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ate a jar of pickled eggs.
ate a jar of pickled eggs.
I downed a bottle of vinegar and used a lighter to try and find where the smell of gas was coming from (we'd left the cooker on when we went out). One of my friends said 'dont turn on the light it'll spark an explosion, use a lighter instead'...
Such is drunk logic.
Someone I knew a few years back went out with his mates and was walked home by them after getting really wasted. The next morning his mum went into his bedroom to find the bed unslept in. She called his friends and they assured her they had dropped him off at the gates to the house.
She went outside to see if she could find any clues as to where he was and she found him fast asleep.
In the fish pond.
!!!!!!
I mate of mine got caught kicking the Tramps down by the embankment in London, instead of arresting him the copper suggested we take our mate around the corner and give him a good kicking, as his brother was with us that was not an option, although when we got home his brother ran a bath of cold water and we dumped him in that.
A few nights later we got a call from the Hard Rock Cafe the same guy was pi$$ed again and tried to do a runner, when we got there he was just in his undies as he was trying to leave his clothes as security until he got the money to pay.
ex-girlfriends mum! 🙂
My favourite story was a guy in my hall at uni who, on the walk home, had decided to break into a building site and settle in for a bit of sleep. He eventually woke up and went back home to bed, but discovered the next morning that he'd left his shoes at the building site.
I love the image of him being so hammered, he'd slept on a pile of rubble, but somehow still thought to take his shoes off! 😆
I'm not even going to list my own ones - far too embarrassing!
A couple of injuries - I ruptured a tendon falling from a friends shoulders on to my shoulder. I didn't want to put my hands out and spill my drink 🙄 . I broke a bone in my hand punching a billboard because it had a dancer on it - I didn't like dancers much at the time. Ten minutes later I got home and realising I was locked out climbed in through the kitchen window. I woke up in the morning in a wet bed with a now room-temperature bag of frozen peas.
A couple of times I've woken up in unusual places. Once was on a lawn outside the object of my affections apartment. Her housemates hadn't taken kindly to my hammering on the door at 4am and in no uncertain terms told me to go home. I'd made it about 6 feet before passing out and woke up around lunchtime surrounded by sunbathers.
The other time was when I woke up on a train in Waterloo station. Not a massive problem for some but this happened to be the Eurostar and I happened to live in Paris
Of [i]all[/i] the times I've been very, very drunk - and there HAVE been many - I think the worst acts in recent years have been the loud verbal abuse of my (ex) partner. Once in a London hotel room and again in a boat berthed up on the Caledonian Canal.
Things changed when our child was born, and frustrations built up. Being the emotional retard that I am, I could only release my pent-up feelings whilst horribly drunk....there's an irony - opening and imbibing the contents of a glass bottle to enable the opening and emptying the contents of an emotional one!
I'm told that my language and demeanour was vile. Even today a shameful remorse falls over me when I think about what I probably said.
Two incidents which contributed to my single status today, no doubt.
Another two separate occasions saw me asleep on busy Glasgow thoroughfares, and by chance being passed by acquaintances who thought me a pleasant and friendly enough person (when sober) to pick me up and guide me home safely. I dread to think what might have happened otherwise.
Who was the OP again?
Thank you, sir, for starting a thought process in my head. Now that I have read some of the STW stories, and recalled and reflected upon some of the times in my life when 'a drink' has gone too far, I'm glad that I seem to have reached a point where I drink no more than four on a 'heavy' night now.
I hate hangovers; I've puked enough vomit to last a lifetime; and I've suffered too many 'soft-ons' to even [i]think[/i] about trying to score with the fairer sex after a scoop any more.
Cheers ae'bdy
[i]ate a jar of pickled eggs. [/i]
meh. old hat. Just gives you foul breath and evil sh1ts for a week.
Moss Bros refused to take my white tie suit back after a Cambridge May Ball. Even with accidental damage waiver. Too many reasons to list. The next day I was 7 hours late for an important meeting with a consultant cardiologist at UCH who chuckled the whole way through the meeting (as I tried my hardest to appear professional) then waved me goodbye with 'I'd normally suggest we went for a drink somewhere, but I'm guessing you're never drinking again?'
