AD med's for a cat depression?

I'm intrigued. Does you cat look REALLY pissed off? Is it feline down all the time?

[i]what is the criteria for prescribing AD med's for a cat depression?[/i]

that was my thought. Our cat sleeps for 23 hours a day and only wakes up so we can watch it eat. I can't see that it's either got anything to be down about or capable of showing us if it did.

Im a student...today i had to go to work,feel my pain .

I had to google the banjo thing

I wish I hadn't