[Closed] Wwstw do? Niece's christening.

Not go

Suck it up, it’s their event, not yours.

You're saying that they won't have you because you want to wear a mask?

Personally, I'd be thankful for the free pass I'd been given to not go.

Bin it off, take kids out for the day, eat ice creams.
Religious mumbo jumbo, outdated and pointless.

I think they are saying they would prefer everyone to wear masks, because masks protect others, not you. And their son has a condition where protecting him sounds sensible.

Proper (FFP3) masks do bring protection to the wearer, but not sure if they would be suitable for a 6 yo.

Not go

This.

My uber controlling sister in law has decided that vaccination is too risky* for her and her kids (and my brother in law, wee shitebag that he is) which gives me the perfect excuse to swerve them til she gets her head in order.

* No particular health specific reasons, other than nonsense she's read online.

Masks or not, I'd bin it off as your daughter has health issues - it's still inside, and masks really don't magically help, and 1st August, won't be any rules.

We will still have to abide by Nursing Home rules - my wife will still have to be tested twice a week to go and see her mum - it's not a magic date after next week and the virus goes.

I'd be grateful I'd got out of going to a sodding Christening. They are unbearable IMO.

The personal upset side of it is a separate issue really, and it's up to your wife whether she wants to make her unhappiness known or just leave it as a simmering resentment for years to come.

Most of us would probably go with the latter option, I reckon.

Don't go.

The 20 minutes inside the church you want everyone to wear masks is the bit where the parents of your niece really won't want to wear masks.

Unfortunately choosing wether to go to events/family gatherings etc will be a tricky decision a lot of people will have to make over the next months and years.

Suck it up, it’s their event, not yours.

This. You can chose not to go if you don't want to.

You’re saying that they won’t have you because you want to wear a mask?

No, just hoping they'd ask guests to wear masks, as per the common sense guidance from pretty much everyone

Just see them later. Nothing to be gained by trying to change their plans. They have a vision for the day, you don't like it for good reason so don't go.

I agree with most of the posters above.

Its a complete no brainer. Just don't go. Even if you don't catch covid from them you might just catch stupidity instead 🙂

I am struggling to see the issue I am afraid.

1.Your wife's sister is having a christening and she know for whatever reason some people will not be wearing masks.
2.She knows about your child's potential higher vulnerability and your concerns so is suggesting that you come a week late. This protects your child and removes the pressure of you putting your child in an environment you consider t be unsafe for risk of offending family. Your sister in law has considered your position and the position of others in the group who for whatever reason will not wear masks.
3.Your wife in now upset that her sister will not force these other people to ware a mask or maybe ware a mask herself.

There is obviously more to why there are people who will not ware a mask. tbh its not your sister in laws job to force people to ware a mask, nor is it your wifes / yours. There may be some people who will kick up a massive fuss if being force to ware mask. You have the option of taking offense (offense is something that is taken and not given, its up to you / your wife) and the creating a bigger issue of your sister in law having to choose who to piss off (if there are some who will not ware masks which your op suggests) of take the situation that she has considered this the route that cause less issues and keeps your child safe.

You could always try speaking to her about the mask issue and ask if there are some people she feels will not ware a mask and this might clarify the situation. Don't present an us or them ultimatum though as that leads no where but trouble and tbh is quite juvenile.

Just avoid, it is their event and however stupid they can do what they want.
Your priority has to be to your family and their health

Go, but craft some special Lamb of God masks first? Or maybe something a little darker and more norwegian?

Personally, like the others, I'd be glad to get out of one of those horrendous awkward gatherings I've never liked anyway.

Your wife’s sister

My brother's wife.

beg your pardon. Still works out the same.

Personally, I’d be thankful for the free pass I’d been given to not go.

This.

Doesn't take much to say "during the church service, in line with guidance and for the comfort and health of valued guests, we request that masks are worn". (Like they have been for the last 18 months). Does it?

Turn it around, have a nice visit a week later, maybe take a picnic and some cake, meet the wee person and ask how the gig went... or...hate and ignore them to the end of time 🙂

Doesn’t take much to say “during the church service, in line with guidance and for the comfort and health of valued guests, we request that masks are worn

This is your view and not their view. That they have offered an alternative meet-up tells me that they really don't want to compromise the day.

...but then you'll get everyone else asking "Why do we have to wear masks, we've worn masks for the last 18 months".

Personally I'll be glad to see the back of them, but I'm not in your position.

Another vote for not going.

I understand the sadness, I get it not everyone enjoys stuff like that, I personally like Christenings, but I'm gooey AF when it comes to kids.

