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Had to laugh at this post!
Yeah I agree MTFU
But the OP is in shock - bless him
Kids are ace, you cant plan for kids, they cost a fortune, they test your patients, they tire you out but they also make you the person you are today.
When the reality kicks in you will grow to love your GFs bump.... even talk to it - yes you will!
Im sure all will be well!
I went through this - I was 33, part way through a part time degree and working full time to try and restart my career after we had relocated with a view to providing for a family at some point in the future....though I wasn't fussed either way abput the family bit.
MrsMC fell pregnant at the start of my second year at uni. I went through all the emotions you are going through, probably worse, went through some very dark times personally and as a couple.
MCv2.1 arrived in the summer after Year 2 - fell instantly in love with him and have never (genuinely) wanted to turn the clock back and do it "my way".
Admitedly, my grades went from a first to just missing out on a 2:1, the career never got rebuilt and there is now a MCv2.2, but being a poor and happy parent makes up for all the business success nonsense I thought would make me happy.
Mind you, if anyone wants to pop out into the gale force sleet and pick them up from school in half an hour, feel free.....
And in case you have thought about walking away from them all, a wise solicitor pointed out to me that I would still have to pay for the little one, and if I wasn't properly part of their life I would always regret it. Best piece of "first hour free" legal advice I ever got.
IHNRAT - but at 29 you will still be young enough to do the stuff you want when the kids are older. Starting at 35 - then your life would basically be over!
- All the stuff you want to do is even better when you get to introduce kids to it too
- All the stuff you take for granted becomes special when you get to show it to your kids for the first time
- By the time you are 35 life will begin to go back to normal. You may have another in which case you'll probably be late 30's when they both start to become independent enough to give you freedom.
- By the time you are 40 they will be largely disinterested in you other than as a source of food and money.
- They should have moved out before you are 50... and you can do all the stuff you really want to again. If you wait till you are 35 to start then a second one comes along you might be 60 before you get the freedom...
You have 3 clear choices
Adopt, Abort, Keep
I think you already know the answer
Just fast track yourself along this now
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im sorry not trying to wind you up but it always makes me laugh we people say..
" It was unplanned "
Don't rub it in poly!
monkey_boy - Member
im sorry not trying to wind you up but it always makes me laugh we people say.." It was unplanned "
I agree!
you are BOTH responsible for contraception are you not!
Flipping heck - 5 pages !
Glad Ive had the snip.
I was in the same boat - ish at 29.
Had been studying hard for my professional exams for a couple of years and had a year left to go, and whilst we'd discussed children I'd always wanted to get my studying finished and we both wanted a couple of big holidays; USA / Canada and Australia first.
Then the wife starts nagging about not wanting to be too old, there's never going to be a 'perfect time' etc etc, so I said ok, whatever.
Got my last professional exam done a few months before my eldest (nearly 7) was born, also have a 3yr old, still not got to USA / Canada or Australia (still plan to & as someone above said the trip will be so much better with the little ones & having them experience it all - just we will now wait until they are old enough to remember it in future) but I would never change a single day of the last 7 yrs.
Nothing beats coming home from a crap day at work to hugs & laughter.
We recently moved to the edge of the New Forest - one of the many highlights of the last year was doing the 5 mile singletrack route through Moors Valley park with my 6 yr old Son on his first proper MTB (gears & suspension forks), boardwalks and all - struggled to keep up at times 🙂
Starting at 35 - then your life would basically be over!
Tell that to my 78 year old dad! He was 40 when I was born and since he retired at 60 he’s married a woman 10 years his junior and travelled all over the world – Uzbekistan, Mongolia, Ethiopia, Jordan, etc as well as the more “normal” destinations like Sri Lanka, Egypt, Europe etc.
A long time ago, I got an unexpected call from a girl I'd been seeing, and it started out pretty alarmingly- she'd been to the doctor and had an unexpected surprise. Full on shock from me, I absolutely didn't want to be a dad, not with anyone, and we weren't a great couple anyway. Felt like the world falling away.
Luckily it turned out I just had to go and get tested for the clap.
[i]Flipping heck - 5 pages ![/i]
Yeah, slow day, innit.
😉
Sorry I haven't read it all
facts
You said you wanted children!
You clearly care
You will be a great dad
This year 4 years time it makes no odds. Sooner you start the sooner all the good bits will come
I was so scared becoming a dad. Infact planning it is in some ways harder
The dice is thrown. Dad it is!!! Go for it.