Good man 🙂
Got dragged onto the stage in a live sex show club in Amsterdam and got "involved" 😳 😆
I got drunk and had a party while my mum and dad were in france, anyhow the garage burnt down and my mums car in it... 2 fire engines.. I slept through it pi$$ed ... yes I got a rolecking
maybe not the worst but among the stupidest - making the suggestion 'let's have a sword fight'. what could possibly go wrong?
as we had proper swords in the house no problem. some minutes later i have given one of my best mates his 'duelling scar'. an altercation arises, more fighting, he drags me done a gravel path and throws me through a gate. much bleeding and laughter.
then the wee neds arrive. we decide to retire indoors. but not before i've allegedly said something inflammatory about their mothers. flat windows smashed with bottles. we decant into the street. a much larger altercation ensues. police. arrests. court.
Nothing too bad for me. One of those people who know when to stop drinking. Thin line between having fun and being a total prick.
On holiday with a few friends in the Algarve his Dad was all too keen to take us for a ride on the his boat. So we hopped it over to gibraltar for the night; Evening started well with a civilized meal before us 5 young un's decided it was a bit crap and we should head over the boarder to La Linea for the night.
Me being the most sensible (not my vote!) I held everyones passports when we were in spain to ensure they were safe for the return boarder crossing. Anyways long story short I copped off with a barmaid did a load tequilas in a beach party before heading back to hers for a bit of spanish finest.
Following morning got walked to the boarder before runing back to Marina to go and gloat. Gloating lasted about 10 seconds after my mates Dad told me I had all my mates passports and after an altercation at the border the 4 pi$$ed brits without passports they'd all spent a night in the cells in spain.
One of the best nights of my life, they may not agree...
How about a non-happy ending.
An drunken aquaintance reckoned he could run across the beach between two sets of steps down the sea wall between waves. The waves were large and he failed.
My best mate from school came back from uni one weekend with a young lady he was trying to impress - we went out for a "few" drinks and I ended up in a passionate embrace with her. She came up for air and said "Chris isn't going to like this" and I just looked over her shoulder and said "Why don't you turn round and ask him?"
He is still my best mate, and I was his best man, but he didn't marry her....
BoardinBob you were [i]bummed?[/i]
Erm I havent done alot except go for a piss up against a scout hut.
But my mate went for a piss on someones door (only 50 metres from the club with just walked out of). With the occupents clearly awake with the lights on.
I once went for a piss at house party and when I came back downstairs everyone pointed out my trousers were wet, turned out I forgot to take it out and had just stood in front of the toilet and pissed myself
rang up an ex girlfriend on the morning of her wedding
i drove the car that towed my mate on his skates.
he was a good looking lad before that day 🙁
Just remebered another funny one. In Darwin is Aus got drunk with two lads - one of who had fairly bad cerebral palsy ( spastic) we decide we wanted to go for a swim and the only pool we knew was in a posh hotel - too posh for us to get into. We stripped starkers on the street and ran into the grounds of the hotel and dived into the pool - loads of posh folk around it. Swan a couple of lengths climbed out and got our clothes and got dressed and legged it - apart from the lad with the CP couldn't get his trousers up and was staggering around in the middle of the road trousers round his knees as the cops arrived. He got arrested and we had a right laugh. We did go and bail him out a couple of hours later tho - the cops just let him go. I don't think they knew what to do with a drunk naked raspberry 🙂
Had a bike race in Ontario Canada.
Drove to the U.S. right afterwards and made it to Chicago by around midnight.
Two friends and I started drinking heavy when we spied the water fountain at Daley Plaza.
We were still sweaty and dirty, so we got naked, swam around and, while others were still swimming, I took all the clothes and ran around the corner with the pasty-skinned guys in pursuit.
No cars by Daley Plaza, but around the corner was pretty busy.
Lots of horn-honking and yelling.
Puked into my cupboard thinking it was the bathroom
Went for a piss and didnt realise the toilet seat was down
Went to pay in some cheques and ended up with a 4 grand loan
Went back to my office, screwed up my work, then went back down thew pub and phoned my boss abusing her asjing why she wasnt out drinking while she was stuck fixing my work
spend about 250 quid in a strip club
a german girl
Oh actually a mate of mine managed a good one, he walked about a mile sleep walking up blackheath hill and was woken up on the heath by the police wondering why he was sleeping there at 3 in the morning with no coat on and no shoes in the middle of winter. he had to phone his missus to pick him up as he didnt know his way back to our place. she was not best pleased
Lifted, with a bunch of Welsh, rugby playing, drunk, idiots, a Mini from its parking place and put it on a traffic island............in the middle of a dual carriage way.................that was surrounded by concrete bollards. Still feel a bit guilty about that.
whilst sober (after being thrown out of a supergrass gig for crowd surfing Gaz got my shoe though) built a see saw in my mates student house garden based on the one at glentress unfortunately it was only 3" wide....