Our Government with supposedly the begrudging agreement of Witty and Van-Tam has decided that a week today masks will no longer be required (accepting that it's not that clear cut) I know 'because Boris' our natural instinct is that they're wrong, and they probably are, but SNP lead Scotland is doing the same sort of thing 3 weeks later and here in Wales we will too, at some point in the near future, this is the only inevitable end to Covid.

I have sympathy for the Parents, it's a very touchy subject and I personally wouldn't be comfortable asking all my guests to wear a mask, you might discover a lot of people still do. Like everyone else, I'm worried about what the next few months will bring, and I especially have sympathy for parents of kids with breathing issues, some of our friends have a 7 year old who has scarring on her lungs from Pneumonia she had as a small child, when she caught covid last year it was terrifying, thankfully you'd barely know she had it, she was ill for about 24 hours and had nothing more than a light fever.

I’d be grateful I’d got out of going to a sodding Christening. They are unbearable IMO.

This x 100. I offended my brother when he asked me to be god-parent to my neice and I refused on the grounds that I'm an atheist and also pointed out that he's not even a practising christian. Pretty much every christening I've been to (thankfully not that many) has been a fraud. Although the last one was quite funny when the catholic priest laid it on really thick that christenings were not just an empty ceremony and the family and godparents were duty-bound to take their roles seriously.

Wow - how can you possibly pass up a chance to hear somebody renounce the devil?

Seriously though - balls to them and whoop for you getting out of it.

This x 100. I offended my brother when he asked me to be god-parent to my neice and I refused on the grounds that I’m an atheist and also pointed out that he’s not even a practising christian. Pretty much every christening I’ve been to (thankfully not that many) has been a fraud. Although the last one was quite funny when the catholic priest laid it on really thick that christenings were not just an empty ceremony and the family and godparents were duty-bound to take their roles seriously.

Did you think that wearing a suit and saying a few words for your Niece would magically turn you into a God fearing super-catholic?

Did you think that wearing a suit and saying a few words for your Niece would magically turn you into a God fearing super-catholic?

No but what's the point if you're not a practising christian? I may not like or believe in religion but I at least have some respect for those who do. I wouldn't go into a church pretending to be a christian any more than I'd go into a mosque and pretend to be a muslim.

I went to a funeral recently, some people wore masks, some didn't, I did. I'd imagine this will be similar.

Did you think that wearing a suit and saying a few words for your Niece would magically turn you into a God fearing super-catholic?

I've politely declined when asked to be a godparent twice now - once by a friend, once by my sister. My view is that the service and the 'vows' I would take would mean nothing to me, and it's therefore disrespectful to those to whom it does mean something to take part and not mean what I say.

Edit - of course it's equally disrespectful to those people to have a christening purely as an excuse to put your child in a nice frock and have a bit of a party. Or, in my sister's case, to conveniently remember her Catholicism in order to get her daughter into the best local primary school, but hey...

Obviously the two most important factors here are:
Who's doing the buffet
Is it a free bar

If you could answer these and if it's a positive response, I'll consider going in your stead

Almost a concensus!! 🙂

Nice swerve tbf....

I'd say it was a win.

Shocked at the number of apologists for mask avoiders...

Simple really.

"We'll be happy to attend so long as everyone will be wearing a face mask in order to protect vulnerable people such as my child. You can't guarantee that? See you next week, then."

My wife’s really upset, as am I because it feels like they’d rather not have us there than have the inconvenience of asking people to wear masks for 20 minutes.

Sounds an awful lot like you'd rather not be there rather than inconvenience everyone else for 20 minutes (and rightly so). But playing devil's advocate (ho ho) you could turn that around: it's their day, who are you to dictate what everyone else does?

And I'm sorry, I appreciate that I'm biased as a confirmed atheist, but I'd be filing this straight into the WGAF bucket. Some bloke in a white smock is going to throw some water at a baby who doesn't have the slightest clue what's occurring and then everyone will go to drink beer and eat pies, big whoop. Go see them / her next week as they themselves have suggested, it's not like she'll have changed much in a week.

PMSL at Cougar's reply, especially the last bit. 🙂

No but what’s the point if you’re not a practising Christian? I may not like or believe in religion but I at least have some respect for those who do. I wouldn’t go into a church pretending to be a Christian any more than I’d go into a mosque and pretend to be a Muslim.

Because it would have made your Brother happy.

You saved all those Christians the disrespect of turning up in their Church, where they'd love to, have you and joining in a ceremony, which they'd love you to be part of.