Biology will take care of feelings
Do I hear the patter of mini legend feet?
[i] mini legend feet[/i]
aren't all feet at a leg end?
igmc.
The dice is thrown. Dad it is!!! Go for it.Biology will take care of feelings
End of thread.
Your OP reads like I could have written it myself when our first was conceived. And it's all true, too, kiss those spontaneous meals out, cheap holidays in term-time (in a few years) and freedom to do what you like, when you like goodbye.
It's bloody brilliant though, when it happens. It's a life changer, not a life ender. Some stuff stops (see above), other stuff starts. I'm an immature bugger myself, and since kids arrived, I can legitimately go and play on a beach again. Not cool and sexy stuff like kite surfing, but the stuff you did when you were little, paddling in the sea, building sandcastles, going in the water a little bit deeper until a wave soaks you. You've forgotten how much fun that stuff is cos you probably haven't done it for 20 years, but trust me, parenting brings tons of laughs, they're just in a different form.
And if you have kids a few years earlier, they'll be out of your hair and away a few years earlier too, so you'll be well pleased when you're still in your forties and you can go out on a whim, or buy a campervan and f-off round the states when you're still young enough to enjoy it to the max.
I felt the same but at the time took comfort from knowing that as a young dad I would still be young enough to enjoy life once the kids have left home.
The other thing that really helped was eventually realising that I should not expect to live my old life anymore. For example, I used to get frustrated every weekend that I could not ride my bike. Now I don't expect to go out and therefore regard it as a bonus when I do go. A kind of reverse psychology.
You will be fine, homestly!
I sympathise in some aspects. I am 35 now and am expecting a kid in May (or at least my wife is). I have also just built up a new mountain bike, first full suspension. Timing was not great. I am also a bit immature (not saying that the OP is though!) in that I still am holding onto a cupboard full of N64 games from a distant time. WTF am I going to use all that for, god knows, but I still find it hard to let it go...
I am slightly panicking, not due to anything in particular, although how we will manage with child are does concern me. (We both have ok jobs, but my wife travels 1hr 40 mins to work, me about 1 hr, but I travel a bit too). Stuff like this will get figured out though.
I think the biggest thing I will miss is the decent holidays away and doing outdoors type stuff, like biking or hiking etc. thing is, I think I just need to learn to do it in a different way, appreciate that I am lucky to be able to have a kid at all (ours was IVF) and be open minded. Lots of people say negative things like 'you won't be doing much of that with a baby' , but on the flip side I see plenty of people going against the rule books and enjoying stuff as a family.
I know some friends who have kids make the effort to do stuff early doors - cycling for example on a Sunday morning before the nipper awakes, taking turns to do stuff individually so that the one parent can get out of the house whilst the other does the parenting bit. Compromise word does have to be used though, which will take a bit of getting used to from me.
Basically, we found out about a months ago that my wife's expecting. It was unplanned
Ummmmm......unplanned on your side, but maybe not on hers??!
Did she accidentally on purpose forget to take her pill 🙂
In four years you will have left this world and will be enjoying your new (slightly more tiring) new world. Our first was planned, but the day I was told she was expecting I bricked it and really wondered wat the f£%# we had done. Life is so much ritcher (but less cash and occasionally rather restricted) . u just need to mtfu a bit, you will be fine, loads of folk done this before, not like its new.
(I've not read any of the other four pages).
Not something ill ever relate to and gut instinct was to reply with a 'MTFU' but ..... it probably is scary but kids aren't the end of your life, there are worse things that could happen and although its not the adventure you originally had planned with your wife, it's a different adventure that you will probably enjoy just as much. I've only ever met 1 or 2 people that regretted having their children an they have some other very serious issues. Talk to your wife, she's probably bricking it as much as you.
This is a lesson. Always pull out and 'machine-gun the room whilst shouting -aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr' as youre battle-cry.
You will be fine. I was scared when we first found out we are having a baby. Now my son is 3months old and I can't imagine my life without him.
Is that the technique that has saved the world of many mini horas then?
No my face/looks did/does that 🙂
im sorry not trying to wind you up but it always makes me laugh we people say.." It was unplanned "
Why? You know that no method is 100% effective, right? So any couple using birth control, however carefully/capably, has a small chance of unplanned pregnancy.
If contraception 'failed' ...surely there would have been many scares/pregnancies in said partners teens onwards..
Takes the pill for a decade then oops it doesnt work
Op: it will all work out. Your life has barely begun and you have so far to go. Don't worry.
hora are you a retard?