So I crashed big that day came back off me tits on laughing gas got plastered and while my mate was trying to ride over the see saw covered the shop bike we were using with petrol and lit it.
Another guy said I'm not sure - I said whats the worst that can happen - he dislocated his thumb.
While at a wedding out the country went for a swim in the rooftop pool in my boxers then pulled 🙂 outside room keycard doesnt work, run down to reception on the spiral marble staircase and slip bouncing into reception of a 5* hotel on my ass in my boxers, told them my room number and it worked (and she was still hanging onto my door handle) 🙂
Climbed buildings & scaffolding
Went for a walk at a black tie dinner in Llanberris ended up halfway up snowdon then up at Pen-y-Pass finally cops picked me up in Nantperis, apparently Mtn Rescue were coming out.
Played Higher Lower one night with a bottle of beer, bottle of port and a bottle of highland park, dont remember much after
I've forgotten most of the stupid things I've done or never remembered them anyway.
Back in the Navy days, came in from a club in Gosport at 4am and pi$$ed all over one of the lads I was sharing a mess with, he had a big woollen blanket on him, woke up freezing in the morning he did and stinking.
Once phoned a girl I was having a bit of a thing with whilst on a night out with the girlfriend of the time, she caught me waffling bullshit at the back of a boozer on a mobile didn't realise she was sat next to me listening, drink is great but time hasn't healed those wounds.
Once crashed at my mates folks after a heavy night in my youth, woke up and couldn't get out of the living room and ended up pi$$ing over his TV and sky box, this was early 90's when sky was new and cost and arm and a leg.
I think I've made some almighty mistakes over the years and I do wonder why I still drink sometimes.
Many years ago - thinking back I must have been fifteen or sixteen - it wasn't uncommon for my friends and I to wander for miles around the countryside whilst enjoying ourselves on drink and substances.
For quite some time I'd find myself ending the night with a hugely-chested girl, usually by default rather than by design, because we'd catch up with each other roaming around with our respective packs of friends. She was mucky, and as a horny teenager, that appealed to me. On this occasion, it was carnival night, so our usual alcohol consumption had tripled at least.
She and I found ourselves in a field behind her parents' house, and in my semi-conscious state was I surprised to find that she was trying to coax some life from my disappointingly out-of-commission goods. Oh, how desperately she was trying to breathe life into it...
Suddenly I became aware of a figure stalking towards us in the moonlight. I ushered the girl to cease her efforts, and in doing so she caught sight of the approaching person.
"It's me mam! You better leg it!"
Usain Bolt might have run in record time with an untied shoelace. I ran faster with my kecks round my ankles and a soft lob on.
The quickest exit, and the one which my beer compass knew was in the direction of home, was to run west over the field and vault the fence, so that's what I did. What I didn't know at the time, but I'll never forget, was that 'over the fence' is a 60 degree slope covered in deep bramble bushes. And I still had my banger out.
Eventually I came to rest somewhere near the bottom of the hill, lacerated and screaming, my flesh trapped by the barbed plants. Ruined, I lay back and expected to die, but fate wasn't kind enough to let that happen. I was in someones garden, and they were coming for me.
Like the one that got away, I struggled free from the skewers that pinned my skin and made it over the final fence to freedom, but I'd been spotted by the home owner and needed to put some distance between their house and me, and more importantly, the police they would doubtless call.
Some hours later I awoke, several miles from home, sleeping by a reservoir. I walked back to my parents' house feeling remarkably well, but remembering little of the night before.
Later that day, I met a friend who told me that I'd copped off with the large-breasted girl again. It was news to me, but no matter. I was quite pleased with myself - none of my other mates had pulled that night.
A fortnight later and I stepped off a coach in a French car park. I was on a school trip and this was a rest stop. One of the teachers, who was travelling on the second bus, called me over for a one-to-one chat. I knew I'd been arsing about on the bus, but he was on a different vehicle. Nonetheless, he didn't look too happy.