I know it's a load of old whatnot, I've been to Church a half dozen times in 10 years, frankly it usually means a death has happened, but as a Parent asking someone to be a God Parent, whether you're there twice on Sundays, or have to be dragged kicking and screaming for someone's Wedding, it means something, it means a lot.

I understand, despite what a lot of people think, being a God Parent doesn't mean you're somehow morally obliged to raise your niece should something happen to her parents, but in fact to help raise them in the Christian faith, which you don't agree with, fair enough. As the priest said at my daughters Christening, promising before your family and friends you'll try to help your Brother and SIL to raise their Daughter to be a happy, nice person, is enough.

My wife’s really upset, as am I because it feels like they’d rather not have us there than have the inconvenience of asking people to wear masks for 20 minutes.

I suppose if you really want to be at the christening that much AND don't want to risk your child, then one of you could go (they can choose to wear a mask themselves), and then they could self isolate for 10 days to avoid exposing the rest of your family to anything you might have picked up (wouldn't even need to be proper isolation - just isolate from spouse and child, you can still go to pub/work/shops). Personally it sounds like they are trying to protect you without being over-reactionary and saying "well don't bother coming to see us until Covid is over" or something.

No, just hoping they’d ask guests to wear masks, as per the common sense guidance from pretty much everyone

I wonder whether they will actually get this choice, or the church will essentially strongly encourage face coverings anyway? My expectation is lots of places are still going to ask for them even when the law makes it easier for the objectors to make a fuss.

Our Government with supposedly the begrudging agreement of Witty and Van-Tam has decided that a week today masks will no longer be required (accepting that it’s not that clear cut) I know ‘because Boris’ our natural instinct is that they’re wrong, and they probably are, but SNP lead Scotland is doing the same sort of thing 3 weeks later and here in Wales we will too, at some point in the near future, this is the only inevitable end to Covid.

That's not my understanding - I believe whilst Scotland, Wales and NI will have further relaxations mask-wearing will not be one of them. Obviously, that will come eventually - but I suspect that might be more like October (or even spring 2022!).

The 'woo hoo, you don't have to go!' responses are a little unfair as that's a personal choice thing and Pook and Mrs Pook would like to go, (their choice).

However, as we're all about freedom of choice and mask wearing won't be mandatory by then more than likely, (has Boris made his announcement yet? I've not heard the news since breakfast time) then I don't think you can really insist on that as it's not your party.

It's a shame, but the risk/benefit of attendance decision is yours to make. If you decide not to go a gracious turning down of the invite should be given and accept the kind alternative offer.

Personally it sounds like they are trying to protect you without being over-reactionary

Are they though? Sounds to me they're not making any effort to protect them if they come.

I understand, despite what a lot of people think, being a God Parent doesn’t mean you’re somehow morally obliged to raise your niece should something happen to her parents, but in fact to help raise them in the Christian faith.

I'd be far more comfortable with the former!

As the priest said at my daughters Christening, promising before your family and friends you’ll try to help your Brother and SIL to raise their Daughter to be a happy, nice person, is enough.

Mmm... kind of makes you wonder what the point is though? I mean who wouldn't want to help a close friend to develop their daughter as a happy, nice person?

Sounds to me they’re not making any effort to protect them if they come.

even if you go and everyone wears masks - they aren't a panacea, there is no certainty infection won't spread.

Are they though? Sounds to me they’re not making any effort to protect them if they come.

This

Because it would have made your Brother happy.

Should it matter that much to the brother then an obvious solution presents itself.

Alternatively, the brother assigns more import to people being at liberty to cough and sneeze on his slightly damp child than he does over potentially putting at risk the life of his own nephew.

And I'm sorry if I sound impatient but I'm truly sick to death of this petulant whiny 'masks' bullshit now. It's just a bit of cloth. I wore a mask when I was six, it was of Spider-Man and it was cut out of the back of a Corn Flakes box. People need to grow the hell up.

What would wearing a mask actually achieve in the church?

Would you ask for the congregation to wear their marks at the buffet (if there is one)?

If the church service all wore masks, would you go to that and not go to the buffet afterwards?

Do you take your 6 year old to the shops?

Probably going to be older family members, so double jabbed anyway. Some may also wear masks regardless, limited numbers. As others have said, don't go and make a day of the visit next time, picnic would be lovely. But it's your decision based on your assessment of the risk. Their do, their rules I'm afraid.

Everyone knows that the holy spirit will protect within the confines of the church, unless you are some kind of Satanist. Are you some kind of satanist?