The Pill is not 100% effective, a scare is a failure, been there, got the child
Hello,
Right firstly MTFU, yes it's unplanned yes it's F###ing epically scary, life changing but you've done it now. You love your wife, you're happy (I assume?) so you'll be a dad.
Worrying about bonding is fine, I was never one of these we're pregnant Dad's that's not me, but once it arrives you'll start to bond, relax it will take a bit of time but love it and start to build a relationship.
You're wife needs support she's feeling shocked too, and vulnerable, again it's you're job to step up mate.
I won't Bull##it you it's tough, money and energy sapping, the small person will demand a huge amount of time, she'll( your wife) be wrecked you'll be wrecked that's life.
On the plus side it's great, the mini you will be a right laugh as they get bigger, time flies and actually pull get to ride your bike etc etc.honestly I can relate, hence the rough points above (I got this chat you see) I wouldn't trade either of my two or the world nd riding my bike with a four year old mini me and getting ice cream is as good as the best trails, road races I've ever done I know this doesn't make sence right now!
You'll be great mate, chill. 😀
I don't come on here much, in fact the last time I did I tried pissed maths to work out how much water would fit in a seattube. I was wrong, but I'm back now because OP needs to get a grip. We had our first last year, I was 29, I didn't think I was ready but she wanted one, a lot. I'll be honest yes things change but a lot of it is for the better. You go on about all the things you'll miss but once that screaming pooing bundle of squidgyness arrives and it looks directly into your soul nothing else will matter. That stuff will still be there but just not as often because you'll be having too much fun being a dad.
Its a very hard thing to get your head round. Having children is one very big scary step into the unknown and i dont think you are ever really ready to have them. TBH i wouldnt want to be leaving it much later than 30 years old to start having them. I think if your partner/wife is happy and that you had planned to one day have children together then run with it. Once you see that little heart beating when you have the 1st scan you will start to come round. When you hold your 1st child for the 1st time and start blubbing with emotion and pride.. you wont ever want to go back in time and change it.
Mrs cloudnine is due our 3rd baby (we have a 2 and 4 year old)and its probably going to be tonight or in the next few days. Im still bricking it just like the other times. Im not ready for a 3rd child..
Felt exactly the same as you when I was 29. Didn't have kids till I was 37. Have spent last 5 years wishing I'd had kids when I was 29. Once you're there you'll love it - all the things you mention like travel will still happen - but you'll have much better things to focus on.
Duirdh of course dear of course. Its in your system longterm 'Im more fertile than other girls' doesnt wash. 15/16yr and Uni girls have accidents not professional responsible women.
Chump x
that's clearly a "yes" then.
Ampthill's last 2 comments are absolutely spot on and are all the op needs to know about.
...or 'my Doc says I need a break from the pill dear' ... 😉
I thought a child would rob me of spare time and to be honest the pre-school years are hard. However, I now work full time, am studying for a Masters, training for a half-Ironman, renovating an old house and doing the Dad thing.
Becoming a parent doesn't stop you doing stuff - it makes you a time efficiency guru. I'm amazed at the amount of life I wasted when childless (I caveat this by saying if you are one of those who don't want them then more power to you).
To the OP, you have abvious concerns but you sound pretty decent and with a continued desire for adventure you'll make a great Dad - all the best.
WTF are you winking at? or is that just part of your "condition"?
Calm down dear. Have you not got your coital rights back yet.
Note its not a question.
I struggle with long sentences but I've read a fair bit.
MTFU. Now that's out the way; don't panic, you'll be fine. Plenty of time to start looking at bike trailers and child seats. Now go and be nice to your wife.
My honest view, I would be feeling the same right now, but find the positives and run with it. If struggling with that, go speak with priest/doctor/dad/similar if your struggling as they are there to help with this sort of thing.
you are not alone.. the only difference is you ve put pen to papaer and told the world what your thinking..
i suspect all first time dads when hearing the news unexpectedly think much the same.
i was 40 when the first came along.. i was too young.. too immature .. too many man toys to give up..
but when i held my daughter for the first time my life changed so much for the better so much and i thought it was good before..
tip no. 1. start saving today.. me and her put a grand away each month for the 8 months which emeant we had a handy nest egg to dig into during the first year.. and DO EVERTHING it says in the books dont miss a single anti natal class be there for the birth ( but dont look) and avoid the mrs holding your hand .. she ll break your fingers
other than that its all gravy.