"Next time you're getting a BJ, keep the noise down, and when you're making your way home, don't try and take a shortcut through my garden".
I was remarkably subdued for the remainder of that trip.
came back after a heavy session at the pub whilst in halls. Jumped in the shower, then the fire alarm goes off. Run outside in dressing gown, it's very windy and i'm like marylyn monroe flashing my danglers.
another, downed half a bottle of rum and booked a holiday to dublin, with the intent of carrying on drinking. (This was actually good!)
fell down pyla dune after 2L of wine, that was epic.
Next time you're
a. at Centre Parks
b. bored of an evening - after the pool has closed
..take a look at where the outdoor pool exits / enters the main dome and you'll see it's closed off with a roller shutter - it was not always like that....
Used to to be it was just one of those plastic / rubber curtain things - the type you see on warehouse doors - as we found out on a jolly-boys weekend many moons ago.
Seeing this, someone had the bright idea we shuffle down the slope (dry cos the outside pool system is drained at night) and go play in the main dome 😀
All pumps for food and drink were on - o'course no-one would expect anyone to be in there so, we lark about for a bit, no damage but we'd pulled a couple of beers and the odd ice-cream (so rock and roll!!) then we spied security were on the way in....
We all scarper, dive into boating lake, seemed a sensible way to erm, 'disguise' the fact we'd been swimming in the pool....
Security collar us, can't say toooo much when we deny all knowledge of being in the building.... we get a rollocking but don't get asked to leave site!
And that, ladies and gents, is why they now use the roller shutter.....
Oh, and, end of the weekend, took us about 10 trips to take loan bikes (of all shapes and sizes) back to the hire shop - we'd got into the habit of simply 'borrowing' the nearest one to hand when we came out of the club of a night....
when I first moved into the flat I'm in now(about 9 years ao) I went on a night out with, for some strange reason about 400 quid on me. so off i go, see my friendly dealer and buy 5 tablets, get into club, drunk and high. meet a couple of friends and we get royally trashed, so I'm walking around the club smoking, and see a girl and her boyfriend, the girl has an ashtray on her leg, and as the tab I'm smoking is nearly dead, i say excuse me, and stub the tab out in the ashtray. Only I'm seeing things, and I've just stubbed a tab out on a girls leg , whoops. 5 secs later and I've been decked.
oh well, get up continue getting trashed, and eventually leave the club and I've got nothing, no keys, wallet phone or money, sh*t!
end up at a friends house and at about 4 I head home, get back for 4.30ish, no keys so bang on the door trying to wake my flatmate up, no answer, his rooms at the back of the flat, so I go around the back, climb over the gate and start banging on his window, I can see him through a crack in the curtains but he's not moving so I bang on the window for about 15 minutes, still not moving. Look around the garden, oh sh*t there's loads of kids toys in this yard, its the wrong house...
finally get into my house at 6ish, do it all again the next night, oh to be in my 20s again!
There are many other stories like this...
Whilst travelling around asia, went out for a 'few drinks on the beach' in in koh samui, thailand with two mates and a guy we had just met who was travelling alone. The night ended up with me getting my nipple pierced, one mate gettin his eyebrow done, the other gettin his lip done and we managed to persuade this guy we had just met to get 'you're name' tattood on his arse because 'girls will find it hilarious'. ! Then my mate ended up going back to a prozzies house and getting threatened by the prozzie and two of her mates with bamboo sticks. God i miss thailand....
went to see a mates flash new rented place in Aberdeen, which came complete with a new swimming pool block set in the gardens. he'd jammed the door so we could get in after the 10pm curfew. Cue much hilarity in the pool until I decide to do a (fateful) final dive. Everyone else was leaving and I went for a swan dive, forgetting that i was now at the shallow end. Smashed into the pool floor head first and luckily didn't get knocked out, otherwise i'd have drowned. no split head, no smashed teeth, no drowning. nobody believed me either - thought i was at it.
once got really drunk on a stag do in brussels and lost at least half an hour in a dodgy looking gentlemans club which to this day i have no record of.
once got wasted on a night out at tiger tiger in glasgow and on the bus on the way home I asked the birthday girl if I could smell her pussy. When she replied, outraged, that I could not I suggested it may be her feet then. Little did I realise just how badly this went down on the bus and I was exiled to the back with several of her male friends wanting to give me a kicking at the back of the bus.