I didn’t go to my niece’s christening service. Just joined for the after party. This was 20odd years ago. The fam got over it pretty quickly 😆

I understand, despite what a lot of people think, being a God Parent doesn’t mean you’re somehow morally obliged to raise your niece should something happen to her parents, but in fact to help raise them in the Christian faith.

Not my understand at all.

I am godless parents to several children - purely so if something had happened to the parents i would have taken the kids. a obligation I made and took very seriously

to the OP - don't go and make it clear why - the folk organising this are being very stupid indeed and are not worth losing any sleep over.

Could you not hang around outside, as a compromise?

I'm no church expert, but my limited experience of church christenings is that the font(?) is often at the back, by the doors. If you hang out in the porch at a church with that kind of layout, you'll be pretty close to observe the main event. It is July, so doubt they need the doors closed.

My line of thinking would be that if I was worried about actually catching covid, I wouldn't be staking my trust on mask wearing in an indoor setting. So many people will have their nose hanging out, have it over their chin, all sorts. You can't really police it so best stay in the fresh air.

Maybe google the church / streetview it and see if a bodge is possible.

Lots of complicated ideas here.
If you want to go , go and wear a mask , just don’t expect to be able to force everyone to wear one. Many are glad to see the back of them.

If you’re not happy with that , don’t go.
Not complicated.

I'm firmly in the "it's their day, they've offered a meet up, stop stressing about it" camp

Did you think that wearing a suit and saying a few words for your Niece would magically turn you into a God fearing super-catholic?

No but what’s the point if you’re not a practising christian? I may not like or believe in religion but I at least have some respect for those who do

I'm not religious, but I have two godsons. Doesn't matter whether I've made an oath to someone else's sky fairy or not, I promised my best mate that I'd do what I could to support his kids if I had to. The promise I made was to my mate and his wife. If they want me to make it in a church to keep granny happy, that's just fluff and detail.

Plus I knew it would be a slap up feed afterwards, even if not a free bar.

That makes you a godless parent not a god parent 🙂

Do people still get their kids christened? Thought that bollocks has more or less gone...

Obviously we are a family of heathens...

Think of it as a lucky escape. Christenings are shit, shit, shit (I was going to say the work of the devil, but maybe that's going too far).

If you want to go , go and wear a mask , just don’t expect to be able to force everyone to wear one. Many are glad to see the back of them.

If they can see the back of them then they're wearing them incorrectly. Though it's probably a nominal improvement on the more popular 'chin warmer' configuration.

That makes you a godless parent not a god parent 🙂

And I've taught them all I know....😈

I have sympathy for the Parents, it’s a very touchy subject

it really isn't. medical advice is to wear a mask indoors at public facing events; the problem is that people don't want to.

My honest feeling is, that if your or your family are that vulnerable, you don’t go, or you wear masks suitable to give you the level of protection you need.

Irrespective of the laws or guidance in place, your and your family’s health and safety is your responsibility, not anyone else’s.

Just out of curiosity, how many of the people who have refused to be godparent here have been best man (or equivalent) at a church wedding?

DON'T go and seem them the week after. By then the covid they caught in the Church at the Christening will be just prime to infect you!

Their Christening, their choice.

I have not been to a Christening since mine +45 years ago (Church of Scotland). Never been asked to be a God Parent or Best Man. Maybe that is God punishing me for not believing...

Go see them / her next week as they themselves have suggested, it’s not like she’ll have changed much in a week.

..she might have covid by then of course.

Any update on the buffet?

Just out of curiosity, how many of the people who have refused to be godparent here have been best man (or equivalent) at a church wedding?

In my case I wasn't asked to be the official godparent by my churchgoing friends. they knew I couldn't because i am not baptised. However i was the only one of their friends and family who could have taken the kids if anything happened to the parents. something I agreed to and took seriously

I have been in a variety of churches and synagogues of various sorts for weddings. I am respectful standing up and sitting down and closing my eyes at appropriate times but remaining silent ( ie not saying the prayers or singing the songs) nor taking communion or any of that mumbo jumbo

If they're not going to wear masks, is it okay if you bring your swarm of killer bees?

Irrespective of the laws or guidance in place, your and your family’s health and safety is your responsibility, not anyone else’s.

Nice to see STW plumbing new lows of selfish ****ery.

If you don't feel comfortable, don't go. Instead go and visit two weeks later, by which point if they've caught Covid then they'll likely know about it.

Nice to see STW plumbing new lows of selfish ****ery.

You might be being a bit harsh. I read that as meaning "you can't rely on other people to take care of your health", not "people should do whatever they want and screw everyone else".

Families are painful. At my mother's funeral 6 weeks ago my sister made absolutely certain I wasn't able to sit with my dad during the service. To the point where I thought I'd have to stand at the back of the chapel until the FD came and asked who I'd come with and if I'd like a chair after I'd helped carry the coffin in. Still couldn't sit with my dad though unlike her family.

Families are painful. [etc]

😡 Sorry mate.

I struggle to comprehend stuff like this. My blood family, today, is my mother and that's it. In my formative years I was partially raised by my gran (mum's mum) and uncle (mum's dad's brother). My own dad, well, just didn't care. And that was it for my family.

I say this for context because, I find it utterly alien to excuse people with "yeah but they're family" when they're being shits. Someone had a shag once, if they were lucky it lasted about five minutes, and this impresses on you several decades worth of responsibility? No, **** that. Life is too short to spend it in the company of shits.

In the scenario you paint, I'd have sat on her knee.

Unfortunately, in your position, there are going to be lots of situations like this in the coming weeks/months - and I sympathise.

Like most on here (I think) I despair at a government that simultaneously removes the rule to wear a mask in particular situations, but then tells people that they should still be wearing a mask in particular situations. The whole "personal choice" thing is complete bullshit and a concession to those utter idiots amongst us who STILL don't understand (or conveniently ignore) the simple fact that it's somebody else's choice re: masks that determines your risk.

For the record, I agree with your wife that it would have been very easy to ask people to wear a mask so that your family could attend more safely - but they haven't done that, and you've got to choose how to deal with this situation as you find it.

For me, it's this 100%:

fasthaggis
Full Member
Turn it around, have a nice visit a week later, maybe take a picnic and some cake, meet the wee person and ask how the gig went… or…hate and ignore them to the end of time 🙂

I'm an atheist, but my wife's family are catholic - both our kids are baptised, and I have to say that the whole thing didn't bother me in the slightest. Yes, I understand the hypocrisy, but no I don't care.

There are lots of religious artefacts in our society - we could probably reel off about 20 of them now that a dedicated Athiest would refuse to participate in. If you love Cadbury's cream eggs but cant show up to a child's christening, or make some symbolic commitment to safeguard their spiritual wellbeing..... then I feel a bit sorry for you.

The whole “personal choice” thing is complete bullshit and a concession to those utter idiots amongst us who STILL don’t understand (or conveniently ignore) the simple fact that it’s somebody else’s choice re: masks that determines your risk.

You are completely in control of your own risk by wearing a type of mask that does actually protect you. A well sealed FFP3 mask. Better this, than relying on whatever piece of damp rag that someone else chooses to put over their face.

If you love Cadbury’s cream eggs

They’re not a religious artefact really though are they? It’s just a chocolate egg to make money for a confectioner. Slightly different to attending a church or other religious institution for a ceremony

There are lots of religious artefacts in our society – we could probably reel off about 20 of them now that a dedicated Athiest would refuse to participate in.

Apart from most of these symbols are stolen from pre christian beliefs. the Easter egg? WTF has that got to do with Christianity. Its a pagan fertility symbol from the pre christian era used in spring to get you good crops

almost all christian symbols are the same from the midwinter feast to fertility rituals to the image of jesus as a blue eyed blond ( that actually apollo from the roman gods)

^ yes, everybody knows that.

But Easter eggs don’t have anything to do with celebrating Easter? Of course they do.

Next up: Christmas crackers don’t have anything to do with celebrating Christmas because they’re not mentioned in the bible

As far as I know, C of E guidance is still for face masks to be worn in church buildings.

Their Christening, their choice.

I don't think it's their choice - they would have been askeded to follow church policy as explained to them by the officiant wouldn't they?

But Easter eggs don’t have anything to do with celebrating Easter? Of course they do.

Easter is the pagan spring fertility festival co opted by christians. Can you please point out to me where the egg or the spring fertility festival ( also including rabbits) is mentioned in scripture?

Easter eggs are nothing to do with christianity. its purely a pagan ritual

#Christmas is the pagan midwinter solscice festival - co opted by christians. The bible stories make it pretty clear that christ was born spring / summer.

almost all religions have a midwainter solstice festival and midwinter solstice was celebrated long before chrstianity existed. Most of the symbols are pagan. Holly and Ivy, miseltoe, yule log even the ruddy tree

Next up: Christmas crackers don’t have anything to do with celebrating Christmas because they’re not mentioned in the bible

the crackers come from chinese new year celebrations